


Soul Songs

by Phandiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Asexuality, Coming In Pants, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, First Time Hand Jobs, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Heavy Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, Songbird AU, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, a little bit of, mentions of self harm, that are not dan or phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-09-07 10:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 88,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16852429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phandiction/pseuds/Phandiction
Summary: It was said that only by the voice of a songbird could a human truly ever come to know themselves. It was said that everyone had a specific melody and when a songbird sung yours, for the first time you would be completely understood and entirely loved. You would be forever entranced with inner peace caused by the absolute perception of your own being, and therefore that of others.Dan is a songbird, purchased by the king and cared for by the kings very own messenger, Phil.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was greatly inspired by Orson Scott Cards book “Songmaster” but I have of course come up with my own story out of it. Still, you guys need to read this book.
> 
> Due to the plot behind in this fic I have included lyrics as well as links to the songs used. They definetly add to the story and I strongly reccomend you listen to the music when you see a link considering this story is literally about a lot of those songs. 
> 
> As always, please leave a comment an tell me you think. I know this is yet another one of my crazy ideas and for those of you who always read my fics and who even just enjoy this one I give a huge thanks!!! For updates and tidbits on this story and my many others please see my tumblr. You can also send me prompts there :) I’ll just about take on anything.
> 
> Phandictioned.tumblr.com

It was said that only by the voice of a songbird could a human truly ever come to know themselves. It was said that everyone had a specific melody and when a songbird sung yours, for the first time you would be completely understood and entirely loved. You would be forever entranced with inner peace caused by the absolute perception of your own being, and therefore that of others.

 

And so, Phil was beyond curious and eager when the king gave him the esteemed task of finding his majesty his very own songbird. There was a single place one went to find a songbird and that place was known as the Song House. It was a long train ride from where the king resided but the journey would not bother Phil. Few ever heard a songbird, let along visited the Song House. Phil could not fathom what he was to see in just a couple days time. Whatever it was, he was sure it would be breath taking and possibly life altering.

 

His lightly packed bag was slung on one shoulder as he stepped hurriedly into the train and sat in the first available seat. He had a glowing smile on his face and rubbed his hands excitedly together, anxious for the trip to finally begin. He had been waiting weeks for the okay to go and complete his assignment.

 

Phil was a messenger for the king. He had been for several years now and had earned an honest, trustworthy status with his majesty. The king would trust no one else on such a important task. He trusted Phil completely to select his songbird, which he was prepared to pay the highest price for. Of course anyone should be expecting such a thing when purchasing a songbird. They weren’t exactly just wondering the streets or easily attained.

 

Phil pulled out of his pocket a list of exactly what the king was requesting of his songbird. He was only mildly selective, thought Phil. For so much money he certainly could have been more demanding. The Song House had no way of communicating to the outside world. They were essentially they’re own separate world, shut off from everything and anyone else which was why Phil was going to them. He thought this interesting as how was one supposed to bring a songbird, who had been so sheltered, back to the real world? Did they know anything of the world they lived on? Wouldn’t it be a shock? Perhaps they would get home sick or hate the real world. Phil shook his head at himself. He was worrying about things that weren’t his problem. Surely the Song House had thought of this. They had been around for...well...had they ever not existed? Perhaps they had been there even before the rest of man. Those were the legends anyway.

 

Phil had a tendency to worry. He knew that, and it was something his boyfriend brought up frequently. Charlie had been in his life since his late teens. The two had been friends but only for a short time before they became more than that. Now Phil was twenty-eight and they had been engaged for...how long had it been now? Three years? Yes, three years almost to the month as it was early spring. Phil loved Charlie, loved him more than he’d loved anyone. He hated to think about the negatives of their relationship. Like how he wished he knew why Charlie hadn’t married him yet. Or why sometimes he became so distant that even Phil couldn’t reach him. Or why some nights he didn’t come home till late...And why he sometimes became so angry that he took his frustrations out on Phil. Phil rubbed at a ghost of a bruise on his wrist. He understood Charlie better than anyone but he didn’t know why he was the focus of Charlies rage. It was never that bad. Never bad enough for Phil to even think of leaving. Picturing Charlie alone in their house with no one to go to when he hit his lows made Phil ache. Some people were dealt lives they didn’t deserve, that was all. And Phil was determined to make up for those bad years Charlie had.

 

It took nearly two days on train to get to his destination. From there he had to pay high coin from the small cobble stoned street town to be taken up to the Song House. The towns people were not very helpful in his endeavors. They seemed to “know his kind”. Phil wanted to tell them that the money he used wasn’t his, but the kings. And that like them, he too was enslaved to a job and life. He certainly was not privileged. He was a messenger boy for goodness sakes. But his kindness did not reach them. Rather it seemed to annoy them.

 

“The Song House is up there between those two mountains in a valley.” The paid man pointed blindly as he counted the coins in his hand. His tone was rough and bothered. The people had a different accent entirely from the palace city.

 

“All the way up there?” Phil said incredulously.

 

“Yup. We’ll leave early morning. I need to be back by lunch and it’s a rough trail ride up.”

 

“Trail ride?” Phil’s eyes widened.

 

The man, who’s name was Alex, scoffed. “Yeah, a trail ride. You didn’t think there would be some gold pathway leading up there did ya? No ones come up or down from there in years. It’s not exactly often someone can afford the price of a songbird. Who are you anyway?” For the first time the man looked at him with some interest.

 

“I’m...a messenger.” Phil said carefully. He doubted it would be a good idea to tell him for whom he was working.

 

The man studied him a moment longer. “Mmhm.” Alex humphed simply. “See you here at five AM. I’ll have your horse saddled.”

 

“Is it possible to bring an extra?” Phil asked.

 

The man squinted. “An extra horse?”

 

“Well, yes. Since I will be bringing someone down with me.”

 

“I got two horses lad, and that’s what you’re getting.” He walked away without so much as another glance.

 

 

Phil arrived ten minutes early the next morning. Alex seemed surprised to see him there when he arrived at exactly five. “You’re on time.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“A city boy like you I figured would still manage to sleep in till the last minute.” Alex handed him the reins of an old looking dapple grey horse. The mans own horse was a spry dark brown thing.

 

“You can imagine that I’m quite anxious to see the Song House.” Phil replied, stroking the horses nose. The creatures eyes closed and Phil smiled.

 

“Yes...The Song House. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed. Lets get going then. That there is Lou. He’ll be gentle for you.”

 

Two hours into riding Phil thought for sure Alex was just leading him blindly through a forest of trees, many of which had fallen. They went over logs, under branches, around boulders. The trek had Phil sore and sweaty. He was glad for the pants he had worn as they protected him from many scratching tree limbs, however they caused uncomfortable chafing and he constantly adjusted his seat. He didn’t want to sound like some bored child but he desperately wanted to ask how far they were.

 

It wasn’t ten minutes later when he finally got his answer. They had just reached the top of a hill outside of the trees. Below them was a valley that might be mistaken for paradise. Everything was green and lush and thriving. Flowers of every colour could be seen in patches. There was a lake, small ripples occasionally forming at the surface. Phil stopped his horse to take in the site. For just a little ways from the lake was the Song House. It was unmistakable. Not just because there was clearly nothing else out here, but because of it’s brilliance. Phil thought it might even surpass the palace. The Song House, like the palace, was made entirely of marble. It looked to be three stories high, with a high red roof. Windows with the shudders open surrounded the structure and Phil imagined they didn’t require any electric light. There was a wide stone pathway around the lake leading to the massive front entrance.

 

“It’s incredible.”

 

“It is, there’s no doubt of that.” Alex sighed. “Let’s get down there then. Got to be back by noon, remember.”

 

The horses hooves clapped loudly and rhythmically on the cobblestone. Phil kept his head raised, watching the people that occasionally walked by the open windows. A couple of times he caught a younger child sneaking a glance out of the window at them. When Phil caught their eye however they were scurry passed down the hall.

 

Before they reached the entrance a couple of women met them outside. Their hair was styled out of their face, held back with varies colors of ribbon. They wore long pastel gowns made of a soft looking material that sparkled. Maybe silk? Their expressions showed no surprise of their apparent guest. It was as if they had expected Phil all along. They appeared tranquil and at peace. Phil let out a long breath, as if their calmness transferred to him. The horses stopped before the women who each grabbed a rein.

 

“Hello.” Phil said quietly, not sure why no one was yet speaking. The women smiled and nodded. After a few moments Phil realized that they must be waiting for something so he quickly unmounted. Alex however did not. They both turned to him, waiting.

 

“Please dismount. We will take the horses around back.”

 

“I’ll just take them over there.” Alex nodded toward the lake.

 

The women smiled pleasantly. “We will take the horses.” Although their voice was nothing but kind Alex clearly didn’t feel as though disobeying was an option. He huffed and hopped off the horse.

 

“Thank you.” The women holding Phil’s horse bowed. “You will be greeted inside.” With that, the horses and the women disappeared around the corner of the House.

 

Alex followed several feet back from Phil up to the entrance which he only just realized was vacant of any doors. It was an elaborate arch made of a different, darker material than the rest of the structure. “I’ll stay here.” Alex stated and sat on a wooden bench just outside. Phil gave him a nod and continued under the arch.

 

Inside, another women stood waiting in the center of the large expanse of the opening room. She smiled and bowed to him. He nodded politely, not used to the gesture and unsure how to reply. The inside of the Song House lived up to the outside. High ceilings, wide hallways, one to his left, one to his right, and another straight ahead. Pillars held the building up and there was what appeared to be somewhat of a receptionists desk in the corner. Large hand sown rugs brought the only color to the room. Atop them were empty white furnished seating areas. 

 

“My name is Kit. How can the Song House help you sir?”

 

Phil cleared his throat. He’d practiced his little speech countless times and now that it was time, his throat was dry and he felt unprepared. Even working years in the palace hadn’t prepared him for the mannerisms evident here. “I am here on account of his majesty, the king, as a messenger. I am to bring him back a songbird.” Phil tried to sound dignified and sure of himself. He was in fact a messenger of the king, why shouldn’t he feel dignified?

 

Kit studied him for several long seconds. Not in a judgmental way. Phil did not feel scrutinized. But he did feel...recognized. He couldn’t pinpoint the emotion. “Yes, I see. Well-”

 

From the corner of the room they heard whispers and Phil glanced over to see a group of young teens standing at the start of a long hallway watching him. They gasped when they were noticed and squealed as they ran off.

 

Kit laughed softly. “Sorry about that. Visitors aren’t common as you can imagine.”

 

“I understand, it’s fine.” Phil laughed too, feeling quite flattered.

 

“So his majesty would like a songbird.” Kit stated simply, her thoughts seeming to go elsewhere for a moment. “He realizes that this is not as simple as sending a messenger and picking someone from a lineup?”

 

“Uh...well...to be honest, I’m not sure he’s given that much thought. That’s why I’m here. He trusts me to make a decision, however that decision is to be made.” Phil explained.

 

“Alright then. I’ll speak to you.” Kit’s mannerism changed slightly. She stood straighter, pulled her neck back farther, appeared more forthright. Phil felt himself slouching to her intimidation. “When one wishes to possess a songbird, it is not as simple as your king seems to think.” Phil caught on the word ‘your’ king. So it was true that the Song House was of their own world entirely. They didn’t even claim the king as their own.

 

“Okay, then please explain to me how the procedure works. I assure you he is capable of paying.”

 

“I don’t question that honey. But owning a songbird is not like a pet you keep on a leash. They are people. No, more then that. They are special, precious, one of a kind people. They are to be treated as well as their master, if not better. They are not slaves. They are not dogs. They are not even children. They are like a treasure and need to be treated, respected, and protected as such.”

 

“I completely understand. I assure you the king will take care of this songbird. He is a decent man, a respectable one even. This is not something he just thought about and wanted. He has desired a songbird for some time and even waited until he was in a position in his rulership to better care and give attention to a songbird. I too work along with the king and will likely be caring for the needs of the songbird. They could hope for no better place to go. I promise you.” Phil spoke with authority in this manner because it was all true. He trusted his king and knew the songbird would indeed be cared for magnificently.

 

Kit again studied him. After a moment her posture softened again. “I believe you. I do. Consider this an interview. Songbirds aren’t simply ‘produced’, you see. They do not come about easily. It takes years and years of training. And even before that it takes a particular child to even be considered as a songbird. Even then, they may not get passed so much as being a decent singer. A songbird is one of a kind.”

 

Phil remained quiet. Kit seemed to still be thinking and not exactly talking to him.

 

“Okay messenger. Tell your king this, he will have a songbird.”

 

Phil sighed in relief, not realizing how much hope he’d lost in that conversation. “Great! That’s-that’s great! The king gave me a list...” Phil scrambled around in his pockets for the note, finally finding it in his front one. He unfolded it.

 

“Messenger, you cannot take home your songbird today.” Kit laughed sharply.

 

Phil furrowed his brows, still straightening out the paper. “W-what do you mean? Why not?”

 

“It is a process, as I said. The individual must undergo training.”

 

“But I thought they would have been training all this time.” Phil asked questioningly.

 

“Well yes. Training to be a songbird, not trained to be out in the world. Not trained to be of service to a master. You have to understand that they have never once left this forest. They have not seen any other walls besides these.” Kit gestures around her. “To succeed, more training is required.”

 

“Oh.” Phil was disheartened. How was he going to tell the king that? “How long then? How long is the training?”

 

“It’s as long as needed. I can’t say when they will be ready. “

 

“How do I know when to return then?”

 

“You won’t. Is this a problem? If so then maybe your king is not qualified-”

 

“No, no. It’s not a problem. He will be willing to wait.” Phil knew he would.

 

“Great. We shall see you in the future then.” Kit smiled and began to walk away.

 

“Wait! Phil called after her, still clutching at the paper in his hand. Kit stopped and faced him. “Um...The king wishes to have a male songbird. Preferably young as well. And-” He stopped and looked up when Kit scoffed at him.

 

“The king has demands as to who his songbird will be? You can’t pick the qualities you want in one. We have limited songbirds at any given time, sometimes there are none even. I assure you he will be pleased with whomever he receives. Besides that, the Song House genders no one. They all receive medication that prevents them from entering puberty for as long as their bodies will allow. It essentially makes them genderless. However, I know you are simply a messenger and fortunately we do happen to have a suitable songbird in those requirements.” She hissed the word. “I presume this will make your job easier considering the king couldn’t be bothered to come himself. He is our finest songbird in generations and I will begin preparing him for your king.”

 

 

The king accepted the words from the Song House Phil delivered. He was anxious to receive the boy and pulled at his hair a little at Phil’s explanation of the event but he nodded none the less.

 

“I understand. They are correct of course. I shouldn’t have presumed it would be as easy as purchasing an expensive item. I will continue to be patient I suppose. Thank you Phil. I can’t imagine sending anyone else on this assignment and you’ve come through beautifully. I know you are busy with my frequent requests but I need you to push aside anything that doesn’t have to do with my songbird. Make every preparation necessary. I want him treated like a prince. I want him to have everything he could hope for. Make everything perfect. You understand?”

 

“I do sir, completely.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan’s introduction

Chapter 2-Dan

 

 

“So I’m beginning the next phase?” Dan asked, not entirely sure he had understood his teacher correctly.

 

“Yes. Immediately.” Clair repeated.

 

“I’m...leaving? The Song House?”

 

“Well don’t sound so happy about it will you?” Clair rolled her eyes.

 

“No, no. It’s just strange to think about.” Dan ran a hand through his curly hair. He couldn’t believe this was happening. No one had come to the Song House to find a songbird in so long. He and the others had given up hope quite a while ago. Especially once they’d passed the youthful age. The masters always seemed to like them young, under fifteen even. And now here Dan was at twenty-three preparing to be sent away from the Song House for the first time in his life. And they chose him. That might have been the most unbelievable part of it all. Dan knew he was good at singing. Of course he was, being raised in the Song House. But there were others too with his talent. His friend PJ for instance. PJ had a delicate sweet voice. PJ...he would have to leave him, and everyone for that matter.

 

“I know it’s strange. That’s why training begins immediately. Tomorrow morning I want to see you in my office. Private lessons will now be our focus until you leave.” Clair instructed.

 

“Okay.” Dan complied.

 

That night Dan had a rough time going to sleep. He listened to the boy in the bunk below him breathing peacefully. He’d never prepared himself to leave the Song House. What would the world be like? He hadn’t a clue. He’d never seen let alone spoken to someone from outside. He suddenly felt as though they should have been preparing him for this long ago. Was there enough time? He was in fact excited though. Even more than he was nervous. He’d dreamed of being in a city, pictured buildings bigger even than the Song House, people everywhere, loud music. Though he supposed the music would be nothing new. He heard it around him constantly. Everyone here sang and hummed. There was never a quiet moment. Sometimes even in their sleep they sang. What would it be like to not hear singing? It was impossible to imagine. Dan knew there was so many things he didn’t know. The Song House told them nothing. But he also kept secrets from them. They thought they knew everything there was to know about him. There was one thing that he kept entirely to himself. He wasn’t sure why. It was something in his gut that told him others would not appreciate his hidden talent, and so he kept it silent.

 

There were many people in the Song House. Few of them were songbirds. There were three others besides him. He was the second oldest. PJ was several years older. The other two were quite young. A girl of ten and a boy of seven. They were still at the beginnings of their training and even then, they might not pull through. Dan remembered the difficulty of training. Constant pressure, constant control. Nothing less than perfection was expected. He pitied them. He himself had almost cracked. And then one day, they had deemed him an official songbird. And all this time he’d kept his secret.

 

A songbird had one purpose. To heal the pain of others. Whether that pain came in the form of sadness, grief, or anger, it was the songbirds purpose to find the source with their voice and dig it up from the roots. They’d had him practice time and time again. The children who were brought here from outside orphanages or unprepared parents, were often traumatized. So Dan would be brought to them and he’d sing. He’d search with his voice until he found the chain of notes that led him up the strand of emotion to the reason for the persons pain. If he played them just right the strand would gently wiggle away, freeing the individual. The child would cry tears of joy. They’d find that they loved themselves and the people around them. It was amazing.

 

Dan had discovered his gift in one of these training exercises. He would never forget it. He had been fourteen. It was different than any other time. The person they had brought to him was an adult man. Dan remembers the man taking a seat across from him in the massive auditorium. It was empty except Dan, his teacher, and this man. The man had been anxious and rubbed his hands together nervously.

 

“It’s okay.” Dan had told him calmly, using his softest sing-song voice. The energy of this mans emotions buzzed around the room. It was overwhelming. It was more intense than Dan had ever felt. He didn’t have to search for the strands of pain. They were everywhere, tickling the air with their sorrow and desperation. “Take my hands.” Dan had requested. It wasn’t something he normally did but it felt right with this person. And he was right. The moment he held the strangers hands the air around them settled slightly. Dan smiled at him and took a deep breath before closing his eyes. He started in a low hum, felt the strands vibrate lightly in response. He had never sung for someone that had multiple songs. But he could tell immediately there were several to be sung here. More stories to be told. As he worked into the tune, found the notes the man wanted and needed to hear, the strands responded more vigorously. Dan first started singing the darker of the songs, using a deep, slow voice. He didn’t use words. The music in the Song House rarely had words. He continued in a cheerless theme, the one that told the man what he was feeling and why. Until finally Dan worked on the pitches to erase the feeling which Dan had now identified as anger. His tone changed to something more upbuilding, sweeter, pleading. It begged for the stranger to understand that it was okay to be angry but that he no longer needed it to keep himself safe. For that was the reason behind the anger, to protect himself from a threat that was no longer present. He sung more loudly, more intensely, until the man started crying and trembling. Dan felt the strand working loose, and then with a sudden jolt within himself, the pain was freed. The stranger gasped and Dan let his song come to a low neutral tune once again.

 

Immediately he reached out with his voice to the other strand. It was a slightly less intense emotion but as Dan’s voice rose and fell he discovered its source was fear and it wasn’t as willing as anger to be freed. In the future he would learn that often anger and fear were connected. In this case though, they were completely separate. One was from one experience and the other from another time entirely. With fear Dan found he had to work more slowly and soothing. There was something else laced with the fear as well...

 

Suddenly the man jolted. He ripped his hands away from Dan and stood, backing away until he hit one of the solid bleachers and fell to the ground. “Stop, stop!” The man screamed. Dan’s voice came to a halt. His teacher got up quickly and went to the man, kneeling on the floor with him. Her reaction was not usually something a teacher would do...

 

Dan hummed a quiet, almost soundless note and felt that there were multiple strands between the two individuals. They were not strangers. Pain was linked between the two but also love. A sad kind of love. Dan tilted his head in curiosity, continuing a quiet song. His focus was on the damaged strands between them.

 

“Dan, Dan stop.”

 

Dan looked up to find his teacher giving him a warning glance. He furrowed his brows in confusion. He could fix it though. He could fix the love between them, and the mans fear too. The fear was linked with guilt. That was the problem. The guilt was so strong. In fact, this mans fear was connected to their damaged love somehow too. Dan was amazed and excited at this challenge.

 

“Dan.” Clair threatened. But he couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t want this. Maybe she was just worried. Maybe she was scared too? But he found no fear in her.

 

He did not keep singing but still there seemed to be a sound coming from him. The strands were still visible to Dan despite no sound being made. The teacher did not look back at him. She couldn’t hear him. She was focused on her love. How was this possible? How could he see the feelings without his voice? He played with it. Working once again on the mans fear. An expression appeared on the mans face when Dan began working on the emotion once again. The man started crying and shaking again. He held his head with his hands and seemed on the edge of screaming. Though no voice came from Dan, he heard the song himself. It was mournful and desperate. Dan was almost there...only a little further. The song leapt up inside him, loud and billowing. It sucked the fear with one final note and then the music stopped within Dan. He felt drained and tired, as though he’d run around the lake.

 

Suddenly he realized the room was quiet and looked up. His teacher was searching her loves face. The man had several mixed emotions evident on his face. He wiped the tears from his face and shuffled his feet until he was able to stand.

 

“What’s wrong? Are you okay? I am so sorry. I thought this would be a good thing. I am so sorry.” Clair held onto him tightly. He pushed her away gently.

 

“No, no it’s okay. I feel...good.” He laughed. “I feel really good.” He looked to Dan with watery eyes. “Thank you. Thank you. You were right.” He said, as though they had been conversing. The man walked to him and embraced him tightly.

 

And so it was then that Dan realized he could heal people without singing aloud. He could heal them from afar and using a voice that no one else but him heard. A few months after that instance he used his ability again between two fighting children at lunch. After his silent song they’d become best friends. But he knew that this was to always be a secret. He wondered what trivial things might go on in the Song House after he left with the various little situations he’d fixed.

 

Training the following morning was exhausting. He thought that perfection had always been what was expected of him but this was different. Clair and Kit constantly made him redo a song and ‘try using this tone’, and them demonstrating. A couple of times he got his back up in the air. He was a songbird. Neither of them were, so what could they possibly teach him. But he did in fact learn things from them. For example they refreshed him on the several languages everyone was taught growing up.

 

“I don’t understand why perfecting these languages is so important. My master speaks english does he not?” Dan hadn’t actually considered that his master could technically live anywhere in the world. He could speak Japanese for all Dan knew.

 

“Him understanding you is not the purpose of these exercises. When someone requests a songbird it is because they are at a dead end. They no longer know how to continue living as they are. They want to be understood Dan, they want a companion, they want to want to live again. And in this case-” Clair stopped herself. “Well, lets just say in this case it is very important that you can heal your master.”

 

This of course intrigued Dan. “And learning French will help me heal someone how?” He raised an eyebrow.

 

“To heal someone with your voice you need to know how their feeling right?” Dan nodded. “But what if theres no word for how they are feeling in their language? What if the word that will allow you to hit the perfect note is only found in German or Latin or French?”

 

Dan could actually make sense of that.

 

“So it is not important that you know individual words so much in these languages as you recognize the feeling behind them. It will make it easier to find more specific emotions.”

 

“I see. Thanks for explaining Clair.” Dan knew he was’t the easiest student. He had more questions than most. He didn’t take things at face value. He was curious and not so easy to trust someone. His teachers knew that and respected it, at times though he knew they wanted to strangle him. Right now he had so many questions about his master that he knew he couldn’t delve into. There was very strict rules against telling a songbird about their master before they met. There needed to be no time for Dan to think about what his masters mental state may be. Nothing that could taint the natural progression of how Dan’s voice would find the damaged strands and search for the echoing melody.

 

 

A couple weeks into training and another subject came up. “Kit, Clair? Have either of you been outside? To a city I mean?”

 

They looked at one another and then back to him. He glanced between them, waiting for an answer. He knew asking about the outside was typically frowned upon. But maybe it would be different now that he was going out there. He was going to actually see a city.

 

Kit spoke first. “Yes Dan, I have.”

 

“I have not.” Clair admitted.

 

“Please tell me what it was like Kit. I have to be prepared right? Shouldn’t that be part of my training?”

 

“Yes, it is Dan. You’re just getting a bit ahead of yourself.” But there was something in Kits voice that told him he wasn’t getting ahead of anything. She was just avoiding the subject.

 

“Well, then.” Dan urged her on.

 

Kit shook her head, fighting with herself. “Dan I’m not sure you’re ready for that.”

 

“Why not?” Dan felt anger rising in his throat. It was such a rare feeling to have, especially in the Song House. Clair immediately reacted to his negative emotions with a mellow tune that lasted only briefly. Dan sighed and relaxed his posture, anger dissipating.

 

Kit spoke exceptionally softly now. The way she would with young scared children. “Well, Daniel, that right there is one reason. We have reason to believe that emotionally you’re not ready to hear what you might come across out there. Compared to here it’s...well it’s not a nice place Dan.”

 

He couldn’t fathom what she meant by that. “But I’ve felt it. I’ve felt the fear the new children have. I’ve sung out anger and terror and guilt. Remember your love Clair?”

 

Clair retracted at that statement. “Of course I do Dan.”

 

“Well then, how could it get worse than him? He had more damaged strands than I’d seen in anyone.”

 

Clair and Kit had gotten used to terms Dan used to describe emotions and how they connect. When he was young it had confused them but it was how he saw it. They were not Song Birds, and therefore they could not entirely relate but they tried their best.

 

“Dan, John was haunted. You’re right. That’s why I brought him here. I didn’t know what else...” Clairs voice trailed off. She stared blankly for a moment before continuing. “It can get worse Dan. That’s all I can say.”

 

“War.”

 

Dan looked at Kit when she spoke the word. “War?” He repeated. Clair shot a look at Kit that showed her disapproval. Kit just nodded at her.

 

“Alright,” Clair sighed. “Yes, war. John had been in a war. That’s why he was the way he was. War is fighting Dan. People fighting people. It’s horrible. And John hadn’t even seen the worst of it. I can’t imagine if you had to work on someone that actually killed another person, or even a child.”

 

“Killing? Taking someones life? A child?” This was all new to Dan. He knew the words. He had heard them. But the meanings were unfamiliar to him. He had to dig around in his memory. He recalled the feelings he drudged up from John. How it had been more difficult than previous times.

 

“I think that’s enough. We will prepare you for all of that in time. We realize that you can’t just enter this new world without any knowledge. You have to trust us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me what you would like to see in this fic, I always welcome ideas of any kind :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil meet, kind of. We meet Charlie.

Phil

 

Phil had been working diligently for the songbirds arrival. He knew that it might be months before the boy was introduced to the palace but he was nearly as excited as the king was. He had no real reason to be. He knew the songbird would never sing to him. That was against the law. He would no doubt hear the songs of the boy but his soul would never be touched by him. This had been listed along with other ‘rules’ in a letter they received from the Song House. The songbird was never to be expected to care for himself in any way. He would not cook his own meals or do his own laundry. He would be dressed at all times appropriately in his songbird gowns which would be provided by the Song House. He would not do anything that his master was not required to do such as a slaves chores. In absolutely no way could he be used for sexual pleasure. He would not be allowed to marry or court.

 

The list went on. Phil had hired two new hands to help with whatever the songbird may need. They would make sure he always had clean clothes and sheets and a warm meal three times a day. Phil found absolute delight in making these accommodations. Caring for people and making them feel special was all he cared to do in life. It was one reason being with Charlie could be difficult. He rarely saw need in showing Phil appreciation for all he put into his partners day to day life. But Phil was sure he appreciated it. Charlie was a good person. Why would he not be thankful?

 

Now though, Phil was on the train heading back to the Song House for the first of his new monthly requirement. Charlie had not been happy to hear that once a month Phil would be away for five days. Two days there, one day at the House, and two days back. But Phil’s new salary had helped in allowing him to go.

 

When Phil got to the little town of the Song House he saw Alex outside of the local bar. He had to pay him a bit more this time but the man was willing to take him back up there and for a few more coins he agreed to doing it every month until no longer needed. It made it easier on Phil knowing now that he would have a consistent way to the House.

 

When they reached the Song House, the horses were yet again taken. Alex waited outside and Phil headed in. He asked the women standing there for Kit since he was familiar with her.

 

“You’ll have to give me a moment. I believe she is training a songbird. It may be a while.”

 

“That will be fine. I can wait.” He agreed politely. He sat on the pristine white sofa before an empty fireplace for an hour before Kit appeared from one of the halls. She must have been wearing a soft shoe of some kind, if any at all, because Phil did not hear her approach at all.

 

“The messenger. You’re back.” She said in surprise. Phil stood and gave a slight bow.

 

“Yes. My name is Phil. I am just here to check on the progress of the songbird.”

 

“Progress. Yes, well, these things take time Phil. I am sorry but he is not ready to be taken home today. You have wasted your time, I apologize.”

 

“I understand. I did not believe he would be ready. However the king has requested I come once a month to check on his songbirds progress.” Phil explained.

 

“Does he not trust us?” Kit asked challengingly. “He does not yet belong to your king. He is still ours.”

 

“It’s not that at all! I promise you, the king is just anxious. You must understand. He hasn’t...well, he hasn’t been the same since his wife died. At least that is why I imagine he is so desperate for his songbird. Not that I should presume...” Phil realized he was rambling and quickly locked his lips. So undignified.

 

“Okay. There’s only so much I can tell you. I mean, he’s doing well.”

 

“What does his training involve? What is his name?”

 

Kit bit her lip. “I can tell you are a genuine person Phil. I can see that you are excited too and I can understand why. It’s not everyday you get to see a songbird and yet you will likely get to do so many days of your life working as closely to the king as you are. But you read the letter correct?”

 

Phil felt immediately humbled and ducked his head. “Absolutely. I didn’t meant to cause any offense. But you can imagine that when I go back to the king he will want to hear something. Anything really. But I am sure he will understand.And yes I read the letter. I would never attempt to disobey what was said. Everything made perfect sense.”

 

Kit watched him for several seconds. “His name is Daniel. Though he prefers Dan.”

 

Phil tried to put a name to the face. “Dan?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay then. Thank you. Thank you so much.” Phil was thrilled by even this much news.

 

“And the things he is being taught won’t matter to you. No offense but you would not understand any of it. Now have a good day Phil. Give the king our regards. See you in a month.”

 

 

The king was in fact happy to hear of the songbirds name. It was as if he’d just been told the due date for his new child. He said the name several times, nodding in approval. “Thank you Phil. Lets see what else you can find out next month.”

 

 

Each time Phil went, Kit gave him a small tidbit to take back to the king. Once, it was the boys age. He was in fact, not a boy, but a young man only a few years younger than Phil. It hadn’t been what Phil was expecting at all. On the third month Kit said that Dan was different than anyone she had trained as a songbird before. He was inquisitive and carefree. On the fifth month Phil was given an opportunity.

 

“Phil, I have a question for you. A request really. You can of course refuse but it would be very helpful in our training of Dan.”

 

This of course peeked Phil’s interest above anything. “Of course, anything.”

 

“We would like you to see him.”

 

Phil’s voice was frozen for a moment. “See...him? Really? But I thought-”

 

“You won’t meet him. I literally mean just see him. It will be of help to you as to information for your king and it will help us judge Dan on his progress in a certain area.”

 

“What area is that?” Phil asked, knowing he might be pushing it. But Kit didn’t hesitate to answer.

 

“We need to know if he will be able to sense you without seeing or knowing you are there. As you can guess, not to many outsiders come here and so Dan has not been exposed to some things. There are some emotions he is unaware of. Since we are not sure which of those emotions he hasn’t encountered it is important we expose him to many different people. However because you will be in his day to day life he cannot see you yet. He must stay in a mental state of training during this time. Nothing can taint that. Can you agree to this? You won’t speak to him, you won’t hear him, and he won’t even know for a fact that you are there.”

 

“I am more than willing.” Phil said excitedly. Kit smiled.

 

“Good. Thank you. Follow me.”

 

Phil was lead down one of the seemingly never ending marble hallways. Children, teenagers, and adults all the way from ages four to forty passed by him. They were often times in groups. Each one of them were singing. Sometimes they were singing the same song. Other times they each had their own. All of it was beautiful. They met Phil’s eyes briefly before shyly looking away.

 

“You are good for them to see as well.” Kit whispered beside him. “You are like a strange flower.”

 

“Do they know how I feel?” The realization came suddenly to him and he felt very vulnerable.

 

“Somewhat.” Admitted Kit. “None of them are songbirds so it’s different. And most of them are young. They may sense certain things about you but they do not know to what level or why or how to fix it if they are even thinking of the fact that it can be fixed.” She looked at him, probably sensing his slight withdrawal. “Don’t worry. Right now they probably just know that you are excited about something.”

 

“And what does that feel like to them?” Phil asked curiously.

 

Kit tilted her head. “Kind of like...a buzz. Like a bee beside your ear.”

 

Phil listened intently, as if trying to hear his own excitement.

 

They reached another hallway. This one was shorter and more narrow. They passed several doors before coming to one made of a different material than the rest. Phil felt his heart skip a beat and nerves tickled his stomach. Kit stopped with her hand on the door knob and gave a small chuckle.

 

“What is it?” Phil asked.

 

She shook her head. “I’m not even a songbird and I feel as though I can sense all your emotions. I can’t imagine how Dan is going to react once he senses you.”

 

“What if he doesn’t sense me?” The thought worried Phil.

 

“If he doesn’t sense you, then he is farther from being ready than I imagined. Now be quiet okay?”

 

Phil nodded and the door was opened. He followed Kit into a darkly lit room. It was empty and the walls were not marble but instead a soft material. There were two chairs there. Kit sat in one and so Phil took the other. Before them was a window and on the other side was a bright room. A sparkling gold pattern laced the white walls and a blue and gold tapestry covered nearly the entire floor. The room was scarcely furnished but it was still comfortable looking. There was a desk with some neatly stacked papers, a lamp, some flowers in various pots around the room, and two chairs. Someone was sitting in one of the chairs. A middle aged women with long black hair tied up with a red ribbon.

 

“That is Clair. She was assigned to Dan.”

 

Phil then saw that Clair was talking to someone but there was no one else there. She nodded and gestured. That’s when a boy walked into Phil’s view from somewhere in the corner of the room that he hadn’t been able to see from his limited view of the window. Though he realized now that it must be a one way mirror. The boy was beautiful. His skin was slightly browned, his dark hair unruly, his body type perfectly proportioned. He was tall. Much taller than Phil anticipated. Or maybe it was the long black gown with wide sleeves that made him look taller than he was. It flowed along the floor when he moved.

 

“And that is Dan.” Kit introduced.

 

Dan was pacing. He had a look on his face that told Phil he was thinking. The songbird stopped and looked at his teacher, conversing with her. The women nodded slowly and replied.Phil was fascinated by the delicate movements the pair had. Dan would fit in nicely in the palace.

 

“It’s as if he belongs beside the king.” Phil stated.

 

“Yes, I can see what you mean. Maybe you’re right.” Kit agreed. “Now watch.”

 

For several minutes Dan simply paced, stopped, talked, listened. Phil was beyond curious as to what they were discussing. But perhaps Kit was right and to him it would just sound like an entirely different language. Clair closed her eyes and opened her mouth wide. She was singing. Phil couldn’t hear it of course but he was still entranced. She stopped and looked expectantly at Dan. Dan did the same, opening his mouth wide and closing his eyes. But his note did not last more than a second. He stopped and looked around the room skeptically.

 

“Now he knows.” Kit whispered, a smile evident in her tone. “He senses you now.”

 

 

Dan

 

Dan knew something was off the moment Clair asked him to copy her.As soon as the note had passed by his lips he sensed a nearby vibrating strand. But it wasn’t one he was used to. It wasn’t Clairs, that was for certain. This strand was...was...what? He tried the note again. And again, there it was.

 

“Dan what is it?”

 

“Shush.” Dan replied. He closed his eyes and sang a nearly nonexistent tune. Now that he was focusing on it he knew there was someone else here. He didn’t know how but his voice had never deceived him. What he sensed was much like what he felt when John was in the room with him. The strands weren’t as broken as his, they were much different, but there were so many of them. So many different emotions for one individual. Could there be more than one person nearby that he was feeling? He continued his song, felt partly up on each strand and found that they were in fact all attached to the same source. “Impossible.” Dan said out loud, ending his song and opening his eyes. Clair stayed quiet, allowing him to invite her to speak. “What is this?”

 

“What is what?”

 

Dan scoffed at her. “Don’t tell me you don’t know. What I am sensing does not just suddenly appear in the Song House. I’ve never felt anything like it. There’s so many Clair. So many strands...” Dan closed his eyes again. He started singing, this time determined to figure out what was happening. His hand reached out in front of him and rose and fell with the different voices he sang. One emotion in particular was stronger than the rest. What was it...what was the word? Dan searched his memory. He had felt it before. But it was different coming from someone else. It was something like...eagerness? But the word wasn’t quite right. He remembered Kit explaining why he had been taught the different languages. He ran through a list of words, naming them out loud in his sing song voice. “Cupidus? Elfrig? Begierig? Desireux...” The word was close but no quite perfect. “Ansioso.” He stopped at the word and opened his eyes again. “Ansioso. That’s what I am sensing.” He stated surely. It was a Spanish word. It meant to be desirous, anxious, and wishful. It was a strange conglomeration of emotions and Dan realized just how important these languages were in deciphering feelings.

 

“Very interesting Dan. I’m very impressed.” Clair said in approval.

 

“But I still don’t understand.”

 

“That’s okay. You don’t always need to understand things Dan. Just go with it.”

 

“Just go with it...” He repeated the statement to try and comprehend it.

 

“Tell me what else you notice. What do you know?”

 

“I know that there are many different feelings, and they are very close to me. But I can’t see their source, even though they all come from the same place.”

 

“And what’s different about this time than with say, John? Besides the fact that you can’t see them.”

 

It suddenly struck Dan. “It’s...good. It’s a good feeling.” He met Clairs eyes with surprise. She smiled ecstatically.

 

“That’s awesome Dan. Now you said that there were many emotions. What else do you sense?”

 

Dan didn’t hesitate before beginning his song again. Even though he no longer needed it now that he was aware of the strands, this step was important in keeping his secret and had become second nature. Besides that, these things were new to him and his voice kept him focused.

 

Dan clung to the strands, leaving behind the ansioso and concentrating on another. This one was less responsive to his song and so he worked at it with highs and lows until he found the song. Aw, now this feeling he was familiar with. Fear. It was different than the fear small children had, or even the fear John had had. The fear this individual had was more specific, localized. They weren’t feeling it right now even. At this moment the fear was subdued but Dan sensed that it had been activated recently. A better word for it was in German. Scheu. Shyness, awe, timidness.

 

“Don’t fix it Dan. I just want you to tell me what they are.” Clair warned.

 

Dan stopped his progression up the strand and moved to the next. It was a balanced emotion. A positive one. This person was happy. The strand reacted perfectly to his voice because it needed no work. Dan found himself smiling at this. He moved on quickly to the next, excited by this new challenge. This strand was the most dead and broken of them all. It made his brows furrow. How could someone feel happy and yet have a broken strand? It didn’t mix. The best word to describe this feeling was also in German. It was like loneliness but deeper. Verlassen. Alone, desolate, abandoned. The feeling was the strangest of all to Dan. How can someone feel alone and abandoned in a world full of people? Surely this person was not living in solitary atop a mountain. And if he was then he had caused his own feelings of verlassen. This emotion was very active, even now.

 

“Clair...I don’t understand.”

 

“What don’t you understand?”

 

“This person contradicts themself. They are timid, but only sometimes. They are happy but they also feel a distressingly lonesome. How can you be all of these things?”

 

“Well, people experience different things each day. They have memories from the past, worries of the future, stress of today, but they also have happy moments. You can feel lonely one minute but happy the next because you’re finally beside someone you care about. Perhaps this person is away from that individual.”

 

Clair sat there patiently as Dan digested this. After a few minutes he finally felt prepared to move on. “Can I meet this person? It might tell me a lot.”

 

“Unfortunately no Dan. We cannot do that. I’m sorry. This is just a training exercise.”

 

“Then can you tell me why this person feels so many things at once?” Dan had to know. It was an open mystery he had to know the ending too. He would go crazy otherwise.

 

“I cannot tell you. Not because I won’t, but because I can’t. I don’t know why this person feels this way.” Clair explained reasonably.

 

“I could. If you let me fix it, I would know why.” Dan was excited by this. Something about this persons confused emotions made Dan desperate to help them clear it.

 

“That would not be appropriate. You’re healing powers are to be saved for certain individuals we can let you practice on, and your master. You can sing no one else’s songs. This is very important. Do you understand?”

 

“Well...yes.” Dan said, defeated. He did not in fact understand. But there was no point in arguing over it. He could silently heal them. Clair would never know. But it would take focus and some time. Right now it simply wasn’t possible. He could still sense the varies feelings of the person and it drove him crazy not to bandage the wounds. It took self restraint on his part.

 

“I can tell you one thing I suppose.” Clair inhaled deeply. “The first thing you picked up on was ansioso. That is probably because they are observing a songbird for the first time.”

 

“Observing?” Dan questioned. A smile played at Clairs lips. “You mean they are watching me right now?” The look Clair gave him was the only answer he needed. “It’s my master isn’t it? He’s here.” Dan’s heart leapt with excitement. But Clair shook her head.

 

“No, your master is not here.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Soon Dan, soon you will meet your master. I promise. But we have more work to do. Lets call it a day. You did amazing.”

 

 

Phil

 

Phil’s experience at the Song House unseen by Dan had been the most incredible thing. Watching the boy read him, as Kit had put it, was intriguing and in some way...beautiful. There had been so many mixed emotions on the boys face. He had asked why the songbird seemed so conflicted. Kit explained that there must be something in Phil that he had never experienced before. Phil thought endlessly on what that might have been. He’d never really examined himself and his own feelings. More than likely Dan already knew more about him than he did himself. Phil knew one thing about himself, and that was that he was content where he was. Not everything was perfect. But perfection was an impossible thing to expect, especially in life. Phil truly believed there was nothing he could do that would make him happier. Considering where some people were in their lives, Phil felt pretty good about himself.

 

Phil had so much to tell the king this time. And the king was pleased by every word Phil told him. He didn’t skip a moment of the event. Afterward the king sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. “This songbird will make everything right.” He didn’t seem to be speaking to Phil but instead to himself. “Yes, everything will be okay once he is here.”

 

 

The day before Phil was to leave for the palace things went very wrong in his life. His relationship with Charlie had never been perfect. But he loved him and Charlie loved him too. Phil had learned how to deal with some of his partners...difficulties. He also knew that Charlie often had to hold himself back from being worse than he knew he could be.

 

They were sitting at the dining table. Phil had finished making dinner and had had a satisfying day off cleaning the house. Charlie had been working all day and seemed tense but that was nothing unusual. Phil just made sure to keep more quiet than normal. He dished some steamed carrots onto Charlies plate along with a chicken breast he’d marinated for hours in an herb paste. He’d put more work than normal into this meal and was excited to see what Charlie thought of it. He even had a pie baking in the oven full of ripe peaches.

 

“I thought I’d try something new today.” Phil said cheerfully, hoping his mood would rub off some.

 

Instead Charlie replied with a cold tone. “I see that.”

 

Phil put down the utensils and cocked his head. “Is something wrong?”

 

Charlie finally met his eyes, a hardness in them he hadn’t seen for some time. The last time he’d seen that look had been the time Charlie had struck Phil. It hadn’t happened since, and Phil had of course forgiven his partner. Especially after the tears and begging Charlie had done immediately afterwards. Nevertheless, Phil didn’t trust it.

 

“Is something wrong? Damn it Phil!” He slammed his fist on the table, causing Phil to jump. “You know for a fact I don’t like carrots. Do you ever listen to me? I’ve told you so many times.” He shook his head in disgust. “Do you even love me? How can you forget something as simple as that so many times if you actually love me?”

 

The words had been like a knife in Phil’s heart. How could Charlie question his love for him? It was unthinkable. “How can you say that Char? Of course I love you! It was just an accident. You know I can be a ditz. I’m sorry. I can steam some spinach really quick. It will just take a second.”Phil got to his feet but so did Charlie.

 

“Forget it. I don’t even want to eat anymore. How can I? When my own partner in life doesn’t respect or appreciate, or love me.”

 

It was as if he hadn’t heard a word Phil said. The accusation hurt worse than even the first time.

 

“Charlie please! Please stop!” Phil pleaded, his heart quaking.

 

“Do you know what I do when I feel unloved Phil?” Charlie was pointing fervently at his chest. “Do you remember or have you forgotten that too?” When Phil didn’t respond, too afraid to reply, Charlie yanked up his sleeves to expose his sliced flesh. The wounds were long sealed over but Charlie wasn’t afraid to bring it back up anytime he felt Phil’s feelings for him were changing.

 

“Please don’t.” Phil begged quietly, avoiding Charlies eyes.

 

“Selfish bastard.” Charlie mumbled, walking quickly into their kitchen. Phil heard a drawer yanked open and gasped, running to the kitchen. Charlie held a jagged knife to his arm, his face contorted intensely with anger.

 

“Charlie no!” Phil cried. He leaped forward, grabbing hold of the handle and trying to pull. But Charlies anger made him far stronger than Phil’s terror. He easily shoved him away. In one quick swipe the blade had sliced. Tears sprung from his eyes in shock and horror. Charlie had threatened this time and time again but he’d never actually done it. “What have you done?!”

 

Charlie was abruptly done with the knife, throwing it on the counter and coming after Phil. Phil hadn’t seen this coming. He sucked in a sharp breath and darted behind a wall just as Charlie swung at him. He couldn’t believe what was happening. Charlie swore, he swore he would never do this again.

 

“Charlie no! You promised! You don’t want to do it! You promised!”

 

“That was before I was sure my own boyfriend hated me!”

 

Phil knew nothing would convince Charlie otherwise right now. All he could do was run. But he couldn’t do that forever either. He knew from experience Charlies anger did not quickly fade. It fed him. When he reached their bedroom Phil fell to the bed and covered his face. Seconds later fists pounded into his flesh. His ribs, his arms, his back. He held his breath and whined when some hits hurt worse than others.

 

It seemed to go on forever. Phil stopped reacting to the abuse. He laid there, taking it. Listening to Charlies tiring breathing. Finally it stopped. Still, Phil didn’t move. He felt Charlie still standing over him, hard raspy breaths pouring down on him. Phil realized only then that he was shaking and he hurt everywhere. Never had he been in so much pain. The first time, Charlie had only hit him once. That was it. And moments afterward he’d been in tears begging for forgiveness. What had been different this time?

 

After some time, Charlie walked from the room without a word, leaving Phil to drag himself up to the pillows and cry harder than he ever had in his life.

 

 

Phil didn’t wake up till the following morning. When his eyes opened, light was pouring in from the windows. He was alone on the bed, atop the covers and clutching a pillow. He tried turning onto his back and found himself wincing. Immediately he began crying again. The physical wounds instantly bringing back the previous night. He forced himself to sit up. The entire right side of his body hurt to the touch. Every movement made him hesitate. Still, he stood. He needed to find Charlie. He had probably slept on the couch.

 

In the kitchen the table was still set with dinner. Seeing it made a shock of agony traverse through him. He turned off the oven knowing the charred state the pie was now in. He limped over to the living room. Fresh tears poured when he saw it was empty. Charlies wallet was gone and so were his work boots. So he had left and spent the night elsewhere.

 

Phil looked at the time and realized abruptly that his train left in one hour. He wasn’t even packed. Conflicting obligations made him pause before returning to the bedroom and packing his bag as quickly as possible.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been my favorite chapter to write :)

Dan

 

Dan’s training after the session with the invisible stranger changed drastically. Every session now included a new person for him to heal. He encountered countless emotions. Some of them were complicated and took time and real effort for Dan to worth through. One women in particular had a broken strand that Dan identified was cause from grief. He had experienced nothing like it before. It was deep rooted and long ignored. He had sung so long to heal her that by the end he was exhausted, his voice hoarse and his own emotions raw. Kit and Clair had given him a few days off after that. They had then explained that the women had lost her son in death 10 years earlier. They spent a lot of time on the subject of death with Dan. It had opened up more in him than any other feelings he’d worked on.

 

“How do you think you are doing in your training Dan?” Kit was asking.

 

“Well...I think quite well. I’ve been able to sing everyones song that you brought in here, sometimes several.”

 

“Yes, that is good. Anything else?” She pushed.

 

Dan shifted in his seat uncomfortably. It seemed Kit was after something specific and he was entirely unsure of what it was. He silently hummed, looking for a hint in one of her emotions. She waited patiently and he found nothing. “I don’t think so.” Her disappointment was clear and he swallowed. What else could they want from him?

 

“How do you feel about the people you sing to?”

 

Dan was taken aback by the question. “What do you mean?” But Kit didn’t aid him. “I feel...” It was ironic to him that he could read peoples emotions and yet not being to find his own. “I feel...happy? Happy that when they leave they are different, better people than when they came in here.”

 

Kit pursed her lips and bit her cheek. “Okay, session over.” She stood abruptly from her chair. Dan followed in a hurry.

 

“What? Why? That was it? We haven’t even done anything. What did I do wrong?”

 

“Nothing Dan. You’re fine. I know what I need to do now, that’s all. Go back to your chamber. Rest.”

 

Rest? Rest from what? But Kit had moved on. He stood in the hallway for several minutes confused. He trusted his teachers though. So he ventured back to his room and laid on his bed, starring at the ceiling above with his palms under his head.

 

The door creaked open and PJ walked in. Dan sat up. “PJ.” He said happily, glad to see his friend and fellow songbird. He truly was the only person that understood him.

 

“Hey Dan.” PJ smiled. Dan hopped down his bunk and sat beside his friend on the bed as he removed his sandals. “How was training day?”

 

“Ugh.” Dan groaned.

 

“What’s that reaction for? I thought you were enjoying it.”

 

“I was...I am. Kit just did something strange today is all. It’s like she’s disappointed in me but I can’t tell why or what I need to do. Today she just asked a weird question and then walked from the room saying that she ‘knew what to do now.’ What does that even mean?” Dan scoffed, feeling frustration bubble in him. PJ hummed softly, repairing Dan’s strands.

 

“Thanks.” Dan said, realizing his eyes had closed in response to the song. “You always know what to do.”

 

“Mmhm. It’s almost as if I have an ability or something.” PJ joked.

 

“Shut up.” Dan snorted and bumped his friend. “I don’t want to leave you PJ. Sometimes I think I won’t be able to. Who will understand me out there?” Dan jerked his head to the nearby window.

 

“They won’t. But Dan, no one out there understands themselves. That’s why we exist. But they all make it. So will you.”

 

It seemed to Dan that PJ was more ready to be a songbird than he was. “Maybe, but the people that come to me aren’t exactly what I want to be. You haven’t felt some of their stories PJ. Wait till you feel grief for the first time.” Dan shook his head at the memory.

 

“Yeah right. You’re the first purchased songbird in years. I’ll be dead before the next one comes along. And don’t worry Dan, you might miss me. I mean, you better. But you have a wonderful experience and opportunity before you. Look at all the people you’ve helped.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so. Thanks PJ.” He hugged his friend tightly, a tinge of his own pain seeping. PJ sang to him his song and he closed his eyes.

 

 

The following day Dan found himself once again sitting before a man in the auditorium. The auditorium was the best place to sing because of the way his voice bounced from the walls and filled the room. He loved it.

 

This man sitting before him was old. His long beard was grey and his eyes slightly hollowed. He had a stern, stone like expression on his face. Dan squinted at him, watching his unmoving features. Most people that came in here were nervous, unsure, excited. Not this man. He was ecdurus. Not angry, but rigid and firm.

 

“Okay Dan, go ahead.” Kit instructed. Clair sat beside her several bleaches back from the stage.

 

Dan hummed, found the strands. There were many of them but he was used to seeing that now. He found one that vibrated only slightly to his voice and sang its song. In this one he found a common root. Fear. He sang to it, and sang...and sang...nothing was happening. Dan sat up straighter and dug deeper. He pulled at the feeling, wiggled at it, sang high and deep which was exactly what he knew was needed to free the emotion. There was nothing. He decided to switch gears for a while. He found a different strand. He sang softly until he again found the root. Hate. This was new. His voice changed to match the emotion. He sounded haunting, dark, loud. His tone rarely had to change pitch. The strand moved but only for a moment before stilling again, causing Dan to reach deeper and deeper within himself until finally he had to stop and rest his throat for a moment. He furrowed his brows, gripped the hate with his voice as violently as it was keeping him away. The attempt shoved him almost physically from the chair. He decided to stand, gestured, sung louder than he’d ever had to. Finally, finally, the strand gave him more movement. Hate traveled along the strand and seeped into Dan’s soul, tickling him with something intense and dark. It was like an abyss and Dan couldn’t see the bottom. He could feel it so intensely though. He couldn’t imagine how this man had continued living with this feeling inside him. It was eating him, swallowing him whole. Dan aimed for the bottom of this empty ravine, dove for it with intent. He just barely reached the root of this hate, which he labeled ‘deloyal’ or faithless and disloyal, when suddenly the strand seemed to slingshot straight for him, forcing Dan to stop everything and back away. His voice stopped and his eyes opened in shock.

 

The old man grinned and raised his eyebrows. “Having problems?”

 

“How?” Dan asked but before he could get an answer he was singing again. He chose a whole new strand, felt the opposite of hate. He found despair and hopelessness. The agony of it almost brought Dan to his knees. The hate had tried to swallow Dan but this hopelessness made him desperate to fix it, to heal the broken human. If only he could reach the root he could stop all of his pain. But he simply couldn’t. He was always pushed back.

 

Finally Dan couldn’t take anymore. He wasn’t even sure if what he was doing could be considered singing anymore. He sat down and only then realized that he was...crying. tears cascaded silently down his cheeks. His nose was running and his chest ached so bad he thought for sure he would die. He looked desperately at his teachers. They observed him calmly and without reaction. He looked back to the man who’s face hadn’t changed from it’s stillness. How could he hold that expression when all these things were happening inside of him? How was it possible for him to exist at all?

 

“Please.” Dan pleaded pitifully, though he didn’t know what it was he was begging for. He looked back to Clair and Kit. Clair stood and came to him, kneeling in front of him and wiping the tears from his burning cheeks.

 

“Dan it’s okay. Shh.” She hummed to him but her voice did not penetrate into his soul like PJ’s did.

 

“No it’s not!” He screamed. “He...he...” Dan pointed at the man. “He’s so broken. Clair you don’t understand. He needs help. I can’t do it, I don’t know why but I can’t. You need to get someone else. PJ maybe! Maybe PJ could help!” Dan stood, prepared to run and get his friend despite the craziness of the idea.

 

A hand held his wrist. “Dan you need to calm down.” Dan choked on a sob as fresh tears poured from his eyes. Clair spoke so softly he had to hold in his sobbing to hear her. “This is what I need you to realize. Dan are you listening?” She turned his face back to hers. he hadn’t even realized that he’d silently begun trying yet again to help this man. “Dan?”

 

“Y-yes, I’m listening.”

 

“Okay then. You needed to experience this. Sometimes people do not want to be helped.”

 

“Not want...but how can that be?” He shook his head in disagreement.

 

“It’s just the way some people are and there is nothing you can do about it. Do you understand me? There is nothing you can do to heal that man.” She gestured toward him. Dan shook his head again.

 

“Impossible. That’s impossible. Why wouldn’t someone want to be helped? I can fix him! I can fix you.” He stared into the mans slow blinking eyes.

 

“No, you can’t Dan.” Clair forced him back into his seat and held his hands in hers. “If someone does not want to be helped, then you can’t fix them. You don’t have the right to keep trying either. And you do not need an explanation. You need to accept it and move on. Do you understand me?” She asked again.

 

“I-I-”

 

“It is an absolute must that you accept this Dan. You don’t have to understand it right now but you must accept it. I want you to look into that mans eyes, tell him what you are feeling and then let him walk away. Okay?”

 

Dan nodded but only after several moments had passed. Clair backed away. Dan stared at his lap. His body jolted with a new sob every so often but the tears had stopped. He wiped away the wetness and took a deep breath. Never had he been so over powered as this. He forced his head up and looked the man in the eyes. He couldn’t unsee what he had felt from him. If only he could...but no. Clair had said he didn’t have to understand what was happening but he needed to accept it. And he did trust her. Another breath, and then he spoke, seeing a strand of his own connect loosely to the heart of this mans. Just like he’d seen between John and Clair. This was a different feeling than that, but similar.

 

“I don’t know why you won’t let me fix you. It...hurts me, to see you hurt. Do you understand that? I felt your pain. And I guess...I guess I just want to say that I am sorry. I am so sorry for everything you carry inside of you. If there was anything I could do to show you what you could be like, I would. But I can’t so just know that I understand. That hate, it’s not helping you. It’s hurting you so deeply. And the hopelessness...” Dan saw the man swallow at the word. It was the first indication outwardly that he had any emotions at all. “That hopelessness is simply ignorance and unwarranted. It doesn’t need to be there. But I understand, okay? I understand. You can go now.” Telling this person to just walk away, knowing how they felt was the most difficult thing Dan had ever had to do. But he did. He stared at the floor as the man stood and walked from the auditorium, sick and hopeless. 

 

A few minutes later he still sat in the chair.

 

“Dan?” Kit called to him. He stood.

 

“I’m going to go lay down.”

 

“Dan wait.” Kit laid a hand gently on his shoulder. “I know this is hard but I need you to do one more thing for me. Answer one question.”

 

Dan nodded solemnly.

 

“Why couldn’t you heal that man?”

 

At first Dan was angry with the question. How could she ask that? But then he saw where she was coming from, how she needed him to answer.“Because...because he didn’t want to be happy.”

 

“Yes, that is right. Okay, you can go now.”

 

 

Dan did not leave his room for three days. PJ was a constant companion but he was not allowed to sing to Dan. Kit had told him that things like this might happen outside and he would not have another songbird there to bandage his strands. He needed to learn how to heal himself. It seemed like torture but as the days passed and he was allowed to think, his head began to clear. He recognized the need to learn this. He also recognized how the feelings that currently flooded his heart could drown him like it had others. He hadn’t realized how easily you could destroy yourself if you so desired. His distress caused the distress of PJ and he could not allow that.

 

On the fourth afternoon in his bedroom as he lay on his back, he sang. His voice was unused and dry but he did so anyway. He sensed PJ below him, listening silently. He found the single overstretched strand of his heart, and sang its song of love and helplessness. And then he searched his own strands and bandaged them as well.

 

 

It was another two days before Kit and Clair requested Dans presence. Walking into the familiar room he felt like an entirely different person. He saw things differently. He looked at people differently too. He envied all the students who had never experienced what he now knew existed in the world.

 

Clair stood when Dan entered. “It’s so nice to see you Dan. You look good, like yourself again.” She smiled.

 

“I feel more like myself thanks.” He squeezed her back. “So what’s the plan for today?”

 

“It’s going to be an easy day, don’t worry. Just some light practice. I would like you to work on singing with words.” Dan cocked his head. “Yes I know that isn’t typically how it works. However in the outside world when people sing, they always use words. At first it may be strange for them to hear songs with only your voice so you’ll need to lean them into it. It doesn’t really matter what words you use, just use the ones that seem right. Okay?”

 

“I can certainly try.” He cleared his throat and straightened his posture. The slightest of vibrations began in his throat when his breath was abruptly taken from his lungs. He almost doubled over.

 

“Dan? Dan what’s wrong?” Clair searched his body as if for physical damage but it was pain seeping from elsewhere that had leaked into Dan.

 

“Shhh.” He told her and closed his eyes, searching the strands around him as he hummed. He recognized several of the strands instantly. He opened his eyes and looked at Clair. “They’re back.”

 

Clair hesitated before answering. “Yes.”

 

“And this...observer is not my master?”

 

“No.”

 

Dan knew she wasn’t lying which only confused him more. “But it is not someone I can heal?”

 

“This is not like last time. Technically speaking you can heal this person. But you are not allowed to.”

 

“Then what is the purpose of them being here?” Dan questioned.

 

“There are several reasons. One of them is to teach you self restraint. You are not allowed to heal this person but I want you to sing as though you can. Sing their song without healing them.”

 

“Thats possible?” He almost didn’t believe it.

 

“It is. And for your knowledge, this individual cannot hear you. He can only observe. Now go on.” She waved him on, leaning back in her chair.

 

The first thing Dan did was relocate the previous strands. He checked them and found ansioso was no longer the appropriate word. There was still a level of excitement there but it was nearly washed away. Fear was now prominent. It was not the kind of fear one had of future events or a past experience. The fear Dan had discovered was fear of life. Something was endangering the literal existence of this person. The timidness, abandonment, and loneliness were nearly as active as self preservation. Happiness had completely died. This saddened Dan greatly. What had happened in just a few weeks for so many changesto occur in this persons mental state. It was so drastic as well.

 

Dan carefully guided his voice to find the specific emotion that had caused him to lose his breath. It wasn’t difficult. Though it wasn’t what he had expected either. It was none of these feelings he’d already discovered at all. Instead it was love. A dead, drowning, sad love, It practically leapt at him, begging to be fixed. Dan tickled the feeling with his voice, testing it, wanting to badly to comfort it. So easily the feeling gave into him. It would have taken a mere short song. But he was stopped with a sharp warning from Clair reminding him of what he was here for.

 

He mentally dropped the strand, focusing on keeping his voice going despite nothing to carry it. This was a person. A person in deep pain that needed him, that wanted and was easily handing themself to him. How could he let it go? He remembered watching the man walk from the auditorium only days ago. Much like that he supposed.

 

Since Dan couldn’t let his voice draw him to the person, his body lead him. He could see the person in his mind in the form of their desperation. They hung from a cliff, their hands reaching toward Dan. The loneliness and fear was etched in their face. Dan pitied the person so deeply. He walked towards the mental image. His own heart strands were stretched out too. They pulled him until he was connected to this person by their conglomeration of pain and understanding.

 

Dans eyes flickered open and he realized he had walked across the room and had his hand laid flat against the mirror on the wall. He paused his song, starring at his hand and then his reflection. He sang to it the song that should be given to the powerless human he had connected to. The person only wanted to be loved. If they could just feel loved, all their problems would fade away. They’d be happy again. I love you, Dan wanted to tell them. I love you because I understand you and I am sorry that something as important to you as love has disappeared. He sang these things in a way, but it was pointless. He was even using the words that fit so perfectly. It was exactly what the person of this sad heart need to hear and more importantly what he wished desperately someone would say to him, but Dan was only singing to his reflection.

 

Someday I promise you

Someday I’ll make it true

Someway till the end of time

I’ll join your heart with mine

I’ve got this feeling you and I belong like sea and sky

 

 

Phil

 

Phil watched as the boy began singing. He skin prickled without even hearing the sound of his voice. The songbird was beautiful, and no doubt his voice was too. The boy had his eyes closed, head raised, and hands stretched out before him gesturing with his song. Phil held his breath as the boy slowly walked up to the mirror and opened his eyes, never stopping his voice. He made direct eye contact with Phil as though he knew he was there, even placing his hand against the glass. Kit sat there silently beside him seeming to also hold her breath. The songbirds mouth held a long note that made him close his eyes once more. His throat vibrated with his apparent volume and intensity. Phil watched, entirely entranced until the songbird closed his mouth, opened his eyes and stared at the floor before the mirror, a sad expression on his face. His hand dropped to his side.

 

A hand grazed Phil’s shoulder. “It’s time to go now Phil.” Kit said. Her tone was low and he wondered if she was as affected by the silent song as he was. Phil did not want to leave. Not yet. He wanted to see what the songbird did next. But Kit was standing, and reaching her hand to him. He stood, glancing back one more time.

 

 

Dan

“He’s gone. You...you took him away. I did what you said Clair. I sang his song without healing him. Now let me heal him.” He pleaded.

 

Clair shook her head, her eyes sad. “I’m sorry Dan. You can’t.”

 

Dan’s next breath shuttered in his chest. Before he could stop them tears were falling down his cheeks once again. “He’s hurting so bad.” He said softly. He met Clairs eyes and searched them. He narrowed his at her. “It’s because you don’t understand. You can’t feel him. Not really. He’s just a person to you. You don’t care do you? You’re not a songbird, you don’t have the right to even be training me!”

 

At that moment Kit walked through the door. Feeling the tension she quietly shut the door. “What’s going on?”

 

“He doesn’t understand why we won’t let him heal that person.”

 

“It’s because you don’t understand. There’s no way you could. If you knew how bad he was hurting you would let me because you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself otherwise.” Dan shot at them. He wanted to hurt them so badly. He searched their strands and did indeed find the pain he caused but he was taken aback when he also found the root of that pain being love.

 

“We wouldn’t be here if we didn’t care Dan.” Clair said rationally.

 

Dan felt defeated for the second time that week. His shoulders sagged. “I know.” He said quietly.

 

“I know it’s hard Dan. And if you can’t do this...if you can’t be a songbird then no one would blame you. We can...we can start training PJ or even one of the small children. This does not have to be left up to you.”

 

Dan recognized what she was telling him. This would not be the only person he was not allowed to heal. And that old man would not be the only one he wasn’t capable of fixing. As a songbird he would have to be loyal to his master and that was it. That would be his life. It did not sound ideal. But the other choice was staying here at the Song House. His training would most certainly come to an end. He would essentially be useless. And he would never heal a person again. What kind of life was that?

 

“No, Clair, I can do it. I understand. I do. I will be a good songbird.”

 

“We’re so proud of you and you will be an amazing songbird.” Clair hugged him tightly. He didn’t have the energy to return it but she knew he was grateful for the comfort.

 

“One more thing before you go Dan.” Kit interjected. Dan stepped away from Clair and faced Kit.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What moved you to want to heal this person? Why was it so important to you?”

 

Dan thought it was so obvious he couldn’t believe she had to ask. “Because I love him. He had something very dear to him ripped away, sometime between the last time he was here and now. Something I don’t think anyone could live without.”

 

“And what was that?”

 

“Love. He doesn’t feel loved at all. I think that’s the saddest emotion I’ve encountered. I can’t imagine not feeling loved by someone. I would be...empty. His song is love because he wishes to have it so badly that if he doesn’t get it, I believe it will destroy him. But I love him because I understand his need for it perfectly. I loved the old man too you know.” Dan nodded purposely. “If everyone just loved one another...well then we would all be songbirds.”

 

 

Clair and Kit stayed in the room long after Dan had left. They had to much to talk about. Dan had made leaps and bounds the last couple of weeks.

 

“Kit...he’s ready.” Clair said. The words made her sad. She’d been like a mother to Dan since the day he was brought here. The thought of seeing him go was heartbreaking. She had never even met who his master would be. What if he was a bad one? “What if...” She started. Kit knew what she was thinking.

 

“Believe me I know. It’s crossed my mind too. The one hope I have is that Phil is trustworthy. He’s a gentle soul and if he were working for a terrible king, his heart would not be strong enough. For that reason, I have more confidence. And we’ll get to see him once a year, remember?”

 

“Yes, you’re right. The annual check up.” She sighed heavily. “I suppose there is nothing we can really do about it now. And todays sessions is exactly what we needed to see from him. Kind of...” She rubbed anxiously at her face. “His feelings for this ‘invisible’ person are stronger than I meant to initiate. Kit, what if he sings his song?”

 

Kit was quiet for a moment. “So what if he does?” The words were dangerous, she knew.

 

“Kit...”

 

“I know, I know. He needs to connect to the king and whatever but I have this feeling about Dan. The king could use him Clair. I think Dan could change an entire nation with his voice and why should we stop him?”

 

“Even what you just said is true and right, which is something I can’t think about right now considering it’s against the law, even so Phil is the first outside person he will spend an extended amount of time with. It’s just bad timing is all. He’s the kings songbird. We need to remind him of that.”

 

“He’ll have the self restraint.” Kit said the words but it was as though she were trying to convince herself of them.

 

 

 

Dan sat cross legged on the far side of the lake watching the water ripple and listening to its gentle slaps against the shore. It was cold and his breath billowed out in front of him but he didn’t mind. He was quietly singing a soothing tune that the teachers taught to the young children. He sang it too as young child and memories of it made him smile. It was the first song he’d been taught that also taught him to feel the strands of emotions around him. It was called The Song of the Sea. Dan wondered then if there was a sea where his master lived. Did it really have a song?

 

Dan had changed so much over his training the last six months or so. He couldn’t even be considered the same person. The person he was before wouldn’t have had the patience or the desire to sit and listen to the sounds of nature. The people he’d met, the feelings he’d cured, they had shown him how much sadness there was in the world. But also how much beauty. Nature contained beauty in a different way that humans did but it was beauty nonetheless. Even PJ had noted major differences in his friend.

 

“They are good differences though.” He had said after mentioning it at breakfast a few mornings ago.

 

“Maybe, but sometimes I feel so strange. Like I don’t belong here anymore.” The thought was distressing.

 

“Perhaps thats a good thing considering you’ll be leaving us. It won’t make it so difficult.”

 

“Kit and Clair have been acting so weird though. Their feelings are...strange. And we haven’t been training for three weeks now. They said I deserved a break. What does that mean? Have I failed the training? I know it’s been different ever since that one session but PJ, they wouldn’t let me fix him.” Obviously the emotions from that day were still raw in him. “I’ve never been denied fixing someone before and it was so hard.”

 

PJ had patted his back and sang quietly to him. The students around them had watched from the corner of their eyes, their ears perked toward the rare public singing songbird and Dan had melted in the comfort slightly.

 

Dan finished his song of the sea just as he heard sticks cracking and rocks sliding from a ways away. He glanced to his right and squinted into the sun. Two figures on horse back were making their way down the steep hill toward the Song House. Curiosity poked at him and watched them the entire way. Who were they? What were they doing here? A part of him wanted to run up and ask. The person he was before would have. But now he was more cautious and patient. Once the two were nearly to the entrance Dan stood and followed


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan begins his new life as a songbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the pov changes a lot in this and some find that annoying, sorry! I didn’t know how else to tell it!

Phil

Phil had not known what to expect when he arrived back at home after his last visit at the Song House. He stood outside of the front door, unable to open it for quite some time. His heart pounded and he trembled slightly. He wasn’t sure whether Charlie was home or not and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be or not.

 

“Will you come inside already? I’m not going to bite!”

 

Phil jumped when the voice yelled from inside. He swallowed but there was no procrastinating it now. He turned the knob and walked in, closing the door quietly behind him. Charlie was sitting at the dinner table. His back hunched, his hair askew, and bags under his eyes.

 

“What, got nothing to say?” Charlie slurred. Phil didn’t see evidence of alcohol so he thought it must be exhaustion in his tone. 

 

“I...well...” He clamped his mouth shut. No, he did not have anything to say. Nothing would guarantee that Charlie wouldn’t react physically or with screaming and insults.

 

Charlie exhaled and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s okay. You did nothing wrong Phil. I’m...I’m sorry.”

 

It had been so long since he had heard an apology from his partner for anything that he didn’t know how to react. The man in front of him looked almost as broken as Phil himself felt. And he loved Charlie so much. He was afraid to speak the words again in fear of being accused otherwise though.

 

“I love you so much Charlie.” His voice cracked with the effort and he waited.

 

“I know you do. I really do. More than I could ever possibly deserve.” A shutter went through Charlie and Phil dropped his suit case to go to him as the tears fell. He wrapped his arms around him tightly. Charlie didn’t hesitate to return it, clinging to Phil. Phil pulled him to his feet so that he could kiss him and the action seemed to be exactly what Charlie needed. He buried his face into Phils’s neck and sobbed. “Please forgive me. Please just one more time forgive me.”

 

“Of course I forgive you Charlie. I couldn’t love you without forgiving you.”

 

“I missed you so much. I hate when you leave, you know that?”

 

Phil chuckled lightly. “Yeah I know. You got me for another month though. And one day I won’t be making anymore of these trips. It’s temporary.”

 

Charlie took a step back but still hung onto Phil. “I’m not letting you go until I have to then.”

 

“Good.” Phil smiled and kissed him deeply. As it often did when he returned from his journey, kissing turned into petting and stroking and soon he was beneath Charlie in their bed surrounded by bliss and pleasure.

 

 

Charlie didn’t let Phil leave the house for days. He insisted on Phil’s constant physical attention. Phil didn’t see it as being anything more than his partners way of making up for what he had done. He had to admit though that Charlie seemed rougher than usual. He’d always been one to mark Phil during sex but the last few days he’d littered Phil so full of small bruises that the enjoyment of it hadn’t lingered as before. Charlie also ignored the deep purple bruises he had caused with his fists. Things like this confused Phil. It’s just the way he is, he doesn’t realize is all, Phil told himself.

 

 

Another month had passed. It was cold now. He rode beside Alex as they approached the Song House once again. The two chatted in a friendly manner. Phil was glad the man hadn’t stayed as distant as he had seemed the first two trips.

 

“How long will you be coming up here anyway?” Alex asked, leaning back as they traversed the steep hill.

 

“Wish I could tell you. When the songbirds ready, they’ll send him back with me I guess.”

 

Alex snorted. “That’s some serious preparation for someone who just needs to have a good voice.”

 

“It’s much more than that though. I don’t understand all of it but-” Phil stopped mid sentence. He pulled his horse to a stop.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Shh.” Phil told him and gestured for him to stop as well. Alex was reluctant but obeyed. “Listen. Do you hear that?” Far away Phil could hear someone singing. He was sure of it. The voice was high and barely distinguishable but it was definitely singing.

 

“Must be one of the students. Huh. They sound good.” Alex admitted.

 

Phil couldn’t hear the words but he smiled. One day he’d hear his kings songbird. He dreamed of the day so often sometimes when he woke he wondered if they were memories instead.The voice stopped and the two continued to the Song House’s arch.

 

Normally when Phil walked through the doorway it took several minutes for someone to arrive. This time Kit and another women whom Phil recognized instantly as one of Dan’s teachers was waiting for him there. Their hands clasped together in front, a kind smile on both of their faces.

 

“Hi, I wasn’t expecting someone here.” Phil said in surprise.

 

“We’ve been anxious for your arrival.” Kit said.

 

“Oh?”

 

“It’s time Phil. Dan is ready for your king as his songbird.” Clair announced happily.

 

The words took a moment to click. “He’s ready? Are you serious? I take him with me today?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That’s incredible! The king will be so happy!” Phil spun in an excited circle. It was finally happening!

 

“We haven’t told him yet. That’s part of the whole process. He won’t have many possessions to take though so it won’t be long. If you can just wait here by the fireplace we will retrieve-” Kit stopped mid sentence and was looking passed Phil at something. “Dan? What were you doing out there?” She laughed kindly.

 

Phil turned to see the familiar brown haired songbird standing just a few feet from him. He was staring calmly but directly into Phil’s eyes. He was unblinking for several long seconds until finally he looked at his teachers.

 

“I am leaving today?” Dan asked. His voice was delicate and gentle. It was exactly what Phil had expected since the day he saw him behind that one way mirror.

 

“Yes Daniel, you are. You will be in your masters presence in two days time. Are you ready?” Clair asked him.

 

“If I wasn’t, you wouldn’t be sending me.”

 

The teachers smiled at him, a pleased expression on their faces. “Would you please go pack your things then? I imagine you will want to also say a goodbye to PJ. Don’t take long though. Phil will be waiting. This is-”

 

“I know who this is.” Dan stated simply, starring fixedly at Phil again. Phil had not anticipated what standing before the songbird would be like. Dan knew him, he realized. He had noticed when Phil was there even through a wall. He had sang to Phil, even if Phil hadn’t been able to hear the words.

 

He could only breath again when the songbird had looked away from him.

 

 

Kit had been right. It did not take long for Dan to return with a small pack over his shoulder and a blank look on his face. Phil tried not to read into the expression too much. He had to remember that this was Dan’s home, he had never left it, and until just a bit ago he hadn’t known he was leaving it. He must have a lot of thoughts going through his head right now.

 

Phil watched as Dan embraced Kit and Clair lovingly. “We will see you next year Dan, we promise. Enjoy your new life.” He simply nodded at them before facing Phil.

 

“I’m ready.”

 

 

Dan

 

Dan had never been on a horse before. He sat uncomfortable and tense behind his masters messenger, Phil, also known as the person Dan was not allowed to heal. Of course Dan could not resist testing Phil’s emotional strands despite knowing it would only be hard for him to pull away. Compared to several weeks ago Phil’s strands had changed only ever so slightly. It was as if they were loosely bandaged now. Very loosely. Like how a broken piano key might push down and even play a dull note but has to be manually pulled back up.

 

Phil remained mostly quiet for the entire ride. Dan was sore and unsure so he was actually glad for the silence. He enjoyed listening to the sounds of the forest and the horses hooves clopping along the dirt. There was another man with them who also rode in silence but had glanced over at Dan multiple times.

 

When several small structures suddenly came into view Dan sat straighter and peered around Phil’s shoulder. “Is this the city?” He asked tentatively.

 

“No. This is just a town outside of the Song House. It’s very tiny. Where we’re going...well, you’ll see.” Dan could hear Phils smile in his voice. “When we get back to this town we will sleep a night in a motel. Tomorrow morning we get on a train. You’ll get to meet the king tomorrow evening.”

 

“The king? Is he my master?” So many words Phil said Dan did not know.

 

“Yes. Do you know who the king is?”

 

“No.” Dan said flatly. The word meant nothing to him. Phil laughed at this. It wasn’t a cruel laugh. Dan knew for a fact that this man didn’t have a cruel thought or intention in all his body so he was not offended. 

 

“The king is the ruler of our land here. He cares for the people and protects us. He’s a good man.”

 

They finally did reach the small town. Dan watched with interest as Phil handed Alex several coins after dismounting.

 

“This is way too much Phil.” Alex shook his head and handed the things back. Phil pushed his enclosed fist away.

 

“Please take it. I consider you a friend. Maybe we will see each other again. “

 

“You’re a good man Phil. Too good for this world.” Alex shook his head and put the coins in a pouch hanging from the horse. So Alex knows this about Phil too? He thought as he stroked the long nose of the horse. The men shook hands before going separate ways.

 

“Lets go then Dan.” Phil smiled at him and guided Dan with a hand on his shoulder. They walked a short distance to a building where Phil asked for two rooms and handed the women behind the counter a coin. They were handed keys and lead down a long dark hallway.

 

“This will be your room.” Phil unlocked one of the doors and held it open. “Go on.” He gestured for Dan to enter when he hesitated. Inside, the room had a bed bigger than what Dan was used to. It had a red checkered patterned quit atop it. It was already warmer in here than Dan was used to feeling in the winter. “Is it going to be okay?”

 

Dan set his pack down. “Yes, of course. Thank you.”

 

“I’ll be next door if you need anything okay? I’ll knock on the door to wake you early in the morning. Can I get you anything now?”

 

“No, I’m fine. See you in the morning.” Dan had never had a room to himself. When Phil closed the door he felt vulnerable and a little lost. He stood there with his arms crossed and wondered if other songbirds had felt the same way their first few hours away from the Song House. He knew he should be hungry but the last thing he wanted to think about just then was food.

 

Eventually Dan did move. He simply crawled under the warm blankets and stared into the darkness of his room. His thoughts were so chaotic and excitable he suspected sleep would never come. However tomorrow would be a long day so he hummed himself a lullaby and finally fell asleep.

 

Phil

 

Phil watched Dan sniff at his croissant before taking a bite with a bit of cheese. “Do you like it?”

 

“It’s amazing. “ Dan moaned and quickly took another bite.

 

Phil smiled. “I know it’s not exactly food fit for a songbird but this town doesn’t have much in way of breakfast.”

 

“It’s amazing.” Dan repeated and Phil laughed. If croissants were all the songbird needed to be happy then he’d have an easier job than he thought.

 

“We’ll have to eat on the go. The train leaves in a few minutes.”

 

 

 

On the train Phil smiled as the songbird gawked at the earth racing past them.

 

“This is incredible. How is it possible?”

 

They were the only ones on the train. Phil had counted on that. Kit had explained to him as well as she could about how Dan’s skill worked. She told him that he had never been around multiple ‘outside’ people, as she had described the world, and that the intensity of the world’s emotions compared to those in the Song House would be a shock to him. She made it clear that if at all possible he should be slowly introduced and watched carefully. She said Dan would know what to do if he got overwhelmed but Phil was still worried about taking anything too quickly. Right now at least Dan seemed perfectly content.

 

“Glad you’re enjoying it because we have a long way to go.”

 

Dan

 

Dan was glad to have the distraction of the fast moving world around him. Otherwise he might have sat in a corner wide eyed and terrified from all the new things he was seeing. The barrage of Phil’s worry did not help his overwhelmed state. He pushed the pleading emotions away every time but it was not easy. After several hours of staring out the window he found himself tired. He sat back in his chair. Phil leaned seemingly content against the cushions but Dan knew better. He needed another distraction.

 

“What will it be like where I’m going?”

 

Phil turned his attention to Dan. “It’s very nice. You’ll like it. You’re going to be treated like royalty.”

 

The term meant nothing to Dan. “Will I be in my own room?”

 

“Of course.” Phil replied as if it was obvious.

 

“Mhm. What if I don’t want my own room?” Dan had a sudden longing for PJ. It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours. He couldn’t allow himself to be home sick already.

 

“Well...” Phil didn’t seem to have an answer. “I guess that’s something you’ll have to discuss with the king but I think you’ll enjoy it.”

 

Dan looked back out the window. “I’ve never had my own room.” He said quietly.

 

“Dan? Are you feeling okay?”

 

Dan smiled at this mans obvious concern for others. He really should be showing for concern for himself. He was on the edge of a cliff and didn’t even realize it. “I’m fine Phil. I just don’t know what to expect.”

 

“I don’t think any of us do. It’s not exactly common to see a songbird. You’re going to be like a celebrity.”

 

“Do you mean that people will like me?” Dan was trying to figure out the meanings to all these new words.

 

“I should think so. Especially when they hear you sing.”

 

“How can you know? You’ve never heard me sing either.” Dan questioned.

 

“No, I suppose I haven’t. But there is nothing to worry about, I assure you.”

 

Dan could not take such assurance from someone as worried as Phil.

 

By the afternoon, several people had gotten onto the train. The further they went, the more that joined them. At first Dan ignored them. He felt their strong emotions but he was not so intent on fixing anyone right now. Eventually though, the amount of emotions pulsing around him made him claustrophobic and he eyed everyone that got on or walked by. Before he’d realized it he was shoved as close against the window as possible. His gaze flickered from person to person, outwardly shushing their strands.

 

“Dan? Dan are you okay?” Phil asked. When Dan didn’t respond he felt a hand on his wrist. He looked down at it.

 

“I don’t know. There’s so many.”

 

“I know, I’m sorry. We will be in the city in just a couple of hours.”

 

Suddenly all Dan remembered of a city was that there were a lot of people. “There are a lot of people in a city...” He stated worryingly.

 

“Kit told me that you might feel this way. Are you overwhelmed?”

 

“Yes.” He answered before even thinking. Dan said simply, pursing his lips. His breath quickened as a particularly troubled person boarded. He covered his eyes but that only brightened the path to the strands around him.

 

“Kit said that you would know what to do if you felt overwhelmed but she didn’t tell me what it was. Do you know?” Phil’s voice was so calm compared to how Dan was feeling that he actually forgot how troubled Phil himself was. Kit said that he would know what to do? What did she mean by that? Dan thought back to his lessons, searched for an answer. What would he do if he felt overwhelmed at the Song House, like after the man he couldn’t cure? He would go to PJ and PJ would sing to him. But PJ couldn’t sing to him. Dan dropped his hands from his face as the answer clicked. When they wouldn’t allow PJ to sing to him Dan sang to himself. Kit and Clair had taught him to heal himself so that he could continue healing. Now he understood the importance of that time.

 

Dan closed his eyes again, focused on the space only immediately around him and began to sing very quietly to himself. Dan didn’t have many songs and since he’d never felt this way before the song was new to him.

 

 

Phil

 

Phil listened as Dan sang softly. If he hadn’t been sitting directly across from him he wouldn’t have been able to hear it. It was a beautiful song. He did not recognize the words, it sounded like another language, but it was the most beautiful tune he’d ever heard. The melody was slow and lingering on each syllable. Dan’s voice was smooth and effortless. Phil saw him physically relax as he went on which made Phil relax. He’d been so worried for the songbird. He seemed fragile but he knew that couldn’t be. How could anyone know the emotions of others and be fragile? They’d break too easily.

 

Dan finished his song and slowly opened his eyes. The panicked boy was gone and he’d returned to his calm stature.

 

“Better?”

 

“Much.” Dan sighed.

 

 

They finally reached the city. They exited the train and entered a crowd of people waiting to get on. It was late now and there was an icy chill to the air. Dan had almost immediately started singing to himself once more. Phil grabbed the songbirds wrist and kindly pulled him through the crowd. People looked at the boy with curiosity. Almost as though he looked familiar but couldn’t place it. His long gown looked strange amongst the people but also seemed to demand a kind of respect.

 

“Almost out of the station.” Phil told Dan. They maneuvered through the maze of bodies until they had finally exited the station. Dan let out a quick relieving breath beside him. 

 

“Now what?” Dan asked, sounding exhausted now that they were on the corner of a street where lights flashed, cars honked and sped by, people yelled and laughed and cried. It was a typical night in the city.

 

“Now we get a taxi.” Phil was waving at the cars. One stopped and he urged Dan to get in. Before he knew it they were off, the outside world buzzing past him again. At least it was quiet now though. He continued to hum his song, stopping only when he saw the last of the tall buildings disappear. They were replaced by rolling hills and slowly falling snow. Dan leaned his head against the window and was nearly asleep when Phil touched his elbow.

 

“We need to walk the rest of the way. We’re nearly there, I promise.”

 

 

Dan seemed to follow Phil uncomprehendingly up the cobblestone path to the palace. He kept looking back at the songbird with a frown. He thought about asking if he was okay several times but Dan was in fact a man and capable of taking care of himself. Again Phil reminded himself of the songbirds ignorance and how new everything was.

 

“Phil.” Dan asked behind him.

 

“Yes?” Phil answered quickly, ready to do anything requested of him to help.

 

“Stop worrying so much. You’re giving me an actual head ache with all your...your...feelings.”

 

That had not been the kind of request he was expecting and it just so happened to be the only one he couldn’t oblige. “Sorry...I know I worry a lot. I don’t know how not too. I just know how new everything is and I hope you’re okay.”

 

“I’m fine, really. Just need to be in some peace and quiet and sleep for a while.”

 

“Understandable. The king will certainly want to see you but perhaps I can convince him to make it a short visit.”

 

They reached the official palace grounds. One of guards standing at the gate entrance recognized Phil and opened it. “Phil.” He nodded. “I will let the king know you are here.”

 

“Thank you. Tell him I have brought the songbird. He will want to see him.” Phil explained.

 

The guards eyes widened at Dan, amazement coating his expression. “Of course Phil. And welcome, songbird.”

 

Up the marble stairs they went, passing pillars, plants, and more guards. Dan was looking more attentive now and his eyes flickered from one thing to the next. “It may not be as splendid as the Song House, but pretty close.”

 

“It’s magnificent.” Dan replied.

 

They stood just outside of the entrance. “Are you ready?” Phil smiled at him and Dan nodded in return. He opened the door and let the songbird go first. Phil was so used to walking into the palace that he often had to make himself just stop and look. He did that now alongside Dan. They looked up at the high domed ceiling etched with gold and at the statues in corners, magnificent chandeliers, and hanging hand painted landscapes. There were three hallways, just as the Song House was designed. Phil chuckled when Dan bent to touch his fingers to the red patterned carpet.

 

“You didn’t have carpet in the Song House did you?”

 

“No. No wonder it’s so warm in here.”

 

Phil didn’t think it was important to mention that such thing as heat and air con existed. “Lets get going shall we? We can do tours tomorrow.”

 

Dan nodded and followed him closely down the hallway directly ahead. They traversed several hallways, paused a few times because Dan couldn’t help it and Phil didn’t have the heart to drag him along. They came to two massive white doors traced with gold.

 

“I’m not sure if the king is here yet but we can go ahead and go on in.” Phil gestured Dan forward and walked into the throne room behind him, his heart beating fast with excitement.

 

Dan had stopped only a few feet into the room. His hands clasped together in front of him, his pack over his shoulder and his eyes wide. Phil wondered if he would begin singing to himself again but he was focused straight ahead on the king. Phil nodded at the king who had two guards standing on either side of him and then nudged Dan forward. The king stood, a childlike smile on his face. Dan walked forward slowly so Phil kept pace with him. The king approached them, meeting in the middle. He looked at the songbird as if expecting him to have a spirit body rather than one as normal as a humans. As if an angel was standing before him and not just a beautiful boy half his age.

 

“My songbird.” The king sighed contentedly. He placed his hands on Dan’s cheeks, stroking them before resting his palms on the boys shoulders. “You are finally here.” Phil saw Dan swallow, his eyes flickering and unsure of where to look. “You are beautiful Daniel. You are everything I could have hoped for. The Song House has done me good and I have yet to hear your songs. How was your journey?” The king dropped his arms and relaxed his posture slightly.

 

“It was fine.” Dan said simply, glancing at Phil briefly.

 

“I have no doubt Phil took care of you. He’s my most trustworthy.”

 

“Yes, he’s very kind.”

 

“Daniel I have been waiting so long and having you here finally is surreal. Will you please sing me a song?”

 

“A song or your song?” Dan asked tentatively. The king cocked his head.

 

“I would think just-”

 

Phil cleared his throat, getting the kings attention.

 

“Yes Phil?” He asked expectantly.

 

“I’m sorry to interrupt but the songbird has had a very long two days and is rather exhausted. I simply suggest that you give him some time, even just a day, to rest.”

 

“Mmhm. You are right Phil. My apologies songbird. I have been awaiting you so long. I am being selfish. Please forgive me. Please, let Phil show you your prepared quarters and we will do this at another time.” He gave the songbird one last longing glance before turning away.

 

Phil placed a hand on Dan’s elbow and guided him from the room.

 

“Thank you.” Dan sighed. “I could have done it though, really.”

 

“I’m sure. But no doubt you will be at your best with some rest. Your room is toward the back. You have a wonderful view of the palace garden from your window. There will be a guard in this vicinity at all times.” Phil new that it felt like they were walking a maze to Dan. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to where things are after some time but you might get lost at first.”

 

“Yes.” Dan agreed as they turned another corner that lead them to a dead end door.

 

“Here we are.”

 

Dan

 

Dan had never seen anything like the palace. But his room especially was more than his eye could truly take in. It had a soft blue theme. There was a fireplace, a large mirror hanging above it The wall paper was mostly white but had speckles of blue, the carpet was plush and clean. There was a lush chair facing a window along with a small table. A desk with a stack of paper and some coloring utensils took over one corner. And then there was the bed. A blue canopy encircled it and Dan could not believe for a second that the entire thing was just for him. It was too much. It was the size of a dozen rooms at the Song House.

 

“Your bathroom is just over there.” Phil pointed to a simple white door. “And you can keep your clothes there.” He walked over and opened a drawer to a large dresser. Dan knew he would never enough gowns to fill it. “I hope you like the decorations. I wasn’t sure what you would like. And I put the paper and paint and colored pencils there just to keep you from getting bored until you could tell me what you do with your spare time.”

 

“You did this?” Dan asked, raising his eyebrows and setting down his possessions.

 

“Yeah.” Phil smiled proudly. “It was fun. I’ve had it ready since the first time I went to the Song House because we thought you’d be coming home straight away to us. With the time though I’ve been able to do more with it. Of course if you want to change anything we can do that. It wouldn’t be a problem.”

 

“I think I need a bigger bed.” Dan joked. He felt Phil freeze for a moment.

 

“Um...yeah, I can do that. Sure, no problem.”

 

“Phil I’m joking. I could fit ten people in that thing.”

 

“Oh.” Phil sounded surprised and managed a small laugh.“I guess I’ll leave you then. I’ll have someone bring up a snack, you must be starving. Then I’ll send a guard to watch your room. I’ll get you up for breakfast but I’ll let you sleep in.”

 

“Okay, thank you. I’ll be fine though, you know. You don’t need to send food or a guard.” Dan insisted.

 

“Well, the foods easy and the guard is a requirement.” Phil laughed.

 

Dan really was exhausted. His eyelids were heavy and he felt a yawn coming on. Yet the thought of being alone in the silence again like last night wasn’t very appealing. “Well, thanks again. You’ve been nice to have around. Where is your room?”

 

Phil laughed shortly. “I certainly don’t live in the palace. I stay in a house with my partner, Charlie, a little ways from here. It’s a little more secluded than the city. A quiet little neighborhood.”

 

Dan didn’t even have to hum to feel the sudden tension that straightened Phil. His entire aura changed. He avoided Dans eyes and shifted from foot to foot. “Your partner?” Dan asked, careful to observe so that he didn’t push it. He didn’t wish to hurt the man anymore than he was. He did however, wish to understand.

 

“Yes, I have a boyfriend.” Phil smiled but it wasn’t very genuine. Not like how Clair smiled when she spoke of John.

 

“Oh, that’s great.” Dan smiled. Awkward silence followed and now Dan was stepping from foot to foot.

 

“Yup. Alright I’ll be going now. I have another walk and ride home.”

 

“In this weather?” Dans eyes widened.

 

Phil shrugged. “I’m used to it. It’s kind of nice actually.”

 

Dan sensed relief from him but without digging he couldn’t tell why that was. And he really did need to sleep. Maybe his tiredness was affecting his sensing. “Alright, see you in the morning then Phil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone so much for reading up to this point! I appreciate and need you all! :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again i reccomend going to the links i include for the songs! It helps visualize it better and they are so pretty, seriously. Leave a comment about how you felt about the chapter, thanks! :)

Phil

 

“You’re back!” Charlie hugged Phil tightly to him and Phil laughed.

 

“Glad to be back.” He dropped his bag and hugged Charlie back. He’d been so needy since their fight. Phil wasn’t sure if he’d ever get used to that. He also didn’t believe that it would last long and sometimes the way Charlie clung was more controlling than loving but Phil absorbed it all the same.

 

“I made dinner.” He said proudly.

 

“You did?!” Phil asked in surprise.

 

“I wasn’t sure when you’d be back so you’ll have to warm it up but yeah.”

 

“That’s incredible Charlie. Thank you so much. I am so tired.” Phil wasn’t sure if he could stay awake long enough to eat but when he saw the discouraged look on his partners face he gave in. “But I’ll eat. I’m starving.” They ate and Charlie made love to him needfully. Phil wondered if this would still happen now that he wouldn’t be gone for several days every month. Would they simply got back to the way things were before? Either way, Charlie was thrilled to hear that the trips were done and that Phil was all his again.

 

 

In the morning Phil was pushing his timing. He’d slept as long as he could manage but then Charlie had drug him back into bed, again needing Phil’s physical satisfaction.

 

He ran past the guards and into the palace, stopping only when he was a few doors down from Dans bedroom door. He stopped outside of it to catch his breath before attempting a dignified knock.

 

“Come in.” Said a voice from the other side. Phil entered and soundlessly closed the door.

 

“Good morning Dan.” The songbird was sitting in the chair that overlooked the garden already dressed in his gown. “I apologize for being late, I hope you haven’t been up long.”

 

Dan shrugged and turned in his chair to face Phil. “No big deal. I was just looking.”

 

“Well, I’m sure you’re hungry. Lets go get breakfast and then I’ll give you a tour. The king will let us know when he’s ready for you.”

 

Dan

 

Dan had slept that night, though it was a fitful one full of weird dreams. He woke up still tired and very lost. There had never been a time in his life where he didn’t wake to hear PJ sleeping below him and the cold marble walls of the Song House glittering at him when the sun shown through the window in their room. He knew nothing else and so when he opened his eyes to a large brightened room he momentarily panicked. His poor heart had been through more in the last forty-eight hours than it had its entire life. And he had a feeling this was just the beginning. Already be missed being around the constant songs of the Song House. He missed being able to hum just because it was enjoyable and not because he needed to in order to stay sane. He had only had about twenty minutes to himself when Phil knocked on his door. Another day in his new life had begun.

 

Phil showed him how to call up food from his room and then made him do it for his breakfast.

 

“Should I order you something as well?” Dan asked tentatively.

 

“No, no. I eat before I get here and bring my own food. I’m not technically thought of as staff of the palace.” Phil explained.

 

While Dan sat at his table and ate a beautifully made omelet Phil explained how his schedule might go from day to day. “So essentially you’re free to do what you want, when you want. But if the king requests you-”

 

“Be there.” Dan finished his sentence.

 

Phil smiled. “Yes. He might have further instructions that I am unaware of. I’m sure he’ll let you know when we see him today.”

 

After breakfast Phil lead Dan around the palace. There was hallway after hallway. The Song House was large and had hallways but there was a simple layout. This place was just a maze with no logic. “I’m never going to know where I am going.” Dan said as he spun in circle trying to find how they had come into this room even.

 

“I know, it’s a lot at first. But give a few months and you’ll know this place better than anyone.”

 

They were walking the outside of a the palace when a guard approached them to let them know the king was ready for his songbird. Dan felt so much better in comparison to last night that he could allow himself to be excited this time. His master had been eager to hear his voice so no doubt Dan would be singing today. For that he was grateful.

 

They traversed back through the palace to the same room Dan had been brought to the previous night to meet his master. The room was bright today though and it felt much more comfortable be in. His master, the king, sat on an elaborate chair on the other side of the room as before. Dan had not had the energy to search the air for the mans strands last night so he hummed softly as he and Phil approached to get a feel for them. His quick assessment revealed much sadness and he felt his own heart tug painfully in unison with the feeling.

 

Dan spoke first this time. “Master, I am ready to serve you today.” He bowed.

 

The man closed his pained eyed and shook his head. “Oh songbird, I do not wish you to serve me. I wish you to make me the best man I can be so that I may properly serve my people as I once have. Can you do this?”

 

“Yes. I believe I can.”

 

The kings head hung and a sound like a sob escaped his throat. “Thank you.”

 

Dan approached the king, Phil reached out to stop him but just missed his arm. Dan knelt before his despairing master and placed a hand on the mans. The king looked up in surprise and met his eyes. Dan could see that this man wasn’t nearly as old as he looked. Perhaps only a few years older than Clair. “You are very sad Master.” Dan whispered to the man.

 

“Yes.” The king responded weakly.

 

“Let me help you.”

 

“I-I will. What do I need to do? Wait...Guards, please leave us. Just for a while. Phil, you as well.”

 

Everyone left the large room and Dan stood, his hand still on the mans. As if he’d been instructed to, the king stood with him. He was a humble man Dan realized, he would likely follow any direction Dan gave him, just glad to not be the one in control for that moment.

 

“You do not need to do anything Master. But I would prefer if I can stand.”

 

“Yes of course, do whatever makes you comfortable.”

 

“You might prefer to sit though.” Dan suggested, knowing the way having your emotions dragged from you could make you feel.

 

“Okay.” The man carefully sat back down. He was very nervous, they always were. Dan understood though. They were making themselves entirely vulnerable to a stranger. The king trusted him completely though, that was evident.

 

“Master, you are not a natural leader are you?” Dan asked kindly.

 

The king laughed dispondently. “No, I would say not.”

 

“You’re just a follower forced into the position of a leader. That can put a lot of unnatural stress someone. It forces you to be someone you are not for most hours of the day.”

 

The king looked at him incredulously. “Yes.”

 

Dan took a deep breath and closed his eyes, already feeling serene with the buzz of his own voice about to come forth. “There is something else that is stronger in you though. It’s doing more damage than even you not being able to be yourself. Just listen.” He instructed quietly. Another few breaths and Dan began the song with humming. The songs always started slow and unsure until he found the right tune, the right words, and the right voice.

 

The kings strands were as easy to follow as a child’s. He was so desperate to feel happy again that it took Dan only a second to locate the ones that needed healing. Dan decided to start with the most damaged strand of all. He plucked at it, traveled up it as the song came to fruition in his mind. He opened his mouth and the real song began.

 

They say love can take you far

Be yourself and there you are

Once in a lifetime, when will she be mine, heaven knows

 

Dan kept his voice fluid and soft. How he sang this mans song was very important. the king was like a cracked vase that desperately wanted to shatter. Dan’s voice was sweet and reassuring as he dug deeper into the sadness.

 

Love can take you

Up the mountains, down below

Day or night she won’t let go

 

Abruptly Dan discovered the reason behind the sadness. Grief. A mournfulness surrounded by grey with seemingly no way out. Death of someone dear to his heart. Someone he loved so dearly that even though they were nonexistent in this world now, his heart still had strands attached to them. Dan’s own voice broke as he understood the sorrowfulness that lived within this person.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUKvLqzIeOM I Only Know How to Love-The Canadian Tenors

Love like a warm wind

Sworn to the feeling

Need to know

 

Dan himself had never experienced an emotion as deep as this mans love for this person. It was almost as though they were one being. He sang to his own heart for a moment, bringing his and the kings in unison so he could better understand this new emotion.

 

What does it feel like?

When can I say?

It’s the furthest I’ve ever been, and I found a way

What does it sound like? When will I know...

How does it feel like, letting go?

 

Aw, there it was. Dan was struck with the sudden intensity of grief. Of what it would be like to have no choice but to let someone go whom you loved so much that you thought of them as being a part of you. The impossibility of it when the grief was this close to your heart. But it was possible. The man could let go without losing this person. Dan saw an opening to the saddened heart and took it. First, his song needed to remind his master what it felt like to be with the person, as if they were here right now.

 

A memory of, I only know how to love

When I dream I’m in her arms

Feeling safe and far from harm

She knows where I’ve been, places that I’ve seen

I need to know

Deep down inside, she’s here tonight by me side

 

The king shuttered under the control of Dan’s voice. Dan was bringing out the peek of his pain and it would feel unbearable but only for a moment. Only until...

 

What does it sound like?

When will I know?

How does it feel like, letting go...

 

He lingered long and loud on the last two words. They needed to strike deep into the mans heart. And they did. The king gasped and his crying stopped. It was as if someone had opened up his lungs after he’d been drowning. All Dan need to do now was finish the song.

 

A memory, I only know how to love

I only know how to love

 

Dan opened his eyes as his voice carried the last word long and high. The kings eyes were swollen and red but he was no longer crying. A occasional tremor went through him. His eyes stay connected to Dans as if afraid to look away.

 

“I can...I can let her go. But I don’t have to stop loving her.” He stated in surprise and sorrow still lingering in his voice. The sorrow was not the same as before though. It was pity for himself. Wishing so badly that he hadn't spent years of his life not being to separate those things.

 

“That’s right.” Dan encouraged him. “I didn’t take away your love for her. But you no longer have to drown yourself in misery at the thought of her. It’s okay to think of her Master. She would want you to. But she would not want to see you sad.”

 

The king nodded. “Yes, I see that now. Thank you songbird. Thank you so much.” He stood and embraced Dan, seeming more like a child than a man in charge of a nation. “I’m very tired now.”

 

“Yes I imagine you are. That’s okay. Emotions take a lot out of us, they’re messy.” Dan added a small laugh.

 

“That you are right. I’m going to retreat to my room for a while.” The man turned and walked away, still a little off from his freedom of sadness. He likely didn’t know what to do without it now. Had he ever even imagined being free of it? Most people had experienced an emotion for so long that they can’t remember a time without it. “Thank you songbird, thank you.” The man continued to say as he left the room.

 

 

Phil

 

Phil stood outside of the throne room leaning against the wall, his eyes closed and heart calm as Dan’s voice penetrated through the wall. The song wasn’t even for him and the barrier of the wall muffled him and still Phil held back tears. He knew that in that moment the king was being understood. Dan was singing just for him, to heal him. Heal him...Phil couldn’t even fathom being cured of his own distraught feelings. To know someone cared for you, understood you, loved you...It was beyond Phil’s ability to comprehend. And for that reason he found himself blinking away tears and forcing himself to stand when he heard Dan’s voice come to a stop. There was a part of him that believed he could hide his heart from the songbird. He remembered the words Dan said to him when they’d walked up the path to the palace. Dan had told him that his worrying and feelings gave him a head ache. How true was that?

 

Eventually Dan exited the throne room and Phil was there waiting. They were quiet for a moment. Dan seemed lost within himself. Was singing someones song tiring to a songbird? Did it have an effect on them? Surely it had to.

 

“Are you okay songbird? Can I get you anything?”

 

“No, nothing at all. I’m fine.” Dan finally met his eyes and smiled. He didn’t in fact look tired at all. “I feel better than I have in a while actually. You were right Phil, my master is kind. I think I will be okay here.”

 

Phil felt guilty for not having better understood how nervous the songbird probably was for the first song he sang to his master. Now that it was over no wonder he felt relief. Phil couldn’t help but ask, “How did it go?”

 

Dan raised an eyebrow at him. “As well as it always has. Your king will be much happier now.”

 

“Is he done now? Is it...over?” Phil didn’t know how to phrase his question.

 

“Do you mean do I ever have so sing to him again? Yes, of course. I only healed one strand. But it is a lot to take in. He went to rest.”

 

“Oh.” Phil furrowed his brows. He had so many questions but didn’t feel now was the time. And maybe none of it all was any of his business. He wondered what Dan meant by ‘strand.’ Kit had never mentioned that before.

 

“Can we go back outside? We didn’t get to see everything.”

 

Phil was happy to oblige a request. “Yes, of course.”

 

 

That evening Phil was summoned by the king to his quarters. Phil had been just about to head home for the evening. The songbird had been given his dinner and there was nothing more to do for that day. But of course he couldn’t refuse such a request so he quickly made his way to the kings private room. A guard stood beside the door and knocked lightly for Phil. The door opened soon after and Phil was invited in.

 

“You asked for me your majesty?”

 

The king was dressed more casually in a thick night robe but didn’t seem concerned with it in the slightest. He paced slowly across his room. “Yes, yes. I just needed to thank you Phil.”

 

It was only when the king looked at him that Phil suddenly noticed the difference in this man. He stood taller, his neck held confidently, his eyes wide and bright. It was as if someone had a lit a fire inside him and he was ready to run with it. “Sir, what for?”

 

“For bringing me my songbird.”

 

“Well of course but...”

 

“No, no. I couldn’t have trusted anyone other than you to have come through so perfectly.” The king stopped his pacing, his hands at his side. “He’s amazing Phil. His voice...but it’s more than that. I didn’t want to admit it but I was nervous. I kept thinking to myself, what if he doesn’t like me? What if my own songbird doesn’t even like me? But he does Phil, even more than that. He cares for me, maybe even loves me. I saw it in his eyes when he looked at me and in his song. My song. For a moment it was...it was like being with my wife again. But different. It was as if...” The man looked to the ceiling as if the words he were looking for would be printed there. His face lit up when he thought of the words and he grew excited. “It was like someone taking every concern and stress you’ve ever had away from you because they wanted to. I just wish everyone could have an experience like that. It’s not fair that no one else does.”

 

“I’m so glad to see you like this your majesty. You look so happy.”

 

The mans eyes teared up. “I am Phil. For the first time since my wife died, I truly am. But I don’t feel as though I’ve lost her either. She’s still there, I can still think about her. Even more so now because thinking about her doesn’t hurt me.” The king sighed contentedly. “I got off subject. What I invited you up here to say was that if it weren’t for your diligence this wouldn’t have been possible. I truly believe that. I want you to be the sole caretaker of the songbird. Take him where he wants to go, get him what he needs to get. If a request of mine would prevent you from taking care of one of his needs, tell me and I’ll find someone else to do it. I trust you and only you with the wellbeing of my songbird. Do you accept this promotion?”

 

“P-promotion?” Phil didn’t know what to say or even think. It seemed like such an easy task but clearly the king valued it highly so of course Phil was honored. “Yes of course I accept. If that’s what you want.”

 

“It’s precisely what I want. I only ask that if he wishes to leave the palace at any time for any reason please notify me. I want to know where he’s at all times. He needs to be protected.”

 

“Certainly.”

 

“Thank you Phil. Thank you and have a wonderful evening.”

 

“I will sir, thank you.”

 

 

Charlie wasn’t as thrilled about this promotion as he was about the last.

 

“But Charlie, it’s amazing. I won’t be running around the city and country passing messages anymore. Do you realize how easy my job will be now? I just have to take the songbird where he wants to go, feed him three times a day, make sure he’s happy. You won’t have to work as much either because of the pay!”

 

“And yet you don’t see the problem?”

 

Phil sighed, relenting. “No, I don’t.”

 

“How old is this songbird exactly?” Charlie was staring at the muted TV and not at Phil.

 

“Twenty-three, twenty-five, something like that.”

 

“A young, good looking man, with a voice that essentially make you do whatever he wants you to, and your only job is to parade him around?”

 

Phil suddenly understood where Charlie was coming from and couldn’t believe he hadn’t shown more consideration in his explanation of the job. “Oh Charlie, it’s nothing like that. He’s just some kid. He is exactly like a child in fact. He’s been so sheltered.”

 

“Says the one always drawn to the broken hearted. You’re not giving me an reason to have confidence in you Phil.”

 

“But Charlie I love you. Nothing can take me away from that. And his voice can’t make you do whatever he wants. He’s not some kind of puppet master.” Phil snorted. His smile faded when Charlie shot him an angry look. He pushed himself a bit further into the couch. “You have nothing to worry about. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

 

Dan

 

Dan found himself glad to hear it was Phil that would be caring for him. He told him as much and appreciation and wonderment billowed from Phil’s pores at the at the praise. Most of the time Phil was outwardly happy and relaxed, while his insides were stiff and reserved. But some moments, like this one, Dan could feel this mans core self. The self that seemed to be buried under many layers. He hoped that the time spent with Phil would reveal more of his true self.

 

“Why me though?” Phil asked. He sat across from Dan as he ate breakfast. He didn’t like having to just eat in front of someone but Phil didn’t seem to care.

 

“You think good of everyone. I feel comfortable around you. I imagine most people do.”

 

“You think I think good of everyone?” Phil questioned.

 

Dan laughed, setting his fork down and pushing away the rest of the food. “I don’t think Phil, I know.”

 

“You can’t possibly know that.” Phil sounded a little bitter but Dan knew it was only because he was now self conscience of his thoughts. Maybe he thought Dan could read his mind.

 

“Mmm.” Was all Dan said in response. He smiled when Phil’s brows furrowed in confusion. He couldn’t possibly leave his poor caretaker in misery like this. “I can’t read your mind Phil. But peoples emotions and expressions tell me everything I need to know.”

 

Phil watched him closely, as if trying to figure him out. “Do you know what I am feeling right now?”

 

“I could if I wanted to.” Dan swallowed. He did tend to avoid Phil’s deeper emotions. He did his best to ignore everyone else’s as well. He was with Phil almost constantly though. It made it difficult to ignore, especially when a certain expression appeared on his face that made Dan curious as to what was going on in his heart.

“Then why don’t you?”

 

Dan bit his lip. “It would be like purposely watching people die. You see their pain, feel it even, but there’s nothing you can do to stop it.”

 

Phil looked away, guilt blossoming in his blue pupils. “I’m sorry. How inconsiderate of me. The laws...I didn’t even...”

 

“Phil it’s okay.” Dan soothed, his voice automatically wanting to sing a song of comfort. He pursed his lips. “I know you meant no harm. You’re just curious is all. I imagine a lot of people are.” Phil looked up at him and Dan saw his relief. Dan wondered what happened in this mans life to make him so sorry for everything he said. He forced the dangerous thoughts away.

 

 

Dan had known that getting used to the new routine of his life would be difficult but after two weeks everything still felt off. The king asked for him every few days which was nice. He was so used to singing multiple times a day that when he got a chance to truly sing he gave it his absolute all. Restraining himself day to day with just general singing was difficult enough. There was also the fact that everyone around him was sick with their troubles. That took a whole new level of self restraint. To add to that, he was around Phil for several hours a day. Misunderstood, lost, sad, hurting Phil.

 

Multiple times Dan had caught the man without a smile on his face. Each time, he’d watched him until Phil realized he was being looked at and gave him a sweet smile. If anyone paid this man any attention at all they’d realize just how little of his own pain he was able to hide. Phil was too kind for his own good. Already Dan had seen this too many times. He would give up his life for any stranger in this world but was there someone who would give up their own for his? This world was cruel. And it was feeding on Phil who would sit there idle and let it. I would die for you, Dan thought to himself, anyone who truly knew you would.

 

Dan also had his own well being to think about. Everything was so quiet all the time. In the palace no one spoke to one another, let alone sang. Everyone was in their own world here. No one wanted to be here. It didn’t make living there a very comfortable environment. He knew he had it good when it came to material and physical things. There was no doubt of that. He was also highly respected. His gown made him easily identifiable and people regularly gave him a respectable bow as they passed in the hallways.

 

He spent his days looking out the window, walking the grounds, investigating the palaces many rooms, and painting random lines on the paper Phil had left him. But he was getting bored of even those things.

 

So when Phil arrived one morning he made his first real request.

 

“Phil, I was wondering...could we possibly go into the city today?”

 

“The city?”

 

“Yeah, I just get kind of bored here and I thought it might be nice.” Phil thought for a moment, his worry emanating from his pores. What could it be this time? Dan wondered. “What’s the problem? Why are you worried?”

 

Phil laughed shortly and shook his head. “I guess I am worried aren’t I. It’s about you. Last time we went to the city it didn’t go so well. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

 

Dan thought back to his time on the train. Emotions flooding around him, desperate pleading strands reaching toward him. But he’d learned so much since then. He wouldn’t know until he tried. “I think I am. I have practice now.” Phil didn’t look convinced and continued to pulverize Dan with concerned puppy dog eyes. Dan actually had to look away from the man, feeling something strange flip inside him. “How about this? If I start feeling at all overwhelmed you can bring me back right away.”

 

“Okay...I guess it would be okay. Yeah, I know where to take you.” As he spoke Phil grew a little more excited. “I haven’t been to the city in a while myself. Not for anything other than business anyway. I’ll pass a message onto the king so he can okay it.”

 

Dan smiled widely. “Yes! Okay, fine. I’ll wash up.”

 

Phil went to attend to a few things while Dan washed up in his private bathroom. This was another thing that never seized to amaze him. His showers were always hot and no one was waiting on him. Everyone in the Song House was considerate to one another so they waited patiently but it was still a luxurious thing that Dan would never take for granted.

 

He was sitting on the chair, foot tapping excitedly, when Phil finally reappeared.

 

“All set? It’s a go. Come on.” He smiled and waved Dan through the open door.

 

 

Phil

 

Phil wondered if Dan knew that he hummed almost constantly. Even now as they drove from the palace to the city Phil watched as the driver continuously looked back to observe the boy humming elatedly in the back seat. Phil noticed when the man’s shoulders relaxed and he leaned further into his seat. Phil smiled. He hoped Dan truly appreciated his gift. He changed people around him even without the official use of his voice. Or was it possible he was doing it on purpose? Was he healing these people against the law? But Phil saw the distracted look on the songbird. He was too focused on the outside world passing by to be paying attention to the driver. Phil had noticed a change in himself since being around Dan as well. Maybe it was the boys soothing quiet songs. Maybe a songbird didn’t need to sing at all to help someone. Either way Phil was glad to feel less anxious throughout a day. The little things didn’t have as big an effect on him as they used to.

 

Dan’s humming was typically a gentle but happy tune. Sometimes Phil recognized a song from another time Dan had hummed it, other times it was entirely new. Phil couldn’t say he was ‘used’ to Dan’s humming because he always noticed it and it never annoyed him. Instead, it was when the boy was silent that Phil started worrying again.

 

So when they entered the city and the air suddenly stilled with silence Phil automatically turned to Dan.

 

“At night it looks so different.” Dan noted.

 

“Yes, very.” Phil said simply, trying to read the songbird and make sure he wasn’t getting anxious. He seemed calm enough though. Phil had taken them to the outskirts of the city where it wouldn’t be as busy. “Driver, right here is fine, thank you.”

 

“Where are we going?” Dan asked once the car had pulled away. The songbird was looking up and all around, bumping into Phil when he gazed at a particularly high building. “Sorry.”

 

Phil laughed. “You’re fine. I thought we could go to a little bakery. It’s alongside the water so we can sit outside.”

 

“The ocean?” Dan seemed very excited about this.

 

“Kind of. It’s a narrow channel that leads to the sea.”

 

“Can we see the ocean?” Dan sounded like a small child going on a field trip.

 

“We should be able to do that. It’s not the most pretty of seas but it’s the one we’ve got.”

 

“I don’t care. I just want to see it.”

 

The farther they walked the more people that trickled in from the inner city. Most were walking but some drove. They all cast a glance at Dan. Phil took note when Dan’s expression went from a smile to something more neutral. His humming started up again which seemed to relax them both. Dan looked intriguingly at the clothes, shoes, jewelry, and cakes shown in the windows.

 

They reached the store and Phil frowned. He hadn’t considered the fact that this time of day would attract people to the bakery for lunch.

 

“Sorry, I didn’t know there would be so many people.” Phil said, his eyes sweeping over the couples and groups laughing and eating on the pier, all zipped up in warm coats.

 

“It’s okay. I need practice anyway. Don’t worry okay?” Dan placed a comforting hand on Phil’s arm.

 

“How about you find a seat and I’ll get us some croissants.” Phil suggested. Dan nodded and wondered toward a few empty seats.

 

Phil hurriedly got their croissants and coffee and met Dan at the table. The songbird didn’t so much as flicker his eyes to Phil. He leaned forward tensely in his chair, his hands in fists and his gaze focused on the crowd.

 

“Dan?” Phil called gently. The boys fingers twitched but he didn’t move. “Dan.” Phil called again, this time touching Dan’s wrist. The boy gasped and turned to him, his eyes clearing.

 

“Sorry, I’m okay. It’s just...look at them.”

 

Phil looked at the people nearby. They were laughing and sipping at hot drinks.

 

“The man there,” Dan pointed at a middle aged man with short cropped hair. He was sitting with a women and they were talking. They looked like a happy couple. “He feels... withdrawn?” Dan seemed to second guess the word. “Yes withdrawn but more than that. He feels remorse. Do you see it?” Dan looked to Phil with real curiosity.

 

Phil looked again at the smiling man. “No, I don’t. I thought they must just be a happy couple.”

 

Dan bit his lip in concentration and looked to the man again. He closed his eyes. “Thats just it though. The remorse is connected to that women. He doesn’t feel remorse for her and yet it’s still connected. He’s anxious too. Anxious for this moment though, not a past one.” Dan opened his eyes and focussed on another individual. “That women over there, the one sitting by herself, she’s insecure. She doesn’t feel safe. And the family that’s sitting there with the child. The mother is affole, or distraught, while the father is resentful. And the kid...he’s wary and unnerved. He feels ausgestorben.”

 

“What does that mean?” Phil asked, his eyes lingering on the family.

 

“Mhm...” Dan tried to think of the english word. “Hopeless? Pointless? That’s the best way I can describe it.”

 

“It must be hard to see all of that.”

 

“Seeing it is easy. Not fixing it is another story.” Dan ran a hand through his hair.

 

“Well...maybe it’s because you’re focusing on the wrong things.” Phil suggested.

 

Dan furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

 

“I know I can’t see what you do but everyone can read people to a certain degree. I know that these people aren’t feeling only the bad things. If they were, they wouldn’t be here. they wouldn’t have gotten out of bed. Maybe try looking again. Find the good.” Phil spoke tentatively. He must not be used to offering suggestions. But it was a good one and it made Dan feel as though he might not have been properly chosen as a songbird. Of course he should be looking at the positive. That was why he was a songbird. He was supposed to love and care for everyone. It’s what moved him to want to fix them. But to love someone you had to see the good along with the bad. No wonder being around people could be so difficult. All this time Dan had only been looking at the broken strands. He had paid no attention to the content, responsive ones.

 

“Phil, you’re a genius.”

 

“I-I am?”

 

Dan laughed and looked back to the couple he’d originally noticed. He sang a note quietly and this time, when he saw the strands, he looked at the reactive ones. The emotions that surfaced were brighter and more obvious. It reminded Dan of the first time he’d felt Phil’s strands, when he felt his happiness. He’d wondered then how someone could be happy but also feel the things he did. And Phil was right. If they didn’t have both, then they wouldn’t have motivated enough to leave their homes even.

 

“The man and women, she feels blessed and bewildered at the same time. The man is anxious and remorseful but it’s connected to fondness and excitement.”

 

“Perhaps he wants to marry her.” Phil added.

 

“Yes, perhaps. He certainly loves her. Their strands are intertwined. I didn’t see that before because I only saw the lonely dark ones. The happy ones would have explained everything else to me.” Dan felt as though an entirely new part of his brain had been opened up. He looked back to the insecure girl. “She does feel unsafe, maybe it’s that fact that theres so many people. But she’s also inspired. And the family...” Dan frowned a little when it came to them. “They are more distraught than the others. I can see though how much the mother loves the child and the child feels safe with her. The father though...he needs so much help.”

 

“Most people do. But we survive.” Phil pushed the food and drink over to Dan. “Now how about you focus on you for a while and try this coffee alright? I promise it’s the best you’ve ever had.”

 

“You’re right. I’m here to explore. And I’m sure it will be the best coffee I’ve ever had because I’ve never had it before.” Dan picked up the cup and sniffed at it. The liquid warmed his hands and he sighed contentedly.

 

“You’ve never had coffee? You guys are crazy. What could be the Song Houses reason for keeping coffee from you?”

 

“It’s probably just hard to get. The Song House doesn’t keep as many things from us as you might think.” Dan explained.

 

“I suppose that’s true. Many things would be difficult to get there. But seriously, you’re going to love coffee. Especially my coffee.” Phil smiled and waited impatiently for Dan to try his.

 

“Alright, alright, you’ve got me interested.” With one last sniff Dan lifted the cup to his mouth. The hot liquid scolded his tongue a little but there was a soft, bitterness to it with a hint of sweetness. “Mhmm. That is pretty good. Not what I was expecting.”

 

“You like it?”

 

“I think so.” Dan chuckled.

 

“You better because it’s my job to brainwash you into liking coffee. No one on this side of the Song House survives without coffee. You think your voice heals?” Phil lifts his coffee into the air as though worshipping it. “Wait till you see what this does for people in the mornings.”

 

Dan laughed and shook his head. “Whatever.”

 

As soon as the last drop of coffee was gone from his cup he stood and rubbed his hands together. “To the ocean!” He declared excitedly.

 

“Alright. I could do with another cup but I suppose we can go. It’s not too long of a walk from here actually.”

 

As they walked along the busy city streets Dan practiced his new ‘trick’. He read every persons positive emotions. He discovered motivation, playfulness, courage, and lust. This ‘lust’ took on the form of wanting physical touch. It was more than that though and Dan found the French word la desir to be more fitting. It was more than wanting too, it was a craving that this person had felt, almost needed. He has never thought much about physical touch himself but now that he was open to these other feelings he found most the people he encountered had this need. Some were stronger than others. Others didn’t seem to have it at all.

 

“Why does everyone I pass want to be touched?” Dan asked.

 

“What do you mean?” Phil slowed his walk a little.

 

“Everyone I pass by, it’s like they want someone to touch them. Like this.” Dan demonstrated by placing a hand on Phil’s shoulder and sliding it down his arm. Phil laughed nervously and took a step to the side. This confused Dan because he could read this desire in Phil as well. Why had his response been negative?

 

“I guess there probably wasn’t much in the way of physical contact in the Song House. Uh...” Phil was clearly uncomfortable. The feeling had come so suddenly to him that Dan couldn’t make sense of it at all.

 

“Why are you uncomfortable?” Dan asked outright.

 

“Look, I’ll get you a book or something okay? Lets just not talk about this in public. And do not go up to people and stroke them like that.”

 

“But it’s what they want.”

 

“No, no it’s not. Not exactly. Just forget about it for now okay? I’ll explain later.”

 

“Alright.” Dan relented but still didn’t understand his awkwardness.

 

 

The moment Dan saw the ocean he stopped in his tracks and grabbed hold of the railing that ran the length of the walkway. His mouth fell open at sheer amazement he felt. It’s incredible. It’s...it’s huge. How far does it go?” Dan could never have anticipated the vastness of the ocean. He’d known the lake by the Song House would be smaller but what was before him was inconceivable.

 

“Well, a long ways. It doesn’t really end or began to be honest. It’s just everywhere.”

 

Dan leaped over the railing and ran towards the water. “Lets go!” A frigid breeze lifted the hair from his forehead and ruffled his gown but it only added to Dan’s feeling of freedom. His shoes pushed the pebbles away with each step, making a clapping sound below him. He ran until his feet were lapped at by the waves and then quickly jumped back, shouting joyfully. “It’s freezing!”

 

Phil laughed behind him. “That’s why I’m staying over here!”

 

Dan saw Phil standing there a few yards away with his arms crossed and his hair whipping around him. He looked so happy right then and that made Dan happy too. “Come on!” He urged. Phil shook his head. “Please! Just stand right here.” Dan indicated to the spot beside him. Phil rolled his eyes but complied. The rocks they stood on dug into Dan’s feet through his flat cloth shoes but he didn’t care. He just closed his eyes and took in the sounds and smells. The wind was loud in his ears, the waves were a constant rhythmic roar, and the smell cleared his head.

 

“The sea does have a song.” He said just loud enough for Phil to hear him. He felt the mans eyes looking at him but kept his own shut.

 

“Can you sing it?” Phil’s request was shy and longing, almost as if he hoped Dan wouldn’t hear him. But he had and it made him smile. The song of the sea he found was not like the lullaby the teachers sang to them as children. It was entirely his own because he was the one with the connection to it. The songs he sang to people, those were their songs. But this one was his.

 

Despite the roughness of the ocean, the song Dan sang was soft and delicate. Though he did not hold back on volume. He let his voice carry over the waters and stones where it was quickly absorbed into the oceans own music.

 

Song of the Sea-Lisa Hanniganhttps://youtu.be/q6wVijh2n9g

 

Between the here, between the now

Between the North, between the South

Between the West, between the East

Between the time, between the place

From the shell

The song of the sea

Neither quiet nor calm

Searching for love again

Between the winds, between the waves

Between the sands, between the shores

From the shell

The song of the sea

Neither quiet nor calm

Searching for love again

Between the stones, between the storms

Between belief, between the seas

 

 

 

Phil was breathless through Dan’s song. He’d heard Dan hum and even heard the muffled version fo his beautiful voice through the walls of the throne room but here he was standing side by side to him. His voice traveled no farther than the waves that crashed before their feet but he heard ever word, felt every syllable. His melody coated Phil’s insides with tranquility. His heart had slowed to a mere bum...bum...bum. It was an outburst of Dan’s soul. The ocean had always just been an expanse of water to Phil. However, this song made it so that it was as though the sea was alive and speaking to Phil personally. He wanted to reach out and touch it. He wanted to tell it that it was okay that it could be so cold and rough sometimes because it made it beautiful. The song ended too soon and Phil was forced to return to the present.

 

“That was beautiful.” The words did the song no justice but it was all he could say. His heart was still lingering on the waves.

 

“Thank you.” Dan says gracefully.

 

They stood there in silence for quite some time. Phil was afraid to move. He was enjoying this moment so much. Times like this were rare for him. He tried to imagine standing here with Charlie. Just the thought made his heart clench. Charlie would never see the beauty of the sea, or even the beauty silence beside a special person brought for that matter. Charlie brought him little joy these days, despite the fact that his mood was relatively decent. There were so many things Phil wanted to do with Charlie, to give him and experience with him and Charlie simply wouldn’t allow it. He wouldn’t allow Phil to give him love. It was so absurd and Phil was at a loss as to what to do. How could someone reject love? It wasn’t conceivable.

 

“Shhhhhh.”

 

Phil looked at Dan. The songbird was gazing at him and placed a finger over his lips when they made eye contact. Carefully the boy placed his other hand over Phil’s heart. “Shhhhhh.” He repeated, his eyes reflecting the dark ocean as they glassed over with concern. Phil’s heart sunk at the realization that Dan must have felt his aching soul just then.

 

“I’m sorry.” Phil muttered. He’d ruined Dan’s peaceful moment with the sea.

 

Dan shook his head and let his hand drop from Phil’s chest. “It’s okay. Just watch the sea. You’re allowed to enjoy this.”

 

 

Phil walked through his front door feeling more at peace than usual. He was a little tense knowing that it was now the weekend and Dan would need to fend for himself for the next two days. He would be fine though. And now Phil would get to spend some quality time at home, with himself, as well as with Charlie.

 

“Welcome home love.” Charlie shouted from the kitchen. “I didn’t know when you’d be home so I made myself something to eat.”

 

“That’s alright. I can fix myself something. I don’t mind.” He kissed Charlie on the cheek as his partner spread peanut butter on some toast.

 

“That’s not a proper kiss.” Charlie complained and Phil rolled his eyes.

 

“I don’t exactly want peanut butter on my shirt.”

 

“Fine, I can wait till we’re on the couch.”

 

Phil warmed up some leftover soup and collapsed onto the sofa. It would have been the perfect way to end the enjoyable day. Charlie had quickly finished his sandwich and Phil thought he might have the restraint to wait until Phil was finished eating but he’d only managed a few spoonfuls of soup when he felt hot breath tickling his ear. He giggled and ducked his head.

 

“Let me finish eating!”

 

“I will.” Charlie’s gravelly voice made goose bumps rise on Phil’s arms. “But there are much tastier things for you to be sucking down.”

 

“Charlie!” Phil was abashed by the nasty words and laughed despite blush burning his cheeks.

 

“I’ve been home alone all day, what did you expect?” Charlie kissed along Phil’s collarbone, pulling the neck of his shirt down.

 

“As fun as giving you a blowjob sounds, I’m exhausted. The songbird wanted to visit the city and we walked all over the place. It was cold and I only had one cup of coffee.” Phil was trying to make it sound like his day hadn't gone well to make Charlie feel better. “Ow!” Phil jerked away when he felt teeth pinch his skin.

 

“The last thing I want to hear about right now is the songbird.” Charlie groaned. He reached for Phil’s free hand and placed it on the front of his jeans just over his groin, using it to palm over himself. “Please.” He pleaded, taking the spoon from Phil’s other hand and setting it down. Phil knew not complying now would just make Charlie angry so he pushed tiredness aside and crawled into his partners lap. Knowing now that he wasn’t going to be denied, Charlie dove in, sucking and biting any open flesh. Phil moved his hips slowly against Charlies, trying to initiate a slow session rather than a rough one but gentle was not in his partners vocabulary and he grunted irritably, wanting satisfaction right then and there.

 

“Can we at least go to the bedroom?” Phil asked.

 

“Fine.”Charlie said impatiently and stood, not giving Phil a real chance to get to his feet. He pulled Phil along by his wrist. Before he knew what was happening he was beneath Charlie, his belt being unfastened, his zipper down.

 

“I thought you wanted a blowjob.” Phil panted, trying to catch his breath. Charlie kissed him hard, not giving him the air.

 

“I do. But I want to touch you first.”

 

Phil wasn’t sure what Charlie’s plan was for tonight. Not that he usually did but he liked to be able to prepare himself if possible. It didn’t seem like tonight would be that way. “What do you want me to do?” Phil asked. He wanted to make sure Charlie stayed happy with him. The best way to do that was to do what he wanted.

 

Charlie laughed between his desperate grunts. “Patience Phil. Just lay there for a moment okay?” He removed his own pants and then pulled Phil’s jeans down just enough to rut against him. He clung to Phil fiercely. His movements got faster and harder. Phil couldn’t move and he didn’t struggle. If this was how Charlie wanted to finish then that was okay. He hadn’t cared about having sex tonight anyway, it was Charlie who had wanted it.

 

Against Phil’s shoulder Charlies breath quickened momentarily before his entire body stuttered and then stilled. Phil felt the mess between them and shifted slightly. Charlie didn’t move yet. He let his breath catch and began kissing Phil’s neck again. He hadn’t been satisfied enough apparently. Phil squirmed a hand out from where had been pinned against both of their chests and rubbed at his partners back. Phil was prepared for the session to continue but Charlie abruptly stopped and leaned back slightly. He furrowed his brows down at Phil questioningly.

 

“What is it? Do you want me to do something?”

 

“What is that smell?” Charlie bent again and sniffed at Phil’s shirt. He stilled again. Phil felt the man atop him tighten his muscles and his heart flipped, telling him to be cautious. “It’s him isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

 

“What are you talking about?” Phil was genuinely confused. His trapped body tensed and prepared to fight but his mind told him to wait it out, to first try and appease Charlie.

 

“I smell him god damn it.” Charlie shoved himself off Phil, punching the bed as he stood. “I smell your fucking songbird all over you!”

 

Phil carefully scooted up and sat with his legs under him on the bed. “Charlie, that’s impossible.”

 

Charlies face reddened. “Are you calling me a liar? Crazy? Do you think I’m just imagining that smell?”

 

“I-I don’t know. But I know it’s not him. Maybe it’s coffee or dirt or the ocean. I sweat some today too. I can go take a shower.” Phil started to get up.

 

Charlie scoffed and waved him away. “Forget it. I’m not making love to someone who blames me for being crazy. You didn’t even want to do anything tonight. You’re not tired, you were just afraid I’d smell him. And I did.” Charlie trudged from the room. Phil heard him fall to the couch and the TV turned on. He hung his head and took slow breaths to stop the confused tears from leaking. Had Charlie wanted so badly not to have to worry about Phil’s satisfaction that he’d come up with this lie? Was he truly jealous? Was it possible that the boys scent was somehow on him? His stomach growled but there was no way he could eat now. He felt sick. As quietly as he could he stood and removed shirt along with the boxers soiled by Charlie. He tip toed to the bathroom, shut and locked the door and took a hot shower that burned his flesh. He let the tears come then. Then he got out of the shower, dried his steaming skin, made sure his eyes weren’t red, and wrapped the towel around his body. He got dressed numbly and crawled under the covers of their bed. He fell asleep thinking of the seas delightful melody. All the while the songbirds voice sang to him, shhhhh....shhhhhh....

 

On Saturday Phil and Charlie watched movies all day. As usual, Charlie acted as though nothing had happened the previous night at all. Phil tried to but he did not work in the same way. It wasn’t that he held grudges. His heart just held onto emotions longer. He didn’t like pushing them aside. He wanted to discus them and yet he knew that was an impossible thing to do with Charlie. By Sunday Phil felt antsy and cooped up in the house.

 

“Char? Would you want to go get a coffee or something maybe?” He asked as they lay in bed. Charlie raised an eyebrow.

 

“A coffee? You want to go into the city?”

 

Phil shrugged. “It’s been a long time since we did something like that. We could to the beach even.”

 

“The beach...” He said it as though he had never heard the word before. “We can go to the beach anytime. And we have coffee here. Your favorite kind even. I don’t see the reason.”

 

Phil sighed. “Alright.” He hoped Charlie would sense his disappointment and change his mind but he’d need a jeanie wish for something like that. It was also proof that Charlie had in fact not been listening the other day when Phil had gotten back from the store and complained that they were out of his preferred coffee.

 

“You know something I’ve been dying to have though?” For a moment Phil felt a bit of hope that maybe he’d get out of the house. “You know those cookies you make with the pretzels in them? You haven’t made those in forever and I saw the pretzels in the cabinet so I know we can make them.”

 

Phil plastered on a smile. “Sure, I can make those today.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan learns that sometimes it’s necessary to lock away emotions.

 

Dan

 

Dan had had a more demanding weekend than he anticipated. The king was meeting an important group of people and his nerves were getting the best of him. He’d summoned Dan early Saturday morning to request a song. Dan had happily obliged of course. He’d sang the same song he’d sung to the sea the day before since it was new and Dan was still excited about it. The king had thanked him and asked how his trip to the city was. Dan expressed his amazement at the sea and his master listened attentively as he described the way it made him feel to be near the ocean. The king had smiled and laughed about Dan’s new coffee expirence. It had been a good day.

 

The following day Dan had again been requested in the morning. That evening was the official meeting and dinner the king had been so nervous for and the anxiety had returned. The king requested that Dan remain beside him the rest of the day.

 

“I know I will need your voice again songbird.”

 

“Of course. I don’t mind.” Dan had said. Dan had an idea then. He’d never told anyone of his secret ability to heal with a silent song because of he wasn’t entirely sure what the Song House would think of it but Dan suspected that the king would find nothing bad in it at all and might be even more amazed by it actually. “Master...I might have an idea that will help you through your evening. “

 

“Oh really? Tell me, anything, please.”

 

“I do not need to sing in order to heal you.” The man looked at him quizzically. “So during your evening, as long as I am close by, I can help you without ever making a sound.”

 

The kings eyebrows shot up. “You can actually do that?” Dan nodded. “Please, yes. Stay beside me the entire night. Do whatever you must. You can dine with us even. It won’t be much fun but songbird, I would love nothing more than for you to be there. The others as well, they will love to see you. I hope you don’t find it offensive that I wish to show you off.”

 

So Dan had spent his afternoon alongside the king, following him. Sometimes it was from a distance, sometimes at his elbow. He fed the kings emotions what they needed to hear when they needed to hear it. His guests were honored to be in the presence of a songbird. They made eager requests for a song but the king shot it down. If they wanted a songbird they could purchase one for themselves. But Dan was for his purposes. This had only intrigued the group more but they let up. Even at the Song House Dan was often gazed at with amazement for simply being a songbird. He was used to attention. He could admit though that the kind of attention he sometimes received from the people of the outside world was different. There was amazement but there was jealousy and desire to own him. Some of the kings guests looked at him as though he were a rare art piece to purchase. It made him grateful for the master he had been given to. It could have ended so much worse for him.

 

“I will surely sleep better tonight than I have in years!” The king announced joyfully to Dan at the end of the evening. “The evening went perfectly Dan. You were a perfect distracting entertainment and talking peice. You made me look like a far more interesting and tranquil person than I truly am. I will surely win everyones hearts with you by my side.”

 

Dan had retreated to his room spent but praised and content. He was accomplishing what he had been trained his entire life for.

 

Despite the way everything was going perfectly and according to his fated life plan, at night Dan always had difficulty sleeping. Nearly every night he laid there staring at the canopy above his bed. He would try and pretend that he was back at the Song House, its brisk air making him slide further under the covers, the occasional sound of someone walking softly by the wooden door, laughing with PJ, singing with PJ, and listening to his friends breathing as he fell asleep and as he woke up. He had gone from the constant presence of someone in his life, whether it be his friends or the teachers, to a life of solitude and silence. He hadn’t gotten used to it. Would he ever? Eventually he would have to lull his heart to sleep with a lullaby.

 

Dan was excited to have Phil back in the palace on Monday. He had so much to tell him about the weekend. Phil would be proud of him and for some reason that thrilled Dan. He ate breakfast with the warmth of anticipation at his center. When the familiar knock finally came Dan dropped his spoon and quickly got up to open the door.

 

“Hey there.” Phil smiled at him. The man looked slightly disheveled but it wasn’t exactly an odd thing. He seemed to always have chaotic mornings. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

“Thats’s okay. Believe it or not I’ve been using a spoon myself for quite some time now.”

 

Phil gave him a joking glare and chuckled. “Looks like everyone’s off on their timing this morning.” Phil said, nodding towards the unmade bed.

 

“I didn’t feel like it.” Dan rolled his eyes. “It’s not like anyone else but you comes in here anyway.”

 

“True. But if I’m offended?”

 

“But you’re not.” Dan teased.

 

“How would you know? Can’t you feel how angry I am about that bed?”

 

Dan laughed loudly. “You? Angry? Nice try Phil.”

 

“Hey! I can get mad!” Phil insisted.

 

“Anyone who says that, clearly can’t.”

 

Phil huffed as he walked over to the bed and flipped the blankets to cover the sheets. “What’s your plan for today anyway?”

 

“Nothing as of yet. I doubt the king will want me either. I spent all weekend with him because of some important meeting.”

 

“Some important meeting huh?”

 

Dan waved a finger at Phil. “Hey, my job isn’t to know who’s at the meetings and dinners, it’s to sing when the king wants to cry, scream, run away, or give up.”

 

“True enough.” Phil tucked the blankets under the mattress and started lining up the pillows against the headboard.

 

“Can you not?” Dan walked over, grabbed one of the neatly arranged pillows and threw it on the floor. Phil scoffed at him, reached over, picked it up and placed it back. Dan pushed it off again, grinning. He did a silent examination of Phil to make sure he wasn’t actually getting irritated. He wasn’t. In fact Dan recognized the vibration of one of the strands as playfulness. And if he couldn’t have detected that then all he would have needed to do was look at the smirk on the mans face.

 

However there were now other things that Dan had sensed from Phil that made him stop his teasing. Instead he picked the pillow back up and arranged it on the bed. “I’ll make my bed for now on.” Dan promised. “Just woke up a little groggy is all.”

 

“It’s not a big deal Dan. That’s why I’m here.”

 

“Absolutely not. You’re here to entertain me.”

 

“Wait, why were you groggy? Did you not sleep well?” Phil’s tendency toward worry sparked in him.

 

“Don’t worry, it’s not the bed.” Dan rolled his eyes. Phil did not smile. “I’m fine.”

 

“So you haven’t been sleeping well?” He repeated.

 

Dan shrugged and sat on his bed. “It’s nothing you can help so just get that out of your head.”

 

“Well...maybe I can. Do you have nightmares or something?’”

 

“No, nothing like that. It’s just weird getting used to sleeping by yourself is all. My whole life PJ slept in the bunk below me. We’d laugh or sing until we were too tired to keep going and fall asleep. Things like that. You have to understand, I’m used to having people around me all the time. There was singing all the time. Teaching all the time. Friends right there when you needed them, all the time.”

 

“I hadn’t thought about that. So you don’t like being by yourself?”

 

Dan knew Phil well enough by now to know that he wanted to solve every problem put before him. “It’s not that either. It’s just that everything is so quiet here. That’s all. I’m used to beautiful music.”

 

“I can sing for you.” Phil laughed immediately so that Dan knew it was a joke but it made Dan think.

 

“Go ahead.”

 

Phil looked at him incredulously. “Absolutely not. You couldn’t pay me.”

 

“Aw come on! Why not?” Dan begged pathetically.

 

“Lets see here. One, I can’t sing. Two, if you want music that badly I’ll get you some. Three, I’m not throwing my crappy voice out there in front of a songbird for crying out loud.”

 

“I would’t judge you. You have to know that. Please? Just try. If I laugh you can throw as much misery and sadness at me as you want.” Dan offered.

 

“No.” Phil insisted.

 

“What if I teach you a song?” Dan cocked his head.

 

“I think that’s worse.”

 

“I could teach you the one the Song House teaches children.”

 

“Now you’re just trying to embarrass me.” Phil sat on the bed and busied himself by opening and closing his hand in a fist. But Dan now had it in his mind that he wanted to sing with someone again. And that someone would have to be Phil.

 

“Let me show you.” Dan sat a little straighter and cleared his throat. “ _Hush now, my Storeen. Close your eyes and sleep. Waltzing the waves. Diving the deep._ Now you try.”

 

Phil was looking at him now. Dan was used to the awed expression but when it came from Phil he couldn’t help but smile with flattery. There was more than just awe in his eyes. It was something that Dan couldn’t quite name.

 

“Sit up straight.” Dan instructed. Phil did but he averted his gaze. “ _Hush now, my Storeen. Close your eyes and sleep_. Just sing the words with your normal voice.”

 

“This is stupid.” Phil shook his head.

 

“I’ll sing the lines one last time and then sing it with you. How about that?”

 

Phil looked at him unsurely. “You’ll sing too? You promise?”

 

“I do.”

 

Phil sighed stressfully. “Okay. I’ll try.”

 

Dan smiled gleefully. “Okay so it goes, _Hush now, my Storeen, close your eyes and sleep, waltzing the waves, stars are shining bright. The wind is on the rise, whispering words of long lost lullabies_.” Dan took a breath and started the song again. He sang through it again and kept going. On the third one Phil joined. His voice alongside Dan’s was deeper and timid. They sang through the verse several times until finally Phil was more sure of himself and he sang more confidently.

 

“That was amazing Phil. Thank you. You have no idea how much I miss that.” Singing with Phil was nothing like singing with another songbird but there was a beauty to it all its own that Dan couldn’t replace.

 

Phil shifted a little on the bed. “Go ahead, teach me the next line.” He pressed nervously.

 

Dans not sure how long they sat and then laid there singing. By the end of it he felt utterly sated. He tested Phil’s strands and found him unwound and distant. Distant was good for Phil. He was usually so concentrated on the issues at hand and in the near future that he barely had time to think of anything else.

 

They had laid there quiet for so long that Dan wondered if Phil was asleep. He looked over to see that his eyes were closed and took the a moment to really look at the man. Like this,he looked rather calm. But hidden in his features Dan could see the stress lines etched in his brow. What is hurting you? He thought back to Phil’s song. He thought of it as the song of love since the most damaged of all Phil’s strands was love, and the song would reassure him that he was loved, that he could love himself, and that ultimately he didn’t need love to be okay. It was a beautifully sad song. Dan found himself quietly humming it as he looked at Phil. The man had apparently not been asleep and turned his head to watch Dan hum. Dan stopped the song though.

 

“Keep going.” Phil urged. Of course he didn’t know it was his song but he likely found the tune more alluring than others he had heard. His heart would subconsciously long for it.

 

Dan only shook his head. He shouldn’t have done that. It was too close to the real thing and it was unfair for Phil to have heard even that much of his song. Phil watched him for a while longer but didn’t push. His facial expressions didn’t expose how yearning and desperate he was to hear the song. How could Phil do that? How could he feel something so strongly and not show an ounce of it in the lines of his face?

 

“Can you tell me...how does it work? How does what you do work?” He averted his eyes. Phil had such a fear of questions it seemed. As if anytime he asks them they’re shot down or something. And asking them seemed to take a lot of effort. Dan had learned this over the weeks and made sure to always acknowledge and completely answer his questions.

 

“The singing?”

 

“Yes, the singing, the healing. Everything. Can you tell me?”

 

“Of course. It’s not some big secret so don’t worry. It’s just not very easy to explain. Even my teachers had a hard time understanding my terms when I told them what I saw and felt. But I can try.”

 

“Please.” Phil nodded eagerly.

 

Dan thought of the best way to help Phil visualize the way Dan saw and felt. “Picture a piano. To me, each one of the keys represent an emotion. But instead of seeing keys, I see strands. Kind of like strings. When I hum or sing I can see that piano in my mind and my voice will either make the strands vibrate or not. The ones that vibrate, or sing, react to my voice are healthy and happy. But the ones that have a hard time reacting to my voice, or not at all, are like broken keys on a keyboard.”

 

“Yes, I understand, that makes sense.”

 

That wasn’t the hard part to understand though. The hard part was explaining how he fixed them. “Now bare with me. To fix a broken strand I have to find the root of why it’s not working. Say I detect fear in a dead strand, I have to find what’s causing that fear. So I sing its song. When I sing, the notes guide me up the strand, almost like I’m dancing with it.The song brings me to the root and that’s when I understand why someone feels that way. I can then change the song to what they want and need to hear. The strand, or emotion, finally gets what it needed and heals.”

 

“That’s amazing.” Phil said, awestruck.

 

“It is. I wish everyone could see what I do.”

 

“I imagine the majority of people couldn’t handle it. To see all that pain.”

 

“But you showed me how to see the good too. It’s not as difficult anymore.”

 

“Really?” Phil seemed amazed that he could have been of any help to someone. Dan nodded reassuringly.

 

“Phil, I want to go to the ocean again.” Dan hadn’t stopped thinking of the ocean since they’d been there.

 

Phil looked at the time. “Well, it’s a little late to go today but maybe tomorrow?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

As they continued to lay there Phil’s anxiety slowly returned. Dan wanted to badly for the man to remain in the distant peaceful realm. But all he could do was take his hand and squeeze it. It was as close to love as Dan could demonstrate to his aching heart.

 

 

Phil

 

With Dan there holding his hand as the lay on the bed Phil couldn’t help but think back to Charlie’s words the other night. “I smell him on you,” he’d said outrageously. He didn’t even want to touch Phil after he’d “smelled the songbird”. Well Charlie, tonight maybe you can actually say that. And touching a songbird is like coming in contact with an angel. Sacred, impossible, beautiful. It was certainly different than being touched by Charlie.

 

 

“So I thought today we could go down to the plaza too.” Phil suggested as they drove into the city.

 

“I’m fine with anything. I’m just glad to be out of the palace for a bit.”

 

“I get what you mean.” Phil huffed. He too was thrilled to be out in the real world rather than trapped in his own home or any other building for that matter.

 

“At least you get to leave every night and go home. My home is the palace.” Dan complained.

 

Phil let out a harsh laugh. “Poor baby.”

 

Dan glared at him and Phil laughed again. “I would do anything to spend a night at a normal home and not in my bed big enough for ten and people that bow every time they see me. I mean, it’s nice of course. Everyone is really nice but I miss being just a person.”

 

“You’re a songbird. Were you ever just a person?” Phil argued.

 

“I never got special treatment above others in the Song House. In fact all I got was more training, more expectations.”

 

“Mhm, I believe you. Sorry.” The car came to a stop near a large park and they hopped out, starting down the gravel path through the trees. They kept their hands deep in their pockets and jackets zipped to their throat. The sky was dark and it looked as though it would snow. “Besides, you wouldn’t want to stay at my house.” Phil scoffed. The thought of Dan having to deal with Charlie made him nauseous. Could anyone else but him deal with Charlie? Probably not. Nor would he want them to.

 

“Why not? I bet you have a nice fireplace, a small kitchen, a simple bedroom. And I bet when you get home your boyfriends made you dinner since you bring in all the money. And you sit at the table and eat and then maybe cuddle on the couch before the fireplace and make out.”

 

“Make out?” Phil raised an eyebrow. “I’m not sixteen anymore Dan.”

 

“Okay fine. You do whatever it is you like to do with him. Was I right?”

 

“For a heart reader, that was pretty bad. I must admit.” Phil smiled at him. “You’re right about some things. Our kitchen is small, our bedroom is simple. But I make dinner when I get home or if he’s already eaten, just something for myself. And sometimes we eat at the table but Charlie usually likes to eat while he watches TV. There is no fireplace and definitely no making out.”

 

“I’m still pleased with myself. Do you want to hear something crazy?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I am aware that people kiss and make out and stuff. But I’ve never seen it. So it’s kind of like a unicorn.”

 

“A unicorn?” Phil scrunched his face and laughed.

 

“Yeah. We don’t know if they exist, we’ve never seen one. But we still draw pictures of them.”

 

“So...you draw pictures of unicorns and what you believe to be people kissing?”

 

Dan punched his arm and Phil chuckled. “No. I just mean, I don’t exactly know what kissing is.”

 

“Well I promise one day you’ll see someone kissing and you’ll realize how gross it is and be glad that you’re not allowed to court anyone.” Phil meant to sound teasing but he realized it sounded more like he was...angry. He glanced at Dan and found him looking at him with wide eyes. Phil backed down, his shoulders slouching back to normal. “Sorry. It’s just, you’re probably lucky that it’s not an option for you. That’s all I meant. Sorry. But kissing can be wonderful.” Phil avoided eye contact with Dan and abruptly changed the topic. “Over there is where I was taking you.” He pointed to a fountain where a statue of a young boy stood atop a concrete block. The boy had long curly hair and his arms were outstretched, his eyes closed and mouth open. He was singing.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Dan said distractedly. They remained quiet for the rest of the way there. Phil wanted nothing more than to keep Dan from reading his strands. He didn’t want him to feel what Phil was feeling right then. It was the first time he’d felt that Dan’s ability was not fair to everyone else. It was the first time in a long he’d felt himself frustrated, even angry. It was so unlike him. And the fact that he knew that Dan knew didn’t help him settle down at all. It was his own fault though. Why had he brought up Charlie at all? That’s where he’d messed up.

 

Finally they stood before the statue and looked up at it. “I think it’s a songbird. I had never thought about it before but I think it is.” Someone was playing a guitar a little ways away, their country voice matching its beat. Dan had noticed it and was listening. “Probably not the kind of music you’re used to listening to huh?”

 

“Ha! No.”

 

Phil was just glad the tension was slipping away. Or perhaps he was the only one that felt it to begin with.

 

“I think you’re right though.” Dan agreed. “I think the statue is a songbird.”

 

They didn’t stay there long. Phil knew Dan was anxious to see the ocean again and the king was expecting him back at a certain time. Phil drank coffee and Dan tried a hot chocolate as they walked along the beach. Phil was cold but didn’t want to say so. Dan hadn’t taken his eyes off the water beside them and he couldn’t take him away from it yet.

 

“Dan, can I ask a question?” Dan turned away from the waves to give him his attention. “What is the most difficult feeling to cure?”

 

Dan cocked his head at that and had to think for a moment. “I’d have to say grief. Because no matter what I do in that moment they will always somehow, somewhere, be reminded of the person they lost. I can’t erase memories. So many different emotions are connected with grief that need to be worked through too. It’s never just one broken strand with grief. It’s several that need to be unwound and then fixed.”

 

“So the king...he still grieves despite your songs to him?”

 

“Yes, in a way. He has been able to work through a lot. He’s able to move on in life now. But it will never leave. He will continue to need me on occasion. Death stays with us forever.”

 

“I can see that. There’s not a single person on this planet that won’t deal with death. And then they have to come face to face with it.” Phil said out loud in realization.

 

“It’s the only pain all of mankind has in common.”

 

They had stopped and were gazing out over the ocean.

 

“Dan?” Phil inquired carefully again.

 

“Yes?” Dan smiled kindly.

 

“Do you have a song? I mean, your own personal song of the heart?”

 

Dan looked at him, keeping his smile. “Yes, I do.”

 

“Is it the one you would sing to yourself when you first got here?” Phil was worried about making Dan talk about things he didn’t want to. But Dan was ever patient with him and didn’t seem to mind at all.

 

“No, it’s not. I’ve never sang my song out loud before.” Dan admitted.

 

“Why not?”

 

Dan shrugged. “I never had a reason to. PJ always sang it to me when I needed it. The ones I sang when I first got here were for simple, little fixes. But my real song, it’s entirely different.”

 

Phil was quiet for a moment as he pondered. He wondered if a songbirds song was different than any other. Was it more intense? More beautiful? Or possibly less so because they didn’t have as much damage as the rest of humankind?

 

“Can I...hear it?” Phil asked so softly he wasn’t sure Dan had heard him over the breeze and pounding waves.

 

“One day I’ll do that for you Phil. But it can be difficult to sing a song that doesn’t have reason to be heard. And right now I’m happy. I’m content. Trying to sing it right now would be like trying to make out a severely blurred picture. Do you understand?”

 

“Yes, of course. And you don’t have to sing it to me at all ever if you don’t want. I was just curious.” Phil shuffled his feet into the sand and stared down at them, a little embarrassed by his question.

 

“I’m glad you asked and I would love to sing it to you one day. You might be the only person who’s ever wondered whether songbirds have songs.”

 

“What about my songs?” Phil swallowed, not sure if he wanted to hear Dan’s response. Maybe he didn’t have any. Not because he wasn’t damaged, he knew he was. But perhaps he wasn’t an....important enough person to have a song.

 

Dan

 

Dan searched Phil’s face for a long time before saying anything. He needed to make sure he didn’t say the wrong thing. That was very important. He hadn’t allowed him to think too deeply about Phil’s songs because they hurt him more deeply than others. He wasn’t sure what it was. He knew there were people out there who had more pain than Phil, had lived more tragic lives than him. But there was something about the way Phil thought of his own pain that hurt Dan. He allowed himself a small glimpse at Phil’s heart and had to quickly turn away.

 

“I don’t like your songs.” He said lifelessly. He felt Phil’s eyes boring into him. The concern, fear, and torment bled through him into Dan. “I don’t mean that your songs aren’t beautiful or anything. It’s just that...they hurt me. You hurt me. I can’t explain it.”

 

“Oh.” Phil sounded dispirited and Dan regretting saying anything at all. It wasn’t his place. It wasn’t fair for Phil to hear those words and not know what Dan truly meant.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m not saying it right. I just know that you feel things so intensely and you’re in pain and sometimes you’re afraid and sad and lost and I can’t do anything. Do you know what it’s like to be around someone you know feels that way and you’re not allowed to fix them?”

 

“No, I don’t. But...I do know what it feels like to think that you fix someone and you can’t. I know I don’t understand what you have to go through day to day but that side of things isn’t fun either.”

 

Dan recalled the old man that had blocked him out and the way Dan had broken down after that. For days he’d been locked in a darkness he’d never known existed. He didn’t know why Phil could relate to that but he did not question that it was true. “You’re right, I believe that is far worse.”

 

 

They returned to the palace in enough time to clean up and get ready for a small event the king was holding. The king was very excited about this evening. Phil escorted Dan to him a few minutes early and normally would have been heading home. He seemed prepared to as well. But when he got there the king was a little frantic.

 

“Oh thank goodness you’re still here Phil. I need you to send a message out for me to-”

 

He listed several things he needed Phil to do. After the third one Phil pulled out a crinkled paper from his pocket and began scribbling. On the outside he was perfectly calm and determined. On the inside Dan felt his anxiety spike to an all time high. It was the same level of fear he had felt from Phil the time he’d sang his song, though not to him. It was a specific kind of fear that was so instinctual that every person on the planet had it. But it would only be activated in desperate times. How was it that standing here, appearing calm, and continuing on with his duties, Phil was fearing for his very life?

 

“I will get it all done, don’t worry your highness.” Phil promised.

 

“I trust you to get it done.” The king walked away and Dan knew he was supposed to follow. But he needed to understand one thing.

 

“Phil, what’s wrong?”

 

Phil furrowed his brows at him. “What do you mean?”

 

“Why are you so scared right now? Not even scared you’re...you’re petrified.”

 

There was a jolt of annoyance in Phil that Dan hadn’t experienced before. “It’s nothing Dan. Please don’t.”

 

“I don’t understand.” Dan shook his head fervently. “You’re safe.” The words seemed to be a stab to Phil’s heart. He stepped away from Dan and pursed his lips.

 

“I said stop. You don’t need to understand, you need to ignore. Now go.” He pointed to where the king was nearly turning the corner. Dan had never imagined Phil was capable of talking to someone in the tone he’d just used. It let Dan know that he didn’t know nearly as much about this man as he thought. There was nothing he could do or say so he retreated, just as Phil had demanded.

 

Phil

 

Phil had never felt as exposed as he had just then with Dan reading him. He’d picked up on a feeling that even Phil himself chose to never acknowledge. And yet just like that he’d spoke it aloud. _You’re safe_ , he’d said. Even thinking of those two words made Phil want to hit something. He’d never in his life wanted to physically hurt something. Right then he felt like he could have torn a book in half.

 

Then he looked at the list of things the king had given him and cursed under his breath. The anger dissipated and anxiety took over. If there was one thing that would for sure set Charlie off it was Phil coming home late. He always suspected Phil of cheating on him, of not loving him, or trying to leave him whenever this happened. Phil worked very hard at making sure he was home at a certain time. He hadn’t been late in nearly a year. Charlie had been a disaster to live with for a good week after that night. Everything would be fine though, Phil just needed to hurry.

 

It was a lost cause to begin with. By the time Phil was soundlessly turning the door knob to their house it was one in the morning. He’d never been this late before. His heart thrashed violently at his chest. He carefully stepped inside and closed the door.

 

The light flicked on immediately and Phil could only take in a sharp breath when a hand slapped over his mouth and another gripped his hair. He was dragged several feet before the grip on his hair released. Only a second later though and the hand was squeezing his shoulder painfully. He still couldn’t scream because of the hand over his mouth and tears sprung from his eyes in his knowing helplessness.

 

Finally everything stopped. The hand on his shoulder kept him still and the one on his mouth quiet. He sucked in air from his nose in rapid succession. He found Charlies eyes staring into his just in front of him and met them. He forced himself to slow his breathing. Charlie didn’t like panic when he was like this, he wanted compliance. Phil nodded to show him he understood what Charlie wanted. Slowly the hands were removed. Yet even as they fell to Charlie’s side, Phil watched them untrustingly. Charlie stepped back and folded his arms expectantly.

 

“The king needed me to stay late.” Phil spoke quietly and tried not to shake with the amount of adrenaline surging through him.

 

“And once again you want me to just take your word for it.”

 

“I’m sorry. There’s no proof I can give you. Unless you speak to the king himself.” Phil regretted the words before they’d been spoken. His tone had remained mild but the words were not and that’s what Charlie would notice. He’d take it as a threat of mistrust and disloyalty.

 

“Why is it that you can’t just tell me what I’m doing to make you go to someone else?” Charlie demanded.

 

“I’ve told you before that I would never do that and have never done it. I swear to you, it was just over time work. Please believe me. I couldn’t hurt you like that Charlie.” Phil begged. Charlie had never believed him before though, why would he now?

 

“What could the songbird have possibly needed huh?”

 

“It wasn’t him. He wasn’t even-” He didn’t get to finish his explanation. Charlie charged for him and Phil ducked. But he hadn’t been going for Phil. He pushed passed and grabbed his coat from the hook.

 

“If you can do it, then I can to.”

 

Phil jumped in front of the door just as Charlie went to open it. Anger reddened his partners face and neck. “I wasn’t with anyone. There is no one else Charlie. I love you. Please don’t do this.”

 

In a second Charlie’s hands were wrapped around Phil’s forearms, squeezing painfully. “Move.” He barked into Phil’s face. When he realized Phil couldn’t move with him holding on like that he shoved him out of the way, knocking Phil into the bookshelf. Then he was gone.

 

Phil slid down the wall and cried into his knees. He pulled at his hair and groaned. The pain in his chest was so deep. It was hard to breath and his chest rose and fell erratically. This had happened before. Phil never knew if Charlie really did go and find someone else but it wouldn’t surprise him if he did. Like the other times, he knew Charlie would be gone all night and all day. He would be distant for the entire week. Sometimes he left several nights in a single week. They’d be watching TV and suddenly Charlie would grunt and stand and hurry from the house, only to disappear for twenty-four hours. Phil knew he did it to hurt him. He knew that Phil was never certain of exactly what Charlie was doing during those hours and he liked it that way. He also knew Phil would never ask.

 

Phil sat there until he simply couldn’t cry anymore. His body was sore and his arms hurt where Charlie had gripped them. Slowly he stood, went to their room, stripped and got under the covers. He didn’t care that he was cold, or hungry, or probably needed a shower. He stared into the darkness of the muted room lifelessly, unable to even close his eyes.

 

Dan

 

“Phil hasn’t shown up today?” Dan asked incredulously.

 

The guard shook his head. “No one’s heard from him or seen him.”

 

“He could just be late.” Dan suggested.

 

The man shrugged. “Possibly. It’s not like him to not show up for work. Either way, I will be his replacement. If you need anything I’ll be just outside.

 

“Okay, thank you.”

 

It was so strange to spend the day entirely by himself. When Phil was here their day was often broken up by small requests from the king for Phil to complete but it was only for a little while and then he’d be back. This was the first day, besides the weekends of course, that Dan had not been with Phil. He didn’t realize how attached he gotten to the man. Dan knew Phil was dealing with something last night that he couldn’t put his finger on but what would have caused him to not show up today? He had told Dan to stop. He meant of course for Dan to stop feeling what he was feeling. But that was essentially asking Dan to not care and how could he do that? Had he made Phil angry enough that he wouldn’t come back? The idea made him feel empty. It was like when he knew he was leaving the Song House and all these people that were a part of his life would be gone entirely. It was unfathomable. And yet it had happened. He recalled the feeling Phil had been emitting. What if Phil really did have reason to be petrified? What if he was in danger right now? Or worse, what if something had already happened? Dan couldn’t comprehend what but he didn’t want to second guess it.

 

He opened his door and called the guard.

 

“Yes songbird?”

 

“Just out of curiosity, do you know where Phil lives?”

 

The man furrowed his eyebrows. “No, not at all. We don’t speak much to him. He’s not exactly part of the palace staff.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

 

Dan retreated back to his room and flopped onto the bed. There was nothing he could do right then. If Phil wasn’t back by the next day then he’d definitely find a way to get to him. For now though he recognized that Phil could just be sick or tired even. He didn’t get home till late so maybe he just needed more sleep. Yes, those were very possible things.

 

 

Dan had been searching for Phil with a dull hum for nearly an hour. He recognized the pained strands suddenly but only barely. There was something different about them. Only when there was a hesitant knock at the door was Dan sure it was Phil. He was quick to get up but paused before opening it. What if he said the wrong thing? He hadn’t thought of what to say or how to apologize if Phil did show up again. It was too late though, so he opened the door and prayed he wouldn’t be an idiot.

 

He sighed in relief when he saw Phil standing there looking as he always did. “You’re back.”

 

“Of course I am.” Phil said as though he’d just gotten back from the bathroom and not from being absent for two days of his work.

 

Dan opened the door further and allowed him to come in. “You’ve been gone and I just figured...”

 

“Figured what? That I wasn’t coming back to work?” Phil laughed easily. The sound was going against everything Dan felt about him. “I’ve just been sick Dan. There was no way for me to contact the palace. I knew you’d be able to care for yourself.”

 

“Well yeah but...I thought the other night when I...” His words faded when he saw a hardened look form on Phil’s face subconsciously. “Never mind. I’m glad you’re back.”

 

Dan didn’t understand anything he was reading from Phil. Much of it was the same but there was also some things...missing? It was impossible for strands to just disappear. But that’s exactly what it felt like.

 

“Me too.” Phil was watching Dan suspiciously and visibly tensed. “Don’t.” The word shut Dan down immediately. “I can see you trying to figure it out. Please just leave my heart alone.”

 

“I don’t know if I can.” Dan pleaded. “Phil, why were you so scared the other night, please tell me.”

 

Phil glared at him and for the first time since the old man that had blocked him out Dan recognized the hardened expression. “Don’t you know?”

 

“Know what?” Dan stumbled over the words.

 

“Don’t you know what’s wrong with me? Feel everything I feel? See everything I see?” Phil’s tone was sharp as a blade.

 

“You know that’s not how it works. There’s something different about you. What happened?” Dan was only asking because of how truly worried and confused he was but realized how pushy he was being and took a step back. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me. I want you to come back.”

 

“I need to tell you something Dan. “ Phil said acutely. “I know you mean well. I know you want to help everyone. But you can’t and it doesn’t help any of us for you to keep digging around and bringing things up. Living is not easy Dan and sometimes the only way to survive is to ignore those things within us. I think you need to learn how to do that too.”

 

And just like that Dan felt a solid wall of iron drop down in between them. It severed the lingering connection Dan had to Phil’s strands and made him nearly collapse. Black specs dotted his vision. He heard Phil sigh somewhere in the room but couldn’t identify from where. His voice echoed in Dan’s skull.

 

“I’m going to check in with the king. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

 

Dan heard his door close and collapsed to his knees gasping. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on breathing. He knew this feeling. He’d only felt it one other time, when he realized the old man had blocked him out, not wanting to be helped. Dan had pushed and pushed but ultimately he’d ended up on the floor crying in his own agonizing pain. The old mans feelings had tried to swallow him whole where as Phil’s had violently pushed him away. Phil had locked him out.

 

Phil

 

Phil pummeled himself with guilt as he left the room. He knew he had been too hard on the songbird. He’d never been angry with someone. Not even Charlie. That’s why he’d taken the last two days to try and figure out what was wrong with him. Eventually he had come understood. It took a deep rooted examination of himself to find it though. He had been angry at Dan for trudging things up within Phil that he didn’t want to acknowledge. Perhaps things he hadn’t even known he felt. When Dan had told Phil that he was petrified Phil couldn’t see it. But while he sat at home the day after Charlie walked out flinching at every sound and keeping the volume to the TV low so he could hear when footsteps were approaching, he had realized rather abruptly that he was in fact scared. He was scared of Charlie. Of what he would do and say and not say. The realization had made him angry because he loved Charlie, he knew he did. But how could you love someone you feared? It had all been so difficult to take in and he wanted desperately to return to his previous, dulled, ignorant state of mind.

 

But none of it was Dan’s fault and Phil had just handed the burden of his own guilt to Dan. He would apologize as soon as he got back but maybe a few minutes away would help him clear his head.

 

He returned thirty minutes later. He didn’t knock this time and simply walked in. At first glance he didn’t see Dan so he hesitated and called his name. Had the boy left?

 

He came out a second later from the bathroom with watery eyes and a panicked look on his face. Phil could rarely see Dan’s emotions. He was always so calm and content so the tears falling down the songbirds cheeks alarmed him. He melted at the site and rushed forward.

 

“Dan I am so sorry.” He held onto the boy tightly, clutching him against his chest. Dan didn’t resist and Phil felt silent tears soaking his shoulder. “What I said...how I said it...it was all wrong and I am so sorry. Please forgive me?” Dan didn’t respond and Phil’s chest burst. He held the songbird an arms length away and searched his face. Dan was looking up at him with such torment and uncertainty that for a second Phil saw what he himself must look like pleading wordlessly for Charlie to stop hurting him. “Dan?”

 

Dan looked away and shrugged Phil’s hands away. It wasn’t a harsh shrug but it let Phil know he didn’t want to be touched right then.

 

“Of course I forgive you. But can you ever forgive me?” Dan wiped at his nose with annoyance.

 

“I have nothing I need to forgive you for. I should have been flattered that you care so deeply for how I feel. I’m entirely in the wrong.”

 

“I still want you to forgive me.” Dan still wasn’t looking at him. His arms were crossed vulnerably and his hair was a mess. His cheeks were still moist and his eyes still red.

 

Phil gently placed his hands on Dan’s face and turned it towards him. “I forgive you.” The songbird didn’t react. He kept searching Phil’s eyes but by now Phil knew the expression Dan had when he was reading someones heart and right then he wasn’t. Phil was reassured by this despite the guilt it caused.

 

“Thank you.” Dan finally said. “I promise I will never ask again.”

 

Phil could still hear the sorrow in the boys voice. He had caused it and this agonized him. Had a songbird ever been through as much as Dan had? Songbirds were supposed to feel happy, loyal, and satisfied. Not worn out and somber, with tears staining their cheeks and tranquility absent from their spirit. Phil hugged him tightly again before pulling away.

 

“Have you been sleeping any better?” He asked as he sat at Dan’s breakfast table. Dan was soon to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the most enjoyable and heart ripping chapters to write. Hope your day is going well!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan sings his own hearts song. Charlie is mean. The king has a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: rape scene in this chapter

Dan

 

By the end of that day things went back to normal for the most part. It was never quite the same with Phil though. He seemed to be busier with requests from the king, had more errands to ran, showed up later almost every morning. Dan wasn’t sure if sometimes Phil stayed gone longer because he wanted to or because he really did have more to do.

 

Phil slipped into their old habits easier than Dan did. Maybe because on Phil’s end nothing had really changed that much. But for Dan, everything had. He knew Phil was being tormented by something but whatever it was never surfaced. And he most definitely never allowed Dan past his new wall. After a few days, Dan began to wonder if Phil even knew he had a wall. Phil had never been one in tune with his own emotions so Dan thought not. But there was nothing he could do about it. He had promised. And if the law hadn’t made it impossible to heal Phil, his wall had.

 

With everything that had happened the last few days Dan felt raw and more like someone from the outside of the Song House than he ever imagined he’d become. Was there any difference at all between him and them now? He knew he needed to sing his own song in order to move on. He was a wreck. If his teachers or PJ could see him now, read his heart, they wouldn’t recognize him. He barely felt like himself.

 

“Phil, can you take me somewhere today?” Dan asked once Phil had returned from an errand Friday morning. It had been a little over a week since Phil had locked his feelings away.

 

“Where would you like to go? The ocean?” Phil guessed.

 

”I’m not quite sure. Not the ocean. It’s too public. Is there a lake or something more private near by?” The last thing Dan wanted was an audience for his song.

 

Phil thought for a moment. “Yes, I know of a place. We’ll have to take the train. But it’s not far.”

 

“Great.” Dan smiled.

 

Once they had cleared the short journey with the king, they packed a small lunch and took a car to the station. They each sat in comfortable silence across from another, gazing out the window as the train sped on.

 

“Any particular reason you want a private lake?” Phil asked at some point during the ride.

 

“Mmhm,” was all Dan replied with. He smiled pleasantly but gave him no more information. Phil didn’t push of course and went quiet again. Dan watched him from the corner of his eye curiously. Sometimes he just couldn’t help but try to figure the man out. Occasionally he tested the invisible, subconscious barrier but it never wavered. To be fair, Dan didn’t try all that hard. He was scared to. As he looked out the window Phil looked rather content. Dan scanned over him. It wasn’t often he got the chance to really look at Phil. He was always worried Phil would think he was trying to read him.

 

Dan’s eyes stopped when a purple spot poking out from beneath Phil’s shirt sleeve caught his attention. Phil shifted in his seat and the mark disappeared under the clothing. Dan furrowed his brows and noticed another spot on his wrist. It was a light, faded color of a bruise. He found a matching one on the other wrist and his heart skipped a beat. He searched the rest of what skin he could see but found nothing. What could have possibly caused those bruises? He knew since the moment Phil mentioned Charlies name back at the Song House that there was something strange with the relationship but was it really possible that Phil was being hurt at his own home? Phil turned to look at him, a smile on his face and Dan quickly looked away, acting as though he didn’t notice he was being looked at.

 

“Next stop.” Phil informed. Dan nodded and gathered his things.

 

They hopped off the train and Phil immediately waved over a cab. When he told the driver where to go the man tuned around looking irritated. “You know I can’t take you right up to it right?”

 

“Yes I know, it’s fine. We’ll walk the rest of the way that you can’t take us.”

 

The man sighed heavily but they were on their way. Dan hadn’t expected for it to take this much effort to find a peaceful body of water but he wasn’t complaining. He enjoyed time out of the palace. Phil looked happy to be out too. Perhaps he was also happy to be away from home. Imagining that this wonderful person before him could be physically tormented cause Dan more distress than he’d ever thought possible. It made him angry, sad, horrified, and worst of all, helpless.

 

“Ever been hiking?” Phil asked as they left the car and started up a narrow dirt path between the forest of trees. The drive to this spot had taken only twenty minutes or so. They’d started in an outskirt of the city and then suddenly were traversing a mountain path with dense greenery on each side. This definitely felt more like home and already Dan felt more at ease. He could focus on Phil after his own heart had been properly healed. He wasn’t in any position to do anything the way he currently was.

 

“Um? Hiking maybe not so much. But I’m certainly not a stranger to nature if that’s what you mean.”

 

“Perfect. It’s not far.”

 

As Dan listened to the sound of their feet padding on the forest floor, twigs snapping, rocks readjusting, creatures chirping and birds singing, he could feel his song stirring longingly within. To appease his heart he hummed a perky tune. Phil slowed in front of him and Dan couldn’t understand why the man had seemingly got so abruptly tense until he realized what Phil must be thinking.

 

“Sorry.” He said quickly. “I’m not...reading. I’m just...sorry.” He zipped his lips shut.

 

“No, it’s okay. I just haven’t heard you hum in a while.”

 

Dan didn’t know how to answer and so he stayed quiet. It was true, he hadn’t been humming nearly as often. Perhaps not at all. Part of it was so that he didn’t make Phil nervous, another part was because he didn’t feel a need to know what others were feeling so much anymore.

 

They hadn’t walked too much further when Dan heard the sound of trickling water. They jumped over a shallow creek and within a few yards the lake came into view. It was situated in a small open clearing. The sky spanned bright and blue above them. There were two mountain peeks in the distance and Dan couldn’t help but feel right at home. It was as if the Song House should be situated right there on the other side of the lake.

 

“This is perfect Phil.” He could almost hear his song echoing over the water and through the hills. His heart pleaded with him to just sing. But not yet, it wasn’t quite time.

 

They came to the edge of the water and admired the vista before them. Fish leapt from the waters and sent ripples to the muddy boundaries. The mostly still waters reflected the clouds above so perfectly that it looked as though Dan could step off the edge of the world. He kneeled down and skimmed his fingers over the surface. He felt his mind and heart melting into one again.

 

“Hungry enough for lunch?” Phil shuffled through the small pack he’d brought until he found a wrapped sandwich and handed it to Dan.

 

“Did you make it?”

 

“I did actually.” Phil smiled. They sat cross legged near the edge of the water. The sun rays warmed them up enough that they had to remove their jackets.

 

“It’s kind of weird to imagine you cooking your own meals and stuff.” Dan snorted.

 

“Well I do. I make dinner and clean house and do laundry. I’m very domestic.” Phil said fervently.

 

Dan chuckled and they talked for a bit about what Phil’s favorite things to cook were, what shows he enjoyed, and books he’s read. Dan seemed to learn more about Phil everyday. They were just small things but he treasured each bit of information. He was beginning to count Phil’s emotional wall as a blessing. He thought he’d understood so much but being forced to dig for more information with words rather than his voice made their connection much deeper and intimate. It gave Phil a chance to tell him things rather than Dan just thinking he knew already.

 

“What’s your story anyway. How did you get into the Song House?” Phil asked.

 

Dan shrugged. “It’s not very interesting. My mother got pregnant on accident and as soon as I was born she dropped me off at the Song House.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Phil gave him the most pitiful look. “If she knew you now, she’d wish she didn’t.”

 

“Nah. It doesn’t bother me at all. I never felt the things the teachers told me to expect as I grew up. I didn’t feel abandoned or unloved. I knew raising a child couldn’t be easy, especially one you weren’t prepared for. And I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t grown up in the Song House.”

 

“I guess.” Phil was more hurt by Dan’s story than Dan himself was. It was so like Phil that Dan couldn’t help the affection for him that warmed his core.

 

“But I also always felt loved by the people around me. If I hadn’t, maybe I would have dealt with things different.” Dan watched a frown form on Phil’s face. He looked lost and confused for a while. Dan’s eyes flickered to where he knew the bruises were. A quick burst of heart ache struck him, like a bolt of lightening there and gone. Was Phil thinking of the bruises? Of how they go there? Of maybe Dan was entirely wrong and this mans agony came from elsewhere. Maybe the bruises were just a result of some accident. “Phil?” Dan called softly. Phil was suddenly uninterested in his sandwich and set it down.

 

“Yeah?” He replied distantly.

 

“I don’t want to...push you. I want you to know that I haven’t searched your strands since you told me not to.” Phil watched him carefully, interested now. “In my training my teachers told me that I did not always have the right to know what someone was feeling. I just didn’t quite understand that until you explained it to me.” Phil remained quiet and attentive, his chin resting on his hands and knees reminding Dan of a tall child. “But I know you have a hard time understanding yourself sometimes. And there’s something about you that I think you would want to know. But if you don’t want to hear it then I will say nothing. I promise I’ll never mention it again.”

 

Phil didn’t respond for a long time. Dan’s heart raced as the man stared fixedly into his eyes. “Okay. You can tell me.”

 

Dan hesitated for a few seconds later just in case he changed his mind. “It’s about the way you love.” Phil’s eyes flickered at this, softening just enough to encourage Dan to continue. “I know that when you love someone, it’s a very deep, intense feeling. And it would drown you if you weren’t careful. I also know that all you wish for is to be loved as deeply as you do yourself .” Phil’s fingers twitched. A nerve had been hit. “Phil, you love like a songbird does. With an understanding of why people act the way they do and say things they may not really mean. You give consideration for what their past may have been. You’re compassionate. But most people aren’t that way Phil. I worry about you because few love the way you do. I’m not sure anyone could give their heart to you the way you are willing to do for others.”

 

Dan searched his face, worried he’d said too much. Phil shifted uncomfortably and looked away. Were those tears in his eyes? Had Dan been horribly wrong to mention this? He just wanted to help. He wanted so desperately to fix this. Maybe he should of waited until after he had healed himself, when he was in his right mind.

 

“Are you saying there is no one out there for me?” His voice cracked and Dan moved to his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

 

“No, no. Not at all. I just want you to be careful about how much you give people. The person that’s right for you won’t force you to give all of yourself. Make sure to save some of your love for yourself, okay?” Perhaps if Phil was being hurt by someone Dan;s words would let him know that it didn’t need to be that way.

 

A shuttering breath passed through Phil’s lips. He nodded against Dan’s shoulder. “Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.”

 

But Dan didn’t think he meant it. His worry was not put at ease. He held Phil for a little longer before eventually scooting away. The water lapped at the edges beside him as if reminding him why he was really there. He reached over and found himself taking hold of Phil’s hand for his own comfort. He squeezed it and rubbed his thumb over the mans palm. Phil looked down at their hands and hesitantly copied the motion.

 

“Are you okay?” He whispered.

 

“Mmm. I will be.” Dan let go of the hand unwillingly and got to his feet. Phil’s eyes followed him but he stayed where he was on the grass, gazing up with curious eyes. Dan took a deep breath. He hummed subconsciously, finding his own strands and looking down at his reflection in the lake as though he’d see them floating around him there. His heart perked at the vibrations and promptly opened up the way for his voice to travel.

 

Dan new from hearing PJ sing the song that it was fragile, flowing and light with sudden raises in pitch. At the first sound it was sad but it would lift quickly. Dan couldn’t look as he started the song. He closed his eyes and let the melody grip him.

 

<https://youtu.be/iTm4TFrHGIk> -Suteki Da Ne-Erutan

 

_Angel white of labyrinth blue_

_Do you see me as I see you?_

_Soft darkened eyes haunted by dreamless sleep_

_Is it your ghost I see in the mirror?_

_Reach out to touch me dearest dream of mine_

 

Dan stretched out a hand out before him as if he really could touch the pain within himself.

_Open your eyes, say you’re alright_

_The glass shatters at the softest touch_

_Is there a soul beyond the shards?_

 

By now Dan’s heart started to truly react to the words. Tears seeped from his closed lids as he discovered the fear and damaged love. His voice skipped across the water. The forest around him seemed to have stopped their activities to listen. But all Dan could focus on was unknotting the strands, coaxing them from hiding.

 

_Warm tears sting my eyes_

_As all of these sweet memories flood back to me_

_Reminiscing now_

_The sun will set beyond the cruel mountain range_

_I’ll still be here_

 

Dan sang this verse to let himself know that being healed won’t change who he is. It was just to make him a better, happier person. He would still love and feel in the same way. His emotions would just be purer, untainted.

 

_Begging your heart to beat_

_Sweet defiled angel, open your eyes_

_My existence is not the same without you here_

Dan opened his eyes, facing his reflection and the last he would see of his heart’s current broken state. Now the healing would begin. His voice had reached the end of the strands and was now slowly repairing them with reassuring words and dreams.

_You shut your eyes and gave into that light_

_A beauty frozen in eternal light_

_Just when I realized the error of my ways_

_You slipped between my finger tips_

This part of the song had been unexpected and seemed to be the final tug needed to be-rid of the guilt he still held for causing Phil to lock him out. The song paused as a ragged breath was ripped from him. Once it had settled and the guilt withdrew he could continue.

_I was a fool, I was stuck I such bliss_

_Wish I could grant, you your first kiss_

_Sorrow only grows if you try to forget_

_You’re an eternal part of me_

_A sweet lullaby_

_Clasping my fragile heart and whispering your name_

_Soft embrace in my sleep_

_Is this a dream or is it yet another nightmare of thee_

 

 

Now came the final notes Dan was to tell himself to complete the healing. The final note to himself and it needed to be sung precisely. The tune slowed, became thoughtful, careful and cautioning.

 

_Don’t let this end_

_Wait on the other side_

_My beautiful angel, rest in peace_

_And I will slumber deep_

_Just please don’t let this die_

_I’ll see you soon..._

 

 

 

Phil

 

For a long while after he’d finished his song Dan stood there, a hand outstretched, his eyes focused on something way off in the distance. Phil said nothing. Speech had vanished from his mouth as soon as Dan had started the song. It had been different than others. Phil had seen the internal struggle the songbird battled. Every expression, hand gesture, and note had told Phil exactly what the boy had been feeling. Since any insight on Dan’s emotions was so rare, he absorbed every word. It had been Dan’s song. His own heart’s song. Phil had seen the moment in which Dan began healing. His face had softened, his breath evened and the tune had become smoother and more like a conversation between two people than a song at all.

 

Phil got to his feet as quietly as he could and stared out at the lake beside Dan. The songbird looked up at him, a new peaceful glaze over his eyes.

 

“Your song.” Phil said simply. Dan nodded. “What does it tell you?”

 

“It tells me not loose myself in others pain even though their sorrows live eternally in me. It reminds me that I am fragile and that dwelling on things I can’t fix will only make it worse. It tells me to not forget my own dreams.”

 

“What are your dreams?”

 

“I have the same dream that most have. To change the world and be loved.”

 

“I don’t think most people have as pure a heart as you.” Phil shook his head and smiled.

 

“I’d say the same about you but then what would the coincidence be that two people with the same dream were standing here side by side if ‘most’ people didn’t want that?”

 

“Perhaps you’re right.”

 

 

Your first kiss is something you will always remember. For Phil it had been Charlie. They’d been seventeen and Charlie convinced him to sneak out of the house to see fireworks one night. They’d drank some, not much. The evening had started with a group of people but as soon as the fireworks were over everyone had split off in different directions. That left him and Charlie, who had not yet explored anything outside of just being friends, alone under the stars, slightly tipsy. The kiss had been beautiful for a first one. He had wanted it. Sometimes though, Phil wondered if he hadn’t have had anything to drink at all, would he have still kissed Charlie that night? And if he hadn’t, would his life be different than what it was now?

 

Shortly after that first kiss, Phil also lost his virginity. He had been in no rush but he’d been so innocent and naive. He’d never explained to Charlie that he was in no rush for sex though, so he blamed himself when he was pressured into it. He’d trusted Charlie so much. Charlie knew what to do. Charlie wouldn’t push him into anything Phil couldn’t handle. Charlie knew what was best. Those were things Phil told himself the night Charlie had pushed him onto his bed, spread his legs and before Phil knew what was happening, it was over. Charlie hadn’t even bothered to completely undress him. Sure, he had climaxed but the whole thing had been so fast and underwhelming and painful.

 

He’d never had a kiss as good as his first.

 

Phil thinks this as he lays on his side in bed. He’d just been about to fall asleep when he felt Charlie move up behind him and begin kissing the back of his neck. This was the way Charlie had always been with sex. It was never a slow build up. It was as if the thought had come into his mind and that was that. He wanted it and knew he’d get it. Phil tried to pretend like he was already asleep. He shuffled away and groaned. A hand wrapped around his waist and pulled him back flush against hot skin. The persistent kissing continued and then Charlie was grinding against him, holding him in place.

 

Phil didn’t move. His eyes opened in a moment of a panic. Charlie had never raped him, not technically. But Phil knew when he didn’t have a choice and had therefore never rejected him. His heart started pounding a little harder. Really he should be glad that Charlie was touching him again. After their fight, he hadn’t come back for two days. After that it was as if Phil wasn’t even living in the same house as him. He ignored him completely. Until tonight that is, when he wanted something.

 

Phil silently prayed that Charlie would give up, huff in annoyance and flip over.

 

No such luck. A hand starting palming at his limp cock. He jerked forward at the unwanted sensation. The motion seemed to make Charlie think that he’d done something right. He grinned against Phil’s neck and pulled him onto his back by the shoulder.

 

“I knew you were awake you little brat.” Charlie laughed as he kissed Phil fully on the mouth.

 

“Sorry, I’m just tired.” Phil gasped out when Charlie finally let him speak. His partner leaned over him, ground against his front in short hard thrusts.

 

“You’re always tired.” Charlie licked at Phil’s collarbone. Phil held tightly onto his shoulders fighting over whether to hold Charlie to him or push him away.“God I missed you so much.” Charlie panted against his neck and situated himself in a way to remove Phil’s boxers, then his own. It was all moving too fast as always. Phil pushed pathetically at Charlie as if to get him off but the motion was ignored and instead Phil found his wrists pinned above him. This was one of Charlies favorite things to do. He loved making it impossible for Phil to even contribute to the pleasure that was supposed to be being given and taken.

 

The person that’s right for you won’t force you to give all of yourself. Dan’s words from earlier that day came to him.

 

Phil gasped when Charlie worked two fingers into him with a warning. He hadn’t even seen him grab the lube. The sound excited Charlie but all Phil could focus on was how thankful he was that his partner had used lube this time. Charlie kissed him roughly, biting his lip and making Phil feel used. Did he not care that Phil wasn’t kissing back, wasn’t touching back or moaning in response? Other times, he could always just shut off his brain and let what happened happen. But Dan’s words kept repeating in his head. Make sure to save some of your love for yourself.

 

“Charlie.” Phil forced his voice out from his tight throat. His heart thumped hard at what he was about to do. “Charlie stop.” He said when the body atop his continued to move.

 

“What?” Charlie hissed. He leaned back to glower down at Phil. Phil swallowed.

 

“I don’t want to. I want you to get off of me. Please.”

 

“What?” Charlie looked furious.

 

“I am tired and I don’t feel like this right now. Please get off. Tomorrow night okay? Maybe even in the morning. I promise.”

 

Charlie tsked and chuckled. “You should have thought of that before you got me all worked up. You know how it is. I can’t stop now, are you crazy?”

 

Before Phil could speak, lips were on his and he couldn’t breath. He was horrified and scared and so he jerked his head to the side, forcing Charlie’s off him. The hand tightened on his wrist, making him gasp.

 

“It’ll just take a second, I promise.”

 

Charlie entered him without warning and before Phil could cry out a hand slapped over his mouth. Tears sprung from his eyes and he thrashed upward. The weight on top of him seemed to triple. He screamed against the hand and soaked them with his tears but nothing had any effect. He barely got the air he needed from his nostrils and thought for sure he was going to pass out. Charlie’s movements quickened, his breath heavy in Phil’s ear. Phil thought it would never end and then suddenly Charlie stilled. His breathing shuttered and Phil stopped fighting. It didn’t matter now. Charlie had gotten what he wanted. And in that moment Phil realized that Charlie did not love him at all and probably never had.

 

 

Phil waited until he was sure Charlie was fast asleep before he slipped out of under the covers and quietly got dressed. In less than two minutes he was out the front door and standing in the chilled February air. Without thinking about where he was going, his heart guided him to the one person that made him feel loved.

 

 

Dan

 

Dan was not yet asleep when he heard his door creek open. It didn’t register at first that someone must be entering the room. No one had ever come to his room this late. He sat up slightly and saw a shadow pushing the door closed once again. The shadow faced him and stopped.

 

“Dan?”

 

“Phil? Is that you?” Dan asked even though the voice had given it away instantly.

 

“Y-yeah, it’s me.”

 

“What’s wrong? What are you doing here?” The only reason Phil would show up like this was if something was seriously wrong. He started to get out of bed.

 

“No, it’s okay. Stay there.” The man let out a hard breath. “Actually...I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m sorry. I should go.” Phil’s hand was back on the door knob.

 

“No wait, stop. Please.”

 

Phil stayed quiet for another moment before whispering timdily. “Can I stay here tonight?”

 

He was so scared. Dan heard it in his voice and it broke him. In response to the pain he searched for the wall he knew would be there. He was surprised to find that yes, the wall was of course there but it was trembling unsurely. He could see the cracks and if he really focused he could feel the fringes of damaged strands. Was Phil opening up to him again?

 

“Of course you can Phil. Come here.” Dan scooted back and held up the covers to invite him in. Phil was indecisive. He walked slowly over to the bed and then very timidly crawled in beside Dan.

 

Once he was settled, Dan looked into his eyes and the only word he could think to describe what he saw was defeat. “Oh Phil.” He murmured and wrapped his arms around the man. Instantly sobs shook his body and he practically melted into Dan. Dan held him securely as Phil continued to cry.

 

“You were wrong Dan. You were so wrong.” Phil was keening. Dan couldn’t imagine what he was talking about and he was terrified to pry and cause Phils wall to repair itself. All he could do was hold him.

 

“You’re safe here. I don’t know what happened but you’re safe right here.” Dan promised him.

 

Eventually Phil stopped crying and his grip around Dan’s waist loosened. Dan listened to his breathing and knew he must still be awake, his mind thinking of whatever had caused him to come here tonight. Dan gently ran his fingers through the mans hair as he allowed his soft voice to envelope them.

 

<https://youtu.be/Uen59x1NBRs> Song of the Sea Lullaby -Nolwenn Leroy

 

_Hush now, my Storeen_

_Close your eyes and sleep_

_Waltzing the waves_

_Diving the deep_

_Stars are shining bright_

_The wind is on the rise_

_Whispering words of long lost lullabies_

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the moon is made of gold_

_And in the morning sun_

_We'll be sailing_

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the ocean meets the sky_

_And as the clouds roll by_

_We'll sing the song of the sea_

_I had a dream last night_

_And heard the sweetest sound_

_I saw a great white light and dancers in the round_

_Castles in the sand_

_Cradles in the trees_

_Don't cry, I'll see you by and by_

 

As he started the chorus again Phil’s weak voice joined in. He felt a small bit of relief and gave the man a comforting squeeze.

 

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the moon is made of gold_

_And in the morning sun_

_We'll be sailing_

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the ocean meets the sky_

_And as the clouds roll by_

_We'll sing the song of the sea_

_Rolling, rolling_

_Rolling, rolling_

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the moon is made of gold_

_And in the morning sun_

_We'll be sailing free_

_Oh, won't you come with me?_

_Where the ocean meets the sky_

_And as the clouds roll by_

_We'll sing the song of the sea_

 

They sang the lullaby over and over until each drifted into sleep.

 

 

Dan woke groggily and unable to stretch due to a warm body pressed against him. He opened his eyes to see the back of Phil’s head on his pillow and smiled. Then he observed a line of bruises on the back of his neck and the smile quickly disappeared. Those had not been there yesterday. He followed his arm, saw light blue marks littering them. At his wrist the previously fading bruises were now deeper and darker.

 

Pain bubbled in Dan’s throat and chest and in one swift moment it was as if he hadn’t healed at all yesterday. “No.” He whined and held himself closer against Phil’s back. “Who would do this to you?”Who could be hurting so badly in their own heart that they were capable of hurting someone like Phil?

 

Dan ran his finger tips up and down the bruises tenderly. He hummed a melody and hoped it was reaching Phil in his deep sleep. Dan hadn’t meant to but the vibrations of his voice brought attention to the barely exposed strands of Phil’s heart. There were cracks in his wall. Dan touched them just barely with the tune so as to not scare them away. “Shhhh,” he soothed them. They didn’t acknowledge him at all, allowing him to move up them and peer through the ‘wall’.

 

Through this cracked barrier Dan could sense only the fringes of the emotions behind it. The defeat he’d see in Phil’s eyes was there, only he sensed that he wasn’t able to feel to feel it to its full extent. What he did know was that Phil couldn’t go on like this. Since the first day Dan had felt his pain he knew that no person could continue like this. But he knew he couldn’t heal him. Not even because of the law, screw the law, but this stupid wall.

 

So he couldn’t heal Phil but what if...what if he could heal the person that was doing this to him? Then it would fix Phil to a degree too.

 

Phil moved a little and then froze. His breathing had changed. Dan paused his humming but continued his soothing hand movements.

 

“Dan.” Phil whispered simply.

 

“Mmhmm.” Dan acknowledged with a small laugh.

 

Phil shifted so he could turn himself over and studied Dan. Dan’s eyes flickered to the exposed second arm and he frowned. The same bruises were littered there too. He touched onegingerly. Phil looked down at his own arm and flinched, quickly looking away.

 

“I can heal him.” Dan said softly.

 

“Heal who?”

 

“The person who did this to you. It’s your boyfriend, isn’t it?”

 

“No.” Phil said sternly.

 

“Phil I don’t care about the law. You shouldn’t have to go through this.”

 

Phil was shaking his head though. “You don’t know anything about this, about us, Dan. You don’t know what my day to day life is. This,” he indicated toward his arm, “this is not everyday.”

 

“No of course not.” Dan huffed. “Just last night and every other time I’ve noticed them. I’ve seen the ones on your wrist and neck before Phil. Please let me fix it.” He begged.

 

“No. I can’t let you. Charlie and I’s problems are ours. If you fix them, then are they really truly fixed or just covered over?”

 

“How can you wonder that? Phil, when I heal someone I heal them completely. He won’t hurt you and you won’t hurt anymore.”

 

Phil stroked Dan’s cheek and gave a weak smile. “I’m so glad that you care enough to do that for me. It’s why I came here last night but Dan please hear me when I tell you that that’s not what I want. Some things you just have to fix yourself, okay?”

 

“And what if he does this again?” Dan felt his insides scratching and clawing.

 

“He won’t. This was the first time he...” Phil’s voice faded and he looked distant. “Can we not talk about this right mow? I just really need to go on like normal okay?”

 

Dan didn’t want to agree but he also knew pushing Phil would not help him right now. “Okay.” He complied.

 

“Thank you. I’m going to take a quick shower okay?”

 

 

Phil

 

Phil mine as well have been a soulless body. He tried to walk normally as he got out of the bed and into the bathroom. He closed the door and forced himself to look at his reflection. The site made him hold his breath. When was the last time he’d looked in a mirror? Slowly he peeled off the shirt, and then his pants. He’d lost so much weight. When had this happened? Besides seeing his ribs there were the obvious bruises and marks.

 

Charlie hadn’t let him go when he asked, when he pleaded. Instead he’d pinned him down and...and...raped him. That was something strangers did to other strangers. How had this happened? Was it even considered rape when the person was your own mate?

 

Phil set his elbows down on the sink and buried his face into his hands. He’d been so selfish to take Dan’s advice. Save love for yourself. That was not what love was for. Love was to give to others. If Phil had only kept that thinking, then he wouldn’t have gone through what he had last night. Charlie had been right, he should have stopped him sooner if he’d really meant it. It wasn’t as though arousal was something you could just turn off. Phil had been an idiot. Stupid. Selfish.

 

He stood straight and forced the onslaught of tears back down. He would not cry any more tears for this. He turned on the shower and scrubbed himself of last nights event. He ignored how dirty he felt and refused to acknowledge how good it felt to scrub himself of Charlie right then.

 

 

Later that day the king requested both Dan and Phil to him. They stood before him in his office waiting as he finished writing something. Then he cleared his throat and looked cheerfully up at the two.

 

“I have a surprise for you.” He said simply. Dan and Phil glanced at one another. “For you Dan. “

 

“Me?” Dan asked in surprise.

 

“Yes of course you! Don’t ask so surprised! I would like to plan an event.”

 

“An event...?” Phil repeated. The king was a rather recluse type. He met with others as needed and when they requested but for him to plan something, that was out of character.

 

“Yes! An event for you Dan. You have completely changed my life. I can’t thank you enough for that and I’d like to show the entire country just how special a songbird is.” The king leaned closer to them and lowered his voice. “Dan, I want you to bring peace to the people at this event.”

 

Dan was shaking his head before he finished. “I...I...I can’t. It’s-”

 

“Against the law, yes. But I’m not asking you to heal each person out there. I just want you to bring peace to them. The way you do when I am anxious.”

 

Everyone quieted for a moment. Phil didn’t feel it was his place to say anything and Dan was in deep thought. A quiet tune started from Dan. The king sat back and furrowed his brows.

 

“What is it Daniel?”

 

Dan stopped humming and pursed his lips. “You aren’t telling me something. You’re frustrated, unsure, and on edge.”

 

The kings expression wrinkled and he shifted in his seat. “Perhaps. But that is not something you need to concern yourself with. I’d like if you could just do what I ask.”

 

“When is this event supposed to be?” Phil asked.

 

“Two weeks from tomorrow.”

 

“Right.” Phil blew out a long breath. This was going to be impossible.

 

 

Phil was to apparently to be the key planner to this event, something he had certainly never done before. He was a messenger, not an event planner. But the king was very insistent on Phil’s involvement. He intended to do his best but besides the pep talk he’d attempted giving himself that morning Phil was finding it difficult to even move one foot at a time. He wanted desperately to just sit and stare at a wall. He was tired of feeling, tired of trying and failing. He hadn’t even thought about walking through the front door of his own home. Perhaps his mind had purposely avoided that subject but it would need to be done.

 

Phil escorted Dan back to his room to give himself a chance to think about what he needed to do first. His brain was going in all sorts of directions but at half the speed it normally did and even less than what it needed to be at with this new assignment.

 

“Phil.” Dan placed a hand on Phil’s arm when they reached the door to his room. He looked at the songbird distractedly.

 

“Yes? I don’t think I can take you anywhere today Dan.” But as soon as the words left his mouth Phil knew he was wrong. The king had given Dan to him as his main assignment. Nothing was supposed to more important than that. He could think of event plans later. It would be best anyway since he had no idea where to begin. “Sorry,” he shook his head in disappointment of himself. “You are first priority. Forget what I said. Truly, what do you need? We can do anything.”

 

Dan stared at him pitifully for several moments, his hand still lingering on Phil’s forearm. He dropped it though and shook his head as if in disappointment. What had Phil done now?

 

“Phil you need to calm down. You are in no condition to do anything. You need to relax. You didn’t even eat breakfast. The plans can wait till tomorrow. And I don’t need anything okay? Look after yourself for once.”

 

Phil furrowed his brows in frustration. “I didn’t get where I’m at by pushing things off until tomorrow Dan. I don’t even know how I’m going to get this done within two weeks. I’ve never planned a party for myself let alone the king!”

 

“Phil, you’re not even thinking clearly right now. Please just take care of yourself.” Dan pleaded.

 

Phil sighed through a smile and stroked his thumb over Dan’s cheeks as though it were the most natural thing in the world. “I know you are worried but I’m okay now. I promise. Last night was just a mistake and I’m sorry that I brought my problems to you like that. It wasn’t fair. I just can’t think about my own life right now. I will take care of myself though. I’ll get some food right now okay?”

 

Phil did beg the kitchen for a bit of food and he was in fact hungry, but once the omelet was sitting in front of him his stomach turned and he just...couldn’t. He remembered how thin his reflection was in the mirror and forced a bite of egg down his throat every once in a while as he flipped through various magazines. He sat at a desk in one of the unused offices of the palace.

 

He spent the day writing a list of things he needed to do. It wasn’t much of a start but at least it made him feel a little productive. By the time he’d put the pen down his mind buzzed blankly and any motivation he had to exist died. He hadn’t seen anyone in the palace in a while and allowed his face to fall into the distressed lines he’d been holding back all day. He laid his head on the table and let out a shuttering anxious breath. The darkness behind his lids made him feel like he was in his bedroom again, his arms pinned and helpless. He forced them open tiredly. It was absolutely ridiculous that the image of the person he loved most made him want to vomit right then. Phil knew he was being over dramatic about the events. He would go home tonight and everything would be fine. Except the fact that Charlie woke up with you already out the door. Phil’s chest swelled painfully. He couldn’t hide at the palace forever. He looked at clock on the wall. Charlie would be expecting him home in just over an hour. Shoot! He’d spent the entire day sitting at this desk writing a list for Christs sake. He hadn’t even thought to check on Dan.

 

Phil gathered his magazines and list and quickly went to check on the songbird before heading home.

 

Only, as soon as Phil stepped outside of the palace his heart violently thrashed against his rib cage. It was hard to breath and next thing he knew he was back inside. He went back to the office he’d spent his day in, found the farthest corner of the room and slid down wall behind a dresser as he caught his breath and tried to slow his pulse. This is stupid Phil, you’re being stupid. You can’t stay here forever. He pulled at his hair and took deep breaths through his nose and out his mouth. His mind and heart were absolutely exhausted.

 

When his heart had finally slowed he leaned his head against the wall and sleep won the fight over his will.

 

Phil woke with a start. he sat up abruptly, making his head throb with an uncomfortable ache that had surfaced there. He groaned and rubbed at his eyes. It was already dark outside. He looked at the clock. Seeing the time he hung his head again. It was well passed the time he was normally home. He should be slipping under the covers right about now. Phil sat there on the floor for a while longer until eventually a pinprick of motivation got him to his feet. There was no way he could return home right now. He wasn’t in his right mind. He doubted he could even find his way home let alone play the dangerous game that awaited him once the front door was closed. Of course he knew that staying here wasn’t going to help the situation but the thought of going back right now...Phil imagined opening the door, Charlie waiting for him, hitting him, yelling at him, blaming him. He would be so angry. Phil had never left in the middle of the night and disappeared for an entire night. Perhaps he’d never seen just how angry Charlie could get. No, he wouldn’t go home tonight. He also couldn’t sleep on the floor of this office all night either.

 

He thought of last night, of sleeping beside Dan, listening to his lullaby, his hand running over Phil’s bruised skin. Just the memory of it soothed his anxiety. And he knew Dan wouldn’t ask questions.

 

It didn’t take any more convincing. He walked soundlessly through the empty dark maze to Dan’s room. He opened the door, stepped in, and shut it quietly. He stood there for a moment, waiting. The covers on the bed rustled and Dan sat up, leaning on his elbows. The songbirds shadow watched him and just seeing him erased Phil’s troubles. In an instant Phil was beside the bed. Dan lifted the covers and Phil slid in next to him. An arm wrapped around his waist and fingers skimmed through his hair, tingling his scalp. Tears of relief burned his eyes but he blinked them away. How could there be such a difference in the constricting way that Charlie held him and the close way that Dan did? One held him so tightly he shattered, while the other held the pieces together until they were mended.

 

I’m doing exactly what Charlie’s accused me of doing for years. Phil thought. He was right all along. I deserve every bruise I’ve had and more.

 

 

Despite the guilt wracking his insides, Phil slept peacefully. He awoke feeling rather gross considering he had been wearing the same clothes for three days. It wasn’t as if he could barrow Dan’s either since all he had were his songbird gowns. He knew that no matter what, tonight he would return home.

 

Dan said nothing about Phil staying with him again. Even in the morning when Phil lifted the covers and went to the bathroom to wash his face Dan kept silent. He came out of the bathroom feeling slightly better. Dan was dressed and stood leaning against the bed canopy with a pleading look in his eyes that met Phil’s.

 

“Thank you.” Was all Phil could manage before sneaking out of the room to continue what he had started yesterday.

 

The magazines were right where he’d left them. He sat down at the desk and began another list of where he would go and who he would talk to accomplish the first list.

 

Phil wasn’t sure how long he’d sat there bent over the paper, his forehead creased in concentration when one of the kings men entered the room. “Phil, sir?” The man called.

 

Phil’s head shot up having not expected to see anyone. “Um, yes?” He answered rather unprofessionally.

 

“Sorry to bother you, the king requests your presence.”

 

“Okay, thank you.” Phil gathered his papers and held them under one arm as he followed the man.

 

The king was in his office and had a rather serious aura about him when Phil entered. He too was bent over some papers on his desk, his reading glasses on the end of his nose. It made him look older than what he was.

 

“Your majesty.” Phil announced so as not to disturb the man too abruptly.

 

“Oh good, you’re here. I was worried you’d be off getting something for the event.” The man set down his glasses and leaned back in his chair.

 

“Not yet sir. Still making lists.” Phil held up the papers.

 

“Lists? No, Phil, you are supposed to be delegating.”

 

“Delegating...?” The word sounded terrifying to Phil.

 

“Yes! Your job as my messenger and the songbirds caretaker is far too important to be replaced. All I want is for you to tell other people what they should do. Let them take care of it. I should have made myself more clear. I’ll get several people that you can give instructions to and that will be that.”

 

“Oh.” Phil’s arm dropped to his side. This would have been good information to have at the beginning. “Right, okay.”

 

“But that’s not why I called you here. As you know this event is for our beautiful songbird. I need others to know how amazing he is. Just think of it Phil, think of what he could do for this country.” The kings eyes gleamed excitedly.

 

“I can’t say I understand.” Phil scratched at his head. “I think it’s fantastic that you’re having an event for him but he’s your songbird. What can he possibly do for anyone else?”

 

“Just look at him Phil. He’s calm, serene, hopeful, beautiful. I believe his presence in conjunction with his voice will give my people the optimism and hopefulness that every person desires. All I’ve ever wanted as a king was to make people content. Forget military support and alliances with other nations. Those things are necessary but isn’t the reason I am here to bring peace and prosperity? Phil, I can only do so much. I can’t prohibit a child from being abandoned, or cure sicknesses. I can’t prevent death or stop a man from beating his spouse.”

 

Phil swallowed at that.

 

“But my songbird. He can make that child that was abandoned feel loved and needed. He can give faith to the sick and comfort the grieving.”

 

It took a minute for Phil to connect what the king was telling him. Could it be that he was willing to allow the songbird to sing for others? “Your majesty...”

 

“Yes Phil. I intend for Dan to bring happiness to my people.”

 

“But the law.”

 

“I know the law. And I don’t mean that individuals will have private sessions with my songbird. However, I can see no wrong coming from Dan singing for all to have peace. He won’t be singing their song.”

 

“Is that even possible?” Phil wondered. Singing to large crowds of damaged souls was never supposed to be part of Dan’s role. He imagined Dan singing a song of peace over the people of the land. It would be incredible. If indeed Dan was capable of such a thing the effects would be...unimaginable. He thought back to the times he himself had been anxious and Dan had hummed. Even just those soft melodies had calmed his heart. To give others that same gift...

 

“I’m not sure to be honest.” The king pursed his lips.

 

“How would you like me to be involved in this?” Phil wondered curiously.

 

“I’d really like to do something for the songbird. A gift perhaps? All he’s done is give to me, and hopefully soon to others as well. You spend more time with him than myself. I was hoping you might have suggestions.”

 

“A gift...” Phil could think of nothing materially that the songbird had expressed a desire for. He enjoyed memories and moments, not things. Phil thought of Dan’s connection with the sea and the spot by the lake, how he was fond of looking out his windows or observing people on the pier. He connected with everyone he passed by, invisible bonds created with strangers emotions that he wished desperately he could fix. “Allowing him to heal others would be the most profound gift the songbird could fathom I believe.” Phil said honestly.

 

“Perhaps. Surely there has to be something else though. Something he’s longed for? You’ve been to the city a few times, did something catch his eye in a store?”

 

Phil recalled them lying on Dan’s bed the morning he’d taught Phil the lullaby. “I missed this,” he had said. He’d missed singing with others. He had missed someone else singing to heal his heart.

 

“I might have an idea, but it’s probably impossible.” The idea sparked and he could imagine Dan’s overwhelming joy but there was no way the Song House would allow it.

 

“Go on then, tell me.” The king pushed.

 

“Dan has mentioned how different it is to have to heal himself with his own songs since in the Song House there was another songbird that would do it for him. He’s talked about him several times. I think he misses him quite a lot. What if...what if the Song House let them see each other again? What if you could bring him here for a day?”

 

“Another songbird?”

 

“Yes. And what if...maybe the other songbird could be here for the night of the event. With two of them singing...”

 

“I see where you are going with this.” The king nodded agreeably.

 

“But I doubt they’d allow us to take him. He hasn’t been through the training Dan has and they would never allow either songbird to sing to a crowd.”

 

“They wouldn’t have to know.” The king said simply. “Tell them simply that Dan would like to see this other songbird. Surely they would understand home sickness.”

 

“It’s not that easy to get them to-”

 

“You have my heart set on it now. It’s a magnificent idea. If this other songbird is half as amazing as Dan, just imagine what they could do. Please, you must at least try. I will put no blame on you if it can’t be done and in that case, I will think of something else. You must go immediately to the Song House.”

 

Panic spiked up Phil’s spine. “Oh no your majesty. I can’t go. I have so much to do here and the songbird...”

 

“All will be fine. I can trust no one else on this assignment. I will give someone else the job of planning the event until you return and a substitute can found for Dan for a couple of days. You must do this Phil. For me and for the songbird.”

 

Phil new that he couldn’t say no. The king was requesting it kindly but he would insist if necessary. He sighed heavily. The head ache from the previous night emerged yet again. “I will go. Of course I will go your majesty. Can I ask for permission to leave not today but perhaps Thursday so that I am only two days away from my duties here?”

 

 

The king had agreed to Phil’s request but it didn’t really make anything easier. All it had done was give Phil more time to stew in anxiety. Why had he brought up the other songbird? It was a crazy idea. It would never work. It was a waste of time. The Song House would probably laugh in his face and swiftly escort him out. Maybe they’d even demand Dan be returned to them for his stupidity.

 

The Song House was actually the least of his worries though. Now he still had to plan much of this event, with four less days, return home to an enraged Charlie, and then proceed to disappear for four more days. Who knew what kind of mood Charlie would be in by then. Maybe Phil would never even make it to the Song House. He likely wouldn’t make it passed tonight.

 

All these thoughts and emotions went through his head and yet he could do nothing more than what he’d been told and what he knew he needed to do. First things first was to inform Dan that he’d be gone, without telling him why. At the same time he had make sure Dan knew everything was fine, even though it wasn’t and in fact Phil might never return at all.

 

It all just made Phil want to collapse to his knees and let time pass by without him. He didn’t yet feel he had the strength to act okay in front of Dan and so he returned to his temporary desk and attempted making sense of what he should do next. He’d only been sitting there for maybe thirty minutes when a middle aged blond women walked into the office and cleared her throat timidly to get his attention. He recognized her as one of the people he’d hired as Dan’s maids.

 

“Can I help you?” He asked. He prayed it wasn’t another assignment of some sort. He really couldn’t add another thing into his overstuffed brain at the moment.

 

“The songbird asked to see you. I believe he has a request.”

 

“Oh, alright then. Thank you. I’ll be right there.” The women left the room and Phil’s body sagged against the chair. Apparently there was going to be no procrastinating anything. He allowed himself only a moment of preparation before standing and yet again collecting his mess of notes and lists.

 

When he arrived in Dan’s room the songbird was just setting down a tray of food on his table. Phil raised his eyebrows at this as he closed the door behind him.

 

“A little late for lunch and early for dinner don’t you think?” Being in Dan’s presence could immediately put him at ease. Was it because he was a songbird, or because he was Dan?Dan smiled and unwrapped a spoon from a cloth napkin.

 

“For me yes, but not for you.”

 

“What do you mean?” Phil walked toward him and peered at all that was on the tray. Steam billowed from two bowls. Perfectly baked bread rested on small plates beside them. The smell of the yeast was fresh and Phil’s stomach grumbled obnoxiously. There were also two pieces of cheesecake drizzled with strawberry sauce.

 

“What I mean is, eat.” Dan approached him in the appealing, gentle manner he had. For a moment Phil was transfixed by the boys brown eyes. He’d gotten so used to being around the songbird that sometimes he overlooked just how beautiful this person was. He hadn’t been spending that much time away from Dan but suddenly Phil was reminded of the first time he’d seen the boy from behind glass. He had a strange longing to reach out and touch him, touch his cheeks and lips.

 

“Stop staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost and sit down.” Dan laughed and took Phil’s hand, guiding him to the table.

 

“Sorry,” Phil apologized. His face burned with a blush. “You just look...different for some reason.”

 

“Mmm, I took a shower a bit ago. My hair is probably just extra fluffy.” Dan rolled his eyes and Phil smiled.

 

“What’s this about again?” He asked as Dan handed him a spoon.

 

“You didn’t eat breakfast again. And considering you haven’t been home to make a lunch I figured you didn’t have that either.”

 

“Uh, no. I didn’t.” Phil raised his arms when Dan placed a bowl of hot soup on the table cloth before him.

 

“It’s really good. I’ve had it before so I asked them to make it again today.”

 

“Didn’t you already eat though?” Phil stirred his soup around with the spoon, spotting chunks of potato and leafy vegetables.

 

“Nope. I waited until you could get here. I really don’t know how you stand to just miss meals.”

 

“It’s not on purpose. I just forget.” Phil shrugged and ripped off a piece of bread. He wanted to eat, he really did. He knew he needed to too. But as soon as the food was near his mouth he had to set it down. It had something to do seeing himself in the mirror that morning. He was disgusted with himself.

 

Dan

 

Dan pretended not to be observing Phil. But when he saw the man set down the bread after barely giving it a glance he wanted to scream. How long was Phil willing to go on like nothing was wrong? Did he really not notice what state he was in? Dan had tested the wall between again last night when Phil slipped into his bed without a word. It still trembled slightly but Dan realized that it wasn’t the wall itself that he thought was breaking. He’d thought that Phil was finally going to open up to him again but it was quite the opposite. All of Phil was trembling. He hadn’t been about to open up to Dan, he was just on the edge of falling apart completely. the first night Phil had come to him, the cracks in the wall had allowed Dan to feel the strands ever so slightly. Last night though, it was as though they had disappeared. He’d begged for them to come out but he hadn’t so much as a single vibration in response. The wall hadn’t been repaired, it was still cracked, so what did it mean? It terrified Dan. So he’d held Phil tightly to him hoping it would be enough to get him through the next day.

 

“Just try it, please?” Dan’s voice broke with the plea. Phil gazed at him sadly. He nodded. Dan didn’t take a bite of his own soup until the piece of bread was swallowed down Phil’s throat. Only then did he return to his meal. He felt a little more relieved with each bite that Phil took. He said nothing about whether he liked the soup or not but at least he ate it. The cheesecake was left untouched but that was okay.

 

“So I have some news.” Phil said as Dan took the last bite of his dessert.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Nothing exciting.” Phil shrugged. “I have to leave Thursday.”

 

“Leave? Leave where?” Dan didn’t like the sound of that. How could he know if Phil was okay if he wasn’t here with him?

 

“I’ll be back on Monday. No big deal. I just need to pass a message along for the king.”

 

“A message that will take you that long to deliver?” Dan was skeptical. Phil was avoiding his eyes and his casual tone didn’t match the lines on his face.

 

“Sometimes theres a message like that. Not too often but this is one of them. Someone will be here for Thursday and Friday to replace me if you need anything.” Phil was stacking their plates and wiping away bread crumbs. It was obviously a way to distract himself, and Dan for that matter.

 

“Okay.” Dan bit the inside of his cheek.

 

“Is something wrong?” Phil paused his movements to search Dan’s face.

 

“No, no. Not at all. It’s just going to be weird not having you here.” Dan rubbed at his arm and looked away as he asked his next question tentatively. “Are you going to...stay here tonight?” He wouldn’t admit it out loud but he didn’t imagine ever sleeping again if Phil wasn’t there beside him.

 

“Uh, no. Not tonight. I don’t think I can get away with wearing the same clothes again.” Dan looked up just in time to see Phil give a feign smile.

 

“I guess that’s probably true.” He attempted a smile back.

 

“In fact, if you don’t mind I was thinking of leaving work early today. I need to pack for the trip.”

 

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

“I’ll be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it might be weird that I haven’t given the king a name. My reasons are 1) I can’t be bothered 2) This is a PHANfic, I don’t like to put too much into side characters. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think of where this is going and if there are certain things/scenes you’d like to see! I’m pretty flexible when it comes to my fics. I had a harder time with this chspter only cause I could have taken the story in so many different directions. I hope that you are ultimately okay with what I went with :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a brief narrative from PJ and Kit

Phil

 

Phil’s heart had never beat as hard as it was when he eventually made it home. He’d decided earlier that day that when he arrived he’d act as normally as possible. So without a pause in his step he opened the door and walked in. He’d imagined the worst so that he could prepare for anything. What he hadn’t prepared for was...nothing. The lights were off, the blinds open, the TV black. Charlie wasn’t in the living room.

 

Phil crept to the kitchen. No one. Was Charlie waiting behind a corner? Perhaps he was simply sitting on the bed waiting for Phil to come to him instead. It wasn’t typical but Phil had to think of everything.

 

“Charlie? I’m home.” He called down the hallway as he slowly made his way to the bedroom. He kept a hand on a wall as though it would help him turn and run faster. Not that it would help but his instincts insisted. “Came home early so I could make a nice dinner. How does that sound?” Phil said as casually as he could manage in his panic. His feet finally stopped in the doorway. There was no one here. Charlie wasn’t here. That didn’t make sense. It wasn’t normal for Phil to be home this early. Maybe Charlie was at the store or with friends. He did still work some but it was minimal. Whatever the reason Phil now had to wait. He wasn’t sure which was worse. He’s prepared himself for this very moment for the last two days. Now that it was here, and there was nothing, his body didn’t know what to do with the adrenaline it had summoned.

 

Dinner. Charlie would want things to go back to normal too. That’s what he’s always done. So Phil dug through the cabinets and began preparing an elaborate meal. It couldn’t appear too elaborate though. Charlie would catch on to Phil trying to suck up and might not appreciate it.

 

Hours passed. Phil sat at the table, plates set, glasses full, food keeping warm on the stove, a candle lit and the house clean. And yet it was ten PM and still Charlie was not home. A couple of times he’d swore he heard something and leapt to his feet. But each time it ended up being nothing. Maybe even just his imagination.

 

By eleven Phil gave up. He put the dishes and food away and got ready for bed. He still didn’t want to sleep. He was too on edge. What if he fell asleep and didn’t hear Charlie come home? What if he was pulled from the bed and pummeled in the dead of night? He would never have imagined Charlie doing something so intense and violent just three months ago but since then his partner had proven himself to be far different person than even Phil knew existed. How could he have kept this dark side of himself hidden for so long? Or had Phil just never hit the wrong buttons before?

 

Phil sat upright in bed until far into the night. He gripped the sheets anxiously. His body seemed to make a final decision for him though and he drifted into blackness. 

 

 

Phil woke earlier than usual much in the same position he’d fell asleep in. The first thing he did was look to the spot beside him. It hadn’t been touched. His mind still groggy he quietly got out of bed and leaned into the hallway, listening for any sound that might indicate Charlie was somewhere in the house. Phil’s neck was sore from sleeping as well as a few other parts of his body.

 

It seemed he would have to continue the wait.

 

 

Dan

 

Phil had a bag slung over his shoulder when he came to Dan’s room the next morning.

 

“I thought you weren’t leaving until tomorrow.” He inquired. He was setting a place for Phil at the breakfast table again.

 

“Oh, uh, maybe. I haven’t decided to be honest. I might just leave tonight so that I can get home sooner.”

 

Now that he was in clean clothes and shaven Phil looked far more put together than he had the last couple of days. Dan realized that the reason he probably looked less sickly too was because he wore a long sleeve shirt that covered the bruises. He couldn’t wait until they were gone for good. Every time he saw them he couldn’t help but imagine how they got there. From there he’d just feel sick.

 

Dan coasted over to Phil as he replied. “That would be nice I guess.” Dan took the bag from Phil’s shoulder and set it on the ground beside the door. He wanted to check something and he knew Phil wouldn’t willingly show him. Phil eyed him carefully, knowing he must be up to something. Dan first took Phil’s hand in his own before raising the arm.

 

“What are you doing?” Phil asked in a hushed tone.

 

Without replying Dan slid the sleeve of the shirt up passed his elbow. Phil recoiled but only for a second. He tensed and looked away as Dan ran his fingers over the skin. The bruises were lighter, but not by much. He pulled the sleeve down and hesitantly held his fingers at the collar of Phils shirt, giving him a chance to push Dan away if he wanted. He didn’t but still refused to turn toward him. Dan felt him swallow as the back of his hand ghosted over the colored skin there.

 

“This one looks better.” He stepped away from Phil, giving the man the space he needed to be able to look Dan in the eyes again. “Now come over to the table. I ordered you breakfast.”

 

“Dan I-”

 

But Dan was already walking away. “It’s pancakes and coffee. You can’t tell me it’s possible to resist either of those things.”

 

“Fine.” Phil replied, but there was a smile there too.

 

 

Phil

 

Phil did in fact board a train that evening. It was true that he wanted to get this particular assignment over with. It was weighing on his mind and he was certain the Song House would laugh at him on his way out the door. It was a waste of his time. Except...maybe not. This was for Dan. If there was a small chance that the boy could see his songbird companion again Phil knew it would make him so happy. And that’s what he enjoyed doing wasn’t it? Making people happy? So Phil endeavored to change his view of this mission. He had hours ahead of him to think of how he was to convince the Song House to allow a precious and priceless songbird out of their care just so he could see a friend.

 

It was the next afternoon when Phil reached the familiar little town. It was comforting in a strange kind of way. He’d spent quite a bit of time here. He had to go on quite the search to find Alex again. The man had not been where he typically was but that made sense. Neither of them expected to see the other ever again.

 

“What the hell are you doing back at this dusty dump?” Alex greeted Phil with a rough hand shake. After asking multiple strangers various questions he’d been directed to an old shack just a little ways from the center of town where apparently Alex lived. Phil had recognized the horses out front and knew it was the right place. “Surely you aren’t here to purchase another songbird.” The man laughed hardily.

 

Phil shrugged. “Well, not exactly. But...it’s a long story.”

 

“I know, I know. You’re not one to answer questions and I’m not really one to ask them. But is it safe to assume you’re heading back up to the House?”

 

“That it is.”

 

 

PJ

 

PJ was in the lunch room with a group of other students when a strange sensation pricked at his insides. It was such an unusual thing to feel that he quickly swallowed his food and shushed everyone at the table. They quieted immediately. PJ hummed faintly. A few of the students followed suit but it was the two young songbirds a couple tables down that PJ made eye contact with. They met his gaze knowingly and all three stood.

 

PJ met the boy and girl at the door and together they started down the hall towards the fine ropes of pulsating emotions that had drawn them. They each hummed almost too quietly to hear. He ignored the group of students that strung along a respectful distance in their wake. Those that had some training and were humming likely also felt an inkling of the strangers heart ache. The young boy and girl on either side of him felt much more than other students. But only PJ could feel the reverberation of true anguish. The closer they got to the main entrance of the Song House the more intense the emotions were.

 

“Who could it be?” The young songbird named Adah asked.

 

“Maybe it’s someone who wants a songbird.” The boy, Aaron, exclaimed excitedly. “You would be going to a new home PJ!”

 

“Shhh,” PJ told him and Aaron calmed himself again. “Don’t presume anything, either of you. And definitely don’t get worked up over anything.”

 

Even more strange than the emotions was the sudden outburst from a voice just ahead. It was a man. He didn’t speak loudly, but his tone was passionate and pleading.

 

PJ stopped just before the hallway opened into the entry and leaned against the wall, placing both hands on the cold surface. Everyone stopped behind him, remaining as silent as gliding feathers.

 

The stranger stood talking to Kit, one of Daniel’s previous teachers. Kit had a determined, though unsettled look on her face. Her emotions were flared up but the man’s were simply all over the place. PJ had never felt something so complicated. Some of the strands were flailing about aimlessly, others were knotted and unmoving, as though dead all together. And still there were others that PJ could barely see the outline of. He could sense their feelings but it was as if they were dulled. There were so many and few, if any of them, were undamaged. He felt his heart pounding with the desire to heal but also not knowing where to begin if he could.

 

Someone placed a hand on PJ’s forearm. He stopped humming and looked down to see Adah there, looking up at him pitifully. Whether she was relating with him or trying to comfort him he wasn’t sure. Their attention was quickly pulled back to the stranger.

 

“It would mean so much to him, you don’t understand.” The man pleaded.

 

“I don’t care. Of course he would love to see him again but that’s simply not how it works Phil. I’m sorry, I really am. I gave him everything he needed to survive in that world. If he can’t then...well then I failed and being a songbird clearly wasn’t his right calling.”

 

Songbird? They had to be talking about Dan. Was this Dan’s master? Just thinking of Dan again made a yearning unlike any other tug at his heart.

 

“And just think about how Dan first reacted to the outside world. That was after months of training. PJ wouldn’t be able to stand.”

 

“What if I brought him back here then?”

 

Kit looked down and shook her head. “Songbirds are not permitted to return unless they are retiring from their services. We used to do that. We used to have reunions you could say but we quickly found that bringing them back here only caused more problems. Imagine being thrown back and forth between a peaceful world and a vicious one. It ruined them. They didn’t want to return to that pained world and when they did, they were less and less capable of surviving in it. Dan can never come back here.”

 

Why could this stranger possible want to bring Dan back? And why had PJ’s name come up? He hummed, searching this strangers strands again but this time looking for something specific. There were many strands leading away from heart, seemingly off into nothing but PJ could follow those connections until they met up with another heart. They were Phil’s relationships. Two stood out to him. One was strained, crinkled, and pained, even as it included love. The other was also love but entwined with fear, concern, responsibility, affliction, and...resentment. The emotion was so different from the others PJ wondered if he’d gotten something wrong. How could you resent someone you loved and had concern for? At the other end of this strand was a heart that PJ recognized so completely that he felt tears burn his eyes with the memories he shared with it. Dan. Phil had a connection strong enough with Dan that PJ could detect it easily. But this only confused him more. He was absolutely certain that this heart was Dans and that Phil felt these incredible things toward him but there was something dead center of their entwined strand that PJ didn’t know was possible. There was a wall. An immense one that would certainly block Dan from reading Phil’s heart at all. It was as if everyone else in the world was on one side of the wall and Dan alone was kept at a distance, completely closed off.

 

“PJ.”

 

The sound of his name snapped PJ out of the world of hearts and strands. He looked around and realized he’d stepped away from his hiding place behind the marble and was halfway to Kit and Phil. He looked down at his feet as though they had had a mind of their own and carried him there. But he was here now. He looked into the eye of the stranger who had turned to him curiously.

 

“You were talking about Dan.” He meant the words for Kit but he couldn’t take his eyes off the damaged man.

 

“Yes, but everything is fine. Phil was just leaving.” Kit settled a hand on Phil’s shoulder to guide him away.

 

“No, it’s not.” PJ’s contradiction through Kit off and she furrowed her brows at him. “It’s not fine, is it.” He asked Phil, who was watching in intently. His lack of response was the only answer PJ needed.

 

“You’re the other songbird, you’re PJ.” Phil noted. PJ nodded. Phil smiled kindly at him. “Dan talks a lot about you. He misses you so much.”

 

“As do I.” PJ admitted.

 

“PJ, stop this okay. Phil needs to leave. He misunderstood the requirements is all.”

 

PJ ignored Kit, instead stepping closer to Phil. “Why have you shut Dan off?” He asked openly and only out of concern for his lifelong friend. It took a minute for the words to hit the stranger. Phil stared blankly and then confusedly.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You love him don’t you?”

 

Phil took a step back and his eyes widened. “Well I don’t know if...I don’t think...not in any way-” He glanced nervously at Kit as he stumbled over the words.

 

“Okay, perhaps not love,” PJ said, only to stop the man from continuing on. “Not love but you care a lot about him.”

 

Phil pursed his lips. “Yes.”

 

When PJ spoke again he lowered his voice, hoping only Phil could hear. “You worry about him. You fear for him and feel responsibility towards him and yet...you resent him. “

 

“Of course I don’t resent him.” Phil said fervently.

 

“But you do.” PJ knew he wasn’t wrong about this. “You built a wall to block him from you.”

 

Phil had that bewildered look on his face again. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

 

“How can you not know? You blocked him Phil. He can’t read you. You won’t let him.” PJ was genuinely confused as to how Phil could not know this.

 

Kit stepped close to them now, looking from PJ to Phil. “Phil? Is that true? How? Why?”

 

“I don’t know! I didn’t know there was a wall.”

 

Kit swung to PJ. “If Phil has a wall then how can you read him?”

 

“The wall is only for Dan. Anyone else could read him, just not Dan.” PJ explained.

 

“Why would you need to do that Phil?” She watched the man carefully when he didn’t respond. “Is there something going on that shouldn’t be?” Kit’s tone threatened. “Have you pushed yourself on him?”

 

Phil shook his head. “No, no, nothing. I promise you nothing like that.” He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. “Look, I came here as a request from the king. I see that it was a huge mistake. He simply wanted to do something kind for his songbird and I thought being able to see PJ would be the best gift he could possibly receive.”

 

“But then you brought up the fact that Dan might not be doing all that well. You suggested that someone needed to sing for him. Can you not see how that concerns me?”

 

“It was a mistake. Dan is fine. We all have bad days. He sings himself his own song and I’m sure he’s doing well. He’s happy enough, I promise. I just thought since PJ used to, that...” Phil turned away and started toward the open doorway.

 

“Wait.” Kit called after him. Phil stopped, hesitating before turning around. “Something is obviously not right here. What PJ is saying about this...wall, I don’t like it. I think...I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think someone needs to check on Dan and look at this entire situation. My first concern is my songbird. And yes, he is my songbird, not your kings. I raised him, I trained him. This also happens to be my life’s work. So in a business sort of way, I need to make sure that that boy is being treated correctly. And that doesn’t just mean physically, I mean his emotions as well.”

 

PJ felt the anxiety spike in Phil. The man said nothing as Kit thought before continuing.

 

“If I find out that anything is going on that shouldn’t, I will remove Dan from the situation he is in. I have that right.”

 

“I know you do.” Phil ducked his head humbly.

 

“Here’s what I am going to do. PJ, pack your things. You are going into the city to see Dan. But you are not going there to catch up. There aren’t many of you these days and out of the three songbirds you’re clearly the only one ready enough to handle the outside. Your job is find out what is going on here. Do you understand?” Kit’s tone was firm but PJ knew she was just scared. She was so scared. Scared of losing Dan, of losing PJ, of failure.

 

“I do.” PJ agreed, even though his own sort of tension and fear was there now.

 

“And your teacher goes with you.”

 

 

Kit

 

“This could ruin him.”

 

Kit nodded knowingly at PJ’s teacher. “It could.”

 

“I won’t even know where to continue from when we return. This is going to mess up his training.” Stephen ran a hand through his hair.

 

This is what she’d been worried about when she decided on sending PJ. She wasn’t sure how Stephen would react to the news. “He’s not coming back.”

 

Stephen stared at her incredulously. “Not coming back? We only just started the training for his master. I haven’t even told him that he’s been purchased yet.”

 

“I know. And don’t tell him until this...this mess is dealt with. It’s not ideal but I feel it’s the best decision.”

 

“Not ideal? We’ve never done this before! We could lose both songbirds! We have few as it is. There’s some potential from a few of the young students but you know how that can go.”

 

“Consider PJ’s time out in the world as his training. It’s certainly a more...intense program but he’s strong. And who knows, maybe it will be more effective than training him here in such a controlled environment. Perhaps he’ll be ready sooner. His master certainly wouldn’t complain about that.”

 

Stephen sighed heavily. “Maybe. Maybe it will work. But this is quite the risk, and I don’t like it.”

 

 

Watching another one of her students prepare to leave was heart breaking. She’d never expected to see two songbirds leave in her lifetime, let alone in the same year. It left a lonely emptiness in her like no other. This was their purpose though. This is what the Song House was for. They changed lives for the better. Specifically lives of the people that had enough influence in the world to pass on their newfound joy to others. Dan’s master had a particularly more capable time at this. Kit often wondered though if the Song House could be doing more than they were. Had they truly seen a difference in the world with the songbirds sold every few dozen years? She didn’t think so. But when she thought back to all the people Dan individually healed, their lives were truly changed. And could they not being that contentedness to their family and friends? In their own small way, they were contributing to the world’s change.

 

In that moment Kit made a decision.

 

“PJ,” she called. The boy who was occupied packing his things turned to her.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I need to speak with you before you go.”

 

 

Phil

 

Having PJ stand before Alex’s horse, clutching a small bag was far too familiar for Phil. This time though there was another man here as well. He was PJ’s teacher and Phil hoped that with his help the songbird would have an easier time entering into the city than Dan had.

 

“I didn’t exactly count on taking two extra people back.” Alex muttered as Phil held the horse still for Stephen to mount.

 

“I know, I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t expect anyone to be returning with us. I can walk a horse.” Phil offered.

 

“No, no. You ride with the songbird, I’ll walk the other.”

 

Phil blew out a breath and quickly got on the horse. “You’re with me.” He told PJ. The boy took Phil’s hand to help himself up. It would be a slow journey back but they were finally on their way.

 

Phil wanted to be as happy about bringing this songbird back to the palace as he had about bringing Dan back but he had to admit, the feelings weren’t the same. It’s not that he wasn’t happy to be bringing him back, he just didn’t know what to expect. What if PJ wasn’t as strong as Dan? What if he broke down the second he entered the train? What if PJ didn’t agree with singing in front of a crowd? What if the Song House found out that that was exactly what the king wanted him to do? What if Dan got taken away...?

 

The thought of not having Dan around made Phil feel sick. Until Kit had warned that she could in fact take him back, Phil had never imagined a future without Dan there. It was crazy considering he wasn’t necessarily a part of Dan’s future. Who knew what would happen in the years to come. Phil could be reassigned to another job.

 

Or...he could get thrown against the wall hard enough to kill him the second he walked through his front door tomorrow.

 

“You’re so scared.” PJ whispered behind him. Phil shifted uncomfortably and sighed heavily.

 

“Look, PJ. I know you mean well. But please remember that I spend the majority of my day with someone that can tell me exactly how I’m feeling. I know that I spend most my life afraid and anxious, you don’t need to tell me. I’m not saying this to hurt you. But perhaps you will learn very quickly that bringing up others pain is not a kindness.” Phil truly did not want to hurt the songbird but every word he’d said was true. And he did believe it was important for PJ to understand what he had told him rather quickly.

 

Phil realized then that this was another reason he wasn’t entirely thrilled about bringing the songbird back with them. He was tired of his faults and fears spoken aloud. Though, according to PJ, Dan hadn’t been able to read his strands since he’d built a wall. He couldn’t imagine when this happened and how his mind had just decided this subconsciously. He wondered how true it was, not that he had any reason to doubt the strange accusation. When he thought about it though, it did make sense. The way Dan had been acting toward him the last few weeks, how he’d stopped humming nearly as often as he used to, the way he looked at Phil as though he couldn’t quite figure him out.

 

“I’m sorry.” PJ replied simply.

 

Phil rubbed at his eyes. “No, I’m sorry. It’s just been a long week is all. I’m tired. Please forgive me.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Can you answer a question for me PJ?” Phil asked.

 

“I can try.”

 

“This...wall, you say that I built it to stop Dan from reading me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you know how long it’s been there?” Phil was timid about the question. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know, or if PJ would find his questions annoying. The boy was quiet for a long moment.

 

“No, I can’t. Do you want me to tell you what I can about it though?”

 

“Y-yes. I do.” He replied hesitantly, again not entirely sure if he wanted to know.

 

“The wall was strong at one point I think. But it’s not anymore. It’s very broken. As broken as the rest of you.”

 

PJ had said the words so easily but when Phil heard them, he stopped breathing. As broken as him? His brain nearly shut down at that exact moment. That simple sentence had been almost more than he could bare just then. Broken. Broken. Broken. The word repeated over and over, resounding with everything Phil knew of himself. He didn’t want to hear anymore and would have told PJ so but the songbird must of somehow known that he was done with the conversation. They remained quiet for the rest of the ride.

 

 

Phil had not been able to plan the train rides timing as he had with Dan. It was busier than he would have liked.

 

“You’ve been to the city correct?” Phil asked Stephen in an abrupt moment of panic that he could be taking two overwhelmed people to the city.

 

“Yes, of course. Teachers go into more populated areas fairly regularly for supplies and sometimes personal reasons. How else could we train our students to bare it if we couldn’t do it ourselves?”

 

“I suppose so.” Phil sagged against his seat in relief. PJ was eyeing people as they passed but he wasn’t nearly as terrified as Dan had seemed.

 

“Besides that, I am not a songbird. Right now I sense very little. PJ feels much more than that but only if he hums or sings can he truly get a sense of what emotions are around us.” Stephen explained further.

 

“Unless it’s overly intense. I was in the lunch room eating when I felt you nearby.” PJ nodded toward him.

 

“Oh.” Phil frowned. He leaned his head against the glass. Stephen leaned over to PJ and began talking to him in hushed tones so Phil watched the trees blur by until he fell asleep.

 

 

Phil was again amazed by PJ’s seeming easiness as they entered the main city. He kept looking to the boy, expecting to see him cower at some point, or perhaps hum to himself as Dan does. He wasn’t relaxed but he didn’t seem overly stressed in the slightest. Even as they exited the train and shoved through the tight crowd PJ kept control of himself. He was more curious about the structures around him than the people bumping into him. They got into a cab and by the looks of it Phil was more relieved to be out of the crowd than either of his guests.

 

“I have to ask.” Phil finally said, his curiosity overpowering him. “You’re handling this so well. How?”

 

PJ furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, when I first brought Dan he had rather difficult time being around lots of people.”

 

PJ shrugged. “Dan has always been far more sensitive to feelings than I ever was. Maybe that’s why.”

 

“Are we nearly there?” Stephen asked as the taxi turned onto a new road.

 

“Yes. And I apologize but I didn’t have a chance to set up a room for each of you. I know which one you can have PJ but I’ll have to double check one for you Stephen.” Phil informed.

 

“That’s just fine. I can sleep in the same room if necessary.” Stephen offered.

 

“No, no. We have plenty of rooms. I also need to keep you out of site from Dan for the moment.”

 

“I don’t get to see him tonight?” PJ was obviously disappointed.

 

“Uh, no. Not tonight. See, you’re suppose to be a surprise for him from the king you know?I’m not sure how he wants to reveal it. We also weren’t certain you’d be arriving so plans are a little scattered you could say.”

 

“I understand, just tell us what to do.”

 

At the palace Phil had one the guards check for him that Dan was in his room. When it was confirmed he was, Phil directed their two guests to PJ’s room while he prepared Stephen’s own room just next door. The maids helped him and in a short time everything was settled.

 

Phil was utterly exhausted. It was early afternoon and he’d hardly slept on the train that night. He still needed to have food sent up to the songbird and his teacher and pay a visit to the king. Besides that he had a deep longing to see Dan again. It had only been four days and already he felt as though a part of him were missing. Yes, he thought as walked down the hall towards Dan’s room. The king could wait a while longer he’d decided. Yes Kit, perhaps I do feel things towards the forbidden songbird, maybe he should be taken away from here and returned to your safe untouchable Song House but I need him.

 

He’d barely knocked on the door when it abruptly swung open and arms wrapped around his neck. He laughed and embraced Dan in return.

 

“Well hello there.”

 

 

Dan

 

“I’m never letting you leave again.” Dan spoke into Phil’s shirt, not believing he was really back. Four days had passed so slowly. The first day had been perfectly fine. The second had been boring and made him antsy, but he’d been okay. By the second night and third day Dan had realized rather unexpectedly that he wanted Phil back. It wasn’t just some distant desire to have a familiar friend back. Dan missed being looked at the way Phil saw him, cared for the way Phil wanted to please him. He missed touching him when he saw his anxiety rising and wrapping an arm around his waist when he came to Dan for comfort at night. It was a crazy, uncontrollable kind of craving. It was the same feeling Dan recognized in so many people he’d healed and come across day to day. A yearning to be with a specific person. And when it was impossible to be with them he’d resorted to pacing and trying to busy himself.

 

But now Phil was here again and a starving chasm in his heart was finally satisfied.

 

Phil was laughing and hugging him in return. “I certainly didn’t expect a special welcome back.”

 

Dan just tightened his hold and shook his head against Phil’s shoulder. He couldn’t possibly explain what he was feeling. Not in any of the languages he knew. Phil allowed him a few more seconds before gently pushing him back. He held him at arms length and smiled kindly. Dan hadn’t seen that smile in so long and he didn’t want to see it go.

 

“I’m not. I’m not going to let you go next time.” He insisted

 

Phil raised an eyebrow. “And how do you expect to do that?”

 

“I’ll...I’m the songbird! I’ll throw a temper tantrum. I’ll refuse to eat if the king makes you go. I’ll make so many requests that you won’t have time to do anything other than stay here.”

 

“You know, that just might work if you were determined enough. I missed you too.” Phil gave him one last squeeze. “Unfortunately I still have to go see the king and check on a couple of things.” Phil wondered over to the bed and played with the fabric of the blanket while avoided making eye contact. “I just wanted to come see you first.”

 

Dan’s heart sunk at having to see Phil walk out that door again but the fact that he’d missed him as well raised him back up again. “How long will you be gone? Can we go to the city today?”

 

“I wish.” Phil sighed and his shoulders fell. “It’s just a busy time. I hope it will slow down tomorrow. The king was supposed to get someone else to do some of the planning for the event so we’ll see. But today is done for.” He frowned. “I probably won’t be back till...morning.”

 

There seemed to be several meanings behind his last sentence and Dan knew he didn’t understand them all. “Can you at least stay for a meal?”

 

Phil smiled at him. “I really shouldn’t. I promise I will eat dinner though.”

 

Dan approached Phil until he was only a step away so he could properly look him in the eyes. “Did you even eat breakfast or lunch?”

 

Phil cupped Dan’s chin in his hand and rubbed a spot on his cheek with the warm tips of his fingers. He’d never done something like that before and Dan found himself holding his breath. “Like I said, I’ve been busy. But I’ll be here tomorrow and we’ll see about going to the city.”

 

“Fine.” Dan didn’t look away from Phil. He thought maybe if they just kept standing there, they could stay in the moment. But Phil’s fingers twitched and he dropped his hand. Desperate to keep him there for even a second longer Dan caught his hand by the wrist. It was an excuse to keep touching him but he also wanted to check the bruises again. “Let me check them.” He said kindly. When Phil didn’t pull away when he carefully pulled up the long sleeve and ran his finger tips tenderly over the disappearing spots. “They look so much better.” Dan said, sounding relieved. He started to pull away but Phil’s hand covered his and held it against his arm. Dan looked up to see the mans head hung and his eyes closed. His breaths were shallow and he said nothing, just didn’t let go for a little while longer.

 

 

Phil

 

When Dan’s door had closed behind him Phil felt something in him break. It was true, he had real, deep feelings for the songbird. He’d had them for a while but he was so good at just ignoring his own heart. This couldn’t be. It simply couldn’t. There was a law, and there was Charlie. What had Phil been thinking in there? Touching him like...touching him like he’d always wanted Charlie to do. The realization hit him hard and his throat closed. This was one huge disaster. I’m just feeling this way because I haven’t seen Charlie in a while. Phil told himself. Yes, I miss Charlie. Phil took several deep breaths and walked more confidently. He needed to get home. Once he saw Charlie, once he explained how sorry he was for everything. Things would be fine. They would go back to normal. Phil ignored the way he chest squeezed at the idea of normal.

 

Before going home, Phil needed to speak to the king. Upon arriving at his office he was informed his majesty was in a meeting so Phil scribbled down a note of brief summary and left it with the guard. Then he ran to the kitchen, instructed a meal to be brought to the Song House guests three times a day from now on and then he was in a cab on the way home.

 

Adrenaline coursed through Phil as panic and excitement collided. He kept reminding himself that seeing Charlie would fix everything that was tangled up inside him. And maybe fix Charlie too. They’d never been apart this long, he was probably just as needy for Phil. His desire would overpower any anger, right? It had to.

 

Phil stood outside his front door clutching a folder full of papers against his stomach as though they would offer some comfort. Blood pounded in his ears as he turned the knob. He was barely getting enough air through his tight throat and his vision seemed blurred but he tried to walk in as though everything was normal.

 

“Hey Char, I’m home.” He called into the quiet house. Carefully he set the folder down on the dining table. Was Charlie home even? He couldn’t possibly still be gone could he? Dread filled him at the thought that maybe Charlie had left...He hadn’t thought to check the drawers last time he was here. He could have been gone for days now. “Char?” He peered around the wall leading to the bedroom and thought he saw a shadow. He didn’t realize how hopeful he’d been that no one would be home until he saw the movement. He took in a deep brave breath and tread to the room. “Charlie what on earth are you doing in here? You’re being so-”

 

As he passed the doorways threshold a hand reached out and grabbed his arm. In one swift move he was against the wall and a palm covered his mouth. The body pushed against him and fingers scratched his throat as they wrapped around it.

 

“Shh!” The voice commanded. Phil didn’t realize the pathetic whining sound he was making and immediately stopped. The room was dark but Phil could make out Charlies features in front of him now. His eyes looked wild.

 

The hand was not yet squeezing around his throat. It rested there fixedly as a threat. Phil nodded fervently. He would be quiet. He knew how to be quiet. In those few seconds any hope that things would be okay vanished. Charlies voice whispered hotly against his cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you so just calm down.” His tone was menacing and shook with the obvious lack of control he had of himself. Slowly he removed the hand from Phil’s mouth but the one around his throat stayed.

 

“Charlie I’m sorry.” Phil squeaked out. The hand tightened and anger flared in Charlie’s eyes.

 

“You just left. You left me that night and you didn’t come back.” He wasn’t yelling, His words growled through his teeth. Phil shook his head the best he could.

 

“No. I didn’t leave, I promise! Well...maybe that first night I did. After you...” Phil swallowed. He didn’t want to bring that up. Charlie would never see what he’d done as something bad. Bringing it up would make things worse. “So yes, I did leave that first night. But I wasn’t leaving you. I just needed some air is all. And then when I came back you were gone and I didn’t know-”

 

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” Charlie pulled him away from wall by his neck and shoved him back against it. Pain shot through the back of Phil’s skull. “Maybe you did come back that day but you’ve been gone for nearly a week!” Now he was yelling. “You were going to leave me! Why are you here? Why did you come back?”

 

“Because I love you!”

 

Charlie looked at him with disgust and with a final shove against the door frame, strode into the living room.

 

“Why don’t you believe me when I tell you that?” Phil begged and went after the man.

 

“Because it can’t be true Phil! It just can’t be! And you up and leaving certainly doesn’t convince me!”

 

Phil didn’t bring up that Charlie hardly ever said those three words to him. It hurt too badly to even think about. “Well it is true.” He pleaded again. Charlie was pacing the living room like a caged panther. “I would never leave you.”

 

Charlie stopped abruptly and glared at Phil, his hands balled into tight fists. Phil took a step back.

 

“You forgot about me, didn’t you?” He barked.

 

“What?” Phil drew his eyebrows together.

 

“That’s why you didn’t come back. You were so happy to be away from me, off in your palace. So happy that you forgot about me.”

 

“I wasn’t at the palace! I had to take a trip back to the Song House and-”

 

Charlie threw his hands in the air. “Not the Song House again. I’m not falling for that again.” He shook a finger at Phil accusingly.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You never went to the Song House. It was all just an excuse. Living some double life aren’t you.”

 

Phil shook his head in disbelief. He opened his mouth to speak but when Charlie barreled toward him he shut it and ducked. He shrieked when a hand strangled his forearm right over top of the other bruises. He tried to pull away when the shadow of a fist appeared over his head. His eyes connected with Charlies again. His partner was shaking and red faced. He kept the fist held high, watching Phil’s eyes go from his to the hand. Abruptly he pushed Phil and walked away, half screaming as he did. Phil stayed where he was in the living room, backing himself against a wall and watching Charlie go into the kitchen. A few seconds later he heard the knife drawer pulled out, the blades clattering together as one was pulled out. Tears immediately spilled from Phil’s eyes. He felt his body want to drop to the floor, to give up his soul in that second. He prayed his heart would stop beating. He just wanted this to stop. He let himself collapse to the floor.

 

“Charlie no.” He muttered feebly. Charlie appeared before him, crouching down in front of him silently. The blade gleamed before his face. A hand wrapped around Phil’s arm again and his survival instinct kicked in. His eyes widened and he screamed as Charlie held the knife toward him. He thrashed and kicked out his legs. Charlie grunted as a kick hit him and then used his shoulder to pin Phil’s chest to the wall and kneeled on Phils legs to stop the kicking.

 

Phil was rendered nearly paralyzed. He couldn’t remove his eyes from the blade inching closer to his arm.

 

“Charlie no! What are you doing?! No!” But the man seemed to not hear him. Phil used his one free hand to fight against Charlie’s arm but it was only time before he’d get what he wanted.

 

“I don’t want to Phil.” Charlie muttered. “I don’t want to hurt you.” Tears were sliding down his cheeks as well. It was as if there were two people inside of him fighting for control. “I don’t want to.” His voice broke. He stared at his own hand clutching the blade as though trying to sever it with his mind.

 

Phil gasped when the blade reached his skin, drug across the flesh just enough for a sliver of blood to ooze. Suddenly Charlie jerked away.

 

“No!” He yelled. The knife was gone but Phil was still pinned to the wall and floor. “I know it’s not you Phil. I do. I’m sorry. It’s all me.” Charlies head hung and he continued to cry and sob.

 

Phil couldn’t bring himself to say or do anything. He was still petrified and in shock.

 

“You don’t deserve any of this. I do. I know that.” Charlie groaned. His weak state didn’t stay though. He regained himself and pushed forcefully against Phil. “I need you to do something Phil.”

 

Phil took air in through shallow quick breaths. He couldn’t think properly and he wasn’t really listening to Charlie’s words. All he could think was that he need to get out of here. He didn’t know what this man would do next and he needed to leave. He tried to move his legs.

 

“No, stop. I’m done hurting you. I’m so sorry.” Charlie stroked Phil’s forehead. Phil turned his head away. “I need you to do something.” He repeated. The free hand took Phils and opened his fingers . What was happening? What was he doing? He needed to fight it, whatever it was. Phil tried to keep his fist closed but his fingers were pried apart easily enough. Something was placed in his palm, the handle of the blade.

 

“What are you doing?” Phil said in a panic. Charlies hand closed atop his on the handle.

 

“I can’t do it by myself anymore. I need your help.”

 

Phils arm was forced outward, Charlie guiding the knife to his own forearm using Phil’s hand. “No. Please no. I don’t want to hurt you Charlie! Don’t make me do this!” The knife inched forward until it was resting on Charlie’s arm. Phil stopped struggling in fear of accidentally slicing the skin. There were several other deep scars there and he had to look away.

 

“I hurt you all the time, how could you not want to do the same to me? I’m doing this for you. I’m letting you get me back. Do you understand?” He breathed the words in Phil’s ear.

 

“I don’t want to.” Was all Phil could manage to get passed his lips.

 

“You’ll be glad to have had this chance later. I promise. I’m doing this for you.”

 

With one rapid movement Phil’s hand was forced to the side. He wined when he felt warm blood spill onto his fingers. Charlie relaxed his grip and the knife fell to the floor. “Shhh, shhh, it’s okay. It’s what I wanted.” The body pining him to the wall shifted, pushing him to the side and resting against the wall beside him. Phil let himself be maneuvered. He no longer made a sound or tried to fight. He was like a puppet. He didn’t have thoughts or desires or intent. He was nothing. Even as Charlie clung to him, crying into his shoulder and letting his bleeding arm soak into the cotton of Phil’s shirt.

 

 

Dan

 

Dan was not entirely surprised to hear his door creek open. He smiled and bit his lip. He sat up and saw Phil coming to him. He noted that something was...different, but thought nothing of it. Instead of going straight to the bed he turned into the bathroom. Dan furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“Phil?”

 

Phil didn’t respond. The bathroom light turned on and he had abruptly pushed the door mostly closed. Dan called his name again. The water turned on and Phil seemed to be digging through the drawers. Unsurely, Dan tossed the blankets aside and nudged the door open enough to peek in. The aura that buzzed around Phil was so bizarre Dan didn’t know what to think.

 

“What on earth are you-” Dan gasped when he saw red streaks covering Phil’s arms and hands. There was even a large spot soaked into his shirt. “Oh my god.” In two strides Dan was at his side. His hands hovered over the bloodied arm, not sure what to do. Phil wasn’t paying attention to him. He shoved his arm under the faucet and began scrubbing the blood off. “Phil speak to me, please. What happened? What’s bleeding? Where are you hurt?” Phil appeared far to calm for everything Dan was seeing. But when he really looked he could see that he was in fact trembling. He could barely rub at his arms with how violently he was shaking. Dan pushed the arm away and took over washing. “Let me.” Phil didn’t object. Tenderly Dan rinsed the blood off, looking for where it was coming from. But even when it was all down the drain he found nothing. He grabbed a towel and dried off Phil’s arm. When he was finished, he carefully let it drop to Phils side. Phil was staring blankly at the running faucet. That strange buzzing prodded at Dan again, almost as though someone was calling his name from really far away.

 

“Can I see your other hand?” Dan held out his own. Phil placed his there and Dan began working on cleaning that one as well. It didn’t take long for him to find the wound on this arm. The blood around the thin slice was just starting to dry. Once the dry blood had been removed it started to leak again. “Keep your arm in the sink okay?” Phil nodded.

 

Dan sorted through his bathroom cabinets before finally finding a box of plasters. He readied several of them and then returned to again rinse Phil’s arm off, which already had a slow stream of blood dripping into the sink. He quickly dried the wound with the towel and applied the three plasters. He removed Phil’s hand from the sink and let it drop to his other side. Phil didn’t move.

 

“Phil?” Dan touched him lightly on the shoulder, concern etched in his expression. The man flinched and Dan retracted his hand. The unidentified buzz was now almost a constant pulsing drone in Dan’s skull. Phil let out a sigh and finally seemed to come back to himself. He turned his head and gazed sorrowfully at Dan. 

 

“He made me do it.” Phil’s voice was so weak Dan second guessed if he’d heard the words right. He rubbed small circles against Phil’s shoulders soothingly.

 

“Do what Phil? Tell me what happened.”

 

“He made me cut him. With the knife. I didn’t want to hurt him.” Phil broke down at that. His body sagged and Dan thought he would collapse. He held himself up by leaning on the counter and on Dan.

 

“Charlie? Charlie made you cut him?” Dan questioned, trying to get the facts straight. Phil nodded. So that’s where most of the blood had come from, not from Phil but from Charlie. “I’m so sorry Phil.” Dan hugged him tightly. Knowing the kind of person Phil was he could only imagine the damage to his heart after being forced to hurt someone else.

Instinctually Dan silently searched for the damage despite knowing he’d find nothing. Only...no, it couldn’t be, could it? Dan hummed a muted internal song. The clear picture of Phil’s heart opened up to him for the first time in what felt like forever. Dan wanted to scream and jump with joy. But the moment was all wrong. And once he’d gotten over the excitement of being able to connect to the strands again he realized that it hadn’t necessarily been a good thing. The wall was in fact gone. But there was nothing behind it. Where before he’d found a mixture of broken and contented strands, there was emptiness.

 

Tentatively, Dan hummed a few hushed notes aloud. He glanced at Phil to see if he’d noticed but the mans expressions were as empty as his heart. Not a single emotion vibrated in response. The wall that had been there was crumbled, though some of the foundation stood weakly. What Dan felt was nothing. What he saw was a barren, abandoned soul.

 

It was a miracle Phil was standing at all. “Come here. You need to get out of those jeans and that shirt.” The blood was fresh enough on the material that even touching it had left Dan with wetness on his own skin. He helped Phil out of his shirt since he seemed to have no strength to do so himself. He washed the smears from his own hands as Phil stumbled out of his jeans.

 

Phil was like a child that needed help figuring out where he was, so Dan took his hand and guided him to the bed. Phil slid under the covers mindlessly. Dan scooted in beside him and pulled the blankets over them both. Phil’s eyes bore into Dan’s as though seeing him was the only thing keeping him sane. “I didn’t want to hurt him.” He pleaded as though needing Dan to understand this.

 

“Of course you didn’t Phil. You would never hurt anyone.” Dan tucked as closely as he could to the man, resting one hand on his shoulder and the other against his chest where his devoid heart pounded beneath.

 

“I hurt you though didn’t I?”

 

Dan shook his head, confused. “No, you’ve never hurt me.”

 

“Yes I did. I did and I didn’t even know it.”

 

Was Phil delirious? What was he going on about? “I don’t know what you’re talking about but I love you Phil.” The words had come out so naturally. They were nothing but truth. Of course Dan loved him. He understood his pain and how his heart worked. He knew the things Phil desperately longed for and needed. Love was exactly what Phil had always wanted from someone. So then why did he look so sad when Dan said the words?

 

Phil didn’t speak for quite some time. When he did Dan was only further lost. “I blocked you out.” Phil watched him expectantly. Dan wasn’t sure what Phil was looking for though and remained silent. “I built a wall to keep you away from me. To stop you from knowing how I felt.”

 

How could Phil possibly know about the wall? Dan had never told him and so he still didn’t know what to say. Phil pressed further against him, burying his face in Dan’s neck and breathing raggedly.

 

“I hurt you when I did that, didn’t I?” Phil spoke hotly on his skin.

 

Dan held him close and closed his eyes. Yes, Phil had hurt him deeply when he’d locked him out. But Dan didn’t resent him for that. He only felt guilt for having pushed him to the point of needing that wall. And he was terrified to do it again. He’d gotten what he’d wanted, Phil’s wall had vanished, but what had it left? Nothing. Phil was nothing at all now and he couldn’t help but put blame on himself.

 

“I had a dream last night, and heard the sweetest sound.” Dan sang the lullaby softly, never loosening his hold around Phil. There were no strands to respond to the notes but it was all he could do. “I saw a great white light, and dancers in the round. Castles in the sand. Cradles in the trees. Don’t cry, I’ll see you by and by...”

 

 

Dan lay awake, gingerly playing with a piece of Phil’s hair. The sun had long since shown through the window and woken him. He couldn’t bring himself to disturb Phil though. Normally the mans features looked peaceful as he slept but even now they appeared strained and tight. There was a shallow of a bruise around Phil’s neck that Dan hadn’t seen last night. Probably due to the bad lighting and the fact that all he could see was the blood. He wanted to clean up the bathroom before Phil woke. He let the strand of hair go that had been entwined in his fingers and carefully pulled himself away from their criss crossed bodies.

 

He’d barely managed an inch when Phil’s eyes opened. He stiffened, perhaps forgetting where he was, and then relaxed when it all connected again.“Sorry.” Dan muttered. “I was trying to get up without waking you.”

 

“It’s okay. I should be getting up anyway.”

 

Dan huffed. “There’s no way you’re doing anything today. In fact, you can’t, you don’t have clothes.” He finished removing himself from the bed. Phil started to get up and Dan stopped him. “I’m serious. You stay there. At least for a while.”

 

“But I do have clothes.” Phil argued.

 

“You mean these?” Dan held up the two bloodied articles of clothing. The look that came over Phil’s face made him regret the action immediately. He threw the clothes behind the door in the bathroom along with the stained towel. Using toilet paper he dried up the water on the sink and wiped away what evidence he could of the night. He certainly didn’t want the maid asking questions. Not that he really had any answers.

 

“Charlie...” Phil murmured. “I need to check on him. When I left he was still asleep on the floor.”

 

“Whoa, whoa.” Dan barely managed to stop Phil by the arm half way across the room. “There is no way you can go back there.” He said incredulously. Phil looked from Dan to the door, conflicted. Then down at his mostly exposed body. Dan released his arm when he saw reality hit. “Phil, I’m sure Charlie is okay.”

 

“Of course he’s not okay! He’s bleeding and alone and I just left him.” Phil pulled at his hair. A small murmur prodded Dan again and he responded immediately, knowing now that the feeling must have been due to Phil’s decaying wall. He did so silently of course and discovered the smallest inkling of an emotion. It registered as guilt and Dan was thrilled to finally be able to read something. Maybe it meant that hope wasn’t lost. Phil was still there, he just...didn’t want to be. The realization slammed into Dan. That was exactly it. Phil was still feelings things, of course he was. But he didn’t want to. He was essentially trying to shut himself down. Dan couldn’t let that happen. He wasn’t sure if it was possible but he couldn’t lose the small bit of Phil he’d gotten back.

 

“You left because you had to! Look at yourself! Don’t you remember how you looked when you came in here last night? You were covered in blood for Christs sake! He cut you with a knife Phil. You weren’t safe there. Can’t you see that? I don’t think you ever felt safe there.”

 

Phil stayed muted for a long time, his mind clearly elsewhere. He bit his lip and finally looked back up at Dan. “You’re right.”

 

Dan was just as grateful as he was surprised when he heard Phil admit this.

 

“I never did feel safe. I’ve always been afraid of him and last night showed me why I should have been. And it doesn’t make sense because I love him and I know he loves me. I know he does.” Phil looked at odds with himself again. Clearly all this information was hitting him for the first time. He didn’t know how to filter it. How could you when you’d switched off everything?

 

“You can stay here then.” Dan prayed he’d take the offer. He couldn’t go back there. It was the last thing that would enable Phil to recover. 

 

Phil nodded, still looking defeated and confused. “Okay.”

 

 

While Phil took a shower, Dan found a plastic bag, stuffed the bloodied clothes in it and went outside his room to find where he could dispose of it tactfully. He found a large bin and waited until he was for sure alone before stuffing the bag to the bottom.

 

“Sir?” Dan tentatively got the attention of one of the palaces wondering guards. The man gave him his attention immediately. “Can you tell me where the laundry area is? I was kind of hoping to wear regular clothes while about in the city.” He gestured toward his gown, trying to appear embarrassed.

 

“Certainly! I can escort you there. They should have exactly what you need.” The guard obliged happily and Dan followed.

 

Thirty minutes later Phil was pulling on a new black T-shirt and jeans.

 

“Do they fit okay? I had no idea what size to get. I just let the maids pick out what they thought would fit me.”

 

“The jeans are a bit big but other than that it’s perfect. I still don’t know how you managed it.”

 

“Well the jeans will fit after breakfast gets here, trust me.” 

 

“How do I look?” Phil asked.

 

Dan frowned. “Like you haven’t had a very good few days.” He said honestly, and that was an understatement. Phil looked himself over in the mirror with his eye brows furrowed. He ran his fingers over the bruise on his neck and the line of plasters covering the knife wound. He had bags under his eyes, the shirt was a little baggy and would remind everyone of how thin Phil was, and the fading purple marks on his arms were still visible up close.

 

Phil sighed. “You’re right. People are going to give me weird looks if I go walking around the palace like this. Ugh!” He pulled at his hair and strode over to the bed where he sat on the edge. Dan followed him and placed a hand on either of Phil’s knees.

 

“Stay here today, rest, eat, relax.”

 

Phil chewed on his cheek as he looked down at Dan.

 

“Fine.”

 

 

Phil

 

Phil felt as though he was doing a decent job of relaxing in Dan’s room. He’d ate breakfast and lunch and even got a few messages sent out via other palace staff members regarding the event. It was only five days away.

 

Dan had stuck to his side, peering over his shoulder when he wrote notes, peeking behind walls when Phil conveyed a message to someone, checking his wound too many times to count, as though it would heal faster the more he looked at it.

 

Phil had been worried about being stuck in a room with Dan today. Last night he’d been uncaring in the words he said. He should never have brought up the wall PJ spoke of. He shouldn’t have slept half naked beside someone he was attracted to. He shouldn’t have said he would stay, even if it was exactly what he knew he’d do the second he’d untangled himself from Charlie’s clutching bloodied hands.

 

There was a knock at the door that cause Phil to nearly jump out of his seat. Dan got up and squeezed his shoulder. “I’ll get it.”

 

When Dan opened the door Phil recognized the voice as one of the guards. “Um, yes, he’s here.”

 

“The king is asking for him.” Said the voice.

 

“Alright,” Dan replied unsurely.

 

Phil sighed and stood, standing beside him at the door. “I’ll be at his office in a few minutes. Thank you.”

 

Dan closed the door. “Will he say anything about...” His voice trailed off.

 

“Not sure. Likely not. He’s never mentioned them before.” Phil tried to sound casual despite the fact that they were talking about his abuse. It was something he wasn’t used to speaking about out loud. It didn’t feel natural. It felt wrong. He may have agreed with Dan that it had been right to leave Charlie there last night, he even felt that is probably was the good decision, but it didn’t stop the way he’d felt toward his partner for years. He didn’t think he could ever be angry with Charlie.

 

“Okay. I guess you don’t really have a choice. You have to go.”

 

“I do. I’ll be back in a bit.” Phil smiled at him warmly. “Everything’s fine Dan.”

 

“I’m the songbird here. I should be comforting you.”

 

Phil chuckled lightly and got himself ready for the king.

 

 

“Are there really two songbirds in my palace right now?”

 

Phil smiled. “Yes there are your highness. It’s probably the first time in history to be honest.”

 

“It’s incredible.” The kings eyes glowed with happiness and Phil was reminded just how much Dan had changed this mans life. He hadn’t seen the sorrow filled man he used to know since before the songbird had arrived. He had a burst of jealousy over the fact that he himself would never have a complete heart. His would always be broken. Was it possible to know happiness as the king has now seen without the healing of a songbird?

 

“Now the real plans can begin. There are so many ways I could reveal the new songbird to Dan. Perhaps we should wait until the night of the event?” The king seemed to be talking strictly to himself so Phil was discreet when he interjected.

 

“Can I make a suggestion?”

 

“Yes, please. I’m not so good with surprises it seems.”

 

“The boy is here now, why not give him a couple of days with Dan? They may never see each other again after this event. They may also need to practice a song for the crowds. PJ may need to be convinced to sing to them. It would be rather embarrassing if he refused while in front of everyone.”

 

“Mmm, very insightful. What would I do without you? Okay, yes, lets bring them together tomorrow evening. I will have a special dinner planned for the three of us. It will be perfect.” The king clapped his hands together and stood. Phil knew he was about to be excused from the room.

 

“One more question if I may sir. I am still unsure as to what you would like me to be doing for the event. It’s only five days away now. I have some things in order but-”

 

“No, no. Do not bother with it. It’s taken care of. Your sole focus are the songbirds. You’ll be caring for them both now.”

 

 

Phil went from the kings office to check in on PJ and his teacher. He knocked first on Stephens door. No one answered so he presumed he was in with PJ. Just as he knocked he heard voices on the other side. It was Stephen talking. “One second.” He said, and the door opened. “Ah, it is our friend Phil. Come in Phil.” Phil entered quickly and stood to the side. “If you could give us one moment, PJ is in the middle of a session.”

 

“Yes, of course. I can leave and come back later.”

 

“No, it’s alright. It’ll only be a minute.” Stephen smiled at him and turned to PJ who had his back to a window. The sun shining through and the gown the boy wore made him look like a literal angel. All he missed were the wings and Phil could almost believe they’d unfold at any moment.

 

“Okay, PJ, you’re doing very well. You’ve nearly got it right. Anguish and mourning can be very difficult to imitate with your voice, especially when you don’t have a heart that you’re singing it for. Lets try again though. Any song you’d like. One that speaks closer to your own heart will perhaps help.”

 

“Okay.” PJ nodded and straightened his stance. His eyes closed the same way Dans did when he was singing. A delicate wordless song poured from his lips. His voice was very different from Dan’s. Perhaps it was because Phil was used to hearing Dan sing with words. PJ’s voice was of course beautiful. It was smooth as satin, clear as a sunny day, and evoking. But Phil’s heart did not respond to it as it had to Dan’s. When Dan sang, Phil was entirely captivated. It made him want to take action, to change, but also to just...be.

 

Phil cocked his head when PJ hit a specific note. Something in the tune sounded...familiar. His listened intently the whole way through.

 

“That was amazing. Nearly perfect. Whatever it is in that song worked. One more time and then we can be done.” Stephen instructed.

 

This time as PJ began the song Phil recognized it right from the start. He saw clearly the expressions Dan had had on his face as he’d sang it by the lake. As if unable to stop himself he started singing along with PJ’s tune.

 

“Reach out to touch me, dearest dream of mine. Open your eyes, say you’re alright.”

 

PJ didn’t stop singing but he opened his eyes and looked at Phil curiously. Stephen too turned to watch him, though his expression was more bewildered.

 

Phil was able to sing along with most of the song, finishing it with the beautiful drawn out ending. “My beautiful angel, rest in peace. And I will slumber deep. Just please don’t let this die. I’ll see you soon...”

 

PJ and Stephen said nothing as the song finished. They only stared at Phil expectantly. His gaze flickered away in embarrassment. “That was Dan’s song.” He said simply, his face burning.

 

PJ released a small gasp. “Yes.” The songbird approached Phil, standing a short distance from him and tilting his head as he examined Phil. “He sang it with you.” It was a statement but there was surprise etched there.

 

Phil nodded. “It’s beautiful. And sad.”

 

“Indeed. Amazing.” PJ laughed lightly.

 

“Dan sang his song in front of you?” Stephen asked. He sounded far less amazed than PJ had and Phil didn’t understand.

 

“Y-yes. It wasn’t long ago. He asked if I could take him somewhere private and he...sang. Said he needed to heal. That was all. What’s wrong?”

 

Stephen didn’t respond. Instead he scratched his chin and turned away, walking to the other side of the room. Phil turned to PJ, his heart racing in a panic. Had he done something wrong? “What did I do?” He asked.

 

PJ shook his head and placed a hand warmly on his shoulder. He whispered so as not to let Stephen hear. “It’s okay. You didn’t know. It’s just that, a songbirds own heart song is very private. We rarely share it with anyone and if we do it’s only to another songbird. No normal person could understand.”

 

“I still don’t understand what I did wrong.”

 

“It’s not you, I promise. But the fact that Dan was willing to do that says a lot about how he views you. Maybe even how he feels towards you.”

 

“But there’s nothing...we don’t...we haven’t...oh god.” Phil’s heart sunk in realization. He turned to address Stephen. “Please don’t take him away. We are nothing more than friends, I promise. “

 

Stephen did not so much as respond or turn. It was PJ that attempted comforting him. “He will need a lot more proof than that to accuse either of you of anything. It’s okay.” What did you come here to tell us?”

 

PJ’s easy way of moving the conversation on did calm Phil somewhat but there would be an itch in the back of his mind until he could be sure Dan was staying.

 

“Right, well, the king decided that tomorrow night is when you’ll see Dan. He’s going to prepare a special dinner. I just wanted to update you. Be ready to go about four.”

 

“Perfect.” PJ smiled gleefully.

 

“Okay then, I’ll be going now.” Phil wasn’t entirely sure why he felt awkward right then. It was something about the way PJ was looking at him. He wasn’t afraid to just stare. What was he looking at? The songbird hummed softly which put Phil a bit on edge despite the beautiful sound.

 

“There is something different about you. Something has changed since yesturday. I’m sorry that I’m making you nervous. Do you know why you are different today?” PJ asked, cocking his head.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Phil didn’t exactly want to go into the previous nights events.

 

“Mmm.” PJ looked disappointed. “Perhaps you should ask Dan what is different about you.”

 

“I don’t understand...”

 

“He will. Just ask him.” PJ gave him a final smile before turning away and returning to his spot in front of the window. “See you tomorrow at four.”

 

 

“I’m back.” Phil announced when he returned to Dan’s room. Dan was sitting cross legged in the center of his bed holding a colored pencil. He smiled, his eyes sparkling. Phil wasn’t sure how he’d lied so efficiently back there to Stephen about his feelings toward Dan. In that dangerous moment he’d almost believed the lie himself. Now, here in front of the songbird, there was no denying that he felt like so much more to Dan than a friend.

 

“You’ll be here for the rest of the day?”

 

“I will.” Phil sauntered over to look at what Dan was drawing.

 

“And night?” Dan asked with a grin when he’d flopped onto the bed.

 

“That too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn’t the most ideal place to end this chapter but the next couple of narratives are really long so I thought it would be best. Chapter 10 will be up in a couple days! Also you should know i didnt expect to put smut of any kind in this fic but well...the stuff in the next chapter just kind of happened...so, enjoy i guess lol


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy adorable stuff and....smut.

Dan

 

Dan had told Phil repeatedly that he was perfectly fine staying in his room for another few days but he had insisted they go into the city. He wanted Phil to rest up but he did in fact seem okay enough. Even his strands were beginning to move ever so slightly, like a ribbon tied to a fence waving slowly back and forth.

 

“We can still turn back you know.” Dan told him as they rode in the back seat.

 

“I know. But I don’t want to.”

 

Dan sighed. “Whatever.”

 

Phil smiled as he gazed out the window. “The next few days will be busy for you. Enjoy your time out.”

 

“You keep saying that but I don’t see anything on my schedule.” He argued. Phil seemed to find it funny when he sassed back and since all Dan ever wanted to do was see a smile on his face he did just that. Sure enough, Phil’s lips curved upward a little at his tone. “Where are you dragging me off to anyway?”

 

“A bridge.” Phil replied simply.

 

“A...bridge? I mean...that sounds neat and all but I have seen a bridge before.”

 

Phil snorted and finally tore his distracted gaze from the window. “It’s not just a bridge. You’ll see.”

 

“Ever the mysterious man aren’t you.”

 

Phil requested they be dropped off right at the end of this bridge. It did appear to be quite large and impressive. It curved high enough that it would be a short though breathless hike to the middle. People walked about from all directions and the street was busy with fast moving traffic that zipped in and out. But instead of heading over the bridge Phil turned the opposite direction.

 

“Um...the bridge is that way.” Dan said, jogging to catch up with Phil.

 

Phil smirked at him. It was not an expression Dan had seen on his face before and he found it quite amusing. “I know that silly. We have to get a drink before going up there. It’s like...a tradition or something.”

 

“Aw yes, the tradition of standing on a bridge with a drink.” Dan joked.

 

“Precisely. That’s the one. Not just any drink though, it has to be your favorite.”

 

They ordered their favorite drinks from a coffee shop a couple of blocks up and then headed up the walkway of the bridge. They walked leisurely. Phil seemed in no rush and Dan was just happy to be beside him. He seemed so calm and Dan wasn’t sure if that was because of the turmoil his heart was still filtering through or because he was away from Charlie, hopefully permanently. Maybe this was Phil without fearing for his life or struggling to make someone else happy.

 

They were mostly silent the whole way up. The day was a little breezy and Dan felt quite relaxed. The sky was cloudy and calm. It was a good day. They were so absorbed in their own world that it was as if no one was walking or driving past them. Dan had a sudden desire to reach over and take Phil’s hand. To just be touching him right now would add so much to the moment. His fingers curled and uncurled as he went back and forth on what to do. The chance ended though when Phil announced that they were there. Dan blinked. They had in fact reached the top of the bridge.

 

Phil leaned on the railing and looked over the edge. Dan did the same, though his eyes stayed on Phil’s smiling face and the way his hair blew off his forehead in the breeze.

 

“I know there isn’t something spectacular to see but, I don’t know. There’s just something about the view that makes me happy.” Phil gleamed.

 

Dan forced his eyes away. He looked out over the water below them. There was a ship a ways off. Dan could see a few people walking along the top of it. The water opened up to the sea in the distance. From where they were he couldn’t see the waves. It looked dark and ominous from this far away. On either side of the water were shops of all kinds. Coffee shops, restaurants, shopping, bars, gardens, seating areas, carts selling various things. It was a busy area. Children ran, dogs barked, couples laughed and kissed.

 

“I can see what you mean. You kind of feel like you’re by yourself up here. Like no one can see you but you can see everyone else.”

 

Phil humphed. “You’re exactly right. I was never quite sure why I liked it here so much but that’s exactly how I feel. Invisible, safe, open. I like to people watch.”

 

They were quiet for a long while again, sipping occasionally at their drinks, pointing at something funny someone was doing. They could have been silent forever and Dan would be perfectly content. It was one of those moments you remembered forever.

 

His eyes flickered to Phil’s hand resting on the railing. He held his breath as he reached for it, placed his atop. Phil looked at him tensely. Dan wondered if he’d pull away, especially when he continued to stare at Dan as if making a life altering decision. Perhaps he was. Finally Phil flipped his hand and entwined their fingers. The breath left Dan in a rush and he wanted to cry with the relief. He tightened his grasp, terrified to let go. The touch had only satisfied him for a moment though.

 

“Phil,” he pleaded. Phil looked at him with such affection and curiosity. Dan knew that what he was about to say and do was right. Nothing would tell him otherwise, most certainly not a piece of paper telling him he couldn’t love. “I want you to kiss me.” The way his voice had come out surprised even him. Desperate, longing, hopeful, worried. Phil’s eyes glossed with moisture and he tilted his head.

 

“Kiss you?” He said it almost sadly and for a moment Dan wondered if Phil didn’t in fact feel the same way towards him. But then a gentle finger touched his cheek and his hand cupped his chin. Dan leaned into the touch. “I can’t imagine a more desirable request.”

 

And then he was leaning in. Dan had a moment of panic. He didn’t know what he was doing. He’d only seen someone kiss a couple of times. Phil himself hadn’t sounded too thrilled about the idea kissing in general the last time it was brought up. He’d made it sound...gross. But then their lips touched and everything that wasn’t Phil vanished entirely from his mind and heart. Phil’s lips moved softly and ever so patiently against Dan’s, teaching him delicately until Dan could figure out what he was supposed to be doing. Their movements were slow and careful. It expressed everything they saw in one another, everything they needed from the other person. Phil deepened their kiss, releasing Dan’s chin and instead wrapping an arm around his back to pull him closer. Dan dropped his empty cup, letting himself be moved. He could only think of the taste of peppermint and coffee mixing on their tongues. He felt as light as a rising balloon. Warmth invaded every part of his body. Any other sense was entirely overpowered. He never wanted it to end but at some point just before he was completely breathless Phil’s lips drew away.

 

Dan wasn’t even aware that his eyes were still closed until Phil spoke.

 

“You’re crying.” He said worriedly. Dan’s eyes fluttered open just as Phil wiped at his cheeks with the back of his hand.

 

“Of course I’m crying. I’ve never felt something like that before. I’ve never felt...love so intensely. It was everywhere.” Dan placed a hand on Phil’s heart as though seeing the feelings swirl there. And he could, he could see the strands tightening with new strength, vibrating with new vigor.Love was there too. The strand pulsed contently and a fresh burst of tears fell from Dan’s eyes.

 

Phil laughed affectionately and pulled him into an embrace. “You’re supposed to let me tell you that I love you, not the other way around.”

 

And suddenly even though he could clearly feel the love Phil felt he was doubting himself. “I-I’m sorry. I just thought-”

 

“No, Dan. You are right. I am in love with you.” He hugged Dan to him even more tightly. “I’ve been very near to it for a long time but I just couldn’t.” Phil pulled away, stroking a hand through Dan’s hair. “I knew that I shouldn’t feel that way and I just kept shoving it further and further down until I couldn’t recognize it myself. But it was always there. Whenever Charlie would...” His eyes flickered guiltily. “I always thought of you. I should have known what I was feeling but I’ve been numb for a very long time.”

 

A ragged breath fell from Dan’s lips. “I know. And it was all my fault.”

 

Phil shook his head and Dan’s cheek. “No, I’ve been that way since before I met you.”

 

“But that first time that I read you, back at Song House before I even met you, you were....content.”

 

Phil huffed. “Content maybe. But that was because I truly didn’t know I had other choices. Not until I met you. You showed me that I didn’t need to let myself be used by Charlie like I have. He rarely hurt me physically, you know. It’s only been...” Phil’s eyes drifted for a moment. “Well it hasn’t been long okay? But he’s always been difficult and I’ve always been afraid of him. I knew it was just a matter of time. Dan, you showed me that I can’t fix everyone. But that I should endeavor to fix myself.” He touched his own chest. “I just don’t really know how. And it’s confusing because such a big part of me is connected to Charlie. I love him Dan.”

 

“I know.” Dan acknowledged. He wasn’t angry about that fact either. There was no envy in his heart for Charlie. Only fear for Phil if he couldn’t fight his tendency to return to the broken hearted. And Charlie was more broken now than ever.

 

They sat in silence for a long while again. Dan finished his drink and flipped the cup this way and that as they leaned on the railing. Dan could sense that there was something Phil was holding back. He seemed right on the edge of saying something but kept turning his away before the words would come out.

 

“I don’t need to read you to know that you have something to say.” Dan turned to smile at him. Phil stared blankly for a moment and then returned the smile and shook his head.

 

“I suppose I do. It’s actually more of a question and I don’t really know how to ask it. And if you don’t want to answer that would be fine too.”

 

Dan couldn’t imagine anything he simply wouldn’t want Phil to ask about. “Just ask, I’m sure I won’t mind.”

 

“It actually has to do with...me.” Phil looked at him as though expecting Dan to immediately refuse to talk any further.

 

“Okay.” He said to encourage him to continue.

 

“It’s just...the other night when I mentioned the wall?” He paused again, waiting. Dan tried not to show his tension and simply nodded for him to go on. The whole thing just confused Dan and he to be quite honest he was afraid. Afraid to know why Phil had rejected him so violently from his heart. It doesn’t matter now, he loves you. Dan told himself.

 

“Okay.” He said again.

 

“I know that I...did that. I know that I blocked you from reading me.”

 

“Y-yes, you did.” They’d never talked about it out loud. It didn’t feel natural.

 

“And I can honestly say that I don’t really understand it. I know that I would get frustrated because you just knew what I was thinking all the time. But I think the reason I really blocked you was because you knew things about me that I didn’t want to know about myself. You knew things I did know about myself that I didn’t plan on ever acknowledging.”

 

“I know, and I am so sorry Phil. I never meant to-”

 

“It’s okay. Really. I understand it now. You cared, that was all. You were worried. And I believe you cared for me more than...others.” Phil swallowed and shuffled awkwardly. Dan knew it must have been hard for him to say that aloud. To imagine that someone could care for him was almost beyond Phil’s capability. He was making himself incredibly vulnerable by suggesting that Dan had.

 

Dan smiled and dared himself to lean in for a gentle kiss. Phil gasped in his mouth and kissed him back eagerly. Dan stopped before things could heat up the way they had before. He whispered against Phil’s lips. “I loved you from the moment I realized I could never heal you the way someone as wonderful as you deserved.”

 

Phil watched him breathlessly. “You loved me before I even knew who you were. You loved me before I loved you.” He whispered in amazement. “I never knew how badly I wanted someone to love me before I loved them until just now.”

 

The air was nearly knocked out of Dan when Phil abruptly wrapped his arms once again around him and squeezed. Dan laughed. “Okay, okay. So do you remember that question you were going to ask me or did you just want to keep suffocating me?”

 

“Suffocating you.” Phil mumbled into Dan’s shoulder. That was just fine really. Dan certainly had no where else he’d rather be. When Phil did stand back he took a deep breath and looked back out over the bridge. His expressions firmed a bit more and Dan waited patiently for him to continue. “Fine. What I had been trying to say is this, I don’t know what’s different about me but I know something is different. And I think it has to do with you and that stupid wall.”

 

Dan pursed his lips as if the action would keep his emotions in. All it did was expose him for how he truly felt, scared. What if Phil reconstructed another wall once he knew Dan had access to his emotions again? Dan couldn’t imagine having that again, to be shut off from someone he wanted to protect and save from the world.

 

“What are you holding back from me Dan? What aren’t you telling me?” He begged.

 

“It’s not that I’m not telling you anything Phil, I’m just...scared. Okay?” Saying the word made him feel weak and pathetic.

 

Phil touched his arm lightly. “Scared of what?”

 

Dan met his eyes. “That you’ll block me out again once you know...know that you’re right. The wall is gone. I can feel you again.”

 

“Why would you think I’d do that?”

 

“Because you did it before! And it was horrible Phil. I never knew what was going on but I knew things were happening. I knew you were going through things and that I couldn’t do anything about it. I don’t want you to push me away again.” Dan had to look away. The thought was unbearable. He was tempted to search Phil’s heart. What if there was already something there, something that would keep him away forever? He was too afraid to test it out.

 

“I won’t Dan. I know I won’t. I don’t feel that resentment towards what you can do anymore. You can search any part of me you want, I don’t care. In fact I want you to.” Phil grabbed his shoulders and forced Dan to look at him again. “I want you to know everything about me. I’m not afraid anymore.”

 

“You...you want me to?” Dan asked unsurely.

 

“Yes, I do. Tell me Dan, tell me what I feeling right now.”

 

“But what if-” Dan started.

 

“I won’t.” Phil promised, kissing him on the forehead lightly. “Try it.”

 

Dan swallowed and nodded. He’d never been frightened to use his voice but in that moment he was petrified. He had so much more to loose now. But there was hope in the easy way Phil was looking at him. He didn’t look afraid at all so why should Dan be? He parted his lips and sang a slow, high note. He directed it towards Phils heart and braced himself. His voice slipped easily into the mess of strands as it had all day and his voice broke with relief. Nothing stopped him. He stepped close to Phil and closed his eyes, letting his song float between them.

 

Phil’s strands were still so weary and broken and the darkness there was still deep but Dan saw signs of life now. A few of them had reconnected to Phil, picked themselves up and even vibrated a little in response to Dan. It many ways this felt like his first time ever reading someones heart. It was straining but beautiful.

 

Like he had so many times before Dan’s notes traversed the few strands that were alive. They were all content and happy. Dan felt Phil’s joy, exhilaration, love, and attachment. He could see more strands that were now connecting their hearts together in a bond.

 

Dan’s voice came to a stop and he opened his eyes. Phil looked at him eagerly. “Well?” He said.

 

“You’re very happy.” Dan laughed.

 

Phil laughed with him. “Of course I am! Is that all?”

 

He went on gladly. “You feel love and attachment and excitement.”

 

“See? There’s not even a single bad thing left. You did heal me.”

 

Dan’s smile faded at that. “No.” He shook his head.

 

“What do you mean ‘no’? You just listed what I’m feeling. Is there more?”

 

“Of course there’s more. Look at what you’ve been through the last week, let alone the last few years. There is lots more.” Dan said sadly.

 

“Well then tell me. It’s okay, you can tell me the bad things too. I can work on them. Then I won’t be so difficult to be around.” Phil teased but Dan could not smile at the statement.

 

“That’s the problem though Phil. I can’t see the other feelings. They aren’t there. They’re dead. They don’t respond to my voice, they aren’t even bound to your heart. Imagine a thousand thin ropes tied to your heart and then suddenly they are just severed completely from it. It’s as if they’re lying on the ground, unresponsive, lifeless. Those good feelings you have are only there temporarily. Probably because of everything we’ve just talked about but they will fade and then you will empty again.”

 

“Then how can I make them...responsive again?”

 

“I don’t know Phil. I’ve never felt something like it before.” Dan said honestly.

 

“Well, I feel pretty good right now. That’s what matters.”

 

Maybe after time away from Charlie Phil's heart would recover. Perhaps the strands would rebind to him and strengthen. But what would he have to go through to get to that point? What if it was years and years? What if Dan had to spend day and night with a heart that was barely capable of beating? It needed something to give it a pulse, to wake it up from its deep sleep. Something like...something like...a song. That had to be the only solution. A song that was so beautiful and desirable that the dead strands couldn’t help but perk up and listen to it. A song that told them there was someone out there that understand their turmoil. Understood why it was they didn’t want to continue on. A song that would then give them, and therefore Phil, a reason to stay alive.

 

“Phil, I know what would help.”

 

Phil’s eyes widened expectantly. “What? Tell me.”

 

“A song.” Dan knew he looked pitiful. His eyes were probably moist with emotion and he could feel the lines in his face.

 

“Oh.” Phil frowned.

 

Dan bit his cheek. “I could do it you know. I could sing you a song.”

 

Phil was already shaking his head. “No Dan. You could already be taken away from me because of our feelings towards one another. We can’t let them know. And we definitely can’t give them another reason to take you away.”

 

“Who would know? There’s no one here that would really know. And I’m starting to wonder if I’m not the only songbird that’s fallen in love. Think about it, there’s been ones before me. How could they not fall for someone on this side of the Song House? It doesn’t make sense.” If that were in fact true then Dans teachers had lied to him. Unless they themselves didn’t know either. Maybe songbirds have been keeping love a secret for hundreds of years.

 

“It’s possible but I don’t want to-”

 

“Besides,” Dan interrupted, because he was sure now that he would do it. He would sing a song to Phil. “Think of it this way. I won’t technically be singing your song. I’ll only be singing a song that will rebind your strands to your heart. That’s it. I will only be touching the surface of your emotions. I won’t be effecting them, I’ll just be bringing them back.”

 

Phil shuffled uncomfortably. “I don’t know if...” His voice faded and Dan smiled.

 

“Please.” Dan pleaded one last time.

 

He saw the moment Phil gave in. His shoulders sagged but his eyes seemed to glisten. “Okay.”

 

Dan grabbed either side of Phil’s cheeks and kissed him again. He pulled away before Phil could react. “Not here. Lets go somewhere quiet.”

 

“You want to do it now?” Phil exclaimed as Dan grabbed his hand and started pulling him away from the railing.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because...because..well...”

 

“Exactly. I’m not giving you time to change your mind.”

 

Phil sighed. “If you insist then I know where we can go.”

 

 

Phil lead them between buildings for several blocks until the streets quieted some. They were out of the main part of the city. Dan didn’t recognize where they were. They passed by several more tall buildings and suddenly there was the ocean, its endless expanse before them.

 

“This part of the beach is always scarce of people because the water is more rough. You can’t even put your feet in it because the stones are really sharp past a certain point.”

 

Dan searched the shore and found no one in site that would interrupt them. There were a few people way off in the distance but that wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t even hear Dan over the hard beating waves.

 

They stopped about mid way to the sea. It was close enough to be away from the city but not to close they couldn’t hear one another. Dan sat cross legged on the stones and Phil followed suit. He was looking more tense now Dan realized.

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

“Uh,” Phil replied tentatively. “Yeah, I guess so. For a lot of things. I don’t know what to expect and I’m afraid that for some reason you won’t like what you...find? I don’t know.” He shook his head anxiously.

 

Dan placed a hand on Phil’s knee. “I have never dove into someones heart and not liked what I felt. Once you understand someone Phil, it’s impossible not to love them. And I already love you so, there is really nothing to worry about.”

 

Phil blew out a ragged breath. “If you say so.”

 

“What are your other worries?” Dan asked because he could see that there were more.

 

“That we get caught somehow and you’re taken away from me.”

 

Dan scooted closer to him. He took both of Phil’s hands in his and looked him in the eyes. “My entire life I’ve been told that I can only heal the person I belong to. The person that paid a high price for me. But that word ‘belong’ does not mean owned, in my dictionary. I’ve never belonged to anyone more than I do to you Phil. But also remember that I am not healing you. I’m only resurrecting you.”

 

Phil visibly relaxed with the words and sighed. “Alright. What do you want me to do?”

 

 "Nothing. Just listen. This song is between me and your heart. I need to reassure it is all.” Dan was making it sound easy but in all honesty he didn’t know what he was doing. He’d never brought entirely dead strands back to life before. What if it wasn’t possible? What if Phil didn’t let him?

 

“Okay.”

 

To help keep him calm Dan kept Phil’s hands in his. “Just listen.” He reminded him quietly before closing his own eyes. He hesitated only briefly before starting a hushed song. As he expected, there was little in response to his voice. He kept going, raising and lowering his voice hoping to find the note that best suited. It was painstaking but finally Dan discovered what he believed was the strongest one and went on with that one. He realized quickly that this song would have to be his own. He would use Phil’s response as a guide but he’d never had to sing from nothing and therefore to nothing. Much of this song would have to be from his own heart. He decided to play with it a little, to just sing how he felt about the absence of Phil’s strands.

 

 <https://youtu.be/5jMsmy_xt3U> Hymn for the Missing-RED

 

_I tried to walk together, but the night was growing dark_

 

Yes, yes, those words resounded. He had tried to walk to Phil, but his life had been too dark. Phil couldn’t notice him at that time. He couldn’t love him so he’d shut him off.

 

_Thought you were beside me, but I reached and you were gone_

A couple of the strands reacted to those words.

_Sometimes I hear you calling, from some lost and distant shore_

_I hear you crying softly for the way it was before_

 

Every dead dying strand leapt at that. One swift jump and then they settled again. But it had been a reaction and that’s what Dan had needed. Phil longed for how it what was before but that’s just because it was familiar. Dan needed to show him that it would be better now. First though, he needed to lure those strands out again.

 

_Where are you now? Are you lost?_

_Will I find you again?_

_Are you alone? Are you afraid?_

_Are you searching for me?_

_Why did you go?_

_Now I’m reaching for you_

 

Dan breathed raggedly. Phil’s grip on his hand had tightened. There was something happening here. Dan could feel it. It required his constant attention to keep the strands moving now. One second without his voice and they would fall again. Even in between breaths they weakened slightly.

 

_Will you wait, will you wait?_

_Will I see you again?_

_You took it with you when you left_

_These scars are just a trace_

_Now it wonders lost and wounded_

_This heart that I misplaced_

 

Dan begged for Phil’s heart to forgive him for forcing him away.

 

_Where are you now? Are you lost?_

_Will I see you again?_

_Are you alone? Are you afraid?_

_Are you searching for me?_

_Why did you go?_

_Now I’m reaching for you_

_Will you wait? Will you wait?_

_Will I see you again?_

Dan could feel Phil trembling through his gripping fingers. The strands now moved freely but they were not yet strong, not yet attached to Phil once more. The gloominess had faded and felt as though there were sparks flashing between them, electrifying. In order to completely focus on what he needed to do Dan stopped using words. The strands were now responding to his voice alone and he used that to strengthen them. He sang notes high and long. The wordless tune worked wonders. After only a few variations in his voice Phil’s eager strands reconnected with their host. The feeling was much like brightening a dark room with brilliant light. All at once Dan could easily sense each emotion. None were left in the abyss. He read the good and the bad. The happiness and excitement as well as the hurt and feeling of being lost and without purpose. But he no longer wanted to just disappear. That ominous nothingness had dissipated. There was no evidence that a wall had been present at all. What Dan sensed was much of what he’d read the first time he’d ‘met’ Phil.

 

His song came to a close and he opened his eyes to find Phil’s own still closed. He still clutched Dan’s hand and now his wrist as well. He was hunched and had a pained expression on his face. Dan had been smiling, happy to just have the core of this man back but at seeing him he frowned. Carefully he tried to pull his hand back. Phil flinched and his eyes opened.

 

Dan caressed Phil’s hand. “Are you okay?” He murmured.

 

Phil’s brows furrowed. He looked as though he wasn’t sure where he was. “I-I think so.”

 

“How do you feel?”

 

Phil cocked his head and smiled a bit at that. “Don’t you know?”

 

“I’d rather you tell me.”

 

“Well...” he started, sitting up a little straighter. “I don’t know how to explain it...” Dan allowed him time to collect his thoughts knowing he must be a little disoriented. “It’s kind of like losing something really important to you but until you need it, you don’t realize it was gone and then it bugs you and bugs you and then you find it and...I think I was missing something. But I didn’t realize it until just now and suddenly I feel like me again. Even though I didn’t realize I didn’t feel like me. Does that make any sense?”

 

Dan smiled. “Yes it does. And yes, you were missing a huge part of you Phil. But it’s back now, I promise.”

 

“Can you see everything now?” Phil asked quizzically.

 

Dan nodded, feeling the need to cry for some reason. He didn’t of course, now was not a moment he wanted something to overpower him like that. “I feel all of you again.”

 

“The bad too?” Phil’s gaze darted uncomfortably.

 

“The bad too.” Dan replied honestly.

 

“Is it going to be a head ache to be around me again?”

 

Dan huffed. “No Phil.” He drew him into an embrace. Phil had apparently needed the physical comfort because he eagerly reciprocated, nuzzling into Dan’s shoulder.

 

Finally they parted. Phil got to his feet and helped Dan up. “So you promise me that that wasn’t considered healing me?”

 

Dan rolled his eyes. “The fact that you’re so worried about whether that was considered healing should give you your answer. A healthy, healed Phil would no longer be anxious about such things.” They began walking back to the road. It was getting later into the afternoon and Phil had said they needed to be back at a certain time.

 

“Oh.” Phil sounded truly perplexed by this and it made Dan smile comically.

 

 

“What do you mean ‘get ready and try to look your best’? Can’t I just stay in my bed gown and I don’t know...eat cake and cuddle you?” Dan whined and collapsed onto his bed.

 

“As fun as it sounds, and it really does, no. The king asked me to bring you to the dining hall by four. I’d rather you be early than late.” Phil grabbed a gown from Dan’s drawers and chucked it at him. Dan grumbled when it landed on his head.

 

“Fine.” With a final huff of disapproval Dan shuffled off the bed. In one swift motion he had his gown off and over his shoulder on the floor. He picked up the one Phil had thrown at him and held it upright in front of him. “I can’t wear this one.” He complained, stalking back over to where Phil was folding the gowns Dan had previously tossed uncaringly into the drawer.

 

“Why not? Aren’t they all the same basically?” Phil laid the final piece of clothing atop the others before standing. When he faced Dan who he had apparently not known was standing there beside him he took a step back. His eyes widened as they scanned Dan’s uncovered body, his face burning redder with each second.

 

Dan smirked confidently and stepped up to him to set the gown over Phil’s shoulder. “No, they are not all the same.” Dan continued as though not noticing Phil’s embarrassed expression. “That one has a green band around the waist which means it’s my casual gown. For a dinner as you say I’m going to, I need the one with a black waist band.”

 

Phil cleared his throat and finally glanced away awkwardly. His face was still flushed as he retrieved the clothing laying over his shoulder and began folding it. “O-oh.” He managed.

 

“What is it?” Dan asked innocently.

 

“What’s what? Nothing.”

 

“You’re a really bad liar. And even if I couldn’t see the rose color that has taken over your face and neck then...” Dan grabbed Phil’s hands, forcing the now folded gown to fall to the floor, and turned him to face him. He rested Phil’s hands on his own hips and stared rather boldly into Phil’s possessed eyes. “...then I would be able to feel the profound amount of lust currently radiating from your heart.” Dan didn’t think it was possible but Phil’s blush deepened and he ripped his hands from Dans waist and spun around in the opposite direction.

 

“Aw come on Phil, it’s okay.” Dan laughed and chased after him. He caught him by the shirt and pulled him back against his naked body. Dan himself had never experienced such a longing for someone in a physical way. It made his entire body tingle. With Phil’s back flush against his chest he rested his head on the mans shoulder and whispered. “I am quite flattered by your desire for me.”

 

“Dan.” Phil hissed but didn’t struggle.

 

“And quite surprised by how desperately my own body would like to reciprocate.” Dan didn’t know how to go about this so he just did what his body was itching for even if he wasn’t sure why and kissed a spot on the back of Phil’s neck. The sound he made in response was like shock melded with satisfaction. Pleased by it, Dan continued the kissing, moving his lips up to Phils ear and then back down to the other side. He found one particularly sweet spot and sucked. Phil made a kind of strangled moan and reached behind to grab at Dan. He missed and Dan laughed. He tried again and clutched at Dan’s arm, snaking it up until it was in his hair. The fingers pulled and Dan found himself making the same noises now.

 

With there being a break in Dans concentration Phil spun and connected their lips hotly. He kissed roughly and Dan shrieked when he felt his lip get bit. Phil immediately pulled away. “Sorry!”

 

Dan just shook his head and pulled Phil back to him by the neck. His mind was racing and he wanted so many things that he didn’t understand. He figured the best he could do was try to tell Phil what he wanted so badly. He spoke in between much needed breaths. “I don’t...understand what I want...but...I know that I need you to touch me. Please.” He pleaded because if he didn’t satisfy this need then he might die.

 

Phil responded by placing his hand on Dan’s back. The mans fingers twitched and gripped at him, sliding up and down as though looking for something. Dan held himself as closely to Phil’s body as he could but it wasn’t enough. He needed more. He moaned desperately into Phil’s mouth, a needy, uncontrollable sound with a touch of frustration.

 

“Here.” Phil said, grabbing one of Dan’s arms from where it was wrapped around his neck and guiding it under his shirt to his chest. Dan’s breath came out more raggedly at the new ability to touch in return. Yes, he thought. This had been what he was looking for. He slid his hand up and down Phil’s torso. The mans breathing hitched whenever he raked over his nipple so Dan tested it out again, lingering. Phil stopped kissing him and let his forehead rest against Dan’s neck. He kissed him lightly there but he seemed distracted by Dan’s touching and that excited Dan. He brought his other hand into the mix, one playing with Phil’s nipple and the other scratching down his abdomen as though trying to claw its way inside. His fingers grazed just under Phil’s belly button and there was an entirely new reaction. Dan was intrigued and did it again, letting his fingers idle just above Phil’s jeans. Sure enough, the mans hips jutted forward slightly, he bit down on Dan’s shoulder and his throat sounded almost as though it had partially closed with the sounds it emanated.

 

“You want me to do something. Tell me.” Dan whispered. Phil shook his head. “Why not?”

 

“Because we have to stop. Oh god we have to stop.”

 

Dan was perplexed, especially when Phil grunted and abruptly pulled himself away, nearly shoving Dan off him. Panic rose a little Dan. He wasn’t entirely sure what all had just happened to his body but he knew that what he and Phil had just shared had been a lot. It had been intimate. And he knew that he wanted more and that so did Phil. “Did I do something wrong? I’ve never...I just did what I thought was right. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

 

Phil laughed sharply. He still stood several feet away raking a hand thought his hair and trying to catch his breath. He had been avoiding looking at Dan but met his eyes now. They still glistened with want which only confused Dan more. Why had he stopped if he still wanted to be touched?

 

“Trust me, you did nothing wrong.”

 

“Then why did you stop? I was quite enjoying that.” Dan pouted. Phil chuckled and stepped to him, hugging him gently.

 

“Of course you were. But we need to go to the dinner Dan and what we were doing...well it would have taken us until well over until the dinner was done.”

 

Dan was still confused but at least he knew Phil wasn’t frustrated with him. “If you say so.”

 

Phil blew out a breath and paced a few times. “I need a freaking cold shower is what I need. Stop looking at me, it’s only making it worse.” Phil laughed. “For the love of god get dressed so we can get this dinner over with.”

 

 

Dan could sense a lot of different things from Phil as they traversed the hallways of the palace. There was excitement, unsureness, nerves, and the continuous hum of lust that made Dan feel quite pleased with himself. It was distracting enough that he forgot briefly how strange this ‘dinner’ thing sounded. Phil had given him no details, no hint whatsoever as to what was happening.

 

They reached the door to the dining hall. Phil turned to him, smiling. “Ready?” He seemed excited about something but Dan couldn’t imagine what.

 

“Yeah?” Dan said uncertainly.

 

Phil pushed open one of the large double doors and gestured for him to enter first. Dan did, tentatively walking in while searching the room. He found the king standing at the other end of table. He grinned widely when he saw Dan and stretched out his arms.

 

“My beautiful songbird! I have a gift for you! Please, hurry.”

 

Dan quickened his pace. When he was halfway the king waved toward someone standing off to the side. Dans gaze flickered in the direction and then froze. His feet stopped and heart flipped at the figure standing there.

 

“PJ?”

 

“Hi Dan.” His friend smiled and then they were running at one another. Their arms surrounded each other in an embrace. Dan held him tightly, tears springing to his eyes. PJ laughed and gave him a final squeeze before pulling away.

 

“What are you doing here?” Dan asked in amazement. It made no sense at all.

 

PJ jerked his head toward the king. “Like he said, I’m a surprise for you.”

 

“But you’re not supposed to...I don't understand.”

 

“Me neither but it doesn’t matter, I’m here okay?”

 

“For how long?”

 

“I know there’s something about an event happening. At least till then.” PJ said.

 

“Oh, yes. The event. I’ll be singing...” But Dan stopped. His excitement had taken over and he wasn’t sure how much he was supposed to give away about this plan the king had. He whipped his head in the direction of the king. “Thank you master, thank you so much.” The man smiled kindly and held his hands in front of him.

 

“It is the least I could do for all you’ve done for me Daniel. Now please, let us eat. You two can catch up after the meal. Phil, you are excused.”

 

Dan watched disappointingly as Phil walked from the room but smiled again at seeing PJ beside him.

 

 

The meal was incredible but Dan paid little attention to it. PJ was telling him about their various friends at the Song House, how everyone was doing, what Kit and Clair were keeping themselves busy with now that Dan was gone, informing him on how much progress the two young songbirds had made and how they’d attached themselves to PJ’s side.

 

“I can just imagine it PJ. Two little kids tying themselves to your side. It must be a pain.”

 

PJ shrugged. “Nah, it’s not too bad. I needed someone as needy as you to be around as a replacement.”

 

“Hey!” Dan shrieked and PJ laughed.

 

“Seriously though Dan, I miss you so much. It’s so strange not having you there.”

 

Dan set down his fork. “I know. I miss it too. But it’s really nice here.” Dan smiled at the king. Dan could feel the affection the man had for him and the contentedness he felt as seeing him and PJ interact.

 

“Yes, I can see you are happy here. Kit and Clair will be happy to know that you are safe and taken care of. Although, I haven’t had an opportunity to check how you really feel.”

 

Sometimes Dan forgot that PJ did not have his same ability to read hearts without a tune. “Oh, yes, well.” He cleared his throat, suddenly nervous for what his friend would find. He had felt so many things since being here that he was sure PJ wouldn’t know what to do with him when he did read him. “Soon.”

 

 

Dan and PJ hugged lingeringly at the intersection of hallways that would separate them as soon as they let go. He also knew that Phil was likely in his room, waiting and Dan was just as anxious to return to him.

 

“Can I see?” PJ whispered uncertainly in his ear. Dan pulled away and looked at him. “I don’t know if I can wait till tomorrow. I know you’re going to feel...different.”

 

“Yes.” Dan told him. “You probably won’t recognize me even.” PJ cocked his head at that. Dan pursed his lips. He was so afraid of what PJ would think of him now that his heart had experienced just about every emotion he could fathom. “I am okay PJ, despite what you will find. But, can we please wait until tomorrow? Then you can sing to me and I can tell you all about what’s happened. I have so much to tell you.”

 

PJ nodded hesitantly. “Okay. Tomorrow then.”

 

 

Phil

 

Seeing the mixture of Dan’s joy and shock at seeing PJ had made Phil as happy as he’d expected. He’d been disappointed when the king excused him from the room but it had given him the time he needed to to cool down from how worked up Dan had gotten him.Dan had surprised Phil with his forwardness. He’d seemed so confident kissing Phil’s neck and touching his body. There was no doubt that he hadn’t really known what he was doing or even what he wanted himself but it hadn’t stopped him and in the end Phil had had to use every facet of self control he had to pull away. Phil couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted someone. Had he ever?

 

As he lay on Dan’s bed he thought back to his years with Charlie. There were times when of course he’d been horny, more so when he and Charlie were younger, and he’d initiate something. As time passed though, he’d done so less and less. After time and time again of trying to communicate to Charlie what he wanted while they made love and never truly getting it, he’d given up. The intense desire to just be with him, or anyone, had almost entirely disappeared.

 

Dan had been desperate with him but not in the way that Charlie had always been. Charlie was desperate to just get off where as Dan had simply been inexperienced. His urgent touches and noises had been him just trying to figure out what he needed to to do satisfy that intense desire. He hadn’t wanted to ‘own’ Phil or use him. In fact he’d been trying very fervently to get Phil involved too. It had worked to an extent too. If Dan had pushed him even a second longer Phil wasn’t sure if he’d been able to stop.

 

Thinking about it certainly wasn’t helping him and he squirmed a little, trying to ignore the need to satisfy himself. Finally he got up from the bed and jumped in the shower, turning the water as cold as he could bare. He then dried, put his shirt on and crawled back under the covers. It would be best if he was asleep when Dan came back.

 

The problem was, Phil was not tired in the slightest. He laid there in agitation until he heard the door creak open. He held still, deciding whether or not he should pretend to be asleep. He’d used this trick so many times on Charlie but it had rarely worked. And besides that, he didn’t want to push Dan away. That was the very problem. He listened as Dan pulled his gown off. Phil waited to hear him dig in his drawers for the one he slept in. The one that was loose and short. But the sound didn’t come. Instead the sound of bare feet padded across the floor and Phil held his breath as the songbird slid in beside him. The skin of his bare legs met Phils own uncovered ones and a hand wrapped around his waist.

 

“Hey.” Dan whispered.

 

“Hey.” Phil said in response. “How did it go?”

 

Phil could hear the smile in Dan’s voice. “Amazing. Thank you so much.”

 

“Me?” Phil questioned. “It was the kings idea.”

 

“Oh please. The king didn’t know about PJ. The king didn’t travel back up to the Song House to bring him to me. It was all you wasn’t it? That’s where you were for those few days.”

 

“Yes. I suppose so.” Phil relented. Dan’s breath was hot against his spine as he tucked his face there.

 

“You’re being so serious.” Dan kissed his back and a breath released from Phil. The cold shower had been pointless if Dan was going to do things like this.

 

“Just tired.”

 

“Do you want to sleep?” Dan’s hand ghosted down his arm and then along his thigh and up to play just under his shirt. Phil closed his eyes.

 

“Maybe not.” He admitted.

 

Dans touches became more firm, running up Phil’s chest and back down to just above his boxers. He kissed the back and sides of Phil’s neck confidently.

 

“Then you’re going to have to tell me what you want me to do.” Dans voice tickled Phil and he arched his neck away. His words seemed unfathomable to Phil.

 

“Tell you what to do?” The idea sparked an arousal in him he didn’t know he had. He’d never even considered being the one in control. Charlie had never given him an option.

 

Dan chuckled. “Well, yeah. I know what I am feeling and I know you want it too but I’m not entirely sure what that is. I’m just kind of...listening to what my body tells me.”

 

“Then keep doing that because what you’re doing is perfect.” Phil flipped himself around and met Dans lips. He kissed them gently even as Dan was being more rough. Phil reminded himself that it was only because the boy didn’t know how to get what he really wanted, not because he was trying to be rough. Still, Phil bit Dan’s lip, holding him in place for a moment to slow his movements. “Go slower.” He instructed.

 

“Slow...alright.” Dan complied but seemed unsure how to go about obeying.

 

“Like this.” Phil connected their lips again but took control, kissing him deeply and slowly. Dans breath hitched and after a few moments he attempted doing the same.

 

“That’s really hard to do.” Dan whined and Phil felt his hips shift forward, finding Phil’s thigh and grinding when he discovered it felt nice to have that part of him touched. He was hard now and Phil wondered how long this could possibly last. “How have I never felt this way before? No one ever told me...” He interrupted himself with a moan when Phil sucked on his neck. Dan was now continuously moving his hips against Phil’s leg. It was flattering but Dan didn’t know any better and soon he would be finished before they got started. Phil realized though that with these sensations being new to him it really was unfair for him to expect Dan to take things slow. It reminded him of when he was a teenager. If Phil wanted things to slow down he was going to first have to help Dan.

 

He pushed Dan onto his back and positioned himself above him. Dan gasped into his mouth and kissed back more fervently.

 

“I want this off.” He mumbled and clawed at Phil’s shirt. Phil sat up enough to remove it and then kissed down Dan’s chest. Dan moaned and huffed out small breaths. He was writhing beneath Phil in a way that made him want to pin his arms. Then he remembered Charlie doing the same and instantly was disgusted with himself.

 

“Phil.” Dan fussed and pulled Phil back up to kiss him.

 

“What is it?” He asked, kissing his jaw line.

 

“I don’t know.” Dan panted. “I just need you to do something. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

 

Phil laughed lightly. “I know. I’m sorry. You just sound so amazing. I could listen to you forever. I know what you need. I’ll take care of you.” Phil promised.

 

Phil reached between them, his hand gliding down Dan’s soft skin until it slid into his underwear. The moment Phil touched him Dan was moaning and keening, bucking into his hand and arching his back. It took no time at all before Dan was cumming into his fist. Phil worked him through it and smiled when Dan wrapped his arms around his neck while he caught his breath.

 

“That was incredible. I don’t think I would have guessed myself that that’s what I needed.”

 

Phil chuckled. “I think you would have figured it out eventually.”

 

Dan was kissing him again but now his movements were tender. Phil himself was still very much aroused but he had more practice than Dan at holding back and now that the boy was sated he could enjoy him unhurriedly. It would take a few minutes but he was sure Dan would be up for another round. The songbirds hand roamed leisurely over Phil’s skin until he came to his hardened member. He stopped kissing him briefly to search Phil’s eyes.

 

“You too?”

 

Phil wanted to laugh but he also didn’t want to embarrass him. He settled for smiling and nodding. “Yes Dan, me too.”

 

Tentatively Dan reached into Phil’s underwear, stroking him unsurely. He watched his own hand move sluggishly up and down and then glanced back up to Phil. Phil had to focus on breathing normally as pleasure coursed through him.

 

“Like this?” Dan asked.

 

Phil barely managed a nod. He had never experienced such a slow build up. It was all he’d ever wanted. The fact that Dan was capable of being slow with him made him nearly come to tears. The images of Charlie and his hurried and sometimes harsh sex were slowly disappearing. He never wanted Dan to feel as used as he had, especially in something that could be so beautiful.

 

Dan quickened his strokes. Phil let him but only for a few seconds before gently taking his hand away. Dan peered at him curiously, waiting to be told what he should do next or what Phil would make him feel next.

 

“Lets do it together okay?” Phil said softly. Dan nodded but didn’t seem to understand. Phil pushed the heavy blankets off them as he adjusted himself above Dan. He removed his own underwear, and then Dans, dropping them on the floor. Dans cum lay sticky between them and Phil was only turned on even more. In just a few minutes it would be far worse. He balanced himself on one hand and admired Dan’s speechless expression below him. He bent down, kissing him lingeringly as he took both their cocks in his hand. Dan’s breath hitched against Phil’s lips as he stroked them, at first lazily. He quickened his hands movements when Dan began squirming beneath him. His hands gripped Phil’s shoulder while the other clutched the sheets.

 

“Phil, please. Go faster, or something.” Sweat beaded on his forehead as Phil pumped faster. He saw the moment Dan’s orgasm hit him. His eyes fluttered and his body arched. Phils name fell from his lips. The site was gorgeous and Phil came moments later, grunting into Dan’s neck. He listened to the boy catch his breath as he blinked away the stars dancing in his vision.

 

His arm decided it no longer wanted to hold up his weight and Phil let himself collapse to the side. Dan immediately curled into him, rubbing his forehead against his chest and placing a single kiss there.

 

“You’re amazing.” Dan said admiringly.

 

Phil smiled into his hair and rubbed his arm. “I love you so much Dan.”

 

“I love you too. Can we please do that again soon?”

 

Phil laughed. “I don’t think I could ever resist to be honest. You’re so beautiful.”

 

 

 

Dan

 

Dan had been called beautiful many times in his life. By strangers and by some in the Song House, but it never meant as much as when Phil said it. He said it again as Dans eyes blinked open from what he believes will be the best sleep he will ever experience. The sun blinded him and he blinked groggily. His vision cleared and he met Phils eyes. Dan smiled and tilted his head.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

 

Dan laughed. “You already said that.”

 

“And I’ll probably say it many more times so get used to it.”

 

Since Phil seemed to be easily expressing what was on his mind Dan decided he could too. “I want to kiss you. I probably have the worst breath and I still want to kiss you.”

 

In reply Phil scooted forward and placed his lips gently against his. Dan breathed in happily.

 

“What is the plan today anyway?” He asked once they’d separated.

 

“PJ. Remember?” Phil raised an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, yes.” Dan mumbled. Phil laughed at him and Dan rolled his eyes. “Well sorry if last nights events have made my brain a little foggy.”

 

“Foggy huh?” Phil nudged him playfully and Dan felt himself going red a little just at the mention of what they’d done.

 

“Yes, foggy.” Dan said fervently.

 

“Well, while you and PJ catch up I’m going to into the city and find a few outfits. I don’t even have anything for the event. Oh god. That’s in two days!” Phil exclaimed.

 

“You can’t go into the city without me!” Dan sat up on his elbow and glared down at Phil. Apparently he did’t look that intimating though because Phil only chuckled.

 

“You’re kind of adorable too.” Phil said. Dan hissed when Phil planted a quick kiss on his forehead. He then abruptly shoved the blankets off them both and leapt out of bed. “Going shopping with me will be no fun. Trust me. I’m just going to grab a few T-shirts and a pair of jeans. Maybe a suit or something for the event. I have plenty of clothes at my house but...” His voice faded with the obvious problem to that fact.

 

“Well, if you have clothes at your house then I can just go with you or something.” Dan suggested. It was stupid for Phil to have to buy a new wardrobe just because of Charlie.

 

“Absolutely not.” Phil yelled from the bathroom as he turned on the shower.

 

“Nothing would happen if I came though, right? He wouldn’t try to hurt you in front of anyone.”

 

Phil stuck his head outside the door and frowned. “It’s not me I’m worried about Dan. I think he knows that I came here, that I came here before too. And I think he suspects why. Anyway, I don’t want you near him as much as I don’t want to be near him.”

 

Phil was probably right. Dan didn’t really want to see Phil near him either. “I guess. But will he even be home right now? Doesn’t he work?”

 

“I can’t be sure of anything he’s doing right now. Knowing Charlie he might have not even shown up for work the last few days. He’s probably...” Phil sighed and shook his head. “Never mind. It’s just easier to go get some new clothes. I’m jumping in the shower.”

 

When Phil was finished Dan took his own shower. When he came out of the bathroom to change Phil wasn’t there. So he dressed quickly and waited. He returned within a few minutes, explaining that he had just went to check on PJ and Stephen. Apparently they had already eaten and were anxious to see Dan again.

 

Dan kept imaging Phil going into the city without him and his heart sunk. He sauntered over to where Phil was stripping the bed and wrapped his arms around his waist, holding the mans arms captive. “Please don’t go into the city without me.”

 

“There’s no way I’m letting you give up time with PJ who, let me remind you, will only be here for a couple of days. I however, will always be here.”

 

Dan liked the sound of that. “I guess so.”

 

“I won’t be long, I promise. And besides that, PJ and Stephen can’t find out that we’re...well...they also can’t find out that we...”

 

“They can’t find out that we’re in love and you essentially took my virginity?” Dan laughed at Phil’s expression following his words.

 

“I really should have given you ‘’the talk’ _before_ we had sex.”

 

Dan finally released Phil from his hold. “Nah, it was far more interesting the other way around.” Dan teased. After they had satisfied themselves thoroughly last night, Phil had told him all about the ‘birds and the bees'.

 

“Whatever, we need to keep our relationship strictly professional. Got it?”

 

“Yes sir.”

 

“Dan, I’m serious. You could be taken back to the Song House!”

 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I just feel a bit loopy is all.” Dan whined but decided that was the end of his playing. “You know, I was thinking. It’s because of PJ that you knew you had a wall didn’t you?”

 

Phil was quiet for a moment before answering. “Yes, it is. It was the first thing he said to me actually. I was just standing in the entrance of the Song House trying to convince Kit to let me bring him back with us and he seemed to appear out of nowhere. He was humming.” Phil paused, seemingly thinking back to that moment. “Then he asked me why I had shut you off, and then told me that I loved you.” Phil laughs at this. “And then yesterday when I went to him he said that I was different and that I should ask you why that was.”

 

“Because the wall was gone.” Dan guessed. Phil nodded.

 

“The whole thing is really strange you know. You two are so different. I kind of expected him to act more like you since you’d both grown up the same way.”

 

Dan cocked his head. “What do you mean?”

 

“Well, like on the train. According to Kit he hadn’t had any training in that regards. She said he probably wouldn’t even be able to stand once he came in contact with the outside world. It was the opposite though. He did perfectly fine. But you...you were terrified. Remember that?”

 

Dan swallowed. “Yeah, I do.” Dan knew if there was anyone he could tell his secret to it would be Phil. The king already knew and as long as it didn’t get back to the Song House he didn’t think it mattered. “There’s one big difference between me and PJ’s abilities.”

 

“A difference?”

 

“Yes. I never even told my teachers about it and since they spent most of their time training me they probably thought PJ would be just as sensitive. But the difference is, PJ has to hum to feel others emotions. He can feel a small inkling of something just being around someone, especially if it’s a strong enough emotion. Otherwise though, he has to be humming.”

 

“And you don’t?”

 

“Nope. I can feel everyone's emotions, at all times, no matter what. I don’t need to hum. When I do it makes everything a bit more clear but it’s not necessary.” Dan shrugged.

 

“That makes so much more sense.” Phil huffed. “That’s why being around people was so much more difficult.”

 

“Yeah. I can also heal without making a sound. I can sing the song in my head and as long as it’s directed to the person, they’ll heal.” Dan explained.

 

“That’s incredible.”

 

“I almost did that with you before I’d officially met you. I couldn’t stand feeling what you were feeling and I figured no one would know about it if I did...but they would have probably seen the difference pretty easily to be honest.”

 

“PJ doesn’t know this?” Phil inquired.

 

“No, I never told him. Though he might suspect it. We spent too much time together for it to be a complete surprise. I just never knew how my teachers would respond to it. I was worried it would make me incapable of being a songbird.”

 

“But you’ve managed to control it somewhat?”

 

“Ignore is more like it. But, yes, I guess so.”

 

“I must go if you want me back at a reasonable time.” Phil sighed and came up to Dan, stroking his cheek softly like he seemed to enjoy doing. Dan leaned into the touch. “Tell me all about it when I get back.” He smiled.

 

“Before I go, can I least check your wound since you refuse to take care of yourself? Also, eat breakfast!” Dan demanded.

 

“Alright, alright.”

 

 

Phil was gone and Dan was waiting at PJ’s door after knocking. As soon as his friend opened it they were embracing. Dan was suddenly very happy he hadn’t gone with Phil. How could he give up his limited time with this person?

 

They stayed hugging for several long moments, rocking back and forth and giggling. “God I missed you.” Dan squeaked.

 

“As did I.” PJ pulled away. “Now, shall we go and see what damage this world has done to you?”

 

 

Dan lead them to the outside grounds of the palace where a large garden was cared for. They walked slowly around, talking. Dan knew it was killing PJ to not sing to him but Dan was not as anxious to be healed as he normally was. He felt...okay. He didn’t feel the aching need to feel complete again as he used to any time the smallest inkling of discomfort or pain seeped into his heart. Perhaps he was used to it now. Perhaps once he was healed he would be frustrated at himself for going so long without healing. Maybe he’d think more clearly. Maybe...maybe Dan didn’t want to think more clearly.

 

They reached a bench surrounded by trees and sat. There were a couple of guards following them that stayed a respectable distance away. PJ took Dans hands and held them in his own lap. He searched Dans eyes painstakingly.

 

“I feel as though you are hiding something from me.” He said in a hushed tone. “Normally you would have been so anxious for me to sing to you but...that's not the case. You seem to not care whether I did so or not.”

 

Dan smiled warmly at him. “PJ, all I can say is that I am happy. This world is brutal, yes, and I’ve experienced much heart ache and yet, I’m still somehow happy. I don’t understand it either but that’s the truth. Is it possible that you’ll sing to me and I’ll suddenly become aware of how damaged I was? It’s possible. At this moment though, I’m truly content. But of course I still want you to sing. I would regret not hearing your voice speak to me.” PJ smiled at that. Dan realized then how scared his friend had been that he’d be denied giving that gift. “Now please, go ahead. I’m ready.”

 

PJ hesitated and Dan felt his fear. He was scared of what he’d find in Dan. For that matter, so was Dan. He knew that there was no hiding his love for Phil. He had to hope that PJ wouldn’t look too far into it though.

 

After taking several moments to build up his courage PJ began to hum. Almost instantly the breath seemed to be taken from his lungs and he closed his eyes. His fingers tightened around Dans and Dan watched as his friend slowly took in everything he’d felt since they’d seen each other last. His expression tightened and Dan felt suddenly guilty for even allowing him to do this.

 

PJ briefly stopped his humming to grumble an “Oh, Dan,” sadly.

 

Dan felt the moment his song started. At least...he knew it must be his song because of the way his strands started reacting but he’d never heard it before. Dan did the unthinkable and pulled away from PJ. PJ stopped immediately and looked at him, confused.

 

“That’s not my song.” Dan insisted. He sang the first few notes of the one he knew. “That’s my song.”

 

PJ looked at incredulously. “Dan, what I just started, that is your song. You know it too. But the fact that I have to tell you that proves to me just how badly you need to hear it. Now be quiet, and let me sing.”

 

Dan sighed and held his hands together. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Start over, I’m sorry.”

 

PJ started again, though at first his voice was more hesitant. It really had been unfathomable for Dan to interrupt. He had just never heard a different song for himself. It proved how much he’d changed since leaving the Song House. He was not the same person. The same heart did not inhabit him. He forced himself to close and eyes and listen closely. 

 

The song was of another language that Dan didn’t know very well but he understood its meaning entirely without words. The song was painfully slow as PJ unwound the notes and traversed the forest of strands. For Dan saw now that his heart had as many emotions as anyone outside of the Song House. This song that Dan was so insistent couldn’t be his swam around him, each note slowly raised him up and set him back down stronger than before. He would never guessed that this is what he needed but each word spoke true and reminded him of why he was here, who he was and what he could do. If he tried to put the meaning in normal terms it would go something like this...

 

<https://youtu.be/qizpBpHTzkU> Born For This-Austin Wintory

 

_To each day his day is given_

_To each day his day is given_

_Time it is for me to go_

_Lost is my homecoming_

_Lost is my homecoming_

_I was born for this_

_Along this road, goes no one_

_Along this road, this autumn eve_

_I was born for this_

_Do not pity me_

_I was born for this_

 

By the time the last note was sung Dan felt stabilized. He was reminded that he had a purpose here now that he was out of the Song House. He wasn’t just some person here on the earth to exist, fall in love, and die. He could help people, change lives for the better, bring peace to pained hearts. He could do something with his life.

 

He looked up at PJ with a slightly confused expression. “I understand PJ. I didn’t realize that I had forgotten my purpose. But...”

 

“But what Dan?” PJ urged him on, scooting towards him on the bench.

 

“The only time I can fulfill my purpose is when my master summons me. I have no control over when I can heal someone. My life is not in my hands, as my song is trying to tell me.”

 

PJ smiled at him, his eyes twinkling like he had a secret. “That is what I am here to tell you. Kit sent me to for more than just a visit Dan.”

 

Dan stiffened unsurely. “What do you mean?”

 

PJ spoke excitedly as shifted in his seat as though unable to control himself. “She sent me here to tell you to not hide your gift. Use it to the full. Heal others. Heal the world for Christs sake! Do what you can with it! Do not hold back. Use your gift for what it was truly given you for.”

 

“She...she wants me to heal others?”

 

“Yes! Me too Dan! I’m not going back to the Song House. Someone bought me Dan. I haven’t met him but I’ll be a true songbird soon.”

 

“What?!” Dan exclaimed. “So soon after me?”

 

“I know! It’s never happened so close together but it’s true. I will soon have a master. But it means nothing. The Song House wishes us to use our gifts for everyone. Not just those we belong to.”

 

“But won’t that make our masters angry? I mean...they bought us, no one else.”

 

“True. It is possible. That is why we have been asked to do it carefully and without any one else's knowledge for the time being. We are not necessarily trying to hide it but don’t just go out to the plaza and invite people to line up for a healing. The news will travel fast. It may sound like a bizarre rumor for a while. It may turn into just another songbird legend. But one day in the future, even if it’s past our lives, the songbirds can serve the people and not just a person.”

 

Dan’s mind was spinning with the meaning behind this. And the first thing that came to his mind was Phil. “I can heal Phil.” He said softly.

 

PJ tilted his head at him. “Yes, you can.”

 

“Surely you found him in my heart as well.” Dan said knowingly.

 

“Very strongly.”

 

“Are you going to tell Stephen? Are you going to let them take me away from him?”

 

PJ placed a hand on his. “The way I see it, the laws are changing before our very eyes. Perhaps it is time for this one to change as well.”

 

Dan let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Thank you. Thank you PJ.”

 

“And besides that it is too late. If I were to tell Stephen, and he were to tell the Song House, they’d have to drag you back there. You wouldn’t be able to heal the people and I personally believe it would ruin you to have you two forced apart like that. It would like ripping a strand apart. And I don’t think it would heal again. You would be rendered utterly useless, incapable of healing yourself and others. I don’t want to risk that, and I don’t believe the Song House would either. I will explain this to Stephen.”

 

Dan leapt forward and embraced PJ tightly. “Do these changes mean I will get to see you more often?”

 

“Possibly. I do not know who my master is but surely we will have that opportunity.”

 

“I’ll make sure of it.” Dan mumbled into his shoulder.

 

“Well go on then, go heal Phils broken heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end of the fic guys, probably one or two more chapters left. Enjoying it so far?


	11. Chapter 11

Phil

 

Phil was folding his new clothes when Dan burst into the room. It was abrupt enough he nearly jumped out of his skin. He had had so much on his mind. As soon as he’d gotten back into the palace he’d been approached by two messengers who each had a list of requests for him from the king. In other words, his mind was very much elsewhere and he was trying to finish his mundane task of clothes folding quickly.

 

“Phil, you’re back! I’ve got something amazing to tell you. I was just out with PJ and apparently the Song House has this idea.”

 

Phil’s mind was so clouded right then that Dan’s voice was just a distant sound he couldn’t really concentrate on. He scratched roughly at his scalp as he put the last shirt away. “Um, Dan,” he recognized that he was kind of interrupting Dan but the idea of rudeness didn’t register in that moment. He had tasks for the event and many of them included Dan. All he knew at that second was that the songbird was there and he could empty his mind a little by getting the answers he needed for a few of those tasks. “I need to get a few things settled before the event. The king gave me this list.” Phil shook his head as stress built in him. “Anyway, there will be a meal before the event. Well, technically everything will have started for the people outside the palace but for those in palace such as you and PJ and Stephen, the king, etcetera, things won’t really start till after that. What would you like to have for dinner? It will only be a three course meal, the king doesn’t want everyone over stuffed. He doesn’t think that it will be good to sing with a full stomach or something-”

 

“Phil.”

 

Phil did not hear Dan’s attempt at getting his attention. “It should be something lighter, maybe a salad, but obviously something you still like. Do you like fish? Salmon might be a good choice. With some pistachios perhaps. Also make sure you don’t drink any alcohol, it’ll dry your throat. You probably know more about that stuff than anyone else here though. And there’s the matter of will PJ be willing to sing with you, you know? That’s actually a pretty major concern.”

 

“Phil.”

 

“I’m inclined to think he will actually. But if PJ decides not to then I guess-”

 

“PHIL.”

 

“-you just might be okay doing it yourself. Maybe not everyone in the audience will get the whole effect but really I can’t say because I don’t know how it works, especially over large groups of people. Do you know how it works? Anyway what I was getting at is do you know what you and PJ will be singing? Is there a song you both know that will bring a degree of ‘peace’ to the peoples hearts? And I wonder if you’ll sing with-”

 

Phil’s mouth abruptly shut. A strange feeling was coursing though him, almost as though he could feel each drop of blood flowing through his veins and organs. At first he wanted to panic. He furrowed his brows and was about to open his mouth and say something when the sound of his heart beat seemed to get stronger and louder.

 

“Dan...I feel something...I feel like...” He put a hand to his chest and tried to determine what exactly it was that he felt. Nothing hurt it was just strange. Was he going to have a panic attack? Was all this stress really that much for him?

 

In response to Phil’s confusion Dan started to hum in that way Phil was familiar with. But the humming only lasted a few seconds before the songbird started to sing. He sang quietly and Phil could barely hear the words.

 

<https://youtu.be/8OmOI6y7ILQ>Someday-V. Contreras

 

“ _Someday I promise you, someday I’ll make it true_.”

 

Phil was about to ask what on earth Dan was doing but in response to the words a warmth spread through him, buzzed in his head, flowed through every cell. It was almost as though he recognized the song, that tune, the feeling surrounding him. He recognized it. He understood it.

 

“Dan, what are you doing? I know that song...” He managed, feeling a little breathless at the next verse.

 

 _“Someday till the end of time, I’ll join your heart with mine_.”

 

Dan’s voice came to a gentle stop and Phil found himself wordlessly begging for Dan to continue. He felt like he might collapse if he didn’t keep singing. “I don’t understand.” He muttered, placing a hand on the desk to hold himself up. Dan stepped close to him, placed a palm against Phil’s chest, over his heart which still felt as though it were longing desperately for something.

 

“That’s your song.”

 

“But, why, how...” Phil’s mind felt as though it were filled with cotton, stuck in some subspace.

 

“I was trying to tell you why and how but you wouldn’t shut up.” Dan grinned and Phil couldn’t help but smile back. “The Song House no longer wants to follow the current laws around songbirds. They have asked PJ and I to heal anyone we want, whenever we want. We are not to hold back our gifts but instead share them with the world. And I am starting with you, so shhhh.”

 

Phil was about to ask why they would possibly decided this but then Dan’s eyes closed and his voice started over with the song. Phil’s song. His heart picked up where it had left off. The desire to hear the words and listen to the voice was so vivid.

 

“ _Your the sky spread over me. And beneath the churning sea, I’ve got this feeling you and I, belong like sea and sky_.”

 

Love. Phil felt the essence of the feeling so strongly in that moment. He longed for it. Pain struck his chest like a bolt of lightening and he gasped. Dan’s hand ran down his arm to his hand, kissing his knuckles and then holding them securely against his own chest.

 

“It only hurts for a second, I promise. This song is what you wish for, what you long for, the kind of love your heart requires to be content in this world.”

 

Phil nodded readily, trying to focus on just breathing. His entire body trembled.

 

“ _Someday I promise you, someday I swear it’s true.”_

 

Finally the pain dissipated and a burst of something bright and colorful spread across his vision. His heart rate was slow but it pounded surely. As though it had a true purpose. Phil’s thoughts seemed to clear and a whirlwind of new revelations bombarded him.

 

“ _Someday till the end of time, I’ll join your heart with mine.”_

 

Dan’s voice was fading but Phil’s mind was still running. He kept his eyes closed, sorting through in the information that was entirely new and suddenly so clear to him. He deserved to have someone love him as much as he loved them. And if he never found that, then he wouldn’t be content at all. And he loved himself, he realized incredibly. And the only reason loving someone had been so painful before was because he hadn’t appreciated what he himself brought to a relationship. To the world too in fact. He was an asset to the entire world. He loved Charlie and of course Charlie loved him too. He really did. Perhaps Phil even taught him how. Phil was a decent enough person that someone as damaged as Charlie had learned to love. He was still learning and didn’t know how to show it. That was all. This Phil had always known but it had always hurt to think of it before. Now it just made it so that the world made a little more sense. And Dan, Phil had a good enough heart that a beautiful songbird had fallen in love with him. Surely Dan wouldn’t have been able to fall in love with just anyone. But he had with Phil. Phil was special, he was good and kind and decent and he deserved Dan’s love. He was worthy of existing. He had never felt worthy of anything, let alone existing. He’d never felt he’d done anything worth while but he suddenly realized how wrong that was.

 

He opened his eyes and felt tears spill from them silently. Dan was looking at him curiously, still clutching his hand. He stayed quiet, allowing Phil to work through what had just happened. He wanted to share his new revelations aloud. He didn’t want to keep them to himself.

 

“I love deeper than most people Dan. It is unusual but it is a good thing and I deserve that same kind of love.” Phil said confidently. He wiped away his tears and felt something in him harden. It wasn’t in a bad way, not a callused kind of feeling. Being numb and scared did not make you strong. But loving yourself and others did. He felt reinforced, like nothing could ever put him down again. His tears stopped. He had no reason to cry anymore. He no longer pitied himself. He could move on easily from the person he was before. He was unstoppable.

 

Dan’s fingers grazed his cheek. “Yes Phil. That’s exactly it.”

 

 

 

Dan

 

Dan didn’t have words for the joy he felt at Phil’s healing. The look in his eyes had already changed. He stood straighter and prouder. The scars on his arm and faded bruises looked like battle wounds on a warrior rather than abuse on a victim. The entire structure of his strands were fortified. Phil had love for himself now and that meant no one could break him as easily as before. It didn’t make him selfish. It made him capable of giving more than ever before. He had the strength to give now.

 

“Since the day I met you all I wanted was for you to know how amazing you were. How worthy you were of...of everything.” And that is why being around Phil had been so difficult sometimes. Now Dan had healed him though. Everything was more than okay.

 

“And that’s it?” Phil questioned, searching Dan’s face. “I’m a whole person now? My heart is healed, just like that?”

 

Dan smiled. “Maybe not entirely. We’re still human. We will experience new things everyday. New challenges, new relationships, new realizations and fears. You still have at least one song I could sing for you.”

 

“Then do it.” Phil said excitedly. “I want to know what 100% percent feels like.”

 

Dan laughed lightly. “I know you feel really good right now but if you think about it, you’re really tired. Healing is like exercising. You exercise to get stronger but for a little while after, you’re just sore. Give it a few days okay?”

 

Phil slumped a little, biting his bottom lip. “Okay. Okay.” He perked up again immediately, hugging Dan tightly to him and whispering into his hair. “Thank you Dan. Oh my god thank you.”

 

“And now I can do the same for others.” Dan said when they’d finally separated.

 

“Yes...yes, you were saying the before but I was...”

 

“A little distracted?”

 

Phil laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

So Dan explained the full conversation that he’d had with PJ. About his new ‘mission’ and about not having to hide his relationship with Phil. None of that mattered now. They could just live, like normal people. Mostly normal that is.

 

“How do you feel about this?” Phil asked.

 

“I’m thrilled of course! I’ll admit it feels like a lot of pressure but it’s all I could ever imagine doing. My whole life I knew I was only going to be able to heal one person and that devastated me. Now that’s all changed. I don’t even know where to begin if I’m honest.”

 

“I know there are millions of people that need your music right now but unfortunately we do have this event to plan for as well.”

 

“Right...” Dan huffed.

 

“Do you and PJ have a song in mind you’re going to sing?”

 

Dan scowled a little. “Of course not. We can’t just ‘plan’ a song. We’ll sing what the audience needs.”

 

“Right. It does need to go along the lines of peace though...” Phil was obviously stressed about this. It was only because he didn’t understand how songbirds and their songs worked though.

 

“Phil, it’ll be fine. I promise. PJ and I have sung together our entire lives. And even if that weren’t the case songbirds can nearly read one another’s minds. When the time comes, we’ll know what to do. Just tell us where to go and when. We’ll do the rest.”

 

“If you say so.” Phil sighed and went over to the table where he grabbed a pen and crossed something off. “I suppose also that you will be wearing one of your gowns?”

 

Dan leaned on the table and looked down at the list where several things were marked off. He saw “Songbird Outfits” and took the pen from Phils hand, using it to cross it off. He smiled up at Phil.

 

“Yup.” Dan stood straight and laced his arms around Phil’s waist. “Are you done with this now?”

 

“Technically no. You still haven’t told me what you would like to eat that night either.” Phil said, but he was clearly distracted by Dan who was pleading with his eyes for Phil to be done talking.

 

“There’s something else you can add to your list then.” Dan placed a gentle kiss just below Phils ear.

 

“Yeah? W-whats that?”

 

Dan could feel Phils hands twitching at his sides, fighting with himself. Dan took one of the mans hands and placed it on his hip, holding it there until he was sure Phil would keep it there. It was clear though that Phil was not going to put up much of a fight.

 

Dan kissed up and down Phil’s neck, stopping near his ear to whisper, “pushing me onto the bed and making me go crazy again. Should I add it or...?” Dan snaked his fingers along the bare skin of Phils stomach under his shirt.

 

“N-no.” Phill stuttered, making Dan grin proudly.

 

Dan let his breath ghost over Phils jaw. “Think you can get that done right now?” Finally he interlocked their lips, moving slowly like Phil had asked him to do last night. He felt like that was doable now. He could move slow if thats what Phil wanted. He would do anything to make Phil feel as amazing as he’d made Dan feel the night before.

 

“Yes.” Phil hissed against Dans mouth, moving his fingers of their own accord now delicately over the skin he could find. Dan hummed softly into the kiss and smiled when Phils lustful urgency seemed to be clawing furiously toward Dan. And yet the man kept his movements calm and loving despite the craving pushing him to satisfy. Dan was sure that Phil would never stop amazing him.

 

 

Phil

 

There was less than a day until the event. Phil couldn’t believe it was here and yet it seemed like months ago that the king had asked him to go up to the Song House for PJ. His life had changed so drastically since then. If he thought too deeply about it, a sick feeling would pool in his stomach but between Dan and the event, he found himself quite distracted. In any moment of silence however, his thoughts drifted to his home and to Charlie. Of course he was worried about Charlie. He could only imagine what his partner was thinking and doing. He was probably angry beyond recognition and Phil doubted he was going to work. Charlie could never handle his emotions or change all that well. He was probably in a mental break down.

 

Guilt burned Phils chest as he ate his dinner across from Dan. Dan, whom he loved so much. Dan, who made him feel special and worthy and loved. Here Phil was, eating a fantastic dinner with a view outside the palace beside someone he adored while the person he’d spent years with as a friend and a lover was at home, sitting on their couch or their table or on their bed bitter, sad, lonely, and with no one to turn to. He was probably not eating, or sleeping, or drinking anything other than alcohol.

 

Phil set down his fork and turned away from the plate, disgusted with himself. The feeling was brief though. Dans voice still lingered in his heart, still seemed to be singing to him and quickly Phil reminded himself that he was worthy of so much more than what Charlie had given him. It was not his fault that Charlie was the way he was. Phil couldn’t deny though that he was responsible for how his partner was feeling right at that moment. He had still been the one to abandon him. To leave him in his time of need.

 

“Phil?” Dan asked with concern.

 

Phil sighed and looked to the boy with pleading eyes. “I need to check on him. He may have been the one to hurt me and force me away. But Dan, I’m the one who fell in love and...and left. I chose you over him. I am responsible for giving up on him and hurting him and even though I know that I needed to do it, for me, he still deserves an explanation.” He hoped with everything he had that Dan understood what he was saying. Phil needed to do something, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what that thing was yet.

 

Dan pushed their plates out of the way and held onto Phil’s tightly interlocked fingers. He rubbed at them soothingly and peered sympathetically into Phil’s eyes. “Do what you need to.”

 

Phil nodded hesitantly. “I-I will. After tomorrow when everything calms down again, I will.”

 

“And I’ll be there for whatever you need.” Promised Dan.

 

 

Phil slept roughly that night. He knew he would have to get up early to help set everything up. He was also thinking of Dan, of getting PJ to wherever he needed to be after all of this, of the king, and Charlie, the evening dinner, what he would wear, what last minute things needed to be arranged, what the reaction would be from the people when they were sang to. His mind never stopped. Even his dreams consisted of the day just hours before him. He groaned and tossed and eventually even paced. He felt horrible for keeping Dan up for some of the night as well but he couldn’t help his anxiety. Perhaps Dan would have a song for him in the morning? He allowed himself to hope.

 

With morning came the chaos. There wasn’t time for one of Dans songs and even if there had been, the effects wouldn’t have lasted. Phil kissed Dan on the forehead before mumbling an apology as he strode out of the room onto the various tasks ahead of him. At least one big thing had been taken off his mind. Dan had spoken to PJ and the songbird had had no hesitation at all in singing to the crowd of people. He was thrilled even. It was just a start to this new ‘assignment’ the Song House had given them.

 

Phil spent the day arranging flowers, telling guards where they would be assigned that evening, alerting the kitchen as to what would be served when and to whom. He ran back and forth between the kings office to other locations around the palace delivering messages, most of which didn’t even pertain to the event. There was a cleaning crew polishing every surface, hidden or not, in and outside of the palace. The balcony Dan and PJ would be singing from had to be cleared of its current decorations and replaced with new, applicable ones. The kings daughter and son-in-law would be arriving soon and so Phil had to make entirely new preparations for that. Those that were confused as to what they were to do or where to go seemed to find their way to him and Phil found himself guiding them to their destinations.

 

By late afternoon people were already arriving outside of the palace. There were ropes keeping people from coming too close to the palace but the crowd stood as close as they could get. The people drank and ate to busy themselves for the hours that still lay ahead. At first Phil didn’t understand what they would be getting here so early for but then he realized where many had positioned themselves, directly in front of the songbirds singing balcony. The only reason they’d know was by asking the guards perhaps. They had asked specifically about the songbird, they were here for Dan. More than likely they were anxious to see if the myths and legends about songbirds were true. Did they really look like angels? Did the sun reflect off them and did they speak quietly while somehow letting everyone hear them? Did their voice really heal peoples woes? Were they really always children?

 

Phil himself had had many of those questions. Now that he’d personally been around two songbirds he could answer them quite clearly. Yes, sometimes they did look like angels, sometimes it did seem as though the sun reflected off them, their songs really did heal, and their innocent, caring hearts did in fact remind him of young children.

 

When the sun started to dip Phil couldn’t believe it. What time must it be? He checked and cursed under his breath. He was supposed to be escorting Dan, PJ, and Stephen to their dinner with the king and some special guests any minute. He jogged down the palace hallways and knocked first on Stephen and PJ’s doors. He was out of breath and needed a shower. He certainly didn’t feel qualified to be on this assignment right then.

 

“Apologies for my appearance. It’s been a hectic day.” Phil admitted as the three of them made their way to Dans room.

 

“You look fine Phil.” PJ said kindly. “It’s just your brain that’s out of sorts.”

 

Phil rolled his eyes as he raised a hand to Dans door. “Thanks.”

 

Dan opened the door before Phil had a chance to knock. The songbird was wearing the gown with a red ribbon tied around the waist. He must have recently showered because the smell of rose cascaded from his skin and hair. Dan stood tall and handsome and for a moment Phil was transfixed by him.

 

“You look amazing.” Phil finally managed. Dan smiled and kissed him. Phil suddenly wished he could just have a moment with Dan. He needed to feel grounded and no one else made him feel that way.

 

“Bad day?” Dan asked, moving his thumb along the wrinkles in Phils forehead.

 

“Just crazy. But it’s better now.”

 

“Aren’t we going to be late?” Stephen said from behind them.

 

“Right. We better go.” Phil agreed.

 

 

Dan

 

Dan sat at the elaborate dining table with PJ on one side and a man he did not know on the other. He was apparently a friend of king. Most everyone at the table with them was. It was a smaller group. Dan was grateful for that. The king sat on the other side of PJ. He smiled brightly and proudly as his various guests attempted conversation with the two songbirds. They seemed at a loss for words. No one knew what to ask and Dan sensed their nerves. He looked to PJ who was also turning to look at him and they both smiled knowingly. At least he had someone to laugh about this later with. The meal continued in awkward silence, silverware clinking and throats clearing. They must all be wondering if their minds were being read right there and then. Eventually a man was brave enough to speak up.

 

“So, you will be singing for the crowds?” He asked, shifting in his seat.

 

“Yes.” Dan and PJ answered in unison.

 

“That’s great. I look forward to it.”

 

“What will you be singing?” Another asked.

 

Dan tilted his head, thinking, and shrugged.

 

“Do you know what you will be singing?” The king asked, sounding somewhat nervous.

 

Dan looked to him and smiled and then glanced at PJ. “Yes.” They spoke together again, making them both laugh a little. “You don’t need to worry.” Dan said encouragingly, sending a wave of relief into the kings heart. The man relaxed against his chair and nodded.

 

“I guess it’s a surprise for us all.” He laughed. Others followed suit.

 

A women's voice spoke next. She was sitting across from Dan and was apparently the kings daughter. “So you really can heal hearts.” She said simply, kindly. It wasn’t a question. She had enough evidence looking at her father to know the legend was true. “I’ll admit, I thought my father was crazy when he told me he was purchasing a songbird, and for how much. How does it work exactly? Do you know what I am thinking right now?”

 

Everyone at the table went quiet. They swallowed their food and looked curiously from the kings daughter to Dan.

 

“We are not mind readers. It’s a common misconception. But I know what you are feeling, and towards whom.”

 

She tilted her head at that and gently set down her spoon, crossing her arms on the table. She was a beautiful women. Her long hair reached past her breast and settled on her lap as she leaned forward. She had a smile on her face. She didn’t seemed concerned with Dans ability to read her at all.

 

“Tell me then.”

 

Dan looked questioningly at the king who gave him a nod of approval. For the sake of the comfort around him Dan decided to hum rather than just simply say it. It made him seem more human when he had to hum to get information. He set down his silverware and sat a little straighter. It was strange to have all these eyes on him. They watched him intently. Parting his lips Dan allowed a high, warm note to pass through his lips. The notes danced through the women’s strands, making her feelings come alive. After just a few moments Dan got a sense of who she was and stopped humming.

 

“Well?” She pushed, resting her chin on her hands.

 

“Well...on the outside, as you likely know, you come across as a very confident, free spirited person. You genuinely care for others and it shows. You seem to know yourself quite well. You’re aware of your good qualities and have belief in yourself as a leader. Other trust you for this and based on the nerves I sense, the expectations can get to you. You’re rather stressed about how people view you. This might be why you’re a bit hesitant. You’re not happy, not really. You’re content perhaps. You love your husband dearly but you’re worry about him even now.” Dan paused to see if the women wanted him to continue. She was still watching him with the same open expression so he continued. “You refuse to look too deeply into your own heart and intentions. You’re more scared than you even know.”

 

“What am I scared of?” The kings daughter asked.

 

Dan looked sadly at her. “Yourself.”

 

The women pursed her lips and looked away from Dan’s eyes. “You say I’m content, but not happy. What do I need to do to be happy?”

 

“Learn to trust your heart too, not just your mind.” Dan said simply. They were words taken directly from her own song.

 

The women leaned back at that. “That’s incredible.” She breathed out in amazement. Everyone around the table continued to stare at Dan. All of their hearts were suddenly reaching toward him, begging to be understood. In time perhaps.

 

 

The dinner was more comfortable after that. Not that it had mattered to Dan. He was used to curious stares and the awkwardness some had around him.

 

“Has Phil showed you where you two are singing from?” The king asked. The three of them were passing time seated in a sitting room. Dan and PJ were waiting for Phil to escort them to the location they would sing from. The king had been excited to talk about how the dinner went and wanted to thank Dan and PJ for the way they handled everything. Dan stroked the soft velvety material of the sofa he was on and looked when the king addressed him.

 

“No, he hasn’t.” Dan said.

 

The king clicked his tongue in disappointment. Just then Phil came around the corner. He looked better than he had before, less flustered perhaps. He still looked tired though.

 

“Sorry about the wait. I’m here now. Shall we go?” Phil waved them forward with a hand.

 

As Dan and PJ stood to follow the king spoke. “I suppose I’ll see you on your balcony as you sing for my people. I can’t tell you how excited I am for this. It might even go down in history.” He smiled proudly, rubbing his hands together and getting to his feet. “I’ll be watching.” He nodded to them.

 

Dan gave a little bow of respect. Then they were off.

 

“I haven’t had a chance to tell you how this is going to work have I?” Phil said. “Whoops.”

 

PJ shrugged. “We’re going to sing in front of a crowd. That’s all, right?”

 

“Y-yes, I suppose so.” They started up stairs that Dan hadn’t been up more than once since being here. He wasn’t even sure where they went. “Right now we’re headed to the highest balcony of the palace, which to say isn’t actually that high. It’s perfect though because we still want to see you while you sing. I think that’s half of it to be honest.”

 

“Really?” Dan asked inquisitively.

 

Phil smiled at him. “Very much so.” They reached the top of the stairs and headed down a hallway where two guards were stationed. “You’re expressions when you sing...” Phils thoughts seemed to drift for a moment. “Everyone will know how you feel about them when they see you sing. And you’re beautiful to look at so...”

 

PJ snorted and Dan bumped his shoulder. “Don’t worry you’re pretty too.” Dan joked.

 

“Wow, thanks.”

 

“Well...” Phil started, “you are actually.” Dan raised an eyebrow at him as they stopped at a door. Phil laughed a little. “Obviously, Dan is beautiful in a different way than you are PJ but still, the people will see you as an angel. Both of you.” Phil bent and kissed Dans lips. “Are you nervous?”

 

Dan pursed his lips. He was actually. He hadn’t expected to be and the nerves weren’t overwhelming to him but his stomach fluttered. “I am, a little.”

 

“Don’t be. Everyone will love you.”

 

Dan nodded and faced the door. “We’re going through here?”

 

“Yes. Right outside those doors is the balcony. There’s someone introducing you right guys right now. Walk out there whenever you’re ready. He’s essentially just stalling. It’s all about you two. Do you know what you’re singing yet?”

 

Dan looked to PJ and they both smiled. “Peace.”

 

Phil blew out a puff of air. “Right. I suppose you know what you’re doing.”

 

Dan laughed. “Yes. I’m not worried about the song. Where will you be?” He asked, wanting to know where Phil would be at so he look to him for any guidance he might need. And the fact that his heart was starting to race a little harder and a bit faster, he thought looking into his comforting blue eyes as he sang might bring him some relief.

 

“I’ll be right back here waiting for you when you’re done.” Phil smiled at him warmly. “After that we’ll go downstairs where you guys can relax for a while and depending on how you feel I thought it might be nice to have a couple of people meet you personally.”

 

“You mean heal them?” Dans eyes widened. His heart actually leapt at the idea.

 

“If you want.”

 

“I would enjoy that.” PJ admitted a little shyly. He hadn’t had nearly the amount of practice Dan had at healing people but Dan remembered how amazing it felt to sing the songs of broken hearts even to strangers. To watch them walk away happy and light. It felt like forever since he’d truly been able to do that. He’d only had the king, and now Phil to heal.

 

“Yes, me too. That would be incredible.”

 

“Alright, well you should think about going out there. I’m sure the crowds been worked up enough.” Phil gave him a final lingering kiss before backing away and standing against the wall.

 

Dan swallowed, not at all liking the nerves that now squeezed his chest. Why was he nervous? There was no reason. But as with most human emotions, he supposed there didn’t always have to be a logical reason for a feeling. PJ’s fingers squeezed his own as he took his hand.

 

“We are singing of peace.” His friend said.

 

“Yes.” Dan said confidently. “And what is the most peaceful place you know of we can sing about?”

 

PJ smiled knowingly. “The Song House.”

 

“Exactly.” Dan agreed. “Lets sing about the peace at the Song House.”

 

“It’s perfect. I’ll follow your lead okay?”

 

Dan nodded and with a final breath, he pushed open the door and together they walked onto the large balcony. The first thing Dan heard was clapping and cheering. They couldn’t see the people until they stood at the near edge of the stone railing. Thousands of people stood below them and Dan felt dizzy just looking at them. The sky was dark and glittered with stars. It was a warm evening and a slight breeze rippled Dans gown.

 

In one hard, swift wave the peoples emotions hit him. Any state of heart he could fathom was somewhere in that crowd. PJ squeezed his hand again reassuringly. His friend was surely sensing all of this too but he wasn’t feeling its raw intensity like Dan was. There was someone speaking through a speaker but Dan hadn’t noticed it until they stopped. Along with its absence the people started to quiet down too. Dan heard his heart hammering in his chest like he’d never experienced before and closed his eyes. He did what Phil had taught him months before and forced the negative feelings coming at him like a flood out and only searched for the happy ones. He found most everyone here was excited to see him and that helped calm him. He looked behind him, found Phil who smiled encouragingly at him and when he faced the people again he was standing taller.

 

“Okay?” PJ asked him.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m ready.”

 

By now the audience had long sense gone mute. There wasn’t a sound coming from anyone. They were all waiting for Dan. He closed his eyes and drew together every moment of peace he’d ever felt in his life. There were many of those moments growing up in the Song House and he wanted nothing more than to soften these peoples hearts with his memories of that place. He pictured the lake there, the trees, the chirping birds, the sound the rain made when it hit the marble, the laughing of happy children that had not a problem in the world, the singing of his friends. He parted his lips and let a soft tone spill forth. His voice came out more timid than usual at first but as he continued, his confidence grew.

 

<https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ax2HotqBR8w> Home I’ll Be-The Canadian Tenors

 

 

_I see the mountains, feel the salt air_

_I have reasons to behold_

_All the wonders that never cease to be_

_You’re as timeless as the water_

_You’re as gentle as the fields_

_I cares you, oh, in my dreams_

At that PJ stepped forward and continued the song with his own peaceful memories in the forefront of his mind.

_And you never let the hard times_

_Take away your soul_

_And you stopped the tears from falling_

_As you watched the young ones go_

_You’re as peaceful as a clear day_

_And as rugged as the seas_

_I cares you, oh, in my dreams_

 

Their song continued like this. Back and forth, their energy and conviction growing with each word. Dan felt peace cascade from him out over the crowd and watched it twist around each of their strands and melt into their hearts. Each passing second the damaged souls were mending and unwinding.

 

_And home I’l be, home I’ll be_

_Banish thoughts of leaving_

_Home I’ll be_

_I see the blue lakes, feel the passion_

_I have reason to believe_

_There are places that will bring you to your knees_

_I hear voices, they are calling_

_I have reason to pay heed_

_I caress you, oh, in my dreams_

_And you kept your arms wide open_

_To let children know_

_Whenever there is distance_

_The heart is always home_

_Home I’ll be, home I’ll be_

_Banish thoughts of leaving_

_Home I’ll be..._

 

Even as they finished the song the crowd was quiet. Motionless. Now though, it wasn’t anticipation and respect that kept them quiet, it was the stillness of their hearts that gentled them. Dan took in the tranquility radiating from the people and smiled. They had done it. Him and PJ, they’d given the people peace. It was just as the king had wanted, just as Dan himself had always dreamed of doing. It was just a start really. This serenity they felt was temporary. It was sad knowing that in just a short time they would return their lives, to their daily struggles, to the troubled relationships, and the pain would return to them. Even now it lingered in their hearts but for these moments they could be calm and that’s all Dan could do for anyone right then.

 

Him and PJ waited several moments before quietly leaving the balcony. Phil was there waiting of course. His eyes seemed hazed over and his shoulders were relaxed. Dan ran a hand through his hair and Phil blinked, finally seeing him.

 

“That was amazing.” Phil said, his voice wavering a little. He hugged Dan suddenly to him, kissing him slowly and breathing evenly. “I love you so much and you’re just...just...” He didn’t have words.

 

“Shhh.” Dan said gently. “You don’t have to say anything.” He could feel Phil’s appreciativeness, the responsibility that had fallen from his shoulders and the anxiety of the day dissolve. Phil nodded and pulled away, seeming to remember where and who he was.

 

“Downstairs now, yeah?” Phil slipped his hand into Dan’s and Dan smiled at his clinginess, as if as soon as he stopped touching Dan the peace would leave.

 

As they started down the stairs the intensity of the last hour faded and he realized abruptly how exhausted he was. His eyelids fluttered as though ready to sleep right there on the stairs. He heard PJ drag his feet a couple of times behind him and knew he must be feeling the same.

 

“You okay?” Phil asked, apparently noticing a difference in him.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired. Are we going to sit soon?” Dan felt drowsiness overcoming him. He’d given so much of himself right then. He’d had to conjure so much of his own emotion and then to pass it out among so many people, he was ready to crawl under the covers and sleep. “Uh...Phil...I don’t know if..I don’t think...” He started but his mind wasn’t coming up with words easily.

 

“Almost there.” Phil told him. They turned a corner and entered a room with a fireplace and several couches. Dan sat on the first one he saw and let his head loll onto Phils shoulder the second he sat beside him. He felt PJ sit somewhere near by. “Are you sure you’re just tired?” Phil asked him worryingly.

 

Dan nodded half heartedly, not opening his eyes. “I just need to rest for a moment.” And before he could say another word he was asleep.

 

 

 

Phil

 

Phil was worried about Dans sudden exhaustion but he supposed it made sense. He sat there, Dans head on his shoulder and running his hands gently through the boys hair for half an hour. The king came in at some point. The man very nearly exclaimed loudly his happiness but quickly shut his mouth when he saw the two sleeping songbirds.

 

Phil was suddenly very aware of how Dan was cuddled into his side but the king seemed to hardly notice. He didn’t mention it at least. Instead he sat on the opposite sofa and smiled at his songbird affectionately.

 

“He did it.” The man whispered. “Even I can feel the difference. It’s incredible. A miracle. Unfathomable even. Walking into that crowd right now would be like walking through a field of sheep.”

 

“It’s certainly amazing.” Phil responded.

 

“Do you think they will be out for the night?” The king looked disappointed at that.

 

“I’m not sure to be honest.” Phil admitted.

 

“Well, I’ll have someone stay here for the time being if you’d like to go outside. The front of the palace is packed but if you can get closer to the gates there’s food and games. Go enjoy yourself. Get a drink. You’ve worked hard.” The king waved him on encouragingly.

 

Phil didn’t really like the idea leaving Dan here but it didn’t appear like he’d be waking up soon and the thought of getting fresh air sounded nice. “Alright, thank you. I think I would enjoy that.”

 

Phil waited for the king to stand and take his leave before slowly edging away from Dan. He guided the boys body down to the sofa and slipped away silently. Dan only readjusted to be further against the cushions.

 

Phil traversed the palace and exited out the entry door. The vast crowd expanded before him. They were talking and laughing. Others snacked on finger foods from the various food carts that littered the outside of the palace grounds. Children ran carefree around the legs of the adults. No one looked annoyed at them though. Everyone appeared to have this general understanding of each person around them. Phil made his way through the people. As people bumped into one another they laughed and apologized. No one took anything personal.

 

Phil noticed that the further out he got from the crowd the more ‘normal’ everyone seemed to be. It got louder and the people were a bit more obnoxious. It seemed the ones in the back had come in late and many hadn’t heard the song of peace. They listened enthusiastically as others retold how it went but they weren’t nearly as serene as those that had been there.

 

Phil finally reached a part of the crowd that wasn’t so busy. He saw someone selling some beer and decided to get himself one. He thanked the man and leaned against a nearby wall, sipping casually at the dark bitter liquid. He suddenly wondered if Dan had ever had liquor. He grinned at the idea of seeing the boy tipsy. It would surely be entertaining. Would he be clingy? Emotional? Phil would definitely have to find out one day. There was so much about Dan he wanted to learn. He felt as though really, they hardly knew one another. He’d kept himself so distant in so many ways for a long time and now he could just be himself around Dan. It was such a contrast to what he was used to being like around someone he cared for. With Dan it wasn’t a game. Being comfortable around the person you loved wasn’t something he was familiar with. Now that Dan had healed him he grew almost sick at the idea of having given so much of himself away.

 

As Phil relaxed and drank, observing the crowd and getting lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice when a figure stopped a short distance away from him. The person was in the shadows and even if he had seen the dark figure move, he wouldn’t have known who it was. However, when the familiar voice hit his ears Phil jumped.

 

“You look rather lonely.”

 

He dropped his drink, spilling some of the liquid on his pants and cursing. Just as he leaned over to pick up the cup so did Charlie. His hand covered Phil’s, making Phil retract quickly and drop the cup again. He stood abruptly and took a step back.

 

Charlie picked up the cup and laughed as he threw it into a bin beside him. Phil stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say or do and not even sure if he was actually seeing the man. He was wearing a shirt with a hole at the shoulder. He had on his work jeans and boots and his hair hadn’t been cut in weeks. He probably hadn’t shaved since the day Phil left and his eyes had dark rings underneath them.

 

Charlie snorted, stuffing his hands in his pockets and rolling his eyes. “Don’t look at me like I’m a ghost. I’m your fucking fiance’ for crying out loud. I was invited here too, wasn’t I?”

 

Phil pulled himself from his surprise and stepped from foot to foot uncomfortably. “S-sorry.” He muttered. Charlie met his eyes and in that moment any peace from Dans song vanished. His heart started pounding and he looked around him as though looking for help. Everyone was busy though. They paid no attention to the awkward interaction in the corner. Charlie stepped forward and Phil took in a sharp breath.

 

“Stop doing that.” Charlie said, contorting his face into annoyance. “I’m not going to hurt you.” Phil saw his partners eyes flicker to the now almost healed scar on his forearm. He reached out and took Phils hand. Phil tensed but didn’t pull away. He held his breath as fingers traced the wound. “I did that.” Charlie said softly. He grabbed Phils hand instead, squeezing it in between both of his own and looked pitifully into his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

 

Phil finally managed to speak properly. “It’s okay, it’s nearly healed now.” He had been out of the game for too long already. His mind ran to try and find the submerged instincts he’d had for so long. The instincts that Dan had sung away. Phil was at war trying to remember that he was worthy. He was a good person. He didn’t need to be afraid. But the old apart of him was still there somewhere deep inside.

 

Charlie let Phils hand go and he could breath again. His partner held up his own arm where Phils own hand had sliced a blade through. The spot was still bandaged. “Mine hasn’t yet. I think it had an infection, but it’s okay now. How have you been Phil?”

 

Phil rubbed at his arm. “I-I’m good Charlie. I really am.”

 

Charlie huffed and Phil didn’t miss the hardness that came over the mans eyes. He knew the look of anger in those eyes. He had wanted to talk to Charlie, to settle things once for all but not like this. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to do that here and now. 

 

“I need to go Charlie. I’m sorry but-” Phil started to back up but a hand grabbed his wrist and tugged him forward. He gasped and found himself inches from Charlies face.

 

 

“You left me. You cut me open and left me bleeding out on the carpet, in our house. And you didn’t come back.”

 

“I know Charlie. I’m so sorry. But I knew you would be okay and I needed to get out of there. You were killing me Charlie.” Phil whined. He could smell the alcohol on his breath. He wasn’t as drunk as Phil had seen him but he was clearly not in full control.

 

“You thought I’d be okay?” Charlie squeezed Phils wrist tighter. “Do I look okay? What I’d like to know is why the hell you seem to be so happy.” He hissed. “Are you really this happy without me?” He was still angry but Phil heard the hurt there and found himself wanting to give into it, like he always had.

 

“You couldn’t accept my love Charlie. I didn’t know what else to do. I wasn’t making you happy either. It was best for both of us.”

 

“Both of us? You selfish fucking idiot.” Charlies took a step back but his grip tightened again and Phil winced. He tried to pull away but it was pointless. He didn’t want to make a scene.

 

“Stop this. Not here, please. I’ve wanted to talk to you but I thought it would be good to give it some time. We can get a coffee or something, alright?”

 

Charlie looked at him with disgust. “Where have you been staying?” He looked Phil up and down as if only now seeing him in clothes that he obviously didn’t take from the house.

 

“I-I...” Phil stuttered. “At the palace.”

 

“You’ve been here all this time? Living in luxury while I work and starve at home? Where did you get all these fancy clothes huh?”

 

“Please let go, you’re hurting me.” Phil yanked his arm and Charlie released it. He kept his fists balled at his side though and Phil watched them nervously. He wouldn’t hit him here, would he? Was he that out of it? “You weren’t here for the song were you?” If he had been Phil didn’t think he’d be acting this way.

 

As usual Charlie ignored his question. “You’re seeing someone. I know you are. I know you always have been.”

 

Phil shook his head but it was useless. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

 

 

 

Dan

 

Dan woke to an odd feeling in his chest. He furrowed his brows and kept his eyes closed tightly. They weren’t thrilled to open with the drowsiness that still seeped through him. He was tempted to ignore the feeling but it kept prodding at him until eventually he sat up. He rubbed at his face and sighed. PJ was still sound asleep on the nearby sofa. There was a guard standing a ways off but Phil was no where to be seen.

 

The feeling poked his chest again and he recognized it as a form of pain but it felt all wrong, like something distant.

 

“Peej?” He called quietly. When his friend didn’t budge he walked over and pushed at him. PJ groaned but slowly sat up.

 

“What?”

 

“Something wrong. Something feels weird.” Dan put a hand to his chest as the pain blossomed into something more recognizable. Fear. But Dan wasn’t afraid.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Dan grabbed PJ’s hand and placed it over his heart as though that would help his friend understand him. “Read me.” Dan was feeling awake each second that passed by. “Somethings really wrong.”

 

PJ took in a deep tired breath but hummed a tune softly. After a few seconds he stopped and looked up at Dan, searching his eyes.

 

“What?” Dan asked.

 

“I felt this before...at the Song House.” PJ explained. He scrunched up his forehead in deep thought. “When I was sitting in the cafeteria eating lunch. The same day Phil came to get me. I knew he was there because I could feel him, even from far away and without humming.”

 

“Are you saying I’m feeling Phil’s fear?” Dan shook his head in confusion.

 

“I think so.”

 

“But that doesn’t make sense.”

 

“Have you never followed the strands connecting different people before? I can read you through Phil if I wanted, and vice versa. If the people are connected strong enough you can do that.”

 

Dan realized abruptly what that meant. “So if Phil were feeling a strong enough emotion right now, then I could feel it, even from far away?” PJ nodded. In a second Dan was on his feet and running.

 

“Wait! Where are you going?!” PJ yelled after him. Dan heard him start after him. He could still feel the fear in his chest and when he hummed it almost took his breath away. He should have recognized it instantly as Phils fear. He’d experienced it enough times. It was that sharp, petrified panic that Phil had had when he was afraid for his very life.

 

Dan burst out of the front of palace and realized instantly that there was no way he could just run through the crowd. It was dense with people and his gown would give him away immediately. People might approach. But right then he needed to find Phil. PJ had just caught up to him when he darted to the right where he could circle around the crowd instead. His friend said nothing. He followed just as hastily right at his heels.

 

If Dan focused he could feel the intensity of Phils fear heighten with each step he took. He must be close by. He followed the strand, their connection. It lead him past the crowds to the palace gates. He turned a corner and stopped dead, PJ nearly colliding with him. He saw Phil against the palace wall, his head pushed firmly against it. A man stood before him, not touching him but keeping him pinned there all the same.

 

Anger like nothing Dan had felt before boiled his blood. He bolted forward, shoving at the man before he could even think about what he was doing. Dan was very slender compared to Charlie and the shove accomplished nothing more than forcing the man a few steps to the side. Dan didn’t flinch when Charlie swung his head toward him angrily but Phil made a pained noise.

 

“Dan! Don’t!”

 

Dan was not afraid of this man though. And when Charlies gaze returned to Phils a second before he pushed him further against the wall, something in Dan snapped.

 

“Who is this? Huh? Is the guy you’ve been running off to? The songbird. I should have known.” Charlie laughed, his hand still pushing Phil against the wall.

 

Dan found Charlies strands and silently found their notes. He searched them just enough to find their tangled mess and the anger that seared them. His heart was like a tangled ball of black yarn. He could feel the mans possessiveness over Phil, his obsessive need for him. He could see the thick rope of strands bound together that tied him strongly to Phils heart. There were so many strands intertwined with Phils that Dan imagined having to saw through the bond with a blade to get Charlie to let him go. He didn’t have time for that though. And he didn’t want to heal Charlie. He wanted to hurt him. He saw Phils bruises and tears in his mind. He remembered his terror and the way this man had made someone as wonderful as Phil feel worthless. Phil had almost faded into non existence because of what Charlie had done to him. He didn’t appreciate Phil. He didn’t take care of him. He had broke him. Worst of all, he hadn’t given Phil even an ounce of the love he deserved.

 

Dan found Charlies dark song pulsing in his chest. He didn’t open his mouth or even make a sound as he found the reasons for this anger. He was surprised to find fear at the base there. Dan silently sang the notes of fear, watching with satisfaction as Charlies face suddenly shifted. His hand dropped from Phils chest and he rubbed at the spot his heart beat beneath. Dan sang the note of fear over and over, never moving on so that Charlie was forced to feel the fear in a loop. It wasn't enough though. He wanted Charlie to feel what Phil felt.

 

“Dan? Dan what are you doing?” PJ asked behind him.

 

But Dan was too far gone in his anger. He found the familiar vibrations of Phil heart, plucked at the one trembling with terror and transferred it through himself into Charlie. The man gasped, falling to his knees as though he’d been punched in the gut. Dan didn’t know how he was doing this. He hadn’t known it was possible but he didn’t stop as Charlie collapsed, gasping. Tears started falling from the mans eyes. He clutched desperately at his own chest.

 

“Dan! Dan stop!” PJ was shaking his arm violently.

 

“He needs to know how Phil feels.” Dan said in a low voice. He kept the fear in Charlies heart with a few muted notes. He imagined attaching them to his strands, making him live with the fear for the rest of his life. Charlie was almost screaming now. His anger had dissipated andDan pushed away everything this man felt except for the fear.

 

“That’s enough Dan!”

 

Abruptly Dan was yanked to the side. PJ held his face between both hands and sang, looking him in the eyes. Dan tried to fight it but he was tired and angry and out of control. His heart grabbed onto the soothing notes and in a few moments he was sedated. At least enough to make him stop torturing Charlie. PJ shut his mouth and dropped to his knees beside the grumbling man. Dan looked down callously. But when he saw Phil kneeling there too his chest squeezed.

 

Phil looked from him to Charlie in panic. “W-what happened? What’s wrong? Charlie?”

 

PJ stood again, anger contorting his face. He looked Dan fiercely in the eye. “You are out of control. How could you do this?”

 

“He deserved it.” Dan said simply, though his gaze flickered away from the sobbing man on the ground. “You don’t understand PJ! You don’t know what he’s done to Phil.”

 

“Wait, what? You did this Dan?” Phil asked, sounding more confused by the second.

 

“No one deserves what you just did.” PJ shook his head and helped Phil get Charlie to his feet. The man stopped crying but his eyes flickered from side to side as though waiting for someone to jump him.

 

“Charlie?” Phil called and placed a hand on his partners arm.

 

Charlie looked at Phil, holding his breath for a moment before ripping his arm away. He gave a last terrified glance at Dan before striding through the palace gates and down the gravel road. Dan was relieved to see that Phil hadn’t gone after him but seeing the confusion and concern on his face was frustrating. If Phil understood what Dan had done he’d be grateful. Charlie knew now. He knew how he’d made Phil feel all of these years. He knew what if felt like to be hit, yelled at, pushed down, told he was worthless.

 

“Dan...what happened?” Phil asked, holding his hands out to his sides in bewilderment. Dan looked away, not responding.

 

PJ scoffed. “You’re not going to tell him? Go on, I’m sure he’d love to hear how you just used his own fear against someone he loves.”

 

“Someone please explain.” Phil demanded.

 

PJ sighed. “Inside. We should get inside. And then you need to explain, Dan.”

 

 

 

Once inside the palace they silently made their way up to Phils bedroom. Dan didn’t know when they had all agreed to convene there but thats where they went. And when the door was closed and the light was on, PJ spun to face Dan once again. Phil stood to the side unsurely, watching carefully.

 

“That was wrong Dan. That was so wrong.”

 

Dan still felt indignant. He still felt Charlie deserved the fear he was feeling right there in that moment and anger was till settled in his chest like a ball of molten glass. How dare Charlie make Phil feel that way again after Dan had coaxed him into healing.

 

“And don’t think I don’t understand what you did because I felt the whole thing. What were you thinking?”

 

“He deserved it PJ!” Dan spat.

 

“Everyone be quiet and please tell me what the hell just happened!” Phil begged.

 

PJ gestured for Dan to go ahead as he walked away. Meeting Phils eyes made the smallest inkling of guilt come to life in him. He knew the kind of person Phil was. He wouldn’t have wished anything bad upon Charlie, even after everything he’d done.

 

“Dan?” Phil pleaded.

 

“I...I...I sang him your fear.” Dan confessed softly.

 

Phil was silent for a few moments. “What do you mean you gave him my fear?”

 

PJ spoke up then from the corner of the room where he paced. “He means exactly that. The fear you feel when you’re around Charlie, he gave it to him. Except triple that because Charlie already had fear. Didn’t he Dan? You knew that. But did you care to venture any further than that? No, you didn’t. You didn’t look past the anger and fear. You didn’t give his heart a chance to tell you why he felt that way. Why he’s so attached and hurtful. Out of all the people in the world we should know that no one does something for no reason. Theres always something behind it. Do you need to be reminded of why you’re here again?” PJ’s tone changed to a plea. “We’re supposed to heal people Dan. Not tear them apart. Phil loves him Dan. Do you really think he would have wanted that? Go on, ask him.”

 

Dan removed his eyes from the ground to glance at Phil who watched him intently.

 

“Dan, are you telling me that you...gave Charlie fear? That’s why he was acting that way?”

 

“I’m leaving.” PJ pushed past Dan to get to the door. “You need to fix this Dan. You need to fix it.” He said before closing the door behind him.

 

“Yes Phil. But I only gave him what he deserved. I gave him your fear. He knows how you feel now. He won’t touch you ever again.” Dan promised. He knew that was true. Charlie would be afraid of Phil, almost as though they had entirely switched places.

 

“And he's still feeling it?” Phil questioned.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Will he...keep feeling it?”

 

“Until a songbird removes it. Yes. I connected it to his strands, as if it were his own feelings.” Only Phil could be making him feel guilty about this.

Phil spoke softly which only makes Dan him feel worse. “I understand what you were trying to do for me but Dan, I don’t want Charlie to feel afraid. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I used to. It’s not fair to anyone. And you don’t understand Charlie’s past. There were reasons he was so angry. It was why I tried to fix him for so long. He doesn’t deserve to feel fear too.”

 

“He already had it.” Dan muttered.

 

“What?”

 

“He already had fear. I just...added onto it. I think he’s angry because he’s afraid.”

 

“Well, yeah, that would make sense.” Phil was quiet for a few moments. Now that he’d calmed down Dan knew that he had been wrong. PJ had been right. He’d let his own anger control him, just as Charlies anger controlled him. He’d lost who he was in that second and now he’d ruined a person rather than healed them. Something he never imagined he was even capable of.

 

“I’m sorry.” Dan sighed and forced his head up. He’d been avoiding Phils pained eyes at all cost. “I just wanted to defend you somehow and I thought back to the things he’d done and I wanted him to pay for them. And in that moment I thought you would want that too.”

 

Phil was shaking his head. “It’s almost exactly what he did too me you know. When he made me cut him, it was because he thought that’s what I wanted. A kind of revenge. You used me the same way.”

 

“I’m sorry!” Dan begged and strode to Phil. He wanted to touch him, to hold him, to be forgiven. Phil didn’t reach out for him. His arms were crossed loosely over his chest and he was turned away despite the sadness in his eyes. “I can fix it. I’ll...I’ll heal him! Phil I’ll heal him.” The idea still sickened him a little but he knew it would be the right thing to do. He also knew that once he submitted to delving into Charlies heart he would love him as much as he loved anyone else he understood.

 

Phil turned to him just a little. “You would do that?”

 

“Yes, of course. For you and for him. Mostly for you but I’ll do it.”

 

“Okay.” Phil let his arms unfold and fall to his side. “Tomorrow then?”

 

“Well...tomorrow...I mean...”

 

“He’s scared right now, in this moment, isn’t he?” Phil asked,

 

“Y-yes.” Dan admitted. “But you spent years feeling that way. He’ll be fine for a day.”

 

“My fear wasn’t constant Dan. I at least had breaks. And I’ve told you before, he wasn’t always violent.”

 

Dan didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He was exhausted and guilt wracked at him. He admits it was guilt more for hurting Phil than Charlie but there was some pain for Charlie there as well.“We’ll go tomorrow. I promise. I’ll fix it. Please forgive me.”

 

Phil looked for a second like he was going to say refuse. And then what would Dan do? Thankfully the mans shoulders sagged and he sighed, opening his arms. Dan went to them gratefully. After a comforting embrace he pulled away just far enough that he could look temptingly at Phils lips. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed though so he waited. Phil eventually made the first move, kissing him hesitantly in a way that shot pain through Dan. He wasn’t supposed to be reluctant with Dan. Dan was supposed to be his safe place.

 

Dan clung to Phil, desperate to feel his forgiveness. He whined against Phils lips when the man seemed to still be holding him tensely. He found himself searching Phils heart, a little scared of what he would find. Please not another wall. Please. There wasn’t though. He felt Phils contentedness but also his hesitancy toward Dan at the moment. He also felt his worry, probably for Charlie. His love for Dan was still strong and evident though and that simple fact encouraged him.

 

“Lets go to bed?” He asked.

 

 

Phil

 

Once they had crawled under the covers Dan wrapped his arms around Phils waist. The boy was obviously anxious and Phil hated that, especially since he was the cause. How was he supposed to look at Dan right then though? He’d done something monstrous. Phil kept reminding himself that Dan was human. He may be able to sing away tears and bring peace to a thousand people but he was not an angel. He had feelings and made mistakes too. And this mistake had been because he was trying to protect Phil. He didn’t know how Dan had known he was in trouble and he didn’t really care. His sole focus right now was to get things taken care of with Charlie, in more ways than one.

 

Phil felt Dans grip around his waist tighten. He’d never seen Dan so clingy. Thats when he realized how rigid his own body was and how the songbird might perceive his reactions. He sighed and flipped over so he was facing Dan. He moved close to the boy, kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jaw, his neck, and finally his lips. Dan accepted the affection gratefully and closed his eyes.

 

“Thank you.” He whispered, nuzzling against Phils shoulder.

 

“I love you.” Phil muttered.

 

“I love you too.”

 

But Dan still didn’t seem satisfied. “Dan,” Phil called quietly, “are you afraid I’ll block you out again?”

 

Dan groaned and nodded.

 

“I told you, that will never happen again. No matter what you do. Okay? I promise.” Phil rubbed comforting circles over Dans arm. “I’m not...mad at you anymore. I understand. You can relax okay? After tomorrow everything will be okay.”

 

Dan leaned up and kissed him needfully. “Okay. But thats not the only thing I’m worried about Phil.”

 

Phil bent his neck to look at Dan. “What is it then?” He asked, scrunching his brows together.

 

Dan searched his face for a minute before saying anything. “You still want him, don’t you? There’s a big part of you that is still connected to Charlie and I have to admit that it scares me. The strands between you two...there’s so many and there so strong and dark and possessing.”

 

Phil didn’t entirely understand Dans description of the strands but he did know that part of himself was still drawn to his ex-partner. He stroked a hand through Dans hair. “Yes. There is a part of me that wants him Dan. I don’t understand it myself. Maybe it’s just because he’s been a part of my life for so long. You have to understand, I’ve only known his kind of love for a very long time. And I still have feelings for him. I still want to save him. I know it sounds silly, after all he’s done. Sometimes the way I’m drawn toward him scares me too Dan.” Phil admitted. Last night with Charlie, he’d found so much of his old self slowly rising to the surface.

 

Dan was quiet for a long time. Phil could feel him wanting to say something but didn’t push. He just continued playing with the boys hair and waited patiently. Eventually he would find his courage.

 

“Phil, I can help with that. I can help you...not be drawn to him.”

 

Phil felt Dan swallow anxiously. “You mean heal me?”

 

“Yes. I can heal the strands between you two. On your side at least. I can do that right now. And then tomorrow when I do it for Charlie...”

 

“So...I wouldn’t love him anymore? Is that what your saying?” Phil wondered. He ached at the thought. Could something as powerful as love really just be sung out of someone?

 

“No, no. You would still love him for as long you want to love him. But...I can heal the strand that’s pulling you toward him. You wouldn’t have so much connected to him. You would be more of your own person. You wouldn’t be linked so intensely.” Dan explained. It sounded as if he’d been holding this in for a while.

 

“Is this the other song you mentioned after healing me last time?”

 

“Y-yes. I knew I could heal the part of you that made you feel unworthy but to solve the root problem, well, I didn’t want to take something from you that you hadn’t given me permission to take.”

 

After seeing what Dan was capable of tonight, Phil could admit that he was a little unsure. “But you promise me that this song wouldn’t take away my care for him right? I still want to care for him Dan. I just don’t want to be hurt my him anymore.”

 

“Yes. I know. I understand. I would never do that to you. The song would just make your feelings toward him...healthy. Does that make sense?”

 

Phil pinched his lips together. “I think so.” He was still thinking though. He was still anxious.

 

“Do you want me to?” Dan asked after a while had past.

 

Phil felt his body submit to the idea. The thought terrified him. He didn’t want to be forced to stop loving Charlie. He wanted to come to those terms on his own, to let time heal those wounds. But if what Dan was saying was true, perhaps he couldn’t get to that point without some help. And he certainly didn’t want to be afraid of his own feelings for Charlie. 

 

“Are you sure you’re not too tired for this?” He asked, suddenly feeling guilty for even considering letting Dan heal him after he’d done so much tonight.

 

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

 

“Okay.” Phil said, closing his eyes and nestling further into the pillow. He felt Dan sit up a little and his heart pounded nervously. Fingers pushed his hair from his forehead and ran along his cheek.

 

“Do you want me to sing or do it silently?” Dan asked.

 

Phil opened his eyes. “I want to hear you of course.” He would never miss an opportunity to hear a songbirds voice, especially for one of his own songs.

 

Dan smiled down at him. “Okay. Are you ready?” He scooted closer to Phil as if to offer even more comfort. Phil gladly accepted the close contact. He was actually terrified. What if he lost more of himself than he wanted? He told himself that this was a healing. Dan wasn’t going to ruin him, or force him into anything.

 

“I trust you Dan.” He said simply. “Yes, I’m ready.” He closed his eyes and waited for Dans beautiful voice to penetrate his soul.

 

“Alright.” Dan said softly, bending to place a kiss on Phils temple. He kept his hands in his hair, stroking slowly. “This is your song to Charlie, okay?”

 

Phil nodded and took a deep breath.

 

A low hum started from Dans throat and almost instantly Phil felt a buzzing in his chest and ears. It wasn’t unpleasant. More like awakening. The words started and his breath caught.

 

<https://youtu.be/RQj2iOEx-V8> Sallys Song-Amy Lee

 

_I sense theres something in the wind_

_That feels like tragedies at hand_

_And though I’d like to stand by him_

_Can’t shake this feeling that I have_

_The worst is just around the bend_

 

Phils breath stuttered painfully, making his chest tighten. He reached up and gripped Dans hand. He hadn’t felt pain like this last time Dan healed him. Dan squeezed his hand but continued the song.

 

_And does he notice, my feelings for him?_

_And will he see, how much he means to me?_

_I think it’s not to be..._

 

Suddenly there were tears in Phils eyes and he groaned as the pain blossomed further in his chest. The words, the feelings, they were almost too much. They were every thought Phil had ever had and pushed away. How he’d always known something wasn’t quite right with Charlie and that he should be afraid of him. How he knew Charlie never saw the love Phil had for him.

 

“Shhhh,” Dan hushed above him. “It’s okay.”

 

_What will become of my dear friend?_

_Where will his actions lead us then?_

_Although I’d like to join the crowd_

_In their enthusiastic cloud_

_Try as I may, it doesn’t last_

_And will we ever, end up together?_

 

The pain sizzled away, slowly dissipating. Phil took in deep breaths, finally able to fill his lungs again. No, they would not end up together. Charlie wasn’t his anymore, and he wasn’t Charlies. He’d done what he needed to and got away. He’d ran to someone that gave him what he deserved and soon Charlie would feel this sudden revelation too. Soon he too wouldn’t need Phil. The idea of Charlie not needing him gave Phil a huge sense of relief. He felt a thousand tons lift from his shoulders. Once Charlie was healed Phil could go on living anyway he wanted. He wouldn’t have to worry. A burst of joy coursed through Phil at the thought of being himself entirely. Without this weight, he couldn’t imagine anything ever stopping or hurting him again. He opened his eyes and watched Dans lips form the last words of the song.

 

_Will we ever end up together?_

_No, I think not._

_It’s never to be become_

_For I am not...the one..._

 

Dans voice lingered long and low on the last word and Phil absorbed every second of it. He wasn’t the one. That was it. There was someone out there for Charlie. Someone that he wouldn’t hurt, that he could love, and that could love him back fully. It’s just that Phil was not that one. He hugged Dan to him and kissed his neck and then his lips.

 

“Thank you. Oh Dan, thank you. I understand now.” His voice caught as he felt emotions almost get the better of him. “It’s just not me, that’s all. I’m just not the right one and thats okay.”

 

Dan slid back down under the covers and cuddled into Phils side. “Yes Phil. It’s perfectly okay.”

 

 

 

The following morning Dan and Phil stayed in bed for a long time. They ran their hands over the others body, through their hair. It was like they were each looking for something and it could only be found in touches. It wasn’t sexual really. It was comforting. After Dans song last night Phil felt rejuvenated. He never wanted to leave their little cocoon. But then he thought of Charlie, of what he might be going through at that moment. That was all it took for him to slide out from under the covers and away from Dans tempting hands. He wanted to continue feeling this joy and to do that, they needed to heal Charlie.

 

“Can we go soon?” He asked readily.

 

Dan nodded solemnly from the bed.

 

They got ready and were leaving Dans room when the songbird stopped in the hallway. “Wait.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I need to talk to PJ. Please, I need to make it right with him. What if he’s gone by the time we get back?” There was dread etched in his facial expressions at the idea.

 

“Okay.” Phil knew Dan had to make it right between them. He wondered if they had ever fought before last night and felt guilty that he’d been a part in it. He squeezed Dans hand comfortingly as they walked through the halls to PJ’s door. Dan raised a fist to it hesitantly but the door swung open before he could knock.

 

PJ stood there, his lips pursed tight. He and Dan stared at one another for several long moments. Finally PJ’s expression softened and a low hum vibrated past his lips. It stopped after only a few seconds. His eyes glistened over and he burst forward, wrapping Dan in a hug.

 

“It’s okay Dan. We’re okay.” The boy said in Dans shoulder. Dans body trembled slightly as he clutched onto his friend.

 

“We’re going there now. I’m going to make it right. I’m sorry I failed you.”

 

PJ pulled away. “You didn’t fail me. Disappointed me maybe, but you didn’t fail me.”

 

“But you sang me that song, my song, the one that reminded me of why I was here and I just...ignored it. You were right about everything but I’m going to heal him now and everything will be okay.”

 

PJ held him at arms length and smiled. “Yes it will be. Also, you’ve been lying to me for a long time haven’t you?”

 

“W-what?” Dan stammered.

 

“You never told me that you could manipulate someones heart without humming or singing.” PJ gave him a playful punch. “That’s why it took me so long to figure out what was happening last night because you didn’t make a single sound and yet I could feel...”

 

“I know.” Dan shrugged. “I was just never sure how the Song House would take it you know? I didn’t want to risk not being able to be songbird so I just kept it to myself.”

 

“Well, it’s an incredible gift. You’ll get to do even more than me now. I was just about to stop by your room actually. I’ll be leaving today. Stephens taking me to my master.” His face changed from excited to sad and back again.

 

“That’s wonderful PJ. I’m so happy for you. You’ll be amazing.”

 

PJ laughed nervously. “Except that I don’t have nearly as much training as you. It’s kind of scary.”

 

“You’ll do fine. I sure hope we’ll see each other soon.” Dan pulled PJ to him for another embrace.

 

“Me too. If not though, I know you’ll be taken care of.” PJ winked at Phil who blushed and stepped from foot to foot. “Love seems quite messy. I think I’ll avoid it for a while.” They all gave a little laugh. “If I don’t see you again, at least I know theres someone out there that will always understand me.”

 

 

Dan was certainly disheartened after seeing PJ, especially since it was very possibly the last time. Phil rubbed at his back soothingly as they drove away from the palace in the back of a cab. He had made sure to not rush them, as eager as he was for this day to be over.

 

“Are you going to be okay to do this?” Phil asked.

 

Dan had been looking out the window and turned his attention to Phil. “Yes, yes of course. Are you nervous?”

 

“Maybe a little. Not sure why, but yeah.” Phil was also excited. He knew what the results of Charlie healing would be and he just wanted to get to that part. They continued to drive until finally they stopped at Phils house on the corner. They both looked to one another, pausing before finally slipping out of the car.

 

Phils heart pounded as they approached the door. It felt all too familiar and strange at the same time.

 

“Shhh,” Dan hushed beside him. “Everything will be okay now, remember?”

 

Phil swallowed and nodded. They stood at the door in hesitation for a moment. Should he knock or just walk in? Was Charlie even going to be home?

 

 

Dan

 

Dan could feel Charlie as they walked up to the door of the small cottage. He could sense Phils reservations and stroked his arm.

 

“What if he’s not home?” Phil asked.

 

“He is.” Dan said, looking him in the eye. “I can feel him.” His eyes darted away guiltily. “Go on.” He encouraged. Phil took in a deep breath and turned the doors handle. It was unlocked and they stepped inside quietly.

 

“Charlie?” Phil called as he walked in. “Charlie where are you? Please don’t be angry.. just...Charlie?”

 

Dan knew Phil was worried about his partners anger but Dan knew that that part of Charlie wasn’t there right now. He spotted the man sitting on the floor, his back against a cream colored sofa beside the window. The blinds looked as though they’d been ripped open hastily. Dan pointed to Charlie and Phil gasped.

 

“Charlie!”

 

“Phil wait.” Dan tried to stop him from running up, knowing how terrified Charlie was right now. But he was too late and in seconds Phil was kneeling before him. Charlie let out a wail and quickly got to his feet. Suddenly Phil was backing away, his back hitting the TV. Charlie held a knife out in his shaking hands.

 

“What’s he doing?! Oh my God! Charlie!” Phil whimpered.

 

“Phil, come over here. He’s just scared.” Dan felt something worse than guilt burn in the pit of his stomach. Only then did he realize what might have happened if he and Phil hadn’t come by today. Something he hadn't considered when he’d done what he did to Charlie is how the man himself reacted to fear. Phil buried his deep inside. Charlie though, he kept it at the surface and used it to fuel anger. When fear was too strong to keep the anger, who knew what he would turn into.

 

Phil backed away until he was beside Dan again.

 

“Charlie I came to help. We both did.”

 

Charlies eyes flicked from Phils to Dans. His eyes widened and he breathed in and out rapidly. He was like a trapped deer. Or maybe a mountain lion that would strike. He kept the blade out in front of him. His hands shook uncontrollably.

 

“Charlie it’s okay. I know what you’re feeling right now okay? And I am so sorry.” Dan knew the words were useless. Perhaps they were more for Phils benefit instead of his. “I’m going to heal you okay?” Dan didn’t want to waste anymore time. He took a step toward Charlie as he delved into the mans strands. He closed his eyes, focusing. “You’re really scared aren’t you? Well I’m not going to hurt you, neither is Phil. All you ever wanted was to be thought of right? You did what you had to make sure you were being remembered.” He opened his eyes briefly to judge Charlies reaction. The mans eyes flickered, at least giving an indication that he was listening. He allowed Charlies dark song to bubble forth. It required a deeper tone that Dan wasn’t entirely used to using but he kept his voice steady all the same. He sang slowly and carefully, letting the notes and words sink in.

 

<https://youtu.be/RMERo5rRVaw> Remember Me-The Canadian Tenors (This is my favorite song btw)

_Remember, I will still be here_

_As long as you hold me, in your memory_

_Remember, when your dreams have ended_

_Time can be transcended_

_Just remember me_

 

Singing Charlies song was like trudging through waist deep mud. He was resistant to Dans voice despite the fact that his eyes were locked onto Dans and he’d dropped the knife to the carpet. Dan continued the song, the words telling him how Charlie felt he was perceived in his and Phils relationship.

_I am the one star that keeps burning so brightly_

_It is the last light to fade into the rising sun_

_I’m with you whenever you tell my story_

_For all I’ve done_

 

Charlie truly felt he was all Phil would ever need and that the way he acted, the way he treated his partner was for both of their benefits. He truly felt that way. It made Dan pity him. His notes traversed Charlies maze of strands, singing slowly because it was like untying a knotted mess.

_Remember, I will still be here, as long as you hold me_

_In your memory_

_Remember me_

 

Dan felt as though he were getting nowhere with Charlie. He felt lost in the mans dark soul. It felt like he’d fallen down well and was trying to claw himself back up. Charlie was looking at him but not listening to him. And as Dans voice lingered on a note the mans gaze caught Phil in his peripheral and locked on. He paused his singing to try and speak to the man.

 

“Charlie? Charlie you need to be listening to me okay?”

 

Charlies eyes glanced at him briefly before returning to Phils. Dan stepped closer to him, forcing the mans fear to activate. Charlie looked at him warningly. Dan ignored it and slowly reached up, placing a hand under Charlies chin and keeping his attention. “What you’ve done to Phil is wrong Charlie. You want to be remembered but you don’t want him to remember you in that way, right?” Dan saw a ghost of understanding in the hardened eyes. A part of him was trying to listen to Dan but the other part was still so tightly connected to Phil. It was like he knew what Dan was trying to do. Dan had wanted to carefully unwind this damaged soul, to convince him to let go of Phil rather than force it. He wondered though if there was any other way. He just might have to use that figurative sword to saw through their connection. Charlie needed to need someone. He didn’t know to survive any other way. Dan couldn’t look into someones past. He didn’t know what exact tragic moments caused a person to be the way they were but his insight into someones feelings often gave him a fairly clear picture.

 

“Charlie look at me.” He said, even though the man already was. “Someone forgot about you once didn’t they?” Charlie took in a deep pained breath at the words and Dan felt an inkling of hope. “Maybe they forgot about you many times. They hurt you. I don’t know why, only you do but Charlie I promise you that Phil will never forget you. He will always care for you.”

 

Charlies lips parted and he spoke, his voice cracking in his whisper. “He hates me.”

 

Dan shook his head fervently. “No he doesn’t. Not at all. Here, I’ll show you.” Dan closed his eyes and hummed softly, bringing forth some of Phils strands and transferring the positive feelings he had toward Charlie to him the same way he’d done with the fear. He felt Phils love and then the reaction of Charlies heart when he sensed it, caught between the two senses. Charlie felt amazement at Phils feelings toward him. Dan let him feel it for a few seconds longer before letting it dissolve. “See?” Charlie’s eyes welled with tears but none fell and he nodded in understanding. “I’ll tell you something else Charlie.” The man looked at him with more life now. “I will remember you too. I remember everyone I’ve ever healed. A part of you will be with me. You don’t want to hurt Phil. You don’t want to hurt anyone but sometimes you don’t know what else to do to make sure you’re not forgotten about. Now I need you to listen to my voice and whenever you think about wanting to hurt someone you hear it okay?”

 

Dan didn’t wait for a response. He let the song bellow forth from him abruptly, hoping to take Charlie by surprise and therefore work through some of the resistance.

 

_I am the warm voice in the cold wind that whispers_

_And if you listen, you will hear me come across the sky_

 

Charlies heart gave into the words, caving to their meaning. His eyes softened and body sagged. Dan wanted to burst with accomplishment but he couldn’t stop now. He needed to keep the momentum. He jumped back into the song immediately. Charlies heart seemed to give one last weak defiance.

 

_As long as I still can reach out and touch you_

_Then I will never die..._

With one final flicker of his eyes to Phil, Dan felt Charlies cord of strands between them rip in two. And just like that the man was left with just himself. Dan thought it must have been a long time since Charlie had felt his own heart. He’d been so possessed to chase after Phils he’d ignored himself entirely. And to help him deal with it Dan could now officially start his healing process.

 

_Remember, I’ll never leave you_

_If you will only, remember me_

_Remember, I will still be here_

_As long as you hold me_

_In your memory_

_Remember, when your dreams have ended_

_Time can be transcended_

_I live forever_

_Remember me_

_Remember I will still be here_

_Remember me...remember me..._

 

Dan let his voice hold the note for as long as his lungs would allow, making sure every drop of comfort, relief, joy, anticipation, and understanding soaked into the mending heart and its strands. He backed away some, giving Charlie his space as he came out of the fuzziness he would be experiencing.

 

Dan glanced at Phil who looked from Dan to Charlie nervously. “He’s healed?” He asked unsurely.

Dan nodded and turned his attention back to the man. Charlie had his eyebrows scrunched in concentration and he rubbed at his chest. His eyes were clear and there wasn’t an ounce of fear or anger in his body. He wasn’t exactly peaceful. Dan had only sung one of his songs. But he wasn’t tense and the need to possess was entirely gone. In fact, Charlie was focused on Dan at the moment. It was as if Phil wasn’t even in the room.

 

“Thank you.” He said simply.

 

Dan smiled at him and gave a nod.

 

“I didn’t realize...I had no idea so much of me wasn’t...me.” He looked confused at his own words but a smile pulled at his lips. He looked around the room as if seeing it for the first time and his eyes stopped when they past by Phil. “Phil, I’m so sorry.” He mumbled. “I know I’ve said it a million times but now I understand and I am so sorry.” He stepped toward Phil as though he wanted to go to him but stopped halfway. He looked to Dan and asked, “Is he still...afraid? The fear that I felt, does he still have it?”

 

“Not at all.” Dan waved him on encouragingly. This moment would do more for healing them both of them than Dan could ever do. 

 

 

 

Phil

 

 

Charlie approached Phil carefully. Phil still couldn’t believe that the man standing before him was the same one that had yelled at him, pressured him, hit him, raped him, terrified him. Thinking back to those moments was like a different life entirely.

 

Phil let Charlie touch his face gently. He smiled at the softness of it. He’d never gotten the tenderness from him that he’d always longed for. Charlie seemed to know what he was thinking and smiled sadly.

 

“To think that all you ever wanted was for me to be gentle. It’s too late isn’t it?”

 

Phil didn’t have to think about the question. He shook his head and saw the disappointment in Charlies expression. Before last night, Phil might have been tempted to take his offer. But Dan had healed him and he knew what he wanted and needed. “No Charlie. But I will always care for you. I hope you find happiness with someone that can give you what you need. Open your heart for others okay?”

 

“I understand. But I need you to know that I do love you.”

 

“I know you do Charlie. I know you always have.”

 

A lump caught in Charlies throat and he swallowed it. “You knew me better than I knew myself. You deserve so much more. And I know now that you really did love me too.”

 

Those words alone were all Phil ever wanted to hear. All these years with Charlie and the only thing he’d wanted to convey was that he loved him. It took a songbird to do that. Phil never could have. He understood that now. He leaned forward and kissed Charlies lips softly, as softly as he’s always wanted. Charlie kissed him back tentatively.

 

Phil pulled away and stepped back. He looked to Dan who was at his side in an instant. He laced his fingers through Dans and sighed in the relief he felt at touching him again. Touching someone that understood you was the most intimate thing he could imagine.

 

“Goodbye Charlie.”

 

 

 

After leaving the house Dan and Phil kept walking. They didn’t say so but neither were ready to go back to the palace. They walked wordlessly hand in hand past open fields. It was warm outside and the sun felt amazing on Phils skin. His heart and mind were at peace for the first time.

 

After a while Dan pulled him to a stop. Phil looked at him curiously. There was something on his mind. “What is it Dan?”

 

“Now that Charlies healed..do you think you’ll ever go back to him?”

 

“Oh God no. Dan don’t ever worry about that.” Phil kissed Dan firmly for several moments. “You might have healed him but theres still so much wrong there between us. You sang that to me, remember? I’m not the one. I know that now and I’m okay with it. There’s too much history with Charlie. You’re the one for me. I feel that with everything I have.”

 

Dan smiled at him and Phil saw his relief.

 

“I know you’re the one for me too.” Dan said, leaning in for another kiss. They lingered in that moment for a long time, enjoying the movements of the person and the warmth they brought to one another.

 

“That leaves me with a question though.” Phil asked once they’d separated. Dan cocked his head at him adorably and Phil grinned. “You say you love me. But, once you read someones heart, you understand them, and so don’t you love everyone?”

 

Dan stroked Phil's cheek tenderly and then placed the palm of his hand over Phils beating chest. “Phil, I’ve swam with your heart, danced with your strands, damaged and happy alike. I’ve felt your insecurity, transferred your fear, healed your pain, and still, I don’t understand everything about you. That’s why I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s complete!! Thank you everyone for reading, you were all awesome and encouraging. There was a part during this chapter that was REALLY difficult to write. Basically the whole day before the event wasn’t outlined at all and so I just kind of...wrote it. Hope it fits well with the rest even though it’s not nearly as eventful. I’m also grateful to this fic for forcing me into a different music genre. I had to look long and hard for very specific songs for this fic and found I much enjoyed this kind of music. Especailyl Remember Me. Like seriously look it up . Also you have got to read Songmaster by Orson Scott Card. It is FABULOUS. If you liked this fic at all you’ll fall in love with Songmaster. Here’s a link so I can bribe you all into reading.  
> https://www.audible.com/pd/Songmaster-Audiobook/B0036JULYC?qid=1547938021&sr=sr_1_1&ref=a_search_c3_lProduct_1_1&pf_rd_p=e81b7c27-6880-467a-b5a7-13cef5d729fe&pf_rd_r=H2F55Q17ZXZPWK05ANT8&
> 
> There are so many ideas that could go with this songbird au. Imagine both Dan and Phil being songbirds, or one of them being a teacher over the other in the Song House, or maybe Phil as the king purchasing Dan as his songbird. If you have ideas please tell me!
> 
> Heres a list of all the songs in the fic. A couple people wanted them all together so they were easier to find. 
> 
> The Kings song: I Only Know How To Love by the Canadian Tenors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUKvLqzIeOM
> 
> Dans Song #1: Suteki Da Ne-Erutan https://youtu.be/iTm4TFrHGIk 
> 
> The Lullaby: Song of the Sea Lullaby -Nolwenn Leroy https://youtu.be/Uen59x1NBRs
> 
> Phils Song #1: Hymn for the Missing-RED https://youtu.be/5jMsmy_xt3U 
> 
> Dans Song #2: Born For This-Austin Wintory- https://youtu.be/qizpBpHTzkU 
> 
> Phils Song #2: Someday-V. Contreras  
> https://youtu.be/8OmOI6y7ILQ 
> 
> Dan and PJs Song: Home I’ll Be-The Canadian Tenors https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ax2HotqBR8w 
> 
> Phils Song #3: Sallys Song-Amy Lee https://youtu.be/RQj2iOEx-V8
> 
> Charlies Song: Remember Me-The Canadian Tenors https://youtu.be/RMERo5rRVaw


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